Emily sat on the couch of her sister's office for 30 min already and the silence was deafening. That didn't mean she wasn't getting endless texts from her boss asking how long she would be gone, her caseload was overwhelming and every day that she took off just added to the load. Not that she didn't have vacation days saved up that she had put in for her mother's funeral and for 2 weeks after, but she was the best detective in their unit and they were really feeling her absence. Emily sent one last text reminding her boss that she was on vacation and would be back in a week. The response text of "Ok" didn't convince her that he'd stop texting. Emily released a breath she didn't remember holding.
"Why do you do that?" Olivia asked, startling Emily with the sudden break in the silence.
"Do what?" Emily asked, pretending not to know what she was talking about. She hadn't realized her sister had noticed, but then again, she was a Lieutenant. Obviously, she was very observative and good at her job.
"Hold your breath? You do it quite a lot actually." Olivia sat, looking over her black framed glasses at Emily, waiting for an answer. Olivia didn't mean to, but she looked at Emily the same way her mother had when she was concerned.
"Oh," Emily said, looking down at her hands, "That."
Olivia sensed that the conversation may get heavy so she stood up and walked to the door to close it. Once closed she sat on the couch next to her sister. The unexpected gesture caused Emily to flinch, again. She wished so bad she could control that. She remained quiet, a small lump forming in her throat.
"I've been doing this job a long time," Olivia said, placing a hand on her sisters hands, cautiously, but gently "I've almost developed this… 6th sense when it comes to those who have experienced trauma." Olivia stopped once the hot tears of her sister's landed on her hand. She barely knew her, but knowing she was in pain hurt Olivia so much.
Emily pulled her hands from underneath Olivia's and wiped the tears away, clearing her throat.
"It doesn't matter," Emily said, standing up and crossing her arms as she walked towards the window behind Olivia's desk. Below, the people looked so small, going about their lives like normal. If only she could.
"Yes it does," Olivia said, though she knew better than to walk up behind her sister, so she stayed on the couch despite the urge to jump up and hug her sister, "Just talk to me. I know you don't know me well and we just met this morning, but I can't help but feel this connection. Maybe it's a twin thing, I don't know."
"I meant," Emily said, wiping more tears away and she turned around to face Olivia, "I can't do anything about it. I've reported it, I go to therapy. I do the exercises to help, but it doesn't help."
"Did they do a rape kit?" Olivia asked, she didn't know why that question felt so awkward to ask. Maybe because it almost felt like she was talking to herself.
"Yes, but there are so many untested rape kits and mine is one of them." Emily said, her voice shaking against her will, "It's been a year and he's still out there somewhere. I'm a detective. I was on the job. I should have been able to protect myself."
To hear, seemingly, her own voice say those words ripped right through Olivia. That was exactly how she'd felt about William Lewis. She was a trained detective, and he still was able to break into her apartment and kidnap and torture her. Even after his death he was messing with her.
"It's not your fau-" Olivia started.
"Stop. Don't say it." Emily interrupted Olivia, a hint of anger in her voice. She had gone through all of this with her therapist. Countless sessions and she still didn't feel any less responsible for what happened. She had disobeyed orders to wait for backup, she went into that house alone, she didn't clear all her corners, and she knew the man inside had done unspeakable things to women. What did she expect? Having a gun would protect her? Wrong.
Just before Olivia was going to speak again, Amanda opened the door. Sensing the tension in the room, Amanda went to close the door.
"Sorry, I'll give y'all some time." Amanda said.
"No." Emily said, "I need to get some air. You guys have important work to do anyway." Emily walked out of the room, not even grabbing her purse before walking out of the office, leaving her sister and the young blonde detective to work their case. Just before rounding the corner out of the squad room to walk to the elevators she caught a glimpse of the 3 newest victims and the rapists MO. Suddenly, the air was so thick and she started to shiver, but simultaneously sweating. She stuck her hand out to find a desk as she attempted to regulate the short urgent breathes shaking her body.
Olivia followed her sister, but stopped short to see her frozen looking at the victims. Her body rigid and shaking.
"Are you ok?" Fin asked, noticing how pale Emily's face had become.
"Yeah," Emily said, letting go of the desk and straightening herself up as much as she could, "I'm fine."
"The hell you are." Fin said, moving towards her to help.
"Emily, why don't you come back to my office and lay on the couch." Olivia suggested, knowing full well if it was her she wouldn't do it either.
Emily flinched away and started to walk towards the hallway to the elevators.
"I just need some air." Emily said, slowly walking down towards the long hallway. Her lips started to tingle and she knew it was from hyperventilating so she disregarded it. She knew she was in shock the second the wave of nausea hit. She tried to catch herself as the room started to spin, but before she could think, everything went black.