A/N- So, I tried so badly to get it done yesterday BUT b-day plans prevented that…on the plus side, I'M ONE YEAR OLDER, WOO!
Anywho, this chapter is probs my best work in a while. I'm hoping Punk isn't too OOC. I know Day 74 is dragging on but...it's a special day for our little couple...next chapter will probs be the end of the day.
Read, review, follow?
CHAPTER 50
Day 74: Part 6
Opening an eye, light hits me directly and I let out a groan. A few more breaths and I lazily lift my head to face the light of a new day. My head pulsates so I hold it up between my hands trying to regain full consciousness.
Strong sent of beer stinks up the air making it almost too toxic to breathe. That's when I realize that half my hair is damp with the stuff. Around me are bottles of Tecate, Patron, and Jose Cuervo some empty and other tipped over leaking drips. My brain yells at me for having drowned it with booze once more. My stomach complains too and turns over causing me to get up and run over to the sink. I retch over it but nothing comes out. Whatever is left of my brain deems it best that I hang around there. Sun burns my eyes and adds onto my headache.
A boisterous voice yells, "Honey, I'm home!", the sentence resonates in my head and I feel as though I might pass out.
"Wes-e you-YOU are such a fuggin…fuckin' dickhole…", whines a voice that makes me near jump out of my skin. I turn and find that it's just Wesley's roomie, Cher, who just happened to be knocked out cold under the table.
My stomach flips over once more and out comes the contents of my very upset tummy. I feel like I've just had a baby through my mouth. My body crashes to ground and I just stay there. Footsteps creak along the floorboards, annoying the hell out of me, "Stop.", I whine
"What you, YA'LL, bitches get for gettin' shitfaced last night!", declares Wesley as he sets a grocery bag atop the counter, "Cher…", she doesn't respond, "Cher…", snores I can hear, "CHER!"
She shoots up, "WHA-WHAT?"
"Get up, get into the bathroom, shower, come out, and then you'll be getting alotta these damn fruits.", he commands. Cher groans but obliges, "Now, Mar…you, you just chill for a minute while I get the rest of those fuckers out my crib.", man leaves and I curl up in a ball and knock out
Sound of a rambling voice wakes me from my liquor infused coma and I find myself half-naked in a tub of lukewarm water. This really should bother me but all I wanna do is sink in. Somebody pours a container full of water on my head totally washing away any feeling of drowsiness, "WHO THE FU—Wes?"
"At your services.", he replies not in the least bit amused
Bringing my knees up to my chest in attempt to save myself some dignity, "We're bestfriends…remember?"
Smacking me with a wet towel, "Of course. Fuck you thinkin'? I'm just trynna fulfill my moral duty and clean your ass up. It's 4 in the p.m and you still reek of liquor, sugar."
Grumbling, "Ugh…what happened last night?"
He taps his chin, "Well, I threw a Valentine's Day party which you made into 'Fuck-Love Fest'. Everybody with enough booze in them was cryin' all over, includin' you. Somehow you and Cher ended up having a drunken heart-to-heart and well eventually crashed."
Wide-eyed, "I kiss or do anything that counts as cheating?"
Wes huffs, "Thought you 'were SO fucking done with that cheating bastard'"
Rolling my eyes and quickly regretting the action, "I know but I-I love him…he just messed up and I overreacted."
The man I grew up with, my bestfriend stares at me, blinks, and then shakes his head, "Girl…you gotta be shittin'. Fo'real. Take it from a dude who has played with chicks: we cheat once, we'll sure as hell cheat twice."
Dismissing his convincing, "You've been trying, failing but trying nonetheless, to convince me to leave Noah for the past 3 days that I've been living with you. Stop it, I love him. We're only human…we make mistakes."
Setting his jaw and exhaling, "Only 'cus I care 'bout you. Really, girl, leave that SOB…just because he's a highschool sweetie don't mean he's the only one."
"But he is, Wes. You don't have to like him or even agree with what I do…just stand by me. Be my main and stick by…Bestfriends 'till we…"
"6ft under, I know.", he looks at me deeply in the eye, "Just want to see you happy, lil' sis. Took long enough…"
I chuckle, "I am. Will be when the fucker comes around. You've gone soft, brotha'"
He splashes me, "Only 'cus I love your crazy ass.", he hands me a bar of soap, "Wash up 'cus you gotta get somethin' down."
"Of course, mother."
Slumped in my seat, looking out at the passing scenery, I find myself half-smiling at the memory. We had many of them, it seems. I been riding with Phil for about 15 mins and we arrive at a red light, "So I was thinking out maxing out at this burger joint off—"
"I'm ready to put Wes to rest.", I blurt out
Phil's mouth hangs in midsentence. He clears his throat, "That's…that's quite a bold decision, Miss."
"I'm serious. I need this."
"Well shit, nothing's stopping you, woman.", he says. The light switches to green, "Where to, Cap'n?"
Tapping my chin, "Cemetery."
Phil raises a brow, "Now, I'm a huge horror fanatic but…cemeteries. I dunno something about them makes my balls tingle…and not in a good way."
I stare at him half disgusted and half amused, "This was meant to be a serious moment and now you just soiled it with your…your tingling balls."
"I'm just saying, gosh…acting like you're a saint and shit. I am so very sorry, Sister Marleene."
Scoffing, "You're unbelievable."
"Yeah, I've gotten that a couple times…'Oh Phil you were…unbelievable.'", the man actually sighs erotically
Inside I'm dying, outside I'm speechless, "Why…Father Phil…I thought casual sex was against your beliefs!", I say incredulously
"Who says they were casuals, sweetheart? I've had girlfriends other than you and Maria.", he states
Internally, I'm frowning at this. Veering the now-lively conversation from it's course, "We're going to see Wesley and we're discussing this…"
Parking near a flower shop, "Trying to lighten up the air…trust me, it's gonna get hostile and gloomy once we arrive.", he opens his door and comes around my side, "Let's get the man some pretty flowers."
(15mins later)
Straight annoyed, I get into the car with a bouquet of my favorite colored roses. Phil gets in and turns on the engine. The man doesn't make a move to actually move the damn vehicle…just stares at me with a grand ol' smirk.
Sneering at him, "What?"
"Admit it."
"Admit what?"
"That you're jealous of the little miss that tried to hit on me.", he states with the stupid smirk
Sending him off, "I don't care. Not like you can do anything about that, Mr. StraightEdge.", I reply with a smirk of my own
He laughs, "Jesus, not only are you in denial but I see that you ARE indeed as stubborn as I remember."
"Glad that I'm entertaining, now if you could be a doll and drive. I'm not a big fan of being in cemeteries past sundown.", he makes to come up with a reply but I swiftly turn on the radio and on comes a song by my favorite band of all time, "Oh my god, I love this song! I get by with a little help from my friends, I get high wi—"
Phil dramatically bashes his head against the steering wheel, "You've got to be kidding me. I AM NOT LISTENING TO THAT. Seriously, how can they still be your favorite band? They're fucking overrated."
"As opposed to that death inducing music you listen to? Ain't nobody asking ya' to listen."
Brooding in his seat, "Because I love you I'm willing to sacrifice my hearing for you…"
Wincing at his comment, I continue to enjoy the music. It's gonna be a long ride.
Recess bell alerts all that the fun's over and that we have to end our intense Girls vs. Boys dodgeball match. Sweat drips down my brow as I am the last one still standing on the girl's side. It's down to this showoff, the most popular kid in our 6th grade class, Axel and my friend Wesley. Everyone knows that Axel has a thing for me and plans to ask me to be his Valentine during the little classroom party. I stare at them with confidence and motion them 'Bring it'. Whoever gets me out, well…gets me as their Valentine. That's the new catch to the game today.
Axel smirks as like he has already won or something. He looks over his shoulder at Wesley, "Look how a pro does it, Chump.", the boy gets in T-position, aims, and shoots.
Nervousness makes my knees buckle. I close my eyes not willing to see this, "Chump? Says the kid who throws like a girl. Watch me do it.", I hear Wesley say. Sure enough a ball makes contact with my leg and the crowd cheers.
One of the supervisors walks over, blows her whistle, and says, "In case ya'll rascals didn't hear…TIME TO GO IN!"
Most of us stick our tongues out at her. The crowd disperses and my fellow classmates walk with their designated Valentine while I awkwardly walk with Wesley. My friend puts his arm around my shoulders, "You don' like me, do you?"
"SHE'S MINE!", yells an angered Axel.
"Rules are rules, man.", replies Wesley.
"Screw the rules!", Axel stomps over to me and snatches my hand, "I called dibs and everybody knew it."
My girl, Piper, steps up, "Ain't like she has your name on her.",
Her guy, Damian, pulls her back, "C'mon, we gonna get in trouble. Les' go, Ax.", they drag a brooding Axel away
Letting out a breath, "Well that was interesting…", I say
"Still haven't answered…"
Biting my lip, "I-I just kind of see you as my friend…bestfriend. We've known each other since long ago…this would make things weird, don't ya' think?"
It's Wes's turn to let out a breath, "Thank you, Jesus. Thinkin' the same thing. I see you more like a sister: don't ever wanna see you hurt and well I just saw the look on your face.", he chuckles
Going along with him, "Thanks. Let's get a move on…they're gonna close the doors on us!"
Part of the reason of why it is so damn hard to let a person go is not that they're dead but the wondering what you would've done IF they were still alive. Also, the memories that make you want to create more memories. Maybe, in situations like mine, it's the fact that you have one person less to lean on, to be able to fall apart and know that he'll tape you back up. Plenty of things make death suck balls. Plenty.
Perhaps, I'm not even ready to let go. Doesn't feel like I am, but this is what he wanted. In ink it's written as a matter of fact. 2 months going on to 3 and I'm still stuck on yesterday's happenings. If he really is watching over me, I want him to know I'm fine—see that I am. Man needs some peace now that he's up there, wherever there is. Yeah, this is why I believe it's time. Fuck this…Valentine's Day is was never my day.
Snapping of fingers in front of my eyes gives me a rude awakening, "Beautiful, we're here.", FUCK!
My body freezes almost like going into a paralyzed state. Fingers and toes refuse to cooperate with me. This both aggravates me and terrifies me. Breathing is shallow and short. Roses fall off my lap and my eyes water. Do my tear ducts ever go dry? I fooled myself into doing this, "Phil I can't…", I whisper
He looks me over, "Of course you can, sweetheart. Just get up out this car and walk a couple feet…easy.", he says coolly as if I'm playing.
Shaking my head furiously, "I literally can't…my body is paralyzed."
His brows furrow, "You serious?"
I laugh kind of like a crazy woman does, "Oh no, Phil...I'm just fucking around with you."
He laughs too, "Almost had me the—"
"No, idiot. I can't fucking move!", I growl
He observes me for a minute, "You're scared that you'll forget him, aren't you?"
"Not just that…I feel guilty. Because of ME he's rotten 6ft under. He made me so many promises, helped me with everything, took care of me…can't fathom not being able to ever see him again…", I purse my lips to avoid tears.
"My mother, Twiggy or whatever she called herself, cried and begged me to stay. You know, when I left. Promised me to give me the world and more…", he scratches his brow, "Said she'd get clean and get a good job…IF I stayed. She needed me to give her life some meaning. Y'know what I told her?", he stares at me, "Told her to let me go. Threw all my anger for her letting Pops hit Mike and me, for letting that bastard degrade and mess with Elle's head. Told her that I would rather die than stay another day.", he plays with his lip-ring, "I left and didn't return until she was dead and gone. Hell, I didn't even attend her funeral. What type of son does that?", he drums his fingers on the steering wheel, "Came back in '02 and finally set things straight with her. I miss her. Miss the way she'd come home, fucked up and all, and tell me how much I meant to her or how proud of me she was. Point is, we never really forget we just… learn to remember them when we start to forget. Hurts once in awhile but you get used to not seeing 'em.", he bites his lip, "I-I dunno if that was of any help…giving these 'Life goes on' speeches ain't my thing, dollface."
Feeling is regained, somewhat, in my arms but not in the legs, "It did. I-I just need a minute."
He grabs my hand, "Whenever you're ready. I don't think I'm heartless enough to leave you stranded.", he smiles…that damn sexy smile.
Being that it's still February, the wind is frosty but not like in the winter. Luckily, Phil let me borrow his sweater so this short walk is bearable. Carefully, we step around gravestones as to not disrespect the non-living. Spotting Wesley's my eyes water immediately. This is the first time I've visited since his funeral.
Gravestone simply states his name and all that good stuff. Flowers and the like adorn it which warms my heart a tad bit. Phil hands me the roses and I set them. Feels surreal to be doing this; we always imagined to be old and wrinkly. Life doesn't work in our favor though.
"Punk…you think you can gimme a moment?"
"I'll be around.", he digs his hands into his pockets and walks off.
Dropping to my knees not minding that soggy grass underneath me soils my jeans. Shaky hands feel the gold plating where his info is dated. I retract my hand and cover my mouth to hide the sobs that rack my body.
Time escapes me as I have been crying for some time. Now, all that I feel is the sticky feeling of dried tears and coldness. Looking up at the sky, from my mouth come words, "Wes, my man, if-if you can hear me…I just wanna tell you how fucking sorry I am. Sorry that because of me…you-you aren't here anymore. Your daughter won't have her real father around. I-I am so sorry…I should've listened to you…should've BUT I can't turn back the hand of time, brother. Forgive me, give me a sign that you are at peace and don't hate me. I know I've failed you so many times BUT from this-this moment on I SWEAR that I'll keep on living because this is what you died for…died trying to protect me, like you always did. Now, it's my turn. I-I still can't handle your kid but for you, I'll try. I will do whatever I can to guide her through life…she'll be one of my own—Micks ain't well, bro. She's…she's not well BUT I will take Eli in—don't you worry. When Micks gets better, I'll tell'er what you wanted me to.", holding myself, "Bro, life is so hard without you though. Honestly, I dunno how I'll make it out without you to pick me up when I fall. I've been thinking of leaving this town. I need to be with family…you were that to me but now…now you ain't here. I just don't know if I'll be able to leave Dominick, or my people...or Phil. I-I just need some peace and serenity...I'll figure it out, don't you worry.", the wind picks up for a second, "Phil says that I have to let you go so I can get better…so this is me letting go. Don't you ever think that I'll forget you, never. You're still my bestfriend…just save me a spot up there…I-I gotta go.", I kiss his gravestone and force myself to walk away…there is a lot left unsaid but for now…this is enough.
Reaching Phil who has busied himself with throwing stones at the thawing pond, I touch him and he jumps nearly falling in, "Fuck, shit!", he pinches his nose, "You're evil.", he eyes me, "How'd it go?"
Holding myself, "Am I supposed to feel any lighter? Any happier? 'Cus I-I sure as hell don't feel it."
He pulls me into him as I sob into his chest, "Little by little, doll, little by little…", he kisses my forehead, "I gotta go talk to ol' Wes…you'll be okay?"
Waving him off, "No, but I promised him that I won't be killing myself anytime soon.", I half smile and he nods and walks off.
Men always try to pass of as tough and void of any emotion that involves being sensitive and of course crying. Phil proves that sometimes…sometimes even the most heartless, sarcastic, strongest of men…they break. How? Watching him sit pretzel-styled in front of Wes's resting place with his hands covering his face and the shaking of his body.
Lazily walking, nearing the porch to the Brook's residence, we spot Elle, Micks, and Wes all staring at us through the window with grand ol' smirks across their faces. I hide my embarrassment in Phil's shoulder and he chuckles knowing that we've been caught redhanded.
Inside, we're bombarded with question from Mick's nosy self. Wes and Elle give each 'the look' and Elle speaks up, "Well it was about damn time. Waiting for you two to get together has caused us great frustration, sheesh."
Phil rolls his eyes and squeezes me, "It's official. I mean, no contracts have been signed so she can just leave me BUT who would…I'm a charmer.", he wiggles his eyebrows
Shaking my head, "What have I agreed to?", everyone laughs
Wes drags me from Punk's side, "First things first, Punk you my man, brotha' and shit BUT if you so much as break her heart…well, shit's gonna change.", he winks at me, "Also, if ya'll gonna be fuckin' or something…RUBBERS. I don't want to be an uncle and PLEASE don't fuck when I'm present.", I gasp and Micks slaps his arm
"Damn…and I was planning on sealing the deal right now…", says Phil with mock-disappointment, "BUT, I will comply with your Terms and Conditions, Sir."
Wes laughs and shakes up with Phil, "Welcome to the fam, bro!", all of us girls facepalm
"You're so…"
Wes pats my shoulder, "Only 'cus we made a promise, lil' sis. You know I'm just lookin' out…"
"Yeah THAT or trying to scare off all men…", a round of laugher and I hug a huffing Wes, "I know, bestfriends 'till…", I whisper in his ear
"6ft under, not anything less.", he whispers back with a smile
"Who's up for another lovely Valentine's Day flick?", asks Phil. He steals me away from Wes, "You'll get the privilege of sitting next to me, beautiful.", he wags his brows and the gang gags