Chapter 3: The discovery

Regina leaned over the bowl and wretched for the second time. When it was over she leaned back against the wall to rest. She patted her forehead and cheeks with the damp washcloth she held her hand.

"Are you still sick?"

Regina turned around, surprised to hear someone in her room. It was 10 year old Snow. Regina wiped her mouth with the cloth and forced herself to smile.

"Snow, what are you doing up here?" She tried to sound cheerful while fighting the urge to wretch again.

"You left the table without finishing your breakfast. I wanted to make sure you were alright. Are you still sick?"

This was the third day this week Regina had woken up feeling nauseated. At first, she thought she was simply ill. But now she suspected it was something much more serious.

She didn't want Snow to suspect the latter, so she lied to the child. It was easy. "Yes dear," she said in her most soothing tone,"I'm afraid I am."

Snow made a sad, sympathetic face and took Regina by the hand. "Then you must lay down and rest. I'll go tell father, perhaps he can fetch the doctor for you."

Snow turned to leave the room when Regina grabbed her by the hand, "No!" She had sounded too forceful. She spoke her next words more gently, "The doctor won't be necessary dear. One more day of rest and I'll be good as new."

Regina smiled to assure her. Pacified, Snow returned the smile and lovingly gave her stepmother a hug. Displays of affection from her step-daughter pained Regina as much as touching a hot coal. Snow always reminded her of Daniel, her true love, whose death she partially blamed on the girl.

Snow turned and skipped out of the room. Alone at last, Regina began to think, trying to determine if she was in fact pregnant. She sat down on her bed and went over the past few weeks in her mind. Her heart sank as she realized the truth, she was pregnant.

A deluge of emotions poured over her: fear, horror, shock, confusion, shame, and anger. Each coming in turn, like waves crashing on the shore. She laid back on her pillows, and covered her face with her hands. Her mind raced as she struggled to accept what was happening. This wasn't supposed to happen! This baby would complicate everything. How could she carry out her plans for revenge against her baby's own family? She couldn't keep it...could she?

She allowed herself to imagine what it would be like. Holding her little baby in her arms, seeing him take his first steps. Or maybe it would it be a girl... She imagined braiding her daughter's hair, and teaching her to ride a steed, her own favorite past time as a girl.

The images were tempting, and she knew that the old Regina could have truly loved this child. But she also knew that she wouldn't be happy pretending to be in love with the King for the rest of her life. She didn't want that life. She wanted her freedom. She had changed, she had become consumed by her desire for revenge on Snow and if she kept this baby she could never have that.

She felt she had to choose: her freedom, or the life her mother forced her into.

Regina realized that she had already made her choice. She had already started down the path to her freedom. Only months before, she had pushed her own mother through a looking glass. She had already started learning to use dark magic with Rumplestiltskin, and she was good at it. Her new power was intoxicating. It dulled the heartache she felt over Daniel's death. She found the more power she gained the more she craved, and that frightened her. The last thing Regina wanted was for this child to have a mother like she did.

There was no turning back. She couldn't undo the things she had done, what she was becoming. This baby couldn't be anywhere near her.
There were two options: she could get rid of the baby, or she could hide it.

The thought of hurting her unborn child made Regina feel sick all over again. She knew she could never do that, even she had her limits. She had to hide the pregnancy and the baby and she had to do it now before anyone suspected.

Regina ran to the chest at the foot of her bed and pulled out her mother's spell book. She began flipping through the pages looking for a spell that would conceal her pregnancy. Finally she found a concealment spell intended to hide weaknesses from one's enemies. It looked complicated, but after reading over it a few times Regina felt confident that she could do it.

A twinge of guilt passed through Regina as she studied the spell at her vanity table. It seemed so selfish what she was doing, hiding the baby like this. She stopped reading and looked at herself in the mirror that hung in front of her. She felt as though her face had changed these past few months, had become harder, less gentle and kind. A reflection, perhaps, of the change happening within her heart.

"You ARE selfish," She told her reflection. "You aren't good enough to be anyone's mother. You don't deserve this baby. It will be better off without you."