[The pages are creased, as if the book had fallen on an open page]
Friday, July 31, 2020
My eyesight is failing me.
I'm getting weaker everyday. This illness is getting the best out of me.
The day after Lili left me that note, I kept bugging everyone to make her come back. I talked to Pa and Daddy for hours, trying to convince them to get her to move in with us. But Daddy said that it would not be easy. Pa made me realize how much they were working.
Apparently, Al had to get a job to help out too. Pa, Daddy and Al are all working extra hard to support me. The hospital bills are draining the bank, and having an extra mouth to feed certainly wasn't going to help. What I didn't know was that Pa has two jobs now to support me. They have to feed themselves too, so there's just money issues.
Money money money.
Luckily, my persisting allowed me to see Lili one last time. She was able to stop by, but only stayed for less than five minutes. Her brother didn't want to be late for the flight. We talked a bit, and I held her hand with whatever strength I had, and I repeated the Marshmallow Promise to her. I told her that when I got older, I would do everything in my will to find her. She started crying, and she kneeled over and gave me a small kiss. Her lips were so soft and warm, and it lasted for less than a second and before I knew it, she was gone.
And I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but, I don't think I'll see her again.
I'm not going to keep the promise. I can't.
As much as I want to, I just... can't.
I am getting very weak, and I am using the last bit of strength I have to write this.
I can't see the time, but I know it's late.
I haven't been writing because I've been trying to save my strength, but what am I saving it for if it is just slowly deteriorating?
I have flat-lined several times already. Not today, but this week and last week too. I don't think I'll be able to make it.
I'm so sad. I'm very disappointed in myself. I can't believe this is happening to me.
Out of all the people in the world, why did this have to happen to me? Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?!
I'm way too young. I haven't done all the things I want. So many things left unsaid, left undone. My promise never followed through to the end. My parents effort to pay for me will be in vain.
Lili, I never told you this, and I know I should have, but I was too embarrassed. Lili, I love you. Perhaps I'm too young to know what love is, but if this is it, then I have lived long enough to know it.
Pa and Daddy, I'm so so sorry for all the trouble I have caused you. I'm sorry for the times I've misbehaved, the times I ran away from you in Chuck-E-Cheese, the time I stole cookies, the times I would never shut up and everything I have ever done to upset you. But most of all, I'm sorry to leave you.
Al, don't stop smiling,
Daddy, please tell Pa to be brave,
And don't you mourn for me,
Because I will still smile down at you.
Daddy, don't you cry for me,
Lili, still keep moving on.
And please don't forget the happiness within.
Lili, I'm sorry I can't be with you, but maybe... in our next life we will meet again, and be together and be the best of friends.
This world is cruel, yet beautiful...