A/N- So, these last 6 chapters have been more or less the proudest moments in my writing history. This one included. I hope ya'll like it.
Haven't re-read because I know I'll end up trashing it…ideas only ever sound good in my head, haha.
shadowgrneyes- Your review literally made me cry a bit…I think it was a little too much, my crying, but that made me feel accomplished. Getting a shysty reader out of the unknown and yeah. THANK YOU times quadruple (:
LeylaChaz- HAHA! I just HAD to do it. BUT, eh I don't know if she's gonna remain the only cheater… (;
housesbabe1- Thank you, thank you. I'll make sure to get around to it (:
xErickax- LOLOL! Oh my, how colorful. I love emotion! Don't worry, my mom thinks that of me every time I ask her if something is logical in my FANFIC lolol!
Disclaimer- Only my OCs belong to me!
"Por Volverte a Ver" by Los Angeles de Charley (not exactly a Banda, for all my latinos, but FUCK IT-my story, my exceptions and tweaks)
CHAPTER 37
So here I am an innocent bystander, a witness, a spectator…call me whatever BUT facts are facts: I have just heard my suspicions come to life just behind that door. Yes, behind that door are Dave Batista and Maria, Punk's girlfriend doing whatever. What should I do? Should I snitch OR take my revenge on Phil, for being an asshole and fucking jerk—whatever, in this form? Phil wouldn't give a flying fuck; I mean he DID see his bitchass girlfriend smooch the other man. He also stated that his relationship wasn't so serious, but he said THAT 2 months ago…he probably has been with her for long which defies the whole "casual" part…you're over-thinking, mami.
Before my thought process has any more time to swim into deeper thought, I hear the handle swivel as if it were to open. RUN, BITCH,RUN! I scurry off as if I have just been speared in the ass. My destination is the bathroom on the far side of the room. In my attempt to get away ASAP, I crash into the wall or what felt like one. Rubbing my shoulder I looked up and frowned at my ultimate luck…having run into wall would've been preferable BUT being that my luck is "abundant" I ran into the "loveable", Phil Brooks.
"My fucking luck…", I grumble
"Luck is for losers, sweetheart.", smirks Phil
An immense frown consumes my face, "You're so fucking aggravating. Me cais tan gordo aveces te quiero hasta...UGH! I swear, you're bipolar or somethin'."
He raises an amused eyebrow, "Come again?"
Blowing a strand of hair away from my face and crossing my arms, "Sometimes you act like such a sweet guy, other times you're this over-inflated egomaniac, and other times you're just…confusing.", his stare makes me uncomfortable so I become self-conscious and start fixing my dress, "Is this how you are with everybody, a little bipolar asswipe?"
His eyes move about my face, "Maybe because you confuse me…", he mutters quietly. Through the loud music I still manage to hear him and I'm left speechless, "Have you seen Maria?", he asks changing the subject
Figuring that the moving of the doorknob was a false alarm, I shake my head. Hearing a door open I quickly turn Punk so that his back to the other side of the room.
"Woah…what the hell?", he says balancing himself out. Behind him I spot Maria and Dave trying to fix themselves so they'd look halfway decent. Dave sees me and quickly takes Maria by the arm and drags her back into the party.
"The-there was a creep staring at me the wrong way…"
"Shouldn't you be used to all that attention?", asks Phil with a displeased look
Rolling my eyes, "You clearly paid no attention to my speech back in the hospital, did you?", as he opens his mouth to reply, "Save it. Let's go back in.", walking in front of him I try to ignore the sadness that ebbs at me
Inside, the chandeliers have been dimmed to barely any light except for the glowing of the neon lights and colorful discoballs. People, well most, have long abandoned their seats and entered the dancefloor. The band plays an upbeat Duranguense. Bodies moving about the dancefloor like hyper penguins.
"How the hell do you guys dance like that?", asks Phil to nobody in general
"Same way you walk…by learning.", I reply smartly
Observing my surroundings, I find Micks chatting intimately with Wesley and her kid sleeping soundly in her lap. A couple empty seats away, Colt chats up this brunette. If I squint, I can see Maria and Dave canoodling which sets off my alarms. 'Cus if I can barely see them, Phil can sure as hell see. Why do you care so much? I wish I knew…well I do. My feelings for Phil may be hurt and utterly confused but I still care about the man.
"Dance with me.", it comes off as more a demand than a question
"Me?", asks Phil
My face falls and a hand drags itself across my face, "Noooo…the wall."
"Well in that case, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT!", replies Punk with an over exaggerated smile
My patience is running shorter and shorter each time this man…this BOY opens his windpipe, "Aren't you just funny…Dance with me."
Punk puts up his hands defensively, "Spare me. I don't dance."
Another quick eye in the cheating girlfriend's direction, "Well, now you do.", I latch onto his arm and drag him to the dancefloor.
Just as we arrive the song end and the DJ comes on, "Aqui esta una para los enamorados, despechados, primeros amores, etc.", subsequently a Banda song comes on and I inwardly groan. SUCH LUCK!
"Yeah, I'm out.", Phil makes to leave but I refuse to let him go, "Just a few minutes ago you were declaring you hatred towards me and now you can't seem to get enough of me.", smirks the man
You should be an actor. Rolling my eyes, "You know, this is me trying to be civil and leave things behind…like Dips wanted earlier tonight…"
Toying with his lip-ring, "Earlier you ACCUSED me of faking my suggestion of civility.", he quips
Groaning out loud, "You're stubbornness is still intact, I see…always fucking pissed me off.", I mutter
He laughs, "HA! And how 'bout you Little Miss Perfect? Just as stubborn and demanding as always…"
Scoffing, "Demanding?"
He smirks, "Yes, dear."
"You're so…UGH!", couples around us look at us with awkward glares, "Can we just…?"
"Just so you won't explode…why, Marleene…may I have this dance?", he asks bowing and the like
"Keep your shit up and that arm that is s'posed to be in a sling WILL be needing one, eternally…", relaxing a bit I follow along, "But yes, I would love to."
"Well you're sure nice to cripples…", he mumbles, "How exactly do you dance to this?"
Positioning myself face to face in front of him, "Okay, you know how to ballroom dance?", he nods and proceeds to place his left hand on my waist, pulling me closer to him. His right hand interlace with mine. I'm close enough to feel his sweet, minty breath on my face. My face feels warm, and I'm glad it's too dark to show, "Um…okay. This goes…", I drag our hands upward so our arms our basically in the air and readjust myself so his knee is closer to being in between my thighs. So intimate…so sexual?, "Uh… just follow my lead, yeah?", we start moving. Phil steps on my foot but I keep in the pain. Another song passes and he's getting the hang of it.
A classic Banda song comes on and my heart drops at the familiar tune. This was one of a couple of songs I had on replay during the Depression, that's what I like to call the time between getting over Phil and yeah…
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Punk holds me closer, I can feel every part of his toned chest…and a lil some' else. His eyes burn into mine, hypnotize me. He opens his mouth as if to say something but refrains. His eyes seem to tell me something.
Por volverte a ver,
Caminaria al mundo
Pisando espinas sudando mi alma
Rasgando mis pies.
"Tell me what the guy is singing…", whispers Phil
Caught between bullshittin' and telling him the truth…I just tell him, "Just to be able to see you I'd travel the world: stepping on thorns, sweating out my heart, splintering my feet…"
"He must've loved that girl, huh?", he looks deeply into my eyes and I look away, "I dunno I'd fuck up my feet for…", his sentence runs off
Por volverte aver
Hoy dulce cambiaria
El resto de mi vida
Por solo una noche contigo piel a piel.
"Just to be able to you again, I'd sweetly change the rest of my life for just one night with you…skin to skin.", I remember having thought the same…for just ONE night, ONE moment with Phil.
"I remember thinking the same, Marleene…", this hit me like a tidal wave. Is he…?
Por solo una noche el resto de mi vida
Por solo una noche contigo querida
Y si existe vida despues de la muerte
Tambien yo la cambio por volverte a ver.
"Uh…For only one night…one for the rest of my life; for only ONE night with you, love. And if there's life after death, I'd change THAT too…just to see you once more…", my lips tremble…some many wishes, hopes…dreams
Y es que tu fuiste mi primer amor,
Y otro igual yo no he vuelto a encontrar
Aunque caigan angeles del cielo
Un amor primero no se puede olvidar
"It's 'cus you were my…um… first love, and another…I haven't found, ever…", I blink off to the side. This is so awkward…"Even if angels fall from the sky, a first love is unforgettable…"
"I could never forget you…even after I left…you were on my mind like a tumor, a decease…", Phil talks in a mere whisper… as if he's in a trance.
"Stop…", my heart paces up and I stare into his eyes with a surprised look
Por volverte,
Me meteria a un cuento
A pedirle a un genio que cambie
Mi tiempo de hoy por ayer
Trying to pass his… his confession, "Jus-just to see you, I'd enter a story where I'd be able to ask a genie for a wish…one where I'd be able to go back in time…", tears blur my vision. If only genie's existed…
"Kept wondering if I'd stayed or brought you along…we'd be together or—or you would not have done my brother…That you would've waited on me. I wished so badly to change the hand of time to go back and—"
"Phil…just…just don't…", my brain couldn't process his words as being truthful, not after all his venomous words in the days passed.
Por volver a ver
El brillo de tus ojos
Cuando te hacia mia
Bajo aquel cielo rojo de aquel atardecer.
Trying to move "his confession" away, "Just to be able to-to see you…The glimmer of your eyes when I'd make you mine…under the red sky…"
"Was he good?", whispers Phil in my as I'm averted from his gaze. His question, along with his cool breath makes me shiver
I gasp internally, facing him…eye-to-eye, "W-what?"
His brows furrow together, "We'd known one another for sometime…even when I dated you, FELL FOR YOU…", he closes his eyes and whispers, "Why? Why my brother; he betrayed me…& you did him. Your first…he stole that from me too."
"Is that why you're mad?", I whispered feeling anger
His eyes shoot open, "How-how can you? I was—AM in love with you…everything. And that was just…I loved you and would've made it special—you fucked my BROTHER…", his eyes shimmered with emotion, "Aside from that, I'm in love with you…"
I'm left with words in my mouth; not knowing what or how to say what I want to so badly say.
Por solo una noche el resto de mi vida
Por solo una noche contigo querida
Y si existe vida despues de la muerte
Tambien yo la cambio por volverte a ver.
"I don't want you just for sex. I want you for all of you. I don't want a measly night…I want you for as long as I can have you…", Phil leans in, forehead to forehead, "I meant it when I said I love you. Back in the ambulance…", I gasp and shake my head, "I've been in love with you for the longest. Those eyes, icy yet beautiful always haunt me…draw me in. That gentle smile when you're pretending to be happy, I love it. That smirk you unknowingly pull…that look in your eyes when you something smart-assy, I love it. The way you sub-consciously fix your hair…your clothes, when somebody admires just how beautiful you truly are…I love it; even when the simple man gawks at you…it infuriates me but I can't do anything because you're not mine.", he breathes, "That laugh of yours…pisses me off so much… in the sexiest of ways. So fucking squeaky and I-I love it. When you're mad, which is constant these days, your face scrunches up and you swear like a fucking sailor; even better when you're mad at ME...I love it 'cus I know for that moment I'm the one pulling out that strong emotion…not anyone else. Hell, even when you're as stubborn as you were, as you ARE, HAVE been…I love it. When—"
"STOP. Please don't…", I plead, burying my face in his shirt. We're just standing there, in the middle of the floor with couple dancing all around us, "Just…don't keep on with your mind games…"
The warmth of his chest goes away and he holds my face in his hand as if he hold the world, "Mind games? Don't you remember me at all?", he asks a twinkle, a glint in his eyes
"I do…", I whisper, "I've remembered since my stay…Yo—you can't possibly love me…not after how wrong I did you. NOT AFTER…after you just asked me about your brother and asked me 'why'…not after all the shit you threw at me these couple of days…not-", I step away from his touch, "Y-you're probably going to manipulate me just so you'll do me how I did you.", wiping my tears, "But you don't I'm already hurting enough, with the regret and tha-that BITCH you have at your side. You say it's nothing serious but if I can recall…you don't do casuals…you MUST be in love with…her", opening my mouth to say something else…I retain myself and just scurry off as fast as I can.
Snaking and weaving, I finally make it to my destination: our table. Wesley, still without his pet, chuckles along with Colt and his brunette. A glowing Micks sips on her drink, completely content…well that's until I arrive all haute and bothered, "What's up, babes?", asks Micks concernedly
"I-I needa leave. LEAVE.", I shriek frantically
"Woah, woah…what the hell is wrong, nugget?", asks Wesley
"He…he…said…love…", I didn't know if it was just hyperventilation from the heat and running here or a panic but whatever it was…was cutting off my air supply
Micks cocks her head, and Wesley stands up, "Okay? Uh, letmee jus' call Luz and tell'er to pack it up…she hasn't come back in and she has my whip.", he plugs an ear and puts his cell to his ear
My worried bestfriend pats the chair next to her and offers up some water, "What's going on? You seriously got me worried now."
Calming down a bit, for her sake, "It's just that…he, uh…your brother told me…tol—", I recognize Phil's silhouette approaching and swiftly rise to my feet and scramble all the way to the front of the banquet hall where a random waiter asks me if I want a cheese ball, a couple men take puffs of their cancer sticks and have somewhat drunk conversations.
My legs keep moving, taking me in unknown direction, trudging through the snow…just knowing I needa get away. That was what you wanted to hear, didn't you? WHY YOU RUNNING! The voice…my conscience keeps rambling and I pull at my hair. My brain is on overload. My body shivers, my focus in on holding myself to keep warm and on the happenings. He said he loved…LOVES you. Christmas wish number one? Are you—Just as my conscience yells at me a familiar muscle car swerves in like the cars in the commercials, missing me only by a couple inches. My breath is taken away, and I feel like I've died. Soon, that moment passes and I go over to bitch out Wesley because that muscle car IS his and he DOES have a knack for doing crazy shit like that.
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Knocking furiously on the window of the driver's seat, I yell obscenities at who I think is Wesley. As I knock, the window rolls down revealing the true driver, Luz. From all these emotions running through me, anger steps up.
"BITCH, ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND…YOU FUCKING DUMB CUNT…YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!", I yell trynna grabbed at her nastyass weave.
Opening the car door forcefully, she hits me with it. Letmee tell ya', getting hit with a car door on purpose hurts almost as much as getting rammed by a raging bull, "That was my intention, puta.", she growls as I double over in pain
"Cunt…bitch…", I mumble out
Pulling me up by a yank of the hair, "Tienes una boca…no me gusta…", she backhands me, "Good girl.", another one
Pain subsides and full out Hulk-type anger unleashes. Backing her up against the car with a slam, "Just like I warned you to NEVER threaten me…NEVER, EVER TOUCH ME.", my anger controls my actions, my only excuse for choking the troll.
The people previously smoking have gone back in and only the drunks standby chatting, not even noticing the drama that's unfolding.
Her eyes show fear and a twisted look of happiness, her lips curve in to a tight smirk, "No…use…slut…"
My brows furrow in confusion and anger. That's when I feel it.
Many times in my life have I wished to be dead, to be without a pulse. To be completely erased from the face of the world. These were times in my life where things seems so bleak; the idea of waking up so pointless. Dozens of times I'd stare longingly at pills in the cupboard, a tub full of sinkable water, a kitchen knife to seal the deal…and yet every time I was close enough…I never could.
In this very instant, as I stand in front compromising the airway of the person I despise with a passion hotter than the sun…as somebody stands behind me with a gun to the back of my head…I wonder if how things are right now…If it's even worth to keep living or more like, I try to convince myself that since I'm merely seconds away from death…continuing with my life is pointless; that I have nothing to live for.
Between my hands, Luz has already passed out from lack of oxygen. Trembling hands and all, I let her fall in a heap at my feet, fall in the dirty snow like the dirty bitch she is.
Putting on my brave, courageous, badass façade, "If you're gonna do it. Just do it. With no regrets; no second thoughts.", slowly I turn around to face Luz's accomplice, his weapon is pointed between my eyes and his hand shakes violently, "None at all. Don't even think about my family or loved ones.", I pause and blink away the tears threatening to fall, "Don't even think about how much l loved…and keep on loving you, Noah."
They say that when life is threatened all regrets, wants, the need to speak unspoken words, memories, and desire to keep on living…they clash.
Such a pity, I don't wanna die…at least not now.