A/N- Don't kill me, yet.
-This is for you, Leyla hehe. BETTER PUT UP THAT CHAPTER!
Love, Conchaa-
CHAPTER 38
The shaky thump of the gun against my head gets me ever more nervous as seconds pass by. Should I be surprise that it's Noah? Eh. Should I be surprised that Luz would come to this conclusion? Yes, never in the time, years, I've disliked the woman did I ever think about taking her life. I am not her creator, I am not God—not my job to choose a person's destiny or end of it for the matter.
Direct eye-contact seems to lessen my fright. I'll probably go down and the expression etched on my face will forever haunt the man who sealed the deal. Still trying to convince yourself? Fight to live! Can't go out like THIS! As I stare, I absentmindedly notice that Noah wears all black, a cross—the very one I gave him a year into our relationship—Oh the irony. He even cleaned up: did his eyebrows, shave his stubble, and looks semi-decent except for the bags under his eyes and the redness in his eyes.
"Do it, Noah. No bluffin', no cowering…do it. Jus-just know that you'll be killing the one woman who loved you. Held you down through thick and thin, put up with your cheating, and—", he backhands me with the butt of his pistol. Landing with a thump on the cold, snow-covered ground, I notice my lip has been gashed open and a tooth loosened.
"STOP!", he screams almost pleadingly. Noah hold the gun at arm's length still pointed at me, and all I do it look at him. Not gonna lie, I'm scared straight shitless, "STOP! All I wanted was you to come back. NOBODY leaves me. Not my bitch…not her…I LEAVE'er.", his eyes glisten, "I-I love you, Marleene. YOU LEFT ME because you wanted to. Don' you 'member that I told you that if you left me…I'd go crazy…I'd die?", he says tears falling down his cheeks, drying up from the coldness
"Noah, you said so yourself…you don't love me…that I-I was pathetic. Noah, you cheated on me…WHY SHOULD I HAVE STAYED WITH YOU, A MASOCHISTIC BASTARD!", his face contorts into fury and eyes go livid. Whether I've made a mistake, I don't care…I take his kicks to the ribs.
"Always trynna make me feel like a fucking dumbass…Your ass should've just stayed…with me… Nobody wants… a loudmouth cunt…", he says as he stomps on me
In my attempt to ignore the pain being inflicted on me, I hear the shrieks and loud whispers of the previously unknown bystanders. Who knows how long they've been standing just watching. Fuck you people…How can you just stand there? I close my eyes, pretending to not have noticed the slowly growing crowd. Once again I'm dragged up by the hair and for this I curse the person who made having hair an essential for women.
"Look at me, pinche piruja.", he growls but I remain closed-eyed, "LOOK AT ME. Weren't you brave as fuck back then, huh?", the man shakes me but I don't break. Only feel the frosty air hit my wet back over and over.
"Auntie?", the wind carries over a tiny, miss-able voice. Please don't let it be him, God. "AUNTIE!", shrieks a boy, my boy.
"What the hell is…MARLEENE!", shrills the boy's mother, "NO, NO, NO! MARLENEE.", a struggle in her voice tells me she's being held back, "COLT LET ME GO, LE—DOMINICK…NO!"
Rushed footsteps through the snow let me know that my nephew was running towards me. FUCK ME!
"DOMINICK! BOY, NO…", yells a worried Wesley, his footsteps I can hear too.
"MUCHACHO! NO TE VAYAS!", shouts Dips
My eyes finally shoot straight open; Noah has this unreadable expression…a smirk on his face lets me know his intentions. He's staring at the two people, MY LOVED ONES, who are running towards me. His grip on me loosens a whole deal and he points, aiming in their direction.
Without a second to rethink, I dash. Dash like a madwoman because for these people, for them, I'd take a bullet. I'd walk through the deep depths of Hell…anything. A round of shots can be heard but I don't give a fuck, my only worry is to get to Dominic on time. If anybody can miss a bullet it's Wesley…he has fast reflexes but my babyboy…he's a goner should I not shield.
Searing pain—pain of which I've never before felt in my life…it rips and tears through me like…like I can't even describe. Pain that forces all the oxygen contained in my lungs to disperse. Pain…pain one that forces me to land on all four with eyes wide. Pain, the one I feel as the one child who I most adore stares at me with tears in his eyes…wait, it's more like sadness
"Auntie…you got a big boo-boo…", he whispers
As I struggle to keep focused, to keep pain away from my face, as I force myself not to cry, and as I force my to smile, "J-j-just a little one baby…little one…", my breath hitches and it's hard to breath, "Be good…", another round of shots I can hear through my weak and off hearing and I lunge at the tiny human with the last of my strength. People around shriek in fright, run all about the place like a herd of cows, "Baby… I…love you so much…"
A piercing shrill distorts my reality. I notice somebody go down not so far off and I pray to anybody above that it isn't who I think it is. Not…please.
"Auntie? AUNT—", all I hear as pain, shivers, and darkness consume me.
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11 seconds. 11 seconds, the time people theorize that one's heart and/or brain keeps conscious…working after a fatal shot. 11 seconds where your life, no matter how you lived it or how LONG you did…11 seconds, every flashback flashes by. After those…you're gone. Then again, those people have never experienced death because if they had…they wouldn't have told me in the first place.
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"Marley…Marley, mami mira a hacia la camara…C'mon, babygirl.", croons a younger version of my father in 80's clothes and hairdo. We're in our old apartment.
A baby, she shakes her head shyly refusing to be seen…hiding behind her stuffed animal. A man, tio Vidal chuckles next to her while sipping on his Corona, "Andale, mija, no sea asi."
Another head shake and a woman appears, leaning against a doorframe smoking a cigarette…the woman seems to be pregnant, "Estas pinche fumando, Estella?", angrily asks my father to my…my mother
With a frown and look of 'I don't give a fuck-ness', "Y que?", she puffs out smoke, "No ay pinche leche para mi cereal."
"Put that shit out Estella…c'mon now, the baby is here.", grumble my uncle
Groaning and rolling her eyes, "Always baby this, baby that…", she puts out her cancer stick, "I NEED MILK.", she says stomping off
My father closes his eyes tightly, frustrated at the woman, "Cuida la nena…la "reina" esta de malas.", he walks over to me and smiles sadly, "I'll be back, mija…portate bien, eh.", he taps my nose and I giggle
As he leaves a toddler of about 4 or 3 wobbles in, "Papi?"
"I have to go, real quick. Cuida tu hermana, Fannie.", he says barely acknowledging her
"But Daddy I gotta sho—"
"Not now."
He leaves with a sad Fannie in his wake. She crawls over to my uncle and me. She leans on my uncle, "Tio, why she get all attention?"
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Sun-shiny day, the breeze is perfect for once in the Windy City.
"Wesley, mijo, give Marley un abrazito.", asks Dips as we scowl at each other, "I'll give you 5 dollars!", bribes the cartel, self-professed businessman
"OKAY!", agrees an excited Wesley. He bear hugs me and I try to squirm away.
Once he lets go of me, "BU-but he put mi Barbie en el mud!", I whine
"Sabes que, I'll buy you 2 to replace esa Barbie, si?"
Crossing my arms in disbelief, anger, and plain brattyness, "PERO ERA MI FAVORITE BARBIE, TIO!"
Off to the side, a young—I believe we were 4—Wesley snickers, "WESLEY!", exclaims Dips
The young boy tenses up and stops laughing, "Yes, sir?"
"No te rias, eh. Ask for forgiveness.", demand Dips
Pouting, "BUT—"
"Hazlo o le dijo a tu mama."
Turning to me, an upset Wesley rolls his eyes, "I'm sorry, Marleene.", he looks off to the adult handling the situation, "Sorry for putting your doll—"
"BARBIE.", I quip
He frowns even more, "your BARBIE in the mud."
Smiling, Dips pats the boy on the back. I on the other hand smirk proudly, "You're forgiven."
A while after Dips leaves to chat with Wesley's mother, "You lucky you're a girl."
Sticking out my tongue, "Whatever. I dunno why I even talk to you."
"Always knew girls were icky and dumb!", declares Wesley
I gasp disbelievingly
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Black top filled with chalk and abandoned jump-ropes, I observe as I walk over to the cluster of boys picking and choosing teamplayers for their soccer game. I'm new and it's my first day of 2nd grade.
Walking up to one of the boys, "Um…hey, can I play?", I ask shyly
He looks me up and down, elbows one of his friends, and giggles, "You? You're a GIRL.", this seems funny to more as they turn around
"So? I can play soccer. So, can I join?", I ask mildly embarrassedly
Another boy steps up, "Letmme think…NO!", he says blatantly and the group laughs
With my feelings hurt and all, I walk away. A hand grabs my wrist, "Wait up.", I turn and recognize the familiar face, "Marleene?"
"Wesley?", a smile makes its way across my face, "I haven't seen you since kinder!", way past the whole cootie era, I hug him
"Yeah, long time no see.", he says, "Where'dya go?"
"We moved and yeah…", I shrug
"Well, welcome back…Let's go play and leave these losers…", he says taking me in the direction of the swings.
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Walking to our first day of junior high, Wesley and I nervously talk about what we think is the most terrible day of our lives. Arriving at the front courtyard we spot a couple of old friends and a lot of new faces.
"You think there are gonna be bullies, dude?", asks my bestfriend Wesley
I shrug, "If there is, I got your back. C'mon, I see Ramses and the guys.", I say as I pull Wesley over. In the process I bump into this somewhat tall, dirty-blonde haired girl, "Oops, sorry.", I mumble with a nervous smile
Wiping hair from her face, "It's okay. Uh…can I ask you who your first period teacher is?"
Taking out my schedule, "It's…uh…Ms. Withers?"
She sighs, "Thank God, we have the same period.", she says smiling
Smiling with a bit of relief, "Well at least I won't have to be AS along…my name's Marleene."
"I'm McKenzie…call me Micks.", she says with a toothy smile
Wesley coughs awkwardly, "Oh this is my bestfriend, Wesley.", I state introducing them
Micks shyly waves and says, "Hello"
Wesley blushes and stutters on his, "Hey"
The bell rings and so starts off our first day. I hug and reassure Wesley and say goodbye until lunch. I walk with Micks to first block.
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"She was sooooo p'rrfect, Mars…", slurs a drunk Wes
It was a midnight of a breezy summery April. Beer bottles litter his whole porch and a big ol' stain his jersey. My female bestie, Micks had just broken up with my MALE bestie…3 days ago. Here he was slumped on a lawn chair, sipping on another bottle, and blubbering.
"I know but Nugget you fuuuucked up.", I said bluntly
Another sob, "Temp'ation…tha' shit…strong…Luz-Luz…", his train of thought left with another swig
I groan as I try to pry the beer from his grasp, "She's a whore! I really dunno what in God's name you saw in that pompous, flat-bootied BITCH.", I huffed out
Turning to the other side, "Stop…usin' those big words…She's pretty as fuck."
Kicking his freshly opened 12-pack, "Well then don't be here crying over Micks when you already got that floozy cuntbag.", with that I stormed off in the direction of the Brook's house
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As I fell asleep in 6th period Chem thinking about how nice it'd be if I had lunch right now with the rest of the crew, the P.A system went on waking me up.
"Can Marleene Soto please come down to the office?", THAT was no question…a demand.
As I walked by, everybody I knew saluted me and some 'ooo-ed'. Walking down the halls I pondered the reason for my being in trouble and what my exact defense was gonna be. With the office door in front of me I prayed for a minute and went in.
"Uh…I got called down?", I told the secretary person
She smiles warmly, "Go right in to Mr. Periwinkle's office, best of luck."
I tried to smile but her wish of luck was like a death sentence. I knocked before entering to see the principle playing on his GameBoy thing. I cleared my throat to state my presence. He quickly placed his electronic device in his drawer and stared at me, "Come with me young lady."
We make our way to the front of the school and I KNOW it's something BIG because students in gym class and lunch have gathered all around the front of the building. The spot Mr. Periwinkle and disperse somewhat, making a pathway for both of us. My mind is blown and breath taken away as I see what they have been seeing.
Laid out on the courtyard or whatever are DOZENS of fresh looking roses, all specifically placed to spell out the word 'Prom'. The question mark is made of lit-up candles of vanilla scent. Only somebody in mind could've known my likes and thing for vanilla scents and orange-peach colored roses. The person behind all of this sits patiently with a mariachi group. He sees me and motions for them to start playing.
My shaky legs take me to him slowly. My hands covering my mouth and eyes ready to shed tears. We meet halfway and he smiles that smile he gives when he's with me and only me.
"Hey", I manage to croak out
"Hey, he-hermoso carino.", he says with little confidence in what he's just said
My eyes furrow at the cuteness, "How'd you know that 'Hermoso Carino' is my favorite song?", I never got around to tell him but I did mention my love for mariachi bands
Diggin his hands into his jeans, "I asked your old man…", he says with a smirk
I roll my eyes, "So…"
He looks over to the crowd, "Well…I didn't spend most of my savings for nothing...", he turns to the mariachi and motions them to quiet down, he takes my hand, "Marleene, we've only been dating for…what? 2 months…We've known each other for a couple of months…They've been the best months in my life. I'm not gonna make a sappy speech because quite frankly—I suck at romantic shit, so Ima just ask: Marleene, will you please go to Prom…with me?", he pulls a nervous smile
Girls all around me gasp, fawn, and 'aw'. They all look at me with longing to know my answer. I open my mouth to respond and they lean in, "I-uh…", I look around and out of the blue kiss the boy…deeply. Somebody clears his throat and we separate, "Does that answer your question?"
Phil grins and lifts up our tangled fist like Freddie Mercury, "I GOT THE GIRL!"
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Dressed in a long elegant cut-out black dress, I walk through the open door which Phil holds open for me. We're currently in Navy Pier in one their biggest cruise ships…Prom couldn't have been anywhere better. I felt like a starlet with my man in a classy tux and hair skater-cut.
We lean against the railing admiring the full moon's reflection on the lake. Seems like a photogenic picture, a perfect scene in a cheesy love flick, "How captivating…alluring.", whispers my boyfriend
"I know…"
He wraps his strong arms around my waist and I feel a sense of security. "I was talking about you…"
Turning around for a frontal embrace, "Me?", he nods, "If you say so, Punk."
He caresses the side of my face, "You're probably the most interesting…most beautiful girl I've ever met.", he says as if hypnotized
I thank the darkness because he can't see how red I'm turning, "Oh stop it…", I say chuckling a bit
Both hands hold my face gently, "I'm serious. I don't even have to undo you your pants or top to see just how gorgeous you are. You don't even have to open that mouth of yours to know you're interesting. Beside the external…the internal…you're beautiful in every way; from your quirky way of eating fries with ice-cream to your extensive knowledge. I love how you get my fucked up sense of humor and always play along with my sarcasm. I love the way you think, the way you talk, the way you sound, the way you move, the way—I-I m in love with everything about you…", he stares into my eyes with uncertainty and nervousness, "I-I'm in love with…you."
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"You grab her arms and I her legs, aight?", commands a familiar voice
"Okay. On my count…", says another voice, "One…two…THREE!"
I feel myself lift off the wet ground in which I've been laying for who knows how much time. I groan as I swing side to side, in and out of consciousness. The swinging is too much and I finally speak up, "Le-let me go…I nee'a…", I puke to the side and a female voice shrieks and lets me fall almost hitting my head if not for my elbows.
"McKenzie wha'the fuck?", reprimands a masculine voice
"She puked, SORRY.", I can hear the pout in her voice
Blacking out once more, I wake up to the smell of smelling alcohol. I cough from the strong scent, "Bueno, ya esta despierta la nena, mijo.", states Elvira, Wes's mom
"Thanks Mom.", a side of the couch I'm laid out on slumps down, "Mar, you REALLY needa get your shit togetha', babygirl.", says Wesley as he rubs my leg
I close my eyes not wanting to hear his usual pestering, "Save it.", I mumble, "I've got a raging hangover."
His strong hand chucks a pillow at me, which makes me quite mad, "PHIL'S BEEN GONE…GET OVER IT. HE'S GONE BECAUSE YOU MESSED UP!", he yells out of washed away patience, "Just like you told me, I'm telling you."
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Waiting for Micks, I look up into the sky and wonder why she decided to phone me at 2 in the morning. She sounded so down…scared even. A silhouette arrives near my house and I turn on the porch light to get a clear of the person. It's Micks carrying her school book bag, lookin' like she has just run away…which she kinda has.
Walking up to her, I notice the tear stains on her cheeks and ruined make-up. I hug her without asking a question because that's what bestfriends do.
Later, she ends up confessing that she's knocked-up…just how I suspected. She was getting bigger, and not fat. The girl was 3months along—too long to even consider abortion. At the moment, she sleeps soundly on my bed and I on Fannie's long vacant bed.
Micks told me she worries about Ace's reaction and her dad's. Mr. Brooks is rarely ever home and when he is…he just loves to terrorize his children. He's the Devil's bastard. Should he find out; I don't even wanna know. I felt despair as I look over at the sleeping girl not yet woman. In a few months time she'll be with a child in arms and probably looked down upon. Tears well up in my eyes but I promise her, as well as myself, that no matter what…I'll be there for her thick and thin, always.
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"Now, do you, McKenzie Brooks, take, Ace Welsh as your lawfully wedded husband?"
This is the moment every girl wishes for, the moment in which her Prince Charming becomes her husband forever and takes her into the sunset for a happily ever after. Life doesn't work that way, though. My bestfriend stands in a semi-decorated courthouse being married to her babydaddy for the sake of her child. Sure, they love each other but the thing is…Ace if soon to be shipped off to a military base which'll make him miss the important part of his son's life, "I-I do.", she says with a teary smile
"Then by the power invested in me by the state of Illinois, I declare you, husband and wife.", he smiles at both youngsters before him, probably putting money on how long they'll last, "You may now kiss the bride."
Ace pulls Micks into a passionate kiss, while the rest of us—rest of us being: a somber but acting cheerful Wesley, a teary-eyed Elle, her fiancé Joey, and me, applaud. Well, I try…I'm holding their 3 month old son, Dominick. The kid single handedly made me fall in love with him the day he first took a breath of air.
Walking out of the courthouse, Micks readjust her simple white babydoll dress that she bought for the occasion and screams to the heavens above just how much she's happy. I smile and hope for the best, and hold onto her baby while rubbing a saddened Wesley's hand.
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After the graduation ceremony, most of us hug and sob on the shoulders of those whom we won't be seeing after the day's over. I walk around hugging every single person who ever changed my life, even if it was in the smallest of ways. It'd been hell going through highschool but I'd finally made it.
I defied the odds. The stereotype of the minority: getting knocked up and drop out.
Having hugged so much left my arms sore as fuck, but then I saw my now longterm boyfriend, Noah. I ran into his arms and kissed him. He'd encouraged me to keep on with school…he waltzed into my life just when I most needed somebody. I invited him to my grad dinner but he apologized saying he couldn't because of plans with his own family.
Pops and my uncle sniffled a bit as I thanked them at my dinner. Caro bought me a gold bracelet engraved with my name…only affording it by using all of her life's savings. The gesture made me cry a river.
Wesley and his mom both attended. They were like a part of my tiny but close-knit family. I'd invited Micks but she said something about a brother coming through. I wonder if she meant Mike but I doubt it…none of us have heard from him in…years?
Anyway, during our second course, Dips came through. It was like unexpected. We hadn't seen the man in years…he moved to Mexico to start his "business"…the man was like a cartel. Wesley's mother noticeably tensed up like she always did whenever he was around.
"Ah, familia…", he comes around hugging all of us and put his arm around Wesley, "So nice to finally see my favorite kiddos start out their life…SO PROUD of you—especially you, mijo.", he says squeezing Wes
"Thanks, sir.", at this Dips's smile lets up a little
"Let's eat up. I have something to show ya'll.", he took his seat next to a still tense Elvira
Turns out the thing he wanted us to see was the tattoo parlor he bought a frenchy. Dips had it pimped out over the course of 6 months just to give it to Wesley. Should've seen his reaction; the boy literally dropped to his knees crying all the while being held by Dips. It'd been my bestfriend's childhood dream to own his own parlor.
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"Just sign here and the apartment is yours.", smiles a realtor lady
My stomach was flipping over and over. Noah and I were finally buying our first ever home…together. We were entering the life of living together as a couple. We was young but in love and that's all that mattered…nothing else.
Couple of people told us snarkily that it was foolish but we didn't care. Even my dad and uncle disagreed BUT I'm in love.
"Here are the keys, best of luck, kids.", says the realtor as she walks out the door, closing it behind her
Noah excitedly spins me around the room until we bump into the wall next to the door. One thing leads to another and we end up having sex against it.
Our luck hits when people knock on our door, "Anybody there?", yells a woman and Noah curses under his breath.
In a matter of seconds, we have our clothes on—ruffled but on—and I open the door trying not to look or sound as breathless. With a wide smile I greet our new neighbors, an elderly latino couple.
The first words out of the elderly woman's mouth are, "Ay, it smells like sexo in here!", her husband smirks knowingly and both Noah and I facepalm
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As Noah beat me profusely while calling me an array of colorful names in our apartment, I begin to wonder if this is really what I had signed for. We'd been living together for some time and in the meantime my life had crumbled. Sure, I was now a tattooist, a relatively well-known one at that, but that was it…nothing else other than waiting on Noah hand and foot had come of my life.
My head swims and I can't feel anything but warm liquid rushing out of my body. Nothing.
Somehow I manage to wake up…I'm moving but not with my feet. Strong arms hold me.
"Marleene…baby you're gonna be okay…", whispers a voice not familiar at all, "No one is ever gonna lay a finger on you…ever. Not over my dead body.", I begin to think it's Wesley but my mind threatens to swim away.
"Thank you so much...",cries a woman…sounding so much like Mama Rosa, "Thank you, Phil."
My mind swims.
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Bits and strips of my life pass by in between. Then…they all stop. Nothing. Only darkness and then a sudden brightness
11 seconds…