Prompt 26: "Cuddle Me"

Summary: Shelagh has a request for Patrick. M-RATED. LIKE SUPER M-RATED. THIS IS YOUR MULTIPLE KETTLES WARNING.

A/N: Hoo boy, okay, so, I'm posting this and running away because I have no idea how it will be received, but recently a saw a post discussing the idea of Turnadette and dominance and then I rewatched the Season 2 Christmas special where Shelagh says "there were rules in the religious life" and it got me thinking about how rules probably make Shelagh feel safe when she doesn't know what to do despite her fiestyness and now here we are. It's still fully in-character Turnadette, so it's in no way a full on, hardcore BDSM chapter, but it does deal with the ideas of dominance and submission as well as finding identity in sexuality, so if that's something you're uncomfortable with, skip this one! There will be 24 more, I will not be offended.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Also just reiterating that this one is M-RATED and you should read the author's note.

She was constantly nervous now after Timothy went to bed and they found themselves alone in their flat. She wasn't scared of Patrick, not at all, especially not after the way he'd made their wedding night, and nearly every night following it, so loving and beautiful. She knew he would never hurt her, that the very thought of hurting her made him ill, so she had no reason to fear him. She was, however, constantly nervous that she was doing something wrong or that she could be doing more.

Every other aspect of her life had always had rules. When she was little, she had the rules of her parents, in school, she had her teachers, as a nurse, she had her matrons, and as a nun, she had her senior sisters and God. True, there was always a rebellious streak in her that bent and broke those rules when she felt it was called for, but the only thing that gave her that bravery was the existence of the rules themselves. Marriage, and especially marital relations, it seemed, had no rules. The only thing Patrick would ever tell her was to 'do what felt good and to follow her instincts', but that was terrifying. What if she did something he didn't like? What if she did something she liked and he thought it was strange or humorous and it embarrassed her? What if he got bored because she was too scared to try the things that flitted occasionally into her mind?

All she wanted was guidance, but there was no one to get guidance from, and she couldn't ask Patrick because he'd simply tell her he was in awe that he got to have her at all and while flattering, that was extremely unhelpful. Meanwhile, he was looking at her from his relaxed place on the couch with his cigarette and a look in his eye that said he really wanted his mouth to be occupied somewhere else.

How did he do that? How did he managed to turn her into a pile of nerves with a single glance while he appeared completely calm and collected. It was truly unfair.

She didn't have much time to mull further on that, though, as he put his cigarette out in the ashtray and made his way over to her. Suddenly, piling clean dishes was incredibly interesting.

"Feeling tired, love?" he asked as he gently massaged her shoulders. "You seem a little off tonight."

A part of her was furious with him. He was genuinely concerned about her and wasn't even letting his hands wander the way they normally would if he wanted to push for more, but she was still instantly alight from the feel of his fingers. It was maddening. She knew exactly where they would end up shortly, she knew exactly where she wanted them to end up shortly, but she couldn't voice it and it would take twice as long now that Patrick thought something was wrong. He definitely wasn't going to coax her up the stairs if he thought she needed to talk and she did need to talk, but she also need to just-

"Tell me what to do." she whispered. Her stomach fell to the floor when she realized she'd said it out loud and in a tone she'd never heard herself use outside of their bedroom. His fingers paused.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" he asked just as quietly. She couldn't tell if he honestly hadn't heard her or if he just wanted her to repeat it. Either way, standing frozen and silent wasn't going to get them anywhere fast and she couldn't help the rush of erotic calm that settled over her at the thought of him instructing her.

She put down the plate she was holding, but she couldn't turn to face him.

"I want…" she tried, but she was having a difficult time reconciling her embarrassment and her need. Patrick slowly turned her so she was facing him and raised her chin so she had to look at him.

"Shelagh, what do you want? You can tell me. You can tell me anything." he encouraged.

"I want you to tell me what to do." she said as clearly as she could while her voice wobbled.

Patrick felt her admission soar through his blood, but he needed to be exactly sure of what she was asking. She might not even be aware of what she was asking for.

"You never want me to tell you what to do." he gently teased, hoping a break in the tension would rile her up a bit. He was right.

"I don't mean in general, Patrick," she quickly corrected with an unimpressed glare. The brief fire in her eyes dimmed again when she realized she was going to have to put a name to what she wanted before he would dare do it. He let her gaze fall and watched her fingers flex against his jumper as she tried to find the words. "I told you once that there were rules in the religious life and that now I was going to have to make my own. I didn't realize how hard that was going to be."

He wanted to interrupt her and tell her that she was doing an incredible job of navigating marriage and motherhood and her new status in Poplar, but she'd started talking and he didn't want to risk that she might stop.

"Being with you is more than I'd ever dreamed of, but I still feel so lost." she continued. He was immediately concerned and did need to interject.

"Darling, you would tell me if you were ever unhappy, right? If I ever hurt you?" he asked fearfully.

She smiled, she knew him so well.

"You've never hurt me, Patrick, and I don't believe you ever would." she paused. "There's just so much I don't know and sometimes it's overwhelming and I just...I just wish you would tell me what to do...exactly what to do...with you...for you…"

Patrick felt his pants tightening with her every word. He was slightly surprised at his body's reaction. It wasn't that he didn't know anything about dominant and submissive sexual behavior. He'd heard just about everything there was to hear about sex during the army - in such circumstances, secrets were very rarely sacred - but he never thought of himself as having those desires. He couldn't remember ever feeling this way with Marianne, but honestly that might have been because it never came up. Would he have ever thought about it with Shelagh if she hadn't accidentally brought it up? Did she even know it was something people did with each other? He couldn't imagine she did. He also couldn't imagine that she wanted it to go any further than exactly what she was asking of him, but with the visceral response he seemed to be having, he didn't know if he trusted himself.

"And you would…" he trailed off himself, suddenly as nervous as her, "...you would do whatever I said?" His palms itched and he opened and closed his fists rapidly by his side to keep from touching her. The tension between them was drawn so tight and he was almost too scared to break it.

Shelagh finally raised her eyes to meet his, her confidence oddly growing from the idea of not having to make a single decision. "I trust you, Patrick. I would do whatever you said." she promised.

He broke.

He pulled her face towards him so fast she gasped. He had to kiss her. He had to release some of the desire she'd piled up inside him before he ruined everything and took her on the dinner table. She met his lips with everything she had. She needed him to know not only how much she loved him, but how much his acceptance of her meant. After a few minutes of tongues, and teeth, and far too much desperation, he pushed her away from him and stepped back to collect himself.

"Patrick?" she questioned, still somewhat lost in the haze of their kiss.

"Go upstairs." he gently ordered. "Take off everything except your bra and panties and wait for me there."

The combination of calm, safety, and arousal that spread through her body at his instructions shocked her a bit, but she loved it. She could feel the small nagging in the back of her head that she didn't have to listen to him, but that was just it, she wanted to listen to him. She nodded with a small, shy smile and headed up the stairs.

When she was out of sight, Patrick let out the breath he wasn't sure how long he'd been holding. This was...incredibly arousing, but they were both in uncharted territory and he didn't want to push too far. He breathed deeply while he racked his brain for every nugget of useful information he had on the subject. He needed a way to know if she wanted to stop. Or to let her know that he needed to stop. Somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, he recalled an army buddy telling him about visiting a professional and something about safety words? Was that it? Yes, they needed a word that wasn't 'no'. He didn't think his heart could bear hearing her say no, especially if he was the cause. He needed to remember that this wasn't what his friends had bragged about in Italy. Shelagh wasn't asking for the things his pals had claimed they'd been asked for. She didn't want to be punished or humiliated (which was good, because he didn't think he could manage that), she just wanted to completely let go of control. He could understand that. He could give that to her.

In the darkness of their bedroom, Shelagh felt an odd sense of serenity as she unbuttoned her blouse and unzipped her skirt. She hadn't turned the light on, but she wasn't sure if it was out of her remaining nerves or because he hadn't specific a preference. If she was being honest with herself, she liked the idea of being in the dark, but she didn't want to express her opinion that night. Naked besides her bra and panties, she lay back on the bed and removed her glasses. Lying there in complete silence and near nudity, she felt more exposed than she had the first time Patrick undressed her, but her body was humming in anticipation.

She felt, as well as heard, the moment Patrick opened the door.

"Shelagh, I'm going to turn on the light, but I want you to close your eyes." he spoke softly. She did as he said and felt her body tense slightly when she knew he could see her, but she couldn't see him. He was still standing by the door. "Good, now sit up and keep your eyes closed." Again, she obeyed and she heard him walk across the room towards her. She felt the bed dip as he sat next to her and everything felt ten times as sensitive when he reached out cup her face.

"Keep your eyes closed, but listen to me." she nodded, unsure if she should speak. "I want you to know that I will never force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with. If I tell you to do something tonight and you don't want to, I want you to say 'apple' and I'll stop. Do you understand?" she nodded again. "Yes or no, Shelagh, I need to hear you say it."

"Yes, I understand. 'Apple' if I want to stop." she whispered.

"That's my girl. Same for me, alright, if you hear me say 'apple', it means I need to stop. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Good." with her acceptance and the shivers he could see along her skin, he allowed himself to fully take in the vision before him. She was truly stunning, even if she'd never believe it. He didn't want her to feel nervous or unsure with him and if this was how she wanted to tackle that, then he wanted to make this as incredible for her as possible. He reached for the scarf he'd grabbed on his way up.

"Lean forward." he instructed. She bent towards him and his pulse raced. He lifted the hand that wasn't holding the scarf and slowly pulled out her hair pins, loving the way each lock of hair fell against her skin. He raked his fingers through her honey-colored waves and kissed the top of her head before bringing the scarf to her eyes. She jumped a bit at the foreign feel of the fabric, but she didn't protest, so he tied it securely around her head. Her breathing quickened and he felt another surge of arousal course through him. She was enjoying this.

"I don't want you to worry about what you see, or what you say, or what you touch." he whispered directly against her ear as she shivered. "I just want you to feel and do exactly as I say." He finally let his lips meet her neck and she groaned in appreciation. With her sight gone, he was so much softer, warmer, closer, than ever before. He bit down against her shoulder and she yelped, but pushed her shoulder close to his mouth to silently urge him to do it again.

He readily obliged. Her body knew what it wanted even if she didn't and he was so very, very eager to learn. He stood and pulled her with him so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. His hands caressed her face and he leaned down to kiss her before guiding her hands to the front of his pants. They'd done this once or twice before, but she'd been so self-conscious and he wanted to see what this Shelagh would do differently.

"Take them off." he grunted. Her relaxed, obedient fingers quickly did away with his button and zipper and pulled until his trousers fell around his ankles. He groaned in relief as his cock was freed and dragged her fingers back up his legs to the elastic of his shorts. "Them too."

Shelagh's head was reeling. The dichotomy of what they were doing was intensely pleasurable. It was everything she wanted to do to him, but it didn't have to be her choice or her responsibility. It was okay for her to falter because she was simply following instructions, she wasn't exposing her own desires. He was making order of the chaos in her head and it was everything.

She slipped his shorts over his length and waited with baited breath for her next task, though she knew exactly what she wanted it to be.

"Take me in your mouth." he tried so hard to put authority into the order, but his voice was breathy with need. Luckily, she didn't seem to mind. She leaned forward and found her way with her tongue until she could gently suck the head of him into her mouth. His hands fisted in her hair. "Use your hands too, Shelagh." She slowly raised her hands, impeded by her blindfold, but it was too slow for him. He grabbed one of her hands and placed it between his legs so she could rub his sack and roughly put the other just beneath her mouth. "Deeper, Shelagh." His hips bucked and she heartily took more of him into her mouth. In the back of his mind, he noticed that instead of calling her darling or sweetheart, like he normally did, he only wanted to call her by her name. He wanted her to know that it was her that was doing these things to him.

Shelagh moaned around him and was so pleased at the sounds he was making and that she was able to follow his rules that she forgot to be self-conscious at the way the act made her drool a bit or that she wasn't supposed to enjoy a sexual act that had nothing to do with procreation and that wasn't even about pleasuring her. She loved the way Patrick thrust into her mouth. She loved the way he tasted and smelled. She loved that she could make him happy.

The rhythm of his hips faltered and she knew he was close, but he hadn't told her to stop, so she didn't. He desperately wanted to come in her mouth, but it would end the night too soon and he didn't want that for her. He pushed her off of him a little rougher than he normally would and she fell back on the bed. He quickly followed her and let his hands indulge every curve that greeted him from her hips, to her stomach, to her pert breasts still hidden by her simple white bra.

"I love undressing you." he admitted as he pawed at the straps. "I love knowing that you were so covered for so long and I'm the only one who gets to know what you look like uncovered."

She whimpered at his words and unconsciously thrust her hips up towards him. He gave into her unspoken want and ground his hips against hers, easing some of the pent up ache in her core. It would be so easy to rip off her panties and plunge inside of her, but he wanted to see if she would push her limits under the protection of his orders. "Get on top of me." he demanded.

She would've flown to the moon if he'd asked her to. He rolled off her and she immediately climbed on top of him. Her blindfold forced her to use her hands more than she might have and he grinned, pulling her flush against his shirt-clad chest. "Put me inside of you, Shelagh." he ordered.

She was nearly crying in need of release, and she desperately felt her way down his body until she could wrap her hand around him and sink down. He threw his hand against her mouth she was so loud. He didn't think she even needed the coaxing at this point, but he loved what it did to her.

"Move." he insisted. She gently started rocking against him, but it wasn't nearly what either of them wanted. "Faster, Shelagh." She pushed herself up and down and felt her thighs burning, but everything else was burning as well, so she couldn't complain.

"Patrick." she gasped.

"Come, Shelagh, now." he forced out as he felt himself be pulled under his own waves of pleasure. Her body seized around him and he held tight to her as they rode it out.

Neither spoke for several minutes as their breathing returned to normal. Finally, Shelagh raised herself off of him and stood up.

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly. She didn't answer. Instead, she removed her bra and panties completely and crawled back into bed next to him.

"Cuddle me?" she asked softly.

"Are you asking or instructing?" he joked. She let a smile grace her face at his appalling sense of humor as he pulled her close and didn't make her answer.

"Darling, truly, are you alright?" he asked earnestly.

"I'm…" she paused, "I'm wonderful, Patrick." she sighed happily. The small knot of concern in his chest vanished.

"Do you think it's something you would want to do again?" he asked, though he wasn't sure which of them he was asking for.

"Yes." she stated confidently. She was radiant he couldn't have been more filled with love for her. "But I want to do it because I want it, not because I need it." she clarified.

"You know, you're more than welcome to do things because you need them…" he suggested cheekily.

"I think I know that now." she whispered before claiming his lips once more.

26 down, 24 to go! This nonsense hit 3,500 words and is officially the longest chapter, lol.