Prompt 30: "I think I'm in love with you and that scares (the crap out of me) me to death." (Slight prompt alteration to make it Turnadette-friendly)

Summary: AU where Shelagh goes to Chichester after being discharged and avoids Patrick when she returns to Poplar.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Dr. Turner asked after you again today." Sister Julienne casually remarked over her now daily tea with Shelagh, noting how the younger woman's eyes darted immediately down to her saucer.

"Oh." Shelagh barely replied. She'd been back in Poplar for just over a week now and had very carefully managed not to see Patrick Turner at all during that time. It wasn't that she didn't want to. Reading his letters while she was at Chichester persuaded her to come back to Poplar. Now that she was here, though, and the reality of their relationship loomed closer that ever, she found she couldn't face him.

"I've respected your wishes and not informed him that you have returned," Sister Julienne continued, "but, Shelagh, I must ask if you think it is wise to continue this way."

Shelagh's head shot up in fear.

"I will never breach your trust, my dear." Sister Julienne quickly assured. "I know how much you've been struggling and I know how hard the decision to leave your orders was for you. That said, I am not blind, and I think it goes without saying that your decision to become Shelagh again was not solely to do with your own wishes?"

Shelagh looked as though she wanted to argue her mentor's point, but then her shoulders sagged in defeat.

"No," she admitted, "there were other factors - not just those, um, factors, though. I would have left even if it hadn't been for that."

"I know that." Sister Julienne smiled. "As much as it broke my heart to lose you, it broke it even more to see you unhappy. Even in your uncertainty, now, you no longer have the cloud of sadness hanging over you. I am grateful for that."

"Thank you, Sister." Shelagh thanked earnestly. Both sipped their tea in silence for a moment. "I don't know how to face him, Sister. I don't know what to say."

Sister Julienne never thought she would be in the position of giving relationship advice to Sister Bernadette, but somehow, the conversation still felt as natural as could be. She was simply a mother guiding her beloved daughter. Perhaps this was what their friendship was meant to be all along.

"I believe, at this moment, that simply letting him know you are back and in good health would be a tremendous start." the older woman advised warmly. "Otherwise, I'll admit I'm a bit concerned for the well being of his surgery floor."

"Oh dear." Shelagh laughed gently. "I didn't mean to worry him. Everything seemed so simple, in a way, when it was impossible. I was unhappy, but it was easy to want something I couldn't have. Now, it seems I might have it after all and I'm so frightened."

"Of Dr. Turner?" Sister Julienne asked, concerned.

"No." Shelagh quickly corrected. "No, I could never be afraid of him. I'm frightened of what I feel. I'm so new to all of this, what if I'm wrong? What if I lose him?"

"You have nothing to fear, my dear." Sister Julienne got up to take Shelagh's hand. "'Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.' I do not believe he would lead you down this path were it not where you were meant to be."

"Thank you, Sister Julienne." Shelagh hugged her mother, for that was how she'd felt for years, tightly.

"I know you usually head back to your lodgings around now, but if you wanted to wait a bit, I believe we will have a guest in need of our autoclave later today." Sister Julienne suggested with a knowing smile. Shelagh blushed, but her smile was determined.

"Perhaps I can help Sister Monica Joan in the parlour for a bit."

'Later today' turned quickly into 'later that evening'. Shelagh hadn't realized how much the nurses had missed her and they quickly took advantage of the fact that she hadn't run off after her tea with Sister Julienne. She had to admit, it was the best evening she'd had in quite some time. The nurses and the Sisters were her family and she was foolish to think she could leave them behind. She was having so much fun, however, that she forgot who else would be arriving at Nonnatus, so when Dr. Turner walked into the parlour in search of Nurse Miller to follow up on a case, Shelagh nearly fell off her chair.

"Sister Bernadette?" Patrick stammered. Shelagh couldn't respond. Everyone else in the room kept looking back and forth between the two, desperately searching for a reason for the sudden tension. "You're back in Poplar...and you're not Sister Bernadette...I mean...you…"

"I renounced my vows." she spoke softly. The silence returned until Trixie couldn't bear it anymore.

"Cynthia, Jenny, don't we have that thing we have to do? Urgently?" she hinted strongly. The others took the hint and scurried away after her. Shelagh was so panicked about being alone with Patrick that it didn't occur to her that the girls wouldn't actually go upstairs - they would simply hide behind the door.

"Are you well?" Patrick asked lamely. Of course she was well, she wouldn't be back if she wasn't.

"Yes." she replied simply.

"I wrote to you." he said, a twinge of rejection seeping into his voice against his will.

"I know." she sighed. "I read them all."

"I see." he looked down, accepting his fate. She didn't feel the same way. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I'm glad you're better."

He turned to leave, but she stopped him.

"Dr. Turner, wait." she quickly spurted out. He stopped, but couldn't turn around. She couldn't see how devastated he was. "I'm glad you wrote to me."

A glimmer of hope fluttered in his chest.

"You are?" he asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. "I wasn't sure. I don't know if I said too much, or not enough…"

"You said what was necessary." she assured. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you I'd returned to Poplar."

"Why didn't you?" he asked, finally turning to face her. The absolute love and unwavering tenderness in his face pushed her to answer with the truth.

"Because I think I'm in love with you," she whispered, "and it scares me to death."

Patrick pulled her into his arms before she could panic at saying too much and held her more tenderly than she could remember ever having been held in her life.

"Oh my love, you don't need to be scared at all." he whispered into her hair. She sighed in blissful relief until he laughed and pulled away from her.

"What is it?" she asked, uncertain.

"I just realized I don't even know your name." he laughed. She smiled happily. She was free to tell him her given name and the feeling was liberating.

"Shelagh." she said confidently.

"Patrick." he replied. "There, we've made a start."

"We have." Shelagh beamed. "I love you, Patrick." she spoke loud enough for it to be heard by more than Patrick's nearby ears.

Screams echoed from outside the door and they both laughed.

"Well, I was going to say we could keep this between us for as long as you wanted, but it appears that isn't an option anymore…" he remarked wryly.

"It's alright." Shelagh replied. "I don't want to hide how I feel ever again."

30 down, 20 to go! *Bible quote is Joshua 1:9*