A/N- Has that filler feeling…
I need some inspiration-fuel… Read, Review, Follow! (:
. CHAPTER 45
Day 69
Lips gently peck my hair and proceed down my neck succeeding in waking me up from a dreamless slumber. My lips curve into a miniature smile and through foggy vision I stare lovingly at the person giving those sweet kisses. My hand comes up to caress the stubble filled cheek as if feeling around for a sense of dream or if this is really reality. Olive-greens close and this is when I know it isn't just some fantasy, and when I know that this is wrong and crosses the unseen ground rules that I have set for myself while I sleep in the arms of the owner of those beautiful eyes. My smile dissolves and hand retracts; lazily, I sit up and swing my legs over the side of my bed rubbing my eyes. Man, oh man, is it getting hard to control this shit…
Hands land on my shoulders, gently massaging them, "Why up so early? Have a nightmare, beautiful?", he whispers in my ear and I shiver. Don't do that…
Shaking off the tattooed hands, I stand up, "Don't start getting touchy-feely with me, Punk…just don't."
Bed creaks and arms encircle me from behind. A toned chest against my back and um…morning wood down south—to say I'm uncomfortable is truly, really an understatement. Breath against the nape of my neck and ear slowly starts heating me up like a furnace, "You can't expect me to sleep in the same bed and not want to touch…you forget that I'm a man.", even though I can't see the smirk…I KNOW it's there.
"Well, shit…that's why you've got Maria, sugar.", elbowing him so he'd let go, I turn around to face him, "Don't take advantage of the fact that I'm fucking vulnerable right now; we both know my mind isn't at it's best.", when he doesn't respond, I take my leave.
Punk pulls me back into him; my hands use his chest to steady myself and also to try to push him away. BUT being that he's a wrestler and all, it's useless to struggle, "You act as if you're the only who lost Wes. I lost Wes too! Damnit! You said that with me, in my arms, you feel safe…yeah?", Phil raising his voice scares the shit outta me especially 'cus he's grabbing me tightly by the shoulders, "It's the same for me. When I hold you everything feels like…like it's gonna be alright, like I'll be fine for the time being. These past couple of days have been the only time I've ever fallen asleep without disturbance; its because of you, Marleene…you make me feel at peace when I hold you. When you're sound asleep and all peaceful…I watch you, creepy as it sounds…I watch you to see that you're the woman I wanna wake up to and fall asleep with for however long I'll grace the world with my presence. Forgive me but sometimes I forget that I can't do all or show all of what I feel for you. Not being able to fucking kiss you and tell you—show you how much I love you it-it frustrates me. YOU pushing me away frustrates me—do you even feel the same? Tell me 'cus I feel like I'm just ranting to a brick wall random ass nonsense."
"YES.", I blurt out, "Yes, I feel something for you…I-I don't know what it is. I'm confused. With everything around me falling over…I can't think.", whispering, "All I know is that I don't want any of your affections…Maria deserves respect. She's taking care of everything—she at least deserves a faithful boyfriend.", breathing deeply, "Maybe you're just in love with the person who I was…Phil, maybe things have changed…you just can't let a good woman like her go.", wiggling out of his grasp, I begin to make my way to the door and out it.
Nearing the bathroom, I'm pushed into the wall gently and turned around. Things happen so fast, I don't even have time to blink an eye, Phil kisses me. Just like the utility closet…, "Stop pushing me away…Letmme in…Marleene…", he mumbles in between kisses.
Desire is a hell of a strong emotion. Phil pushes up against me, kissing me with need. His lips show the frustration and want he tried to explain with words. As he nips and tugs at my bottom lip, the coldness of his lip-ring drives me up the wall. Instinct kicks in and I push him up against the wall. My hands travel up his torso to his hair, gently pulling it as my tongue meets his. A brush of his tongue ring makes me moan softly into his mouth. Calloused hands run down my sides and slowly up my shirt. Why are we so fucked up?
Exaggerated cough breaks through to me and bring me back. My eyes shut tightly, or more if that's even possible. Phil stops what he's doing and groans. Opening my eyes slowly, I writhe in embarrassment…Colt, in SpongeBob pj's and all, leans against the wall with a look of pure amusement and 'I knew it' written all over it.
Believe me, if I could disappear into thin air… I would. How I let this happen, I have no clue. Feels like I'm living a novela with the whole "amor imposible" storyline and shit. "Don't mind me, kids…I just ask to be let into the bathroom.", states Colt with a giant ass smirk. I slide to the side to let him through. As he opens the door to enter, he stops, "Word from the wise, if you're gonna be doing such things…make them less hearable…and well, conspicuous.", I growl at him and he quickly closes with laughter erupting behind it.
Guilt floods my being when I spot a zombie-looking Maria making her way to us. My face flushes even more and I feel as though Ima collapse at any given second. Gray eyes stare down olive-greens silently portraying guilt and regret.
With a sleepy yawn, "Babe…Marley…what ya'll doing up so early?"
Usually, I'd come up with a reply but being in the position I'm in…I'm wordless, "Waiting for Colt to get out the damn bathroom…Dude has got some bladder issues or something…", replies Phil
Wrinkling her nose, "You're disgusting, babe.", she stands on her tippy-toes and pecks the man…on the lips. My mouth SEMI drops and Phil stares at me as if trying to say 'sorry'
"Ima just go…back to sle-sleep.", I mumble trying my best not to feel upset. Claiming territory, Maria?
Shutting the door to my room, I sink down and run a hand through my tangled, curly hair. Letting out a sigh, I look up and out the window. Wesley, what's gonna happen? Why'd you go when I need you the most? I have nobody to confide in…nobody like you.
Day 71
Morning, midday, afternoon, night, midnight…the only way I knew days passed. Every day was pretty much the same as in routine-wise. That was until today, yeah, today I found out that it's February 11th, 2006. Exactly 71 days or 2 months, 1 week, and 4 days…since the day I woke up from unconsciousness and since Wesley's departure from the world as we know it. Literally, I've isolated myself from the outside world by spending 2 months cooped up in my room, under my covers…crying most of the time.
Time, a lot of it, has passed me by from right under my nose and this depresses me even more. Realizing that I have yet to actually wake up one day and feel ready to face the world…depresses me. Lacking the balls to even hold tiny Eleanor Grace or even be able to withstand the childish mannerisms of Dominick, whom I haven't seen in years it seems…depresses me. Micks not tolerating her child or me…depresses me. Wanting Phil but not being able to snatch him away from Maria's side…depresses me. EVERYTHING DEPRESSES ME.
Topping off everything else are two things. One of them being the fact that it has been 2 months since my bestfriend died and the sound of his voice…his laughter—it has faded from my memory. I can no longer remember the sweet sound of his voice or laugh unless I watch old clips. My promise to keep him forever in my memory…feels like it has been broken and this depresses me to the point of not wanting to ever get out of this stupid fucking bed. Second, 3 days 'till Valentine's Day. After having spent nearly half a decade being one of the many taken women…I find it difficult to be alone—especially on such a day. Aside from that, the 14th is significant for it was the day in which Phil asked me out…8 years ago.
Covers rip off of me, ripping me away from my thoughts. Trying to salvage what little dignity I have, I pull down my oversized shirt to cover my exposed panties. "Ah…like I haven't seen that before.", my eyes widen at his comment, "I've dressed you before…", he states innocently
Rolling my eyes, "What'dya want, Colt? I'm tired."
Crossing his arms over his chest, "Well, I'd like for you to actually get up today…it's 1 in the afternoon and you haven't left this bed since…forever."
Rolling over onto my stomach, "Well keep wishing…I don't feel like getting up."
"Woman, stop being a zombie…I miss you, somewhat."
Raising a hand to shoo him away, "Miss me somewhere else."
Soon as I begin to think he's left, I'm picked up and slung over his shoulder, "I really didn't want to have to resort to plan B, woman."
Kicking and wiggling, "COLT, SO HELP ME GOD, IF YOU DON'T LET ME DOWN I WILL—"
"Not gonna work…Now, hush up…kiddo is sleeping!", he says tapping my ass
Colt walks straight toward the main bathroom and I begin to wonder what in Hell's name he's up to. Opening the door, he walks in and deposits me in the waiting tub full or water…COLD water. A shriek erupts from my mouth, "FUCK YOU."
Seemingly happy with himself now, "At least you feel something other than sadness and all that good stuff…", he shrugs with a big ol' grin. Puffing out a shaky sigh, I pout my lips ready to cry. I put my face in my hands, "Mar?", sneaking a peek I notice the man look confused, "Mar? Are you gonna cry?", I shake my head but secretly know he won't believe it, "Oh shit…", he mutters under his breath, "C'mon, gimme your hand…I'm sorry—I just wanted to get you out of bed and well…yeah."
Instead of reaching up for his hand, I stand up and hug the dude…completely drenching his front, "I was just fucking with you.", I manage a slight chuckle, "But I just wanna go and hide under my rock now…"
Holding me at arm's length, "You little brat!", he smiles sadly, "You serious? I'm leaving tonight…heading out to my hometown for the remainder of my vacation, and I just wanted to take you out one last time."
Whatever smile was forming, disappeared. My heart sank a bit, "You're leaving me too?", I hadn't meant it to sound like that but yeah…
Noticing my pending tears, Colt pulls me into him and rubs my damp hair, "No, no…Well sort of but you got my number just in case you want to hear my sexy voice."
Pouting, "Mm…I guess…"
"Hey, no need to be all down as of now, let's get you cleaned up and ready to go."
Removing myself, I eyeball him feeling awkward, "I-I can bathe myself, thank you."
"You probably can BUT I don't want to risk anything, sorry chicky-baby", Colt unclogs the drain and all the cold water drains out. He turns on the faucet and lets warm water in, reclogging the drain, "Strip, woman!"
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Some convincing later, we now sit at a table looking through a menu at La Quinta de los Reyes. Smelling all the delicious food around me makes my stomach growl and feel better about finally leaving the safety of the house.
After ordering, Colt leans back in his chair, "How have you been feeling, honestly? You pretty much isolated yourself from the household, girl."
Playing with a napkin, "I'd be lying if I said 'swell'…A part of me feels lost—like gone."
"Can't say I understand but you needa see the brightness of the future. Wes would've wanted you to move on and keep going forward."
Remembering his note, "He did say that. I-I just can't help myself…he was my bestfriend."
Colt leans over to take hold of my hand, as words cannot do much. Comfortable silence passes by until our food is served and we start maxing out like hungry dogs.
"What about Phil?", asks Colt with a mouthful of food
Looking up from my plate, "What about him?"
He raises an eyebrow, "Come on…we both know what I'm hinting at."
And I do. Flashback makes me shiver slightly and goosebumps rise on my arms, "Before that incident he'd been sleeping with me…", Colt nearly chokes on his food, "Not like that! Sleeping as in SLEEPING. For some reason, when he held me at night…I'd have no nightmares and well yeah. Anywho, I woke up to his kisses and he tried to be touchy—which didn't ride with me. I blew up and well somehow we ended up how you found us.", telling Colt made me feel ashamed
Wiping his mouth before finally speaking, "Why you guys beating around the bush? All this sexual tension is like toxic. Even being all depressed as you are…we feel it emanate from Phil and your room."
If I would have sipped on my margarita…it'd be spit out, "Shut up. You know why we can't be sneaking. And who the fuck is we?"
Furrowing his brows, "You shittin' me, right?", I raise an eyebrow, "Woman, you honestly believe that Maria doesn't have a clue?", my eyeball figuratively pop out their sockets, "Yeah…she just chooses to ignore. Why Philly doesn't just end that suffrage…I have no idea.", he smiles randomly, "You'd make something happen if Phil were single and ready to mingle, wouldn't you?"
Shaking myself out of my shock, "Honestly…I'd go for it. Should it blow up in my face, at least I'd have a sense of closure.", finally, you've stopped lying to yourself…
After some small talk and finishing our food, we stuck around for some dancing and karaoke. Felt like the first time that I actually had a sense of feeling alive. My mourning was forgotten for the time being and for that, I thank Colt for having done what he did.
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One by one, Colt said goodbye to us. He'd done some packing after we came home and now he was leaving. Call it selfishness but I wanted him to stay so badly. I'd probably be sadistic enough to tie him to a tree. The only friend I have in the house was leaving me in the hands of Sir Temptation, Little Miss Perfect, Lady Psycho, and a baby.
"Alright, miss this isn't a goodbye.", whispers Scott as he pulls me into a hug. As soon as I feel the warmth of his arms, I unravel.
"Please stay…", I mumble against his chest
He sighs, "I'd love to but I miss my momma.", he pulls away from me and wipes my tears, "Blow up my phone if you have to…I'll miss you too much, lovely. Don't fret though…with any luck you'll see my sexy self in the summer."
His attempt at breaking a smile outta me fails, "Okay…just take care and go…'cus the longer you take the more time I'll have to devise a plan to make you stay.", I embrace him once more
Colt's body trembles with soft laughter, "I've grown on you…oh yeah!", I look up and stick out my tongue, "Just promise me that you'll get better not just for me and Wes but for yourself…", I unconvincingly nod my head, "And that you'll fix shit up with Jesus over there.", he looks in Phil's direction
"Ahh…that's a mission. Rather put that off until I'm in a better state but…just go, your taxi awaits."
Both Phil and I escort Colt to his cab and help him stuff his suitcases into the tiny trunk. One last bro-hug between the bestfriends and Scott bear hugs me once more. As the cab speeds off, we both wave him off until he's nothing more but a speck in the distance.
Something makes Punk and I stay way after Scott has left. Everything before today comes back…the sadness, the depression…todo. Though we don't show it, we both are staring at each other through peripheral vision. Mustering up some courage, "I may not be sure about many thing but best believe that…", I face him, "first loves are probably the only loves you'll keep on loving no matter what.", as subtle as it is I believe he knows what I hint at. Not giving it much time to turn into a moment, I drag myself all the way to my room…back to my solace where I spend the rest of my energy trying to remember the sound of Wes's voice and laughter.