Chapter 35: Confessions
Not even Scarlett could have predicted that revelation. The imposter relaxed her crushing grip on the sorcerer, slowly, and despite the tears flowing from the distraught man a sense of urgency gripped him.
She was pulling away. The pain of loss upon him, frantically Cedric pawed at the girl. "Please understand, it was so long ago and I was so desperately alone and confused. Please Sofia, I need you to understand why I can never do this thing you ask of me. I-"
Scarlett began to chuckle, an unnerving sort of laughter it continued for quite some time as Cedric retreated inward, the last of his great persuasive arguments spent.
Inside her prison Sofia fell into a paralyzed state.
He'd taken a life, and to make the sting ever more poignant, he had intended it to be Rolland's. When had he….
No.
It couldn't be.
It simply couldn't be.
Anne had died after eating Rolland's dinner, somehow poisoned, the king to preoccupied with caring for Amber and James to tend to his meal.
It physically hurt. More so than the throbbing shoulder she'd been intentionally smashing into the walls of her prison all day. This was a deep, soul penetrating sort of pain. The lost innocence of youth.
Still Scarlett cackled menacingly, and desperate to keep her, Cedric pawed at the imposter's shoulders, finally sinking his hands into the blue fabric of Anne's dress around her frame.
"S-S-Stop laughing at me! H-H-How can you laugh at this horror? This, my greatest shame!" he cried out in anguish.
"Oh Cedric, you don't really think you can back out now, do you? I know all your dirty little secrets. It's a good one too, no wonder you've been hiding it for so long."
The man was trying to quell the tears, resulting in a strained grimace upon his face. There, set against the wall he began to sway ever so slightly forward, strained breaths. Upon his shoulders the weight of a lifetime of secrecy, pain and suffering now laid bare.
Cedric began to paw at Scarlett's replica star pin, "Then, you don't detest me for this thing I've done, so long ago. The shame I've felt, the anguish, you truly don't judge me for the sins of my past?"
No.
He was stroking the pin he'd given her, his will folding. If it did, he'd brew a poison to kill Rolland, and there would be no going back. No redemption for her beloved sorcerer, or for Sofia who'd conjured the scourge either.
Pushing all the darkness deep inside, the princess looked down upon her unsteady hands. Adrenaline from the realization of WHY Cedric was always so nervous around the king, the abject fear of his secrets discovery, and the botched spells of a lifetime that resulted from it, had rocked her to her core.
But the king needed to be saved. Even if he'd alienated his family and subjects, it had been a reaction to circumstance. Deep down Rolland was kind, and loving. He simply treasured Miranda, and that was worth saving.
Sofia took a deep breath and slowly unwrapped the bandage about her shoulder. It had been healing her slowly, and the effects on Scarlett needed to be as intense as possible to thwart this because… Cedric was giving in to his darker natures.
She could see it in his eyes, the slow turning of his resolve as his hands wound their way over Scarlett's skin and into her hair. The imposter could sense it too, as small words of encouragement came from her, "You can see it now, can't you? With Rolland gone we can conquer half the continent in a week, and you can rule it all alongside me. All you have to do is poison Rolland, and everything you ever wanted; a kingdom, a beautiful princess for your wife, and the adoration of millions from the countries we've liberated, it will all be yours."
Cedric's hand kept stroking itself along her star pin. He was resolving to make the final decision. Bone-white knuckles were tightening around his wand. "Oh my beloved, with my dying breath I'd save you." Suddenly he froze his fingers in place, and swiftly jerked back Scarlett's hair in a somewhat painful display. Before Scarlett could scream Sofia took the opportunity to make her move.
Bandage undone, there was no turning back from this moment.
With all her might Sofia pulled her injured shoulder to the fore and fell upon it, all her weight crashing into the injured arm. Scarlett screamed in pain, but Sofia didn't stop. Again she pummeled it into the wall of the prison, and this time there was a distinct snap.
The world went fuzzy, and Cedric let the imposter fall, withdrawing his arms her head went straight into the window. The panes shattered, and cascading along the floor were shards of the sharp material. Scarlett cried out in pain, but the damage was done.
Waves of black miasma were flowing everywhere. A mass of red plumage tore at the screaming imposter, whose arms were up trying to block the phoenix from clawing her severely injured face. It was all a blur of throbbing agony as Sofia began to shake, shock setting in from the forced re-breaking of her arm, but she distinctly saw talons gripping the edges of the Amulet before being punched away by Scarlett's blackened arms.
"REVERSO!"
A blast of white energy had been aimed at Scarlett, but the girl dove to the side. Wormwood, however was still clutching at the Amulet, and despite Scarlett's efforts the raven was able to continue clinging to the jewel. Cedric's spell connected, and in a blinding flash of green light Sofia burst forth from her prison, liberated.
Broken and writhing on the ground Sofia looked up to see her phoenix had concentrated its efforts on attacking Scarlett's face and neck. The girl was splayed open in several places, while Wormwood tossed the Amulet aside, Clover catching it in his mouth in one valliant jump. A slow, painful head turn and Sofia was able to see Cedric, banked up against his potions table with wand drawn, aiming it wildly at the chaotic scene before him, unsure of what exactly was going on. His eyes settled on the nearly naked and writhing Sofia on the ground, and instantly he knew. One was the copy, the other quite real.
SMACK. Scarlett had punched the phoenix with force, knocking it out the hole her head had broken in the window. Immediately Wormwood dove after the bird, and panting Scarlett gripped the wall to regain her bearings. "You just couldn't give up, could you!"
Trying with all her might Sofia mustered, "never". Scarlett screamed with an unnatural fury. Arms drawn she attacked the girl splayed upon the floor. There was a mass of tangled hair and shirt as Sofia tried desperately to fend off the girl's onslaught of malice, but dehydrated, starving, tired beyond measure and with a broken arm she was little match for the imposter, despite the fresh injuries to her upper extremities.
Cedric jumped forward, beginning to scream out the reversal spell once more and melt Scarlett into oblivion for good. As the spell was cast Scarlett pushed Sofia's body in front of her, using the princess as a shield. Cursing, Cedric lunged to the side for a better angle, fury writ across his face.
"STOP!" Scarlett screamed. Her nails dug tight into Sofia's broken arm, making the girl cry out in agony. It was too bad Cedric's tower was so isolated; otherwise the castle staff would have been surely alerted to the altercation unfolding. Halting, Cedric raised his wand up and took a slow step backward.
"Let her go you… you…"
"WAIT Cedric! Just think about this! I'M the one who promised to marry you, NOT her!" Cedric started blinking, taking another step back. Desperate, Sofia tried speaking but ended up coughing air. With each gasp Cedric seemed to mimic her pain, and in a last attempt to manipulate her situation Scarlett dove into the man with harsh truths.
"Just THINK about it Cedric, she's been LYING to you! She's the one who keeps running off, I wouldn't even BE here if she wasn't trying to deceive you!" The undeniable truth stung him to the core, and winded he fell back a step further, banding his hip into the potions table.
Sensing she was winning, Scarlett kept at him, "Choose me Cedric! She'll NEVER marry you, not now that she knows the TRUTH, who you really are and what you've done, but I WILL! You can have me Cedric, and I can make your dreams come true."
His fingers curled up around his wand, and the man looked down at the floor between them, reasoning out the many scenarios of the past week in his mind. Slowly he spoke, "That is why Wormy attacked, and why you needed the spell, the transference."
"Yes Cedric but LISTEN! I can be everything you want!" He was shaking his head and Sofia managed to muster the tiniest of responses.
"Mr. Cedric…"
He snapped back into reality and stood tall, a certain determination in him as his wand was raised. Scarlett cried out, "NO! Don't you realize I'M the one who's been in your bed, who's been pleasuring you! She's NEVER touched you, it was always ME, and she TOLD me to do it."
As if stabbed in the gut he buckled at the waist. His long arms retracted in and standing there on the opposite side of the workshop he curled over into a ball of decisions.
Clover hopped forward, but without the Amulet Sofia couldn't understand what was assuredly a string of curse words coming from the rabbit. Scarlett, now kneeling with part of Sofia's torso pulled tight against her chest flung a leg at the bunny, kicking it cruelly toward the wall. The blow caused Clover to drop the Amulet, and with her free hand Scarlett picked up the jewel, shaking it at Cedric, "Choose ME Cedric, I'll let you love me, give you everything you could ever want, you can even have this! I KNOW you still want it, want its power. You only gave it back to make her like you, I know you've never really changed!"
Teeth grit, he was wincing, a few errant tears escaping. Through the pain Sofia managed a, "Please…. Mr. Cedric… please let the good win."
Eyes glued shut, Cedric lunged forward, screaming, "DOPPLER DOMINITUS!"
With that, Scarlett melted away into nothingness, screaming into oblivion. Colors and sound merged together as the image of Cedric running towards her melted into the stones surrounding them, but she couldn't let herself succumb.
"NO!... I have to… save them."
Arms were cradling her top half, fingers smoothing out her hair and white light streaming all around her, basking her in its warming glow. Her broken arm trailed in an unnatural angle off her side as Cedric's face nuzzled up alongside her. "Sofia please stay awake, please I can't loose you. Sofia…"
"No, I've got to… Scarlett… so much pain… she caused… I've got fix it… it can't wait…"
"Stay with me Sofia, just hold on, I've some healing tonic in… Oooh prospero's pickles! It's already been packed, wait it's just in my carpetbag. Hold on, OOOOH you've just got to hold on."
Through the window her phoenix reemerged, Wormwood alongside her. The bird nestled up to her. There were so many broken relationships today, but paramount was Victor and Amalthea on the hunt for Axel. He needed to be warned.
There was simply no way she could deliver the message in this state. But the bird was a reflection of Sofia, just as Scarlett had said. "Please Phoenix, I know you can understand me, even if… I can't understand you."
Snapping to attention, both the phoenix and Wormwood perched and held in silence. Cedric had her head in the crook of one arm, fumbling desperately in the carpetbag with the other for medicinal potions and cursing under his breath. "Mr. Cedric… I need parchment…"
Abruptly he stopped searching, "Sofia you can't possibly write, not in this condition. By Merlin's name you're lucky to be alive. Now please hold still and stop struggling, so I can keep you that way."
"No. I need her… to deliver message… to Westin… Axel is in danger. Victor knows… Amalthea…. Knows..."
It was over. The darkness took her.
… … …
First she felt the steady breathing of her own chest rising and falling. Next, the subtle softness of Cedric's bed sheets. Finally she opened her eyes to the sight of spells basking her in their healing glow. Cedric was there sat upon the floor alongside her, his head the only thing upon the mattress. He wasn't sleeping, but in a semi-conscious state. The blackness of night encompassed the room. The change in her breathing pattern roused him from the trance, and without comment he positioned himself to lift her head, attempting to pour water down her throat. Immediately she thought of the tainted berry juice, and tried to pull back. "NO…" Her words were coarse, her mouth seemingly filled with gravel.
"Please Sofia, you need liquids and food if you are to survive this."
"Potion." Was all she could formulate. Sorrowfully he looked upon her, and shook his head no.
The trust between them seemed a distant memory.
"Please, I promise you it isn't tainted, but you simply can't survive much longer without nourishment. You can exact your anger upon me later Sofia. Please drink this now, I beg of you." She stopped resisting, and the life-giving liquid passed over her lips. He managed a bit of food into her while Cedric sat upon the floor alongside the bed, pulling strands of hair from his head and muttering incomplete thoughts about betrayal and conjured copies before she drifted out of consciousness once more.
Twice more this repeated itself, the third such instance occurring in the light of morning. This time she was much better for the ware. Her arm was wrapped in fresh bandages, enchanted with his signature magical shimmer, and greater portions of food were able to be consumed.
Through it all he sat there, half remorseful and half enraged. He looked a man drug backward through a keyhole. Finally she was able to muster some dialogue. "I can't stay. I have to warn Axel, it might already be too late."
Sighing heavily, Cedric stared off at the small circular window. She was laying upon his bed, nestled in his sheets in the very same clothes she'd worn throughout her ordeal in the Amulet. At least he hadn't taken it upon himself to redress her, or touch her unnecessarily, and in contrast to other occurrences she did not wake with the feeling of intoxication.
"Please, simply rest princess."
"But I need to find Westin… There's no way my phoenix could have relayed the message. He can't-."
"If you must know I've taken care of it." Cedric turned from the window to stare ruefully at his lap. "Despite my strong desire to accost that guard who forced himself upon me, I wrote out your message and delivered it to the whelp. Your phoenix decided to accompany him off into the unknowns, probably into battle in Friezenburg, and I hadn't the heart to stop her, despite the wallowing my raven now suffers from her absence. They've grown to be quite fond of each other". Cedric turned, staring at Sofia's hand, the only exposed bit of her sticking out of his bed sheets. "I should have anticipated as much, after all he is but a reflection of me at the time of his conjuring, your phoenix the reflection of all that was innocent and pure within you at the time you gave her the breath of life. Of course he would find himself smitten with the creature, just as I…"
Trailing off, he left the pain out there for both of them to contemplate.
This time it was up to Westin. "What about James, and Amber, my Mother?"
Cedric grunted, "I think you're really asking me about Rolland. He is still very much alive Sofia, I never had any intention of ending him."
"But you…" Tiredness gripped her, despite the long rest, and Cedric's arms were up, tucking her back into the blankets.
"Later Sofia. You're not well enough yet."
Instead of reacting and running off into danger without a plan or reason, Sofia resolved to stay, and make the hard choices. To listen to the harsh truths.
"But Mr. Cedric, we need to talk."
"Can't you finish healing first? Completely, before it ends. Before I…" the man still couldn't look her in the eyes, and drawing his knees up to his chest he was best described as a ball of misery, "Before your hatred of me consumes you and I am forced to… let you go."
Did she hate him? He'd taken a life, and she was almost sure he was going to submit to Scarlett's will and attempt to take Rolland's life once more. To further his own ambitions. But then, he'd chosen her over Scarlett, the painful truth over a beautiful lie. He'd chosen the good.
It tore her apart to see him in this much pain, and subconsciously she scooted her topside toward his head, the working arm slowly reached out, and began stroking the top of his head.
He'd suffered in silence for so many years about Queen Anne's fate, unable to tell any soul, lest he be discovered and executed. But maybe that was the fate he deserved for taking an innocent life. However Sofia was sure of one thing, making another rash decision with far-reaching implications was not on the table without careful consideration. She'd need to be fully healed.
"I… I don't know what to do… so I'll stay, and when I'm healed… we need to talk. About everything." He finally raised his eyes to meet hers, their bloodshot color and his puffed complexion betrayed his actions as she'd slept. He'd been crying, probably for hours, and hadn't slept the entire night. "You need sleep."
He nodded, but as she pulled on his head he declined to occupy the spot he'd so often taken alongside her in the bed. "I promise I won't leave until we've talked about everything Mr. Cedric."
He laughed silently, "But then you will. No one ever stays, in the end." This man whom she'd admired for over a decade, idolized even. He was in so much pain. Subconsciously she started caressing his head as a surrogate for his battered soul, both of them drifting off to sleep.
She wanted to forgive him. To blame it all on Scarlett, circumstances of fate, anything to absolve him of guilt. But she knew now that he existed within the grey space, contained within him was both the darkness and light. But to save him from himself, to be the light that guided him out of the darkness as she had so often done throughout her youth, would require the deepest sacrifice of herself. She'd have to go against the core of her moral code, to forgive him for the taking of a life. The finality of the act filled her with uncertainty. For if she compromised on that pinnacle principal, where did it end?
Where then was the line between right and wrong? How to bend one's moral compass to soothe her troubled heart without it breaking, truly that was the greatest question of all. She felt waves of sympathy for Amalthea, and the choices she must have made throughout her life. She'd more than likely faced this very same dilemma. Perhaps they were quite similar after all.
... ... ...
There was no amazing spread of culinary delights when she awoke, again in darkness. However Sofia no longer felt the pangs of acute hunger and dehydration. Instead Cedric sat there, staring at the wall, the painting portal that led to his oasis from this insanity obviously weighing heavily on his mind.
"Mr. Cedric?"
Without emotional response he uttered, "That was the sole thing I appreciated from her." He turned slowly, his body creaking as he did so. "The Mister. I've always thought it one of your special peculiarities, the way you're always addressing me in a reverent manner. Even the king was never afforded such a title, and as you spoke it throughout the years I took a certain pride in it. As if, to someone I was special, I was respected. But then, after we began to hold each other, it simply reminded me of our differences." He looked away, staring at the floor, "I suppose I was too consumed with the thought of acceptance, of love, of simply belonging that I overlooked the ample signs, the tremors she suffered from, the conniving, the spells that didn't work upon her, and the lack of 'Mister', chief among her discrepancies."
More defeated she'd never known him to be. Slowly she drew both hands toward his head, and once again began stroking it lovingly when she realized that the injured arm no longer resounded with pain. A brief second was spent marveling at its healed state, "Thank you Mr…. I mean Cedric." But even that wasn't enough to make the man smile.
"I suppose you'll never again tell me I'm 'ah-mazing? I deserve as much, and perhaps a lot more punishment than just that, but it stings nonetheless."
Still laying on his bed, she drew in deep breaths to prepare for how emotionally devastating this conversation was going to be. He knew as well, and did much the same. But she couldn't bring herself to start, nor could he.
After several minutes of deep breathing in silence she realized that there was a reason she couldn't start. A reason that the words wouldn't come.
She didn't want to let him, and the love she'd felt for him, go.
He didn't either.
But everything he'd said since she'd been liberated was the pure and honest truth. No lies, no coercion, and no manipulations. He'd not even tried to bribe a good mood from her with her favorite sweets.
Nothing but quite devotion and the healing she so desperately needed.
"Okay, so… we need to be honest with each other." He nodded, but didn't speak, and again she was lost for the words.
This wasn't working. He was too distant. It compounded the loneliness welling within her, and she was sure he felt it too. She felt like crawling into his lap, as if somehow the proximity would soften the blow. Instead she pulled with both her arms on the collar of his robe. This time the sorcerer came along with it, scooting gently onto his side of the bed. He wasn't happy, but he was there.
Also there was the yellow bow, Sofia's hands drifting off his shoulders and cupping around the ribbon, afraid to touch it but agonizing over it all the same.
He sunk down into the bed, taking her hands and redirecting them to the golden star hanging below it. The star she'd given him. He spent a good minute with his hands upon her own, feeling the metal of the star. "Even if you walk away from me forever Sofia, I'll always wear this, and I'll always… belong to you."
She began shaking her head, a foot separated their bodies in the sheets, but it was close enough, intimate enough for the words to come streaming forth. "No you won't. I'm just a replacement, for her."
His half-lidded, sorrowful eyes snapped open, and desperately he released her hands, tearing the yellow bow from his neck and tossing it on the end table. "You've no idea Sofia! The torture she put me through, the agony! The miseries I've suffered this week were repeated with her a thousand times over! So many days I wanted to tear the blasted bow from my neck, wash myself of the memories, but I never could. The guilt would always win out and I… I wasn't strong enough to overcome it."
Sofia was still gripping the star around his neck, as if somehow clinging to it would mean their friendship could survive this, somehow. "But you've still been wearing it, and then there's the dress you wanted me to wear. You… you… love her."
"LOVED. Past tense Sofia, past tense. I'm not so sure it was love, even then." She shook her head, and the man began pleading his case, "Don't you remember, I tried to tear the thing from my neck but you insisted on tying it back around me, and that dress, it was your idea to 'right the injustices' I suffered!" He paused, then began chuckling, "Was it even you, who can say anymore."
"I… did retie your bow, but it wasn't me who wanted you to plan the swing date." She defended. "But, I didn't realize what the bow meant, or the dress! I thought the bow was just something you loved to wear not that… it was a memorial to the girl you love."
"THIS is a memorial to the girl I love Sofia." Again he was pointing at the star, "And to the only girl who ever truly loved me…" He trailed off, sucking back tears, "But did you ever, truly love me? Never mind, please don't answer that. It would be better if I never know the answer, just let me live within my fantasy that I've failed you as a person and as a man, rather than never having been worthy of your affection at all."
She couldn't take it anymore, and wrapped her hands around his head, pulling him in tight to her chest, "I did love you… Cedric. I did, but I don't know what to think now. You've done so many things that I just can't condone and… I'm not sure I can forgive you."
"You've not been exactly innocent with me either, beloved." He sucked in a long, deep breath and reached out, running his hands into her hair and preparing for another deep emotional blow. "But do you WANT to forgive me, Sofia? Even if you can't right now, is there even a possibility? I've been up thinking about this for over a day, and while initially I thought I could never forgive the heartbreak you've put me through, time has a way of tempering the strongest emotions. At least in most."
There was a long, deafening pause before she responded. "I don't know."
He took the blow, softened by Sofia running her hands through his hair. "I need to know it all Cedric. Tell me."
Extending his neck a bit, Cedric settled his head into her chin. "I was so very young, and so very naïve. Much younger than you are now when I met her. All my life I'd been training to assume my father's position as Royal Sorcerer. I kept to myself, my nose always in a spell book. I wanted to prove myself better than my sister in my father's eyes. To somehow justify my ascension into my rightful place as Royal Sorcerer, and that meant study, and practice, with little time for anything else. When not at Hexley Hall father would bring me here to learn the royal protocol I'd need, but I never cared for it."
He shifted a bit, looking up at the ceiling, at all the gifts Sofia had given him as his hands wound their way deeper into the princess's hair. With another deep gulp he released all that had been pent up inside him for over two decades. "I shied away from the crowds, and would study in silence, in the garden, without prying eyes. She found me, along with her gaggles of insipid friends, there. I was a pet to her, the most pathetic boy in existence, seemingly created to torture for her delight." Sofia gasped, and Cedric nodded. "Yes, I was out reading, in the very spot you found me with that fever when Anne and her posy of pretentious princesses began swinging. I suppose I lingered too long looking at her there upon the swing, and my fate was sealed. Every chance she got to embarrass me in front of those girls was taken. She bequeathed the 'royal fool' title upon me, and would touch me inappropriately to bend my resolve, then embarrass me publicly for the sheer pleasure of it."
Sofia moved her hands down from the star, wrapping them around his arm. "That's awful."
"It was. She'd come at me in my private moments, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, encourage me to do something stupid and then laugh mercilessly at me when I was exposed. Like that incident with Baileywick. The girl made me strip my clothes and cover myself in liniments for her amusement, and like the fool I was I did anything she asked. In walks that sickening steward to our mutual horror, him believing I wished him to see me in such a state. It was an endless stream of humiliation, intensifying as the years went on."
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
Cedric scoffed, "Tell whom exactly? My father? Rolland? My father already thought me a pitiful soul, and was eager for me to make a good impression. Rolland would never have believed me, no one has ever listened to me the way you… did."
Sofia reached a hand out, tucking some of his hair behind his ear and rubbing her thumb along his skin for comfort as a mother would. "I… know Anne wasn't well liked, by anyone." To that Cedric stiffened, "Baileywick said she was nothing like my Mom, and you both hinted that her marriage to Rolland was not based on love."
Suddenly fast breaths came from Cedric, "Exactly! The woman was a menace, she pressed me without measure."
"But that doesn't mean she deserved to die Cedric. It was her… wasn't it? You… meant for it to be Rolland, but…"
"Sofia I tried everything I could to make it stop. I avoided her at every turn, I took long holidays when I ought not to, I was as evasive as I could be, but the woman simply wouldn't stop torturing me and Rolland began to see me as insubordinate for my efforts. To her, I was a plaything to be messed with. Years I lived in constant fear and loathing of myself for wanting any attention, even if it was rather masochistic." His head sunk low. He was almost trying to escape, but Sofia couldn't let him. The whole messy, ugly truth needed to be spoken. "But even still, she was the only woman who'd ever even noticed me. I know I was young, and very stupid, and shouldn't have broken, but I did. She promised me that she wouldn't go through with the marriage, then lo! She was pregnant with the twins and the marriage was cemented."
With that he began writhing with an anger long fomented inside him, almost forgetting where he was and who he was speaking to, "How could she do that? Tell me I was worth more than the crown and then upturn her skirt for Rolland?! And before he'd even vowed to love her. I know the hormones of youth are powerful, and that he was quite the stallion sought after by all within her social circle, but still… Was I truly so worthless?"
He let go of her hair and began stroking his face, trying to purge the memory of something awful from his mind. This was so incredibly hard to listen to. He was essentially confessing all the sordid details of his deep attraction to another girl, but it had to be heard. She had to know how deep the darkness in him ran, if she was ever to understand, even if she was never able to forgive she had to know. "What are you hiding Cedric, what did she do? Please you've got to tell me everything. Please. Why did you resolve to hurt Rolland, and not just walk away from it all?"
Pleading eyes were directed at her as they lay beside each other on his bed, as if he could somehow transmit all the confliction straight into her without sound. "Don't you think I wanted to? With everything in me I wanted to walk away and leave it all behind, but then my father, the expectations I'd spent my whole life trying to fit into, it was all for naught. Mind you I'd have done it, simply walked away, but she kept bringing me back to the brink just to laugh at my misery. Courtly life was boring to her, and I… made it interesting."
Closing his eyes, his arms reached down to wrap themselves around Sofia's middle. "After the twins were born she came to me, telling me to meet her in her chambers. So desperate for affection, I did as told, but then she pushed me back into the shadows, making me stand and watch as… Rolland took her to bed. Something in me… snapped Sofia. To see her forced by society to succumb to that… it… broke me. I enchanted her chamber and his so that no more children would ever be created there, to spare her from that fate, but it wasn't enough. I was never enough. Every night the image of him upon her would torture me, weakening my mind and I… resolved that I couldn't leave her to this fate, to be had by him throughout all her days without love or feeling, simply to produce children for the man. I couldn't let her endure it."
"Wait, you… enchanted Rolland's bedroom so they couldn't have more children?"
"I… did. I had to try and spare her of another excruciating ordeal. I was there through that horrific birth, administering potions alongside my father in the waning of my training period, and had to watch as that man, that Rolland shifted all his attentions to the children, practically ignoring her plight and leaving her there half dead upon the bed. The way she looked at me Sofia, with such regret in her eyes. I could have died in that moment if it would have turned back time. But my father was right there, breathing down my neck, filling me with fear, and I couldn't act upon it. My father saved the Queen that night, only adding to his aura of perfection and quelling any notion I could ever compare." Guiltily his words came streaming out now, completely without apprehension. The honesty she craved had finally come. "Come to think of it, I never removed the enchantments. Perhaps that is why your mother and Rolland had no children up until now."
"They had been going to Rudistan often before the war started." Fell out of Sofia's mouth. It suddenly made sense why they hadn't had more children until now. Magic prevented it. Cedric was still laying there, having pulled himself closer. She wanted to pull away, but couldn't force herself to. Slowly she reached up and, with a hand upon his chest found the strength to ask the question. "H-how did you do it? I think you mentioned poison?"
There was a long whimper from the man, but he nodded. "Indeed, I… obtained the rare vermillion blossom from a traveling mercenary. The poison was simple enough to brew from the leaves, but the antidote, OH Sofia the antidote is the fragile white anthers of the flower. They must be harvested fresh for it to work, and so short sighted was I, it never occurred to me to save the anthers. I tried to guide the poison to its intended target as best I could but Baileywick took the meal out of my sight, and then all I could do was watch as she slipped away."
To that he held his hands in the air above him, as if Anne's soul was drifting off into the distance beyond. Sofia looked inward. It was truly disturbing, to hear him talk about the way he'd ended someone's life, but there was no joy in his words, only the bitter pangs of long held remorse. "I've grown those wretched flowers in my windowsill ever since, so that, in case it ever crosses my path again I can save someone who suffers from that particular poison with their white anthers. I know it's no true penance, but then, there is nothing I can do to absolve myself from this oppressive guilt I've felt every single day, now is there Sofia?"
"Baileywick, he said your father found out about the poison, did he… did he know you were the one?"
"That's the specialty of the vermillion flower Sofia, its easily mistaken for a rare fungal infection found in certain foods. All assumed that the meal was tainted, and several crops were destroyed, but no. My father never inquired, if he ever even suspected."
He was looking at her for some sort of absolution, but there were no words to soothe his troubled soul. They laid there, together but alone in silence for a long while. "Well? Is there no solution to be had, no judgment to reign down?" He turned away, desperate not to see her facial reaction, but not knowing what to say she stayed silent. It was horrible, but it was too terrible to be a lie. He'd rolled over, facing away from her, and as the minutes dragged on she chose to focus on his unsteady breathing. Quietly he broke the tension. "I suppose the silence is telling enough. You think me a monster, and you would be right."
"You're not… a monster. But I'm not the one you need forgiveness from." Sofia sat up, running her hand along the ridges of his side. Every rib was palpable as her hand gilded over his robe. "You took Anne from her family. Rolland, Amber, and James are the ones who should decide, not me."
To that he rolled back over, "Don't you understand, I LOATHE Rolland with every ounce of my being, every fiber within me wants the man to suffer the way I suffered. She was still warm in the grave when one of Anne's old school chums was chatting up the horrid man, and so he moved on, everyone just forgetting her! But I never did, I never could, I!" He jerked forward, the entirety of his weight upon his knees," I simply could not care less about what they think of me, save for my neck in the gallows' noose, I only care about what YOU think of me Sofia!"
She retracted her hand and the rest of her extremities, tensing before him as they sat opposite each other on his bed. "That's the problem Cedric. You only care about you. It's so incredibly selfish. You didn't think about how hurting Rolland would affect Anne, or James and Amber, or even the kingdom. Baileywick said Rolland was devastated after she died, and the twins grew up without their mother. That's an awful thing for anyone to endure, but you didn't think about any of that. You just thought about YOU." The words stung, him wincing in pain. "And it was the same when I was younger too, you just wanted my amulet to be powerful, but you didn't think about how that would affect everyone else."
"I wanted respect Sofia, I wanted to bask in the glory life never afforded me, to right the wrongs done upon me, to… be somebody worth while. Is that truly so wrong? Am I… truly worthless."
"You're not worthless, you're worth everything to me but…" Oops. She hadn't meant to say that, "But you never think about others. It's always about yourself. You don't have any… empathy or foresight, and that… hurts me deep inside. I want you to be so good and kind and caring."
He stiffened before her. "You are one to lecture me about foresight and empathy! I've been nothing but heart-wrenchingly honest with you, seeking desperately to save you form yourself for the last month as this war unfolded! I've just been waiting for you to come clean, to demonstrate an ounce of trust in me! When were you going to reveal all your sordid secrets, love?!"
Her hands went up, pressing softly into the sides of his arms. As they slid down he calmed, finally resting her hands in his she began, his temper ebbed. "Okay. You deserve to know. I… I am the mystery mage." Cringing as she said it, when she looked up he'd raised an eyebrow. "What? That's the big secret."
He rolled his eyes at her, "As if I hadn't already figured as much, really what do you take me for Sofia? A simple fool, as I suspected."
"NO Cedric, I don't think you're a fool. Misguided, confused and… darker than I ever imagined yes, but a fool. Never."
To that he slumped over slightly, caressing her hands in his own with the tips of his thumbs. "But WHY Sofia, why did you do this? Why did you run from me? Why did you keep me at bay? I wanted nothing more than to be your confidant, your soul ma…" He couldn't finish.
"I tried to tell you Cedric, but you wouldn't listen. You always thought I was running around with some other man, but I never was. You're the only man I've ever loved." He looked up suddenly, awash with fresh hope, but it was hard to follow through with it.
"Then why Sofia, WHY?"
A long, deep breath, and the tale began. She told him of Birk and the imprisonment, how she'd tried to wait but instead took Lucinda, how upon her return Rolland had already decreed that she was to be executed, and how fear for Lucinda and her own safety trumped her reasoning. How events had spiraled out of her control, and, not wanting him to fear for her safety Scarlett had been conjured, to everyone's detriment.
"Then, your birth father is alive? He was the 'papa' you spoke of?"
"Yes."
"Then, when you gave way to the temptation of that Maldonian prince in Leidleville, it wasn't truly you who tore my heart asunder?"
"Nope, that was Scarlett."
"And then, when you skated with that charlatan and he kissed you, was it also her?" He was almost hopeful, that perhaps Hugo had never succedded in touching her, but she couldn't lie. She couldn't perpetuate the lies any longer.
"Sorry, that was me, but I didn't want him to kiss me."
Cedric grew cold, looking down from her to his pillow. "Then there is this 'Westin' business, he is your cousin and nothing more to you? Not some secret lover you've manipulated to injure me?"
"Yes, he's just my cousin, but he actually has a deep crush on you, and he's helping me fight this war."
For his part Cedric grew increasingly sad, so much so that Sofia had to stop and, extracting one hand from his, began stroking his jaw. "Hey, what's going on in there? Tell me."
"You… didn't trust me. That I would keep your secrets as closely guarded as my own. That was the root of your deception, and what's worse, that you would trust this relative stranger of a cousin, whom you've known for a month, with your life. More so than I, who has been your companion for over a decade."
They both looked away, Sofia summoning all her courage for the next statement. "I guess we both didn't trust each other. I always looked to you as my oasis from all the pressures of Royal Society, ever since the Amulet business. I thought you trusted me with everything because I never told a soul about it, but… I was wrong."
"How could I tell you about the poison Sofia? You could never have understood, I'm not entirely convinced you understand now just how much this one, stupid decision has forever scarred me."
"I think I do. After all, I started this war. It was inadvertent, and I had good intentions, but so many people have died." Cedric gripped her tight, hands rubbing along her sides lovingly. She couldn't accept the affection though, and pulled away enough for the caressing to stop. "But I do know that it was wrong. Just like forcing me to take Amalthea's potion and locking me in my room were wrong."
"Yes I do realize that Sofia, but I felt as if I had no options."
They were both suffering from the same disease, caught between the ties that bound them to the expectations of society and their every growing despair at the situation life had set before them. Was the only difference between them time's cruel march? Cedric had said years were spent in Anne's torment. Sofia had only been fighting the war for a month. If the war dragged on for years, would she really end up like Amalthea?
Her stomach was more than happy to break the awkward silence. A loud, ignoble groan, and they would have typically laughed. Even though it wasn't a jovial moment, it did break the tension. "Would you like me to procure some pastries from the kitchen?" She shook her head, and dejected Cedric looked away. "I see. I am forever untrustworthy in your eyes then."
"Stop. Just conjure something for us to share, and we'll go from there."
Conjure he did. A small, unappetizing sandwich was split, and once sated they both leaned up against the back wall bordering his bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"You wanted to propose to me at my birthday, didn't you? Does that mean you love me, or that you were lonely and desperate to control me?"
It had fallen out of her, but she'd been dwelling on it. He looked over and without a second thought soft lips were pressed against her cheek affectionately. A course of adrenaline swept through her and the sudden desire for it to be her lips rose up, but as pleasant as it was she wasn't ready to accept his affections, and was unsure she'd ever be able to.
Jumping back, he retracted as well. "I… forgive me. That was, highly improper. I meant to say that I… well that is I very much… love you. As much as a man can love a woman I would suppose. It simply came out wrong."
"It's okay, when my copy was touching you I was so jealous and wanted her to stop, for it to be me, but I'm just so confused now." Cedric knew that painful truth of Scarlett in its entirety, and shied away from her.
"Sofia, I know I've no right to feel the victim, to feel abused, but I… do. My body, I've always been careful to guard it and who I thought was you was actually… not."
"I'm so sorry Cedric, but I know apologies don't mean much to you. Is there any way I can truly atone for what she did to you?"
He looked down at his shoes, suspended off the bed, "Not in any way I can ask of you. So then, I suppose what I mean is that… I'm simply not sure."
"I know the feeling."
There were long looks between them, and slowly Sofia settled her head into the relative softness of the nook underneath his shoulder. Drawing her legs up she wanted nothing more than to forgive him, "I… forgive you Cedric. For the potion that is, I know you were only doing it because you thought that I was acting weird and that was the only solution you could think of, not that it really wasn't me." She felt his chest swell, "and I forgive you for casting sleeping spells on me, provided that you promise never to use your magic against me again, and instead use your words. Please, communicate with me, and I'll do the same."
Suddenly she was grabbed up into his arms, the man bouncing almost happily on the bed, "OH SOFIA! You don't know how much this means to me, I—"
"WAIT." She had to push his arms back, "This doesn't mean I can just forget it all happened. I… need some time, to decide what's the right thing to do, about what happened to Anne. I'm not the one who can decide your forgiveness on that."
A long, thick swallow, and he begrudgingly nodded in agreement. It would take time to heal, and decide if theirs was a relationship worth saving. She motioned to stand, and concerned, Cedric rose with her. "It's time for me to mend the bonds Scarlett broke."
"Then please let me accompany you Sofia, if not as your lover, then… as your friend."