A/N- I feel accomplished!
Read, review, follow?
CHAPTER 41
Coffee. That's what he smells of, coffee. This is what has been occupying my mind for the past…for however long we've been holding each other. Honestly, his scent of coffee soothes me; lets me know that however much I'm regretting—I'm alive and Wes…is not.
If Wesley were alive, these tattooed arms would be replaced by his. I'd be feeling the steady heartbeat of a man, who for so long, took care of me when, said tattooed arms, left. Perhaps the minty breath traveling my way wouldn't be minty…it'd be the smell of an ashtray. More likely than not, this intimate moment between two exes brought together by tragedy wouldn't even exist. IF Wesley were alive.
Now that I think of it, Wesley CAN'T be dead. No, he's probably the strongest person I know. We're talking about the dude who'd lug me around as if I were featherweight, one who could single-handedly fend off a couple of grown men, one who was on the wrestling team during highschool…we're talking about a dude who's invincible. Trying to convince yourself, aren't you?
"Phil? Phi—OH, um…", speaks a soft girly voice from the door. Phil tenses up, squeezes me a bit, wipes his tears, and then gently lets me go.
"Uh, yeah…what's up, Maria?", he says trying to play off as calm and collected
"Sorry…", mumbles his girlfriend, "It's urgent…um…wanna step outside?", she looks at me looking at them, "It's about…uh…Wesley.", she stutter with her gaze downcast
He's alive…he woke up—like me! "Did he wake up?", asks Phil hopefully, of course he did…it's Wesley
Maria with her big ol' owl eyes, raises her head with a small smile—the kind that lets you know it won't be something good, "H-his dad has decided t-to unplug him, baby.", she grabs onto Phil as he falls to his knees in a weeping heap. She hugs him as he shamelessly sobs.
Dad? DAD? Wesley has no pops…BITCH LYING—Wes is ALIVE how the fuck…? "LYING BITCH!", I yell furiously across the room. Maria instantly looks up, "I know what you're doing…I'm on to you, you fucking heartless bitch!", she stares at me with a mix of fear and confusion, "You're one sick, sick cunt. Trying to pull one on me…Using my loved ones—No, no, no…that's too far!", I try to slide off the bed but my legs wobble under me. Like the good Samaritan she pretends to be, she abandons Phil and tries to steady me, "GET AWAY!", I shout trying to push her away
Between struggles, "Mar-Mar…Marleene!", she slaps me and that makes me come undone. I fall in her arms, the arms of the woman I SHOULD hate, "I'm so sorry…so, so sorry.", she tells me as I cry into her shoulder.
In my futile attempt to keep in denial, "He's alive—if-if I woke up…HE WILL TOO!", I removed my face from her shoulder and looked into those owl eyes, "Right?", all the woman could do was wipe away my tears and hug me. Her sincerity seemed and felt so real—it made it hard to even try to hate her, "He doesn't have an old man—just him, an-and Elvira…", I mumble
Phil picks himself up off the floor, "Where's Colt?", he asks not even bothering to turn around
Maria helps me sit down on the chair near my bed, "He's um…with Micks."
Where is she? SHOULDN'T SHE BE WITH OUR BESTFRIEND? "WHY ISN'T SHE WITH WESLEY!". I yell in pure fucking anger that in his time of need Micks can't even stick around
Pushing past his girlfriend, Punk grabs both my hands, "Later. One thing at a time, doll, one thing at a time.", his words sound so…so cryptic? My god…SHE'S DEAD TOO. I begin to cry. Thinking that everybody I love is leaving me. They said they'd be there for me whenever, whenever, for whatever. Arms envelope me letting me know that I am not yet alone, not in this room, not with this same pain.
Coffee he smells of. The smell so enticing, hypnotizing so much, that I almost don't hear little sniffles of the woman hurrying out the door of my room. Almost.
»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»
As Phil wheels me off corridor through corridor, my mushy mind flies off into the depths of my memory.
*flashback*
(February 14th, 1998)
About a quarter to 1p.m and here we are at Ramses little crash pad. Nothing more than a singles apartment with the basics, a t.v, Nintendo, beat-up couch, and 2 highschool kids—Wes and me. According to Illinois law, we should be in class…learning and the like—FUCK THAT.
Today, isn't JUST Valentine's Day…no, sadly. It's an exact year since Punk and I first started dating. Being that he still lingers around my mind…school wasn't a great idea. Couples all around would be cheesing it to the max with their 'aw babe you should have's' and fucking teddy bears with cheap chocolates and I'd be on the outside looking in.
"Call me an ass but its been like a year, Marley…you should be over that bridge", says Wesley pausing his videogame
Taking another gulp of my Budlight, "You should be over Micks…"
He frowns, "Our shit lasted longer."
"Time is nothing…Punk he-he made me feel alive. We got each other so well. I-I just don't wanna explain…", I close my eyes to keep from spilling useless tears
Wesley probably sees that he's hit a softie so he turns of the system and holds me tight…like he always does, "Sis…you dunno how much it hurts to see you like this."
"Like how?"
"You don't do shit anymore other than hit up peeps to drink with or get on some trees with. Ya' don' ever get dressed like you used to.", he rolls up the sleeves of my shirt, "These multiply like rabbits."
I pull in my arm and cover it, "Don't you judge me or anything. I've been through much in so little time. This is MY way of coping with his leave and my guilt of letting Fannie die…MAY NOT BE THE RIGHT WAY OR THE BEST—but I-I can't find any other way out.", I jump up knocking over a couple beer bottles and make my way over to the door where my shoes are located. The frustration I feel of not being able to put on my shoes makes me drop to the floor, crying.
Chucking those damn shoes at the wall, I curse them out. I kick and scream, letting out emotions I've tried so hard to contain, to hold in. Ever since I found Fannie's lifeless body that damned day, my life had gone downhill. My father still refused to acknowledge me, Caro still didn't open her mouth to speak, and Punk—he was a lost case. No point in waiting for him anymore. Mike wasn't in my life anymore and THAT made me feel ever more alone. Sure, he only wanted my "goods" but in some fucked up way that made me feel complete. The people around me constantly changed, except for my bestfriends Micks and Wes. Still, they didn't fill the emptiness and pointless space in my life.
"Here.", a cold beer is put in front of me, "Take it.", I do
Beside me, Wesley slides down until he's in a sitting position with his arm around me. He isn't one for words but actions. In this moment, all I need is his company and a beer…or four, "I see her, I see Fannie almost every night…always in a nightmare. She calls to me asking why I let'er die. With blood all over her she asks why-why I didn't save her.", I start to play with my nails, "It should've been ME! I should've died…nobody would really hurt over it.", I whisper, "Sometimes when I'm alone in my room, I look over to check if she's sound asleep—she never comes home. Then I realize that she NEVER WILL. Those are the times when I go about the kitchen looking for anything that'll kill me instantly, but I never go through…Never, Wes."
Something about the dude beside me: you can rant your heart out and he'll listen. For however long it runs. He's a listener, "Maybe it should've been you, maybe the girl next door…or maybe just maybe the big man above chose ol' Fan for a reason.", he removes his arm from around me and takes off his cap, "Look, nugget, I'm not gon' try to convince you to do shit. If you feel like this livin' deal is too much…do what you gotta do. Okay? Just be sure because sometimes shit don't go the way we plan it to. Leave with no regrets and sure I'll be fuckin' broken, along with other people who love you, but I'll understand.", his clears his cracking voice, "Jus' know that…Look, I never had much to begin with. Jus' me and moms—no pops, fam. Then, you and your fam came around—losing you would be like losing a part of me. I ain't never had the need to save somebody 'till I met you all those years ago, but if it's what you decide—do it, I won't hold you back.", tears drip down his cheeks, "Just…know that the day your life comes to end, mine will too—not all of it, but for the most part—you're my baby sister, my bestfriend. I love you, if you dunno it yet."
His words hit me straight in the heart; his tears burn it. Wesley Efrain Mendes was never one for life changing speeches…but, this-this is one of those moments I'll forever treasure. Wesley Efrain Mendes was NEVER one to cry. Today, I have been saved. Today, our vow to be bestfriends 'till death do us part has been renewed.
"You mean the world to me too, Wesley. You are the brother I never was blessed to have. I promise you to keep on living, to keep fighting, to keep on going…if you promise the same, because I-I can't have another person walk out on me—especially you."
He holds my hand, "You already know the answer: Bestfriends, we stick together till the day I drop 6ft under—which'll probs be in anotha' 60 yrs. No worries."
*end of flashback*
Wheelchair comes to a stop and a door opens. Everything seems so surreal and yet so normal. Punk helps me off the chair and leads me towards what looks like a sleeping Wesley. Eduardo Juarez, aka Double Dips, sits at his side completely non-moving. Elvira sits next to Dips, hugging her only baby with eyes wide open focusing on nothing.
Doesn't even feel like Wesley is a veggie. I run a finger down his cheek and it's as warm as ever. He's asleep, "Wesley, wake up.", I whisper over and over…he's a heavy sleeper, "C'mon Wes, you gotta wake up.", I say with more desperation. Still nothing—not even a twitch or reaction, "WESLEY EFRAIN, GET UP!", I shake him becoming angry with each shake.
Phil grabs both my arms and whispers in my ear, "Please…don't make it harder…"
I stare at him incredulously, "He's just asleep!"
Phil hold my face in his hands and shakes his head slowly, "No, sweetheart…He's gone."
I push him away. Maybe in my room I tried convincing myself to the fact but being here, next to my lifelong friend, killed it. How could it be that he was a vegetable…for Christ's sake, he's sleeping soundly. He has a heartbeat and is warm.
"My son…my son, he's gone—un vegetal, nomas.", says Dips monotonously
I furrow my brows in disbelief, "He's not dead and he's not your son…he has no father!"
"He is. He is my illegitimate child.", Dips holds Wesley's hand, "And he-he didn't even get the chance to forgive me…t-to call me papa or Viejo.", a new side is revealed to Dips…sobs rack his body as he clings onto his…his son for dear life, "POR QUE?", he shouts, "The one good thing that I ever created…and he's gone in the blink of an eye…WHY?", tears appear in Elvira's eyes, "He was just becoming a man…STARTING TO LIVE! Lo pude salvar! Had I been faster…he'd be alive enjoying his life…I'M OLD I'VE HAD ENOUGH TIME ON THIS DAMNED EARTH, DIOS!"So you've been the boy's father all along…explains all those gifts and hints of affection. Seeing Dips: a cartel, pimp, business man break down like that makes Wesley being dead all the more real.
"Ho-how long has he been like this…tell me truth.", I ask Punk
"13 days."
I cover my mouth, I could've caught him alive and active had I not been in a coma, "Why…why is he like this…on lifesupport?"
"He's in a coma and can't breathe on his own, doll. They took him in for surgery to remove the bullets he took and well…um…", Phil didn't go on, he didn't need to.
"But he can still come back, right?", I ask with sudden hope
With tears in his eyes, Phil looks at me, "30 percent chance…close to nothing."
I latch onto my bestfriend, brother, "WAKE UP! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP!", I yell. I grab his face between my two trembling hands, "Bro you need to wake up! You promised…YOU PROMISED!", no use. I sob hysterically in to his chest.
Elvira snaps out of her trance and places a note just near my head, "Para ti, muchacha…lo escribio antes que se-se-se fuera…", she bites her lips to keep from crying. Elvira then caresses her babyboy's cheek and pecks him on the forehead. Reciting a prayer for him, "Ya me tengo que ir, mijo…no sabes cuanta falta me vas hacer…", before any tears fall she waltzes out the room with her head held up high, lightly touching Dips's shoulder. Strong woman.
Taking the note, I hold it close to my heart and do what any other person would do, pray and cry.
»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»
Around 10p.m, Dr. Elmer comes through. In his hands, Wesley's death sentence; the papers that will cut off the machine that breathes for the dude. Eduardo holds the clipboard in shaky hands and as he readies himself to sign it I hold onto Phil because I cannot, I refuse to give up hope on Wesley. Scribbles on paper rings in my ear.
"Just tell me when you're ready.", says Dr. Elmer void of any emotion. He just steps aside.
Wesley's father is the first to say goodbye. The man grabs his boy's hand, "Tengo tantos arrepentimientos, hijo—pero no verte salvado es uno de los mas grandes. No verte dicho que yo soy el hombre que te engendro mas pronto es el segundo. P-pero, ni por un segundo pienses que no te quise…tu eres el mejor hijo que Dios me regalo. Discúlpame por no ver guiado te durante eso tiempos en cuando mas necesitabas un padre. Tu madre nunca quiso que supieras que tu padre era un desgraciado, malviviente. Discúlpame, hijo…Algún día nos volveremos a ver y entonces…entonces…", Dips's sobs overtake him and he doesn't continue. He gives his son's hand another squeeze and lets go.
Next goes Phil. He untangles himself from me and gets on his knees and bows his head atop Wes's hand, "Where do I start? Do I ask why God had to take you away or why your crazy ass had to step in a be fuckin' Superman? I dunno how I'll ever let you go, dude. As teens we did some pretty fucked up shit and now…I always envisioned us getting together as old, senile bastards at a retirement home or at the donut place I always told you I wanted to open up after my wrestling gig was over. I thank God or whoever put you in my way, for all the moments we spent. I regret not having spent time catching up with you, my dude…but, that's the way life is—crashes our paths without warning. As for what you made me promise…I'll go through, you can rest assured.", Phil breathes in deeply, "I'll never forget you, no matter how many hits and kicks I receive. I'll miss you, but 'till we meet again, you can be Daddy…", Phil half chuckles, half cries at the old insider, "Save a spot for me up there, brotha' from anotha' motha'.", wiping his eyes he steps back
It's my turn and my feet feel as though they'll give out under me any second. I'm already crying as I sit next to Wes and hold his hands tightly, "Hey brother…I-I won't make a long speech be-because I know you're desperate to reach the other side of el coral. I just want to thank you for all the times you were there to pick me up and take care of me…all the times we spent together getting fucked up. EVERYTHING. You are the one person who I could turn to for everything. I-I'm sorry you had to go out like this be-because of me…You didn't deserve this end and I-I'm so sorry…", I bow my head, "All those promises and dreams…I'll try to fulfill them, for you. You deserve it. Now, rest up—'cus once I make it up there…shit's gonna get crazy…Alright…this isn't a goodbye, never. More like a 'I'll see you late'…say hello to my sis…", I kiss the man and fly into Phil's arm before I can have time to block the doctor from reaching the cords or machinery.
Dr. Elmer goes through the procedure and slowly, ever so slowly, Wesley's heartbeat flatlines. I can't even look. All I can do to block out the sounds around me is hide in Phil's arms. And breathe in his scent.
Coffee. That's what he smells of, coffee.