Prompt 38: "I think you're just afraid to be happy."

Summary: Patrick and Shelagh discuss their cancelled and their (hopefully?) upcoming wedding. Set during the time jump in the 2013 Christmas special.

A/N: Sorry it's been so long! We're getting a musical up on its feet and ready to tour the country in 10 days and lately when I get home, I succeed in shoving down dinner and passing out, lol. Speed will actually increase when we hit the road! Yay travel/writing time!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

They both expected the other to bring it up the day after Timothy had woken, but neither did. In the midst of the late nights, long days, and exhaustion made worse with worry, it was easy to forget that under other circumstances, they would have been married a week already. At first, Patrick was grateful Shelagh didn't want to discuss rescheduling the wedding. He was still a wreck from spending day after day terrified his son would never wake up and he wasn't sure he had the strength to think of anything else. He thought she was just being supportive and understanding - and she absolutely was. That said, it had been two weeks since they'd brought Timothy home and the closest he'd seen her get to the topic of their wedding was when she put her dress box in the closet because 'Timothy needed as much free space as possible'. When he'd reminded her that Timothy wouldn't be going anywhere without help for some time and she was welcome to leave it out away from the dust, she'd brushed him off and gone into the kitchen to prepare lunch.

He couldn't understand it. They were practically living together already with Timothy needing so much care and truth be told, his recovery had bonded them faster than any of their earlier courting. They were a solid team, and now that they knew Timothy was on the mend, he wanted to be married to her more than anything. Shelagh, however, never seemed to want to talk about it. Had she gone off him? Was she just helping with Tim now out of pity or obligation? He quickly dismissed those fears as soon as they surfaced. Just the other night, he'd had to practically pry her off of him before they lost their minds on the couch. She certainly still wanted him.

So, what was it?

He resolved to finally talk to her when she came back from Timothy's room. A door softly shut and Patrick turned his gaze automatically to the sound. His Shelagh was so beautiful in the lamp light. She was beautiful every minute of everyday, but seeing her half-lit in his flat, she radiated a sense of belonging rarely seen on her face in the past few years and it was stunning. Even more reason for them to talk…

"I think he's finally asleep." she spoke softly walking into the sitting room. "He can't get comfortable, but he also can't move around easily to get comfortable." she sighed. "I think he tired himself out in the end." Shelagh settled on the couch with Patrick and eagerly leaned against him, thrilled at the peace she felt in his arms.

"I wish there was something more I could do for him." Patrick admitted. "Everytime I talk to him, I feel as though he's looking at me and asking for a cure I can't provide."

"He knows you would fix everything if you could, Patrick." she soothed. "We both would." He kissed the top of her head and sat up to look at her properly.

"I know you would." he paused, trying to think of the best way to approach the subject. "You know he already thinks of you as a mother." He hoped that would make her smile, but instead, she cast her eyes downward. "Shelagh? I thought that was a good thing."

"It is." she replied, still sadly. "I...I want to be his mother so very badly..."

"But…" he urged.

"I don't know." she replied honestly. Patrick paused before his next question because the very idea of her saying no made him want to die.

"Do you...do you still want to marry me?" he asked, forcing the fear from his voice, if not his eyes.

Shelagh finally looked up and took his hand. Her physical actions could speak to her certainty even if she struggled with the words.

"I love you, Patrick. I want to marry you." she promised.

"Then why haven't you been willing to talk about rescheduling the wedding?" he finally asked. Shelagh drew back a bit.

"I...I never said we couldn't." she knew it was a poor excuse even as the words left her mouth.

"Shelagh, everytime I bring up anything having the slightest bit to do with the wedding, you change the subject or leave the room. You've hidden your dress away in the closet -"

"Because I don't want it." she whispered miserably.

"What? Why?" Patrick asked. He never meant to hurt her, he just wanted answers.

"Because it's grey." she admitted shyly. "I know I'm...entitled...to a white dress, but I didn't think I should have one with all of the gossip." She felt tears brimming, but she desperately didn't want to cry, not when he had so much else to worry about. "And now all I want to do is marry you in a white dress with beautiful flowers and I can't."

"Darling, no one is saying we can't do that." he insisted warmly.

"Everything is saying we can't, Patrick." she felt a few tears escape and chastised herself for not being stronger for him. "We were going to have a small wedding and then Timothy got Polio and now it seems heartless to do anything except go down to the registry in plain clothes while he's recovering."

"Oh, Shelagh." he sighed, understanding dawning as he hugged her to him and let her cry. "I think you're just afraid to be happy."

"I've no right to be happy when so much needs mending." she cried into his jumper.

"But you've started that mending process." He pointed out. "You've reconciled with Sister Julienne and the Sisters, you're slowly rebuilding your friendships with the nurses, you're taking exemplary care of Timothy, and you're doing it all so honestly that even the most vicious gossip has died down quite a bit. You're allowed to be happy, Shelagh. You haven't hurt anyone and the people who love you would love to attend your wedding."

"Our wedding." he heard muffled against his chest. He chuckled.

"Our wedding." he corrected. "Darling, I'm not saying we have to get married tomorrow, or even this month. I just think that setting a date would give us all something to look forward to in all of this sadness and I think we're ready to take that step."

He waited in silence while she breathed deeply against the wool that tickled her nose, but filled her senses with his smell. She wanted to spend the rest of her life immersed in that feeling.

"Do you think March or April would give us enough time to invite people?" she asked, truly smiling for the first time in weeks.

Patrick didn't even bother to answer her. Cupping her face, he pulled her up to meet his lips and lay her down beneath him. Timothy was fast asleep and he was confident their couch didn't have any aversions to mushy stuff.

38 down, 12 to go! Hope you enjoy!