Not Worth It

Chapter 3

A Discovery and a Visitor

Merope had gone to bed early after her visit to Diagon Alley. She felt safe in her dreams. She always dreamed of Tom Riddle. She dreamed of going on horseback rides with him and talking with him. She dreamed of living in his large house and being his wife. His parents welcomed her into their family. They were thrilled to know that she was a witch. Though she could use her magic to clean the house in an instant, she was not a maid. She used her magic for show and made potions for them.

She dreamed of him again tonight. Only this dream was different. She dreamed of making a love potion for him. On an unusual warm day in October, she persuaded him to have a drink of water with the love potion in it. He was hers from the first sip. He came to her cottage regularly for tea and he spoke about how beautiful she was. When he invited her to his home, his parents thought he had gone mad. They told her to leave the house immediately and forbade his son to see her again. Tom and Merope eloped and they started their new life in London.

Their marriage was going quite well, or as well as one could do with the help of a love potion. Merope gave it to him in his meals and "surprise" drinks nearly nine times a day, putting extra amount of love potion in his bedtime tea before bed. It always worried her that when he woke up in the morning, the love potion would stop working.

When she discovered that she was with child, she was shocked. She didn't know she could even get pregnant. Her mother had told her that because of their 'tradition,' the women in their family had trouble having children. In the instance when there was a child born, it was likely the child had defects. For proof she only had to look in the mirror. Merope was afraid to tell her husband about her condition. She tried to keep it a secret but he picked up on it.

"Merope, darling," he said to her during dinner one night. "Something seems amiss."

"Is it the dinner?" she said, getting to her feet. "I can make something else."

"The dinner is fine," he said firmly. "Please sit down. You don't look well and you haven't been sleeping. Perhaps we should see a doctor."

"A doctor?" Merope gasped. If she went to see a doctor, her identity as a witch might be discovered. They would be able to tell that she wasn't a normal human. She wasn't certain but she didn't want to take the chance. "No. I'm fine."

"But I've noticed that you are ill often," he said. "I know it can't be your cooking because it's not affecting me."

He walked up to her and touched her forehead. "You do feel a little warm. I'll call the doctor."

He approached the telephone and she ran after him, making him hang up when he began dialing. "Tom, no!"

"Merope!" he cried, looking at her in shock.

"You can't call the doctor," she said. "We can't afford it."

Tom laughed. "My parents didn't leave me with nothing when we left Little Hangleton, darling. Are you afraid to see the doctor?"

She nodded.

"Sit down," he ordered, pulling her to the sofa. "Many people are afraid to see the doctor. I know I was when I was younger, but this is the only way to find out what is wrong with you."

Merope wanted to laugh. There were so many things wrong with her. But she couldn't speak to Tom about it. She knew she loved him and always wanted to be with him like this. Now that she was, she was finding trouble adjusting. Was it just too good to be true? Was it because of the love potion or was this the way marriage was really like? She was so confused.

"We don't need a doctor," said Merope. "I…I already know what's wrong."

"What's that?" Tom said.

"I—I," she mumbled. "Tom, I—I might be…"

She couldn't get the words out. Her hand moved from her knee to her belly and Tom gasped when he realized what she was trying to say.

"You're pregnant!" he exclaimed. "Of course. Why didn't I see it before? Darling, that's wonderful!"

"What?"

"I was waiting for this day," he said. "For us to start a family. We should get started on the nursery. No, the school fund. No, first things first—we should still get you to the doctor."

"But I told you-."

"Oh Merope, we have to make sure that you are well enough to keep the baby," he insisted. "Certainly the doctor would have vitamins for you."

Merope sighed. She did want Tom's body, but only if it came out looking like him. She didn't want it to have come out like her. Perhaps Tom was right. She should see the doctor. Maybe she could find out the likelihood of it being anything like her. If the doctor discovered that she was a witch, then her secret was out.

"All right," said Merope. "We'll see the doctor."

The sun lit up the small room Merope slept in and it woke her up. She was used to waking up at dawn. Sometimes she woke up earlier to cook breakfast, though her brother and father always seemed to sleep in until noon.

Merope laid in bed a while, thinking about her dream. She had never dreamed of Tom Riddle this way before. It was almost like what Emily had explained to her about her reading. Only Tom hadn't left her. She woke up before that happened. Pehaps fate was kinder than Trelawney made it out to be.

Groaning, Merope got to her feet. She had to get her home ready for Emily's visit the next day. The shack she lived in was deplorable. She didn't want Emily to be disgusted at the site of it and leave. After making herself something to eat, she grabbed a bucket and pointed her wand to it.

"Aguamenti," she said but no water came out. She tried again, raising her voice. Spells not working was common for her, but Aguamenti was one of the few charms she could do. It took five more tries for the spell to work. Once she had a bucket of water, she wiped the windows then went to the greasy stove. She scrubbed hard, until her fingers nearly bled. She pushed the rag hard across the stove and it fell behind the stove. Groaning, she bent down to retrieve it. She gasped when she noticed something poking out from one of the stones in the wall. The stones were solid—how could something be in it?

She reached for the object and pulled it from the wall. It was an envelope. Merope examined the stone. It looked as solid as the others except she was able to put her hand right through it. She felt something hard inside and pulled it out, a notebook.

Curious, Merope forgot about her cleaning duties and went to the kitchen table to examine her findings.

The notebook looked familiar and when she opened it she recognized her mother's handwriting:

I wish I didn't have to help muggles in order to raise money. I have no choice. My lazy cousin for a husband doesn't do any work around here. We can't get work among the wizards. They think us dirty and crazy. They know of our family's history. The muggles don't know and they have problems that a simple spell or potion can fix. They pay me well and I get to practice my skills. I might get enough saved to send my children to Hogwarts. No one in our family has gone to Hogwarts since Corvinus and that was over five generations ago. When my children leave Hogwarts to find jobs themselves, perhaps we may get enough money to return to the house in Norfolk.

Merope's mother helped muggles? For money? Merope turned the page to see that her mother had written a type of list. There five words across the top: Date, Person, Problem, Service Rendered and Payment Received.

The notebook was nearly full of names and things her mother did. She looked at the first recorded date: October 1, 1910 and the first family she helped was—unbelievable—the Riddles? If she could remember right, the first of October was Tom's birthday. There seemed to be a big party for him every year at their manor. The service her mother did for the family was to treat snakebite for Tom. Merope's heart sunk. Snakebite. Her brother must've been behind it. She had no idea why. Merope was only three at the time. But knowing her brother, he didn't need a reason.

Merope skimmed through the rest of the record book. From the number of the names, it looked like her mother had helped everyone in the village. She couldn't believe it. This was how their family was able to survive all this time. Merope thought they made their living by using an engorging charm on their produce so they can sell it to the grocer. Now she understood why her mother was teaching her so much about herbs and potion making. It wasn't just for practice. Merope was unknowingly helping her mother with her business. Why didn't she tell her? Maybe she didn't want to shame herself in front of her daughter. Maybe she wanted to take the full blame in case Marvolo found out.

Merope looked at the parcel. Written on the side was Children's School Fund. It felt heavy. She opened it to find it full of muggle money. Merope could have used this money to go to Hogwarts. Now it was too late. Merope didn't know what to do with the money now. She put the book and envelope back in its stash. She'll find a use for it later.

Merope went back to cleaning. She had just finished cleaning the floor when there was a knock on the door. She gasped. Besides Bog Ogden, she couldn't remember the last time her family got visitors.

"Wh-who is it?" Merope said shakily.

"Constable Hale," said a strong, hearty voice. "Open up please."

The constable? He was the law of the village. His job wasn't as difficult as the police. He only got the police involved when there was a problem he couldn't handle. Still, if he came knocking at her door, it wasn't a good sign. She swallowed and approached the door, praying that the police was not with him. Then she'd be in real trouble. She pulled it backward, revealing the tall, mustached constable with his hat in hands. He was alone and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good afternoon," he said. "I haven't seen or heard about your family in a while and I came to see how you were getting on."

"Oh, I'm all right," Merope answered.

"Your father and brother at home?"

Merope shook her head. "You wouldn't have made it to the door, constable, if they were. My father has a bad temper and my brother—isn't quite right."

The constable laughed. "Yes, I suppose that's true. Theyv'e caused some t rouble in the past."

"Is there a problem?" Merope inquired.

"No, dear," replied the constable. "I make sure to check in on the residents when I don't hear from them. Sometimes someone is unlucky enough to get on the bad side of your brother, and that hasn't happened in a while. Old Joe at the market said he hasn't seen you in the grocery in over a fortnight. He was hoping you could bring your famous big vegetables in soon."

"Yes, I haven't had to go in," she answered.

"Everything all right with your family?"

Merope bit her lip. She didn't want to get in with it. "They're away. My father will be back in six months; my father in three years."

Constable Hale's deep brown eyes widened. "That long? What for?"

"Long story," Merope replied.

"Will you be all right on your own for that long?" he inquired. He looked at the small, rundown cottage. "This home doesn't look safe. I'm afraid the roof might collapse. I'll send my son over tomorrow to fix it. He needs to get some work done around here…all that boy does is fish."

"There's no need for that," Merope said quickly.

"Really, you'd be doing me a favor," the constable insisted. "My son needs to learn some good hard work."

"Well, perhaps tomorrow afternoon," said Merope. "Tell Joe I'll bring some vegetables in tomorrow."

"I'll do that," the constable nodded and he put his hat on his head. "Do stop by the station if you need anything."

"Of course, sir," Merope told him and she closed the moment he stepped away from the door. She sighed and sat down in her chair. She was surprised to see the constable. She had only seen him in town a few times. He never came to the home before, even when her brother was in trouble. Now he'd be sending his son over to fix the roof? When has the constable ever taken an interest in the tramp's family? The cottage was just outside the village the constable did have to burden himself with them. Tomorrow Emily would come to the brew the potion with her and give her a lesson or two in charms. What if the constable's son saw them? She'd talk to Emily about it. Maybe with her "inner eye," she'd have some advice for Merope.

When the dusk came, Merope went to her garden to pick some vegetables. It was the best time to gather food from her garden because it was cooler and there were no bugs. With Marada catching rodents, her garden was always rodent-free. Merope filled her basket with carrots, cucumbers, cabbages, tomatoes and broccoli. Then she washed them the best she could in basin of water. After she cleaned them off came the real test, enlarging them. The vegetables still tasted the same after making them bigger, but bigger they were, the heavier they were. The heavier they were, the more expensive they were. It may be a little dishonest for her to use her magic in this way but her family needed the money and she needed the practice. She spread the vegetables out in rows and pointed her wand at a tomato. Because tomatoes were round and small, they were the easiest to enlarge.

"Engorgio," she muttered. Just as she expected, the charm failed. It worked again on the second try. Following the tomatoes she did the cabbages, then carrots, broccoli and cucumbers. By the time she had finished, it was nearly midnight and she was exhausted. She was grateful she didn't wait until morning. However, she did better than she had when her brother and father were around. She could never make her spells work in their presence.

Merope went to bed and fell asleep moments after her head hit the pillow. Again, she dreamed of her life with Tom Riddle. It picked up right where it left off, her pregnancy.

With regular visits to the doctor and Tom waiting on her hand and foot, Merope's pregnancy was proceeding as normal as could be. Even after discussing her family's history, the doctor told her that the baby was healthy. As far as the doctor could tell, there were no ailments. It eased her mind. Merope couldn't be happier. She was starting a family with the man she loved. She had everything she wanted. Yet, something didn't seem right. She liked that Tom was tending to her needs, but he was a little too doting. Everywhere she turned he was right there. Was this normal for marriage? Was it normal for all husbands to be so affectionate and clingy when their wives were pregnant? He went on and on about how beautiful she was. At first, she liked it, but she knew it wasn't true. Her face looked like a stone, and was probably just as heavy. The eyes that stared in different directions certainly weren't gorgeous. Her stomach was getting so big that she could no longer see her feet, yet her husband continued to tell her how lovely she looked.

Merope wished she had other married friends that she could talk to. Were their husbands the same, or did they fight every now and then? When Tom was courting Merope, he told the whole village. When they married and moved to London, he introduced himself and his, "beautiful, darling, lovely wife," to all their neighbors. When Merope got pregnant, he announced it to everyone. When people gave him looks of pity and maybe even mentioned that Merope didn't look healthy enough to have a child, he continued to talk about how beautiful his wife was. Merope had invited the ladies in her neighbors for tea several occasions, but they never came. When there was a get together, Merope did not receive an invitation. When discussing this to her husband, he told her that he was all she needed.

Perhaps this wasn't normal. Could it be the potion? Could it be, perhaps too strong? Should she weaken it? However if she weakened it, what would happen? She didn't want Tom to be overly smothering, but she didn't want him to stop loving her either. The love potion was nearly used up and she had to make a trip to Diagon Alley soon. She made a list of what she needed and headed for the door.

"Merope, where are you going?" Tom asked her.

"I just need to get a few things," Merope answered, holding up her list. "I won't be long."

"You shouldn't be going out in your condition," Tom chided gently. "Groceries can be heavy. You go rest. I'll do the shopping."

Tom took the list from her hand and skimmed it. His eyes furrowed in surprise. "Merope, I don't understand your writing. Shepherds purse? Powdered Ashwinder eggs? Now you know I like my eggs poached."

"They're special, erm, ah, herbs," she said.

"I don't think I'll find these at the shops," Tom frowned. "Where should I find these?"

Merope sighed. She realized there'd be no way to get the ingredients for the potion. She couldn't' tell Tom how to find Diagon Alley without revealing her true identity. It was time to stop the charade. She simply could not do this anymore.

"Forget the list," Merope shook her head. "Just get me my medicine."

Tom gave her his special smile and led her to her chair. He brewed her a cup of tea with her medicine. Merope might as well enjoy the last days with her husband because she knew in her heart he would leave her soon.

Merope gave the last of the love potion in her husband's dinner almost a month later. It was barely a teaspoon. He kissed her goodnight, spoke about her beauty and let her lay in his arms just like he always done. He fell asleep but she didn't. She just lay there, fearing the worse. Tom sometimes spoke in his sleep, usually her name and small sentiments. In a few hours, he stopped saying her name. Tom turned around and broke his embrace around Merope. He laughed.

"Oh, Cecelia," he murmured.

Merope froze. Tom hadn't mentioned her since they had eloped. The potion had officially worn off. He would wake up to see the ugly creature in bed with him. What should she do? Should she stay there? Should she might as well leave now? Perhaps she could make him one last meal and try to explain? Merope could not move. She remained in the bed until well after dawn.

Tom groaned in his sleep and began to stir. "What a strange dream. I dreamed that I married the tramp's daughter."

"Tom?" Merope whispered.

"Hnn?"

Tom sat straight up as if he had been electrocuted. He saw Merope's ugly profile in his peripheral vision.

"No, it can't be."

"A-are you all right?" Merope asked. She reached for him and he backed up.

"Why are you in bed with me? What happened? What happened?"
"You don't remember?" she asked. "I'm your wife. This is where we live."

"Did I…Did you…Did we?" He scrambled out of bed and tripped over the sheets.

Merope got out of bed and went to the other side to check on him.

"Are you hurt?" she said.

"I don't understand," he said. "I don't." He glanced up and saw her large abdomen. He screamed. "Don't tell me. No!"

"Yes," she said. "It's due this winter."

"Not possible. It's just not possible!"

"Let me explain," said Merope. "We were married on the thirteenth of December. We.."

The words weren't reaching him. He was staring at her stomach. He went pale and then green. He rushed past her, pushing her out of the way.

"Tom!" she cried out.

The bathroom door slammed shu and then she heard him retching loudly from inside. If it wasn't already possible, Merope was filled with even more guilt. She knew he'd be confused and upset, but she didn't think he'd be sick. When the retching stopped, he didn't come out. Merope went to the door and knocked on it.

"T-Tom, are you all right? Can I get you anything?"

"Stay away!" he exclaimed.

Merope remained at the door. "Do you need a doctor?"

"I need to get out of here!" I knew there wasn't something right when we left Little Hangleton. I knew. I remember everything!"

His voice was getting louder and he banged the door open, frightening Merope. He walked past her and began to pack. "You did something to me. Hoodwinked me. Hypnotized me or something. Father kept saying that I didn't seem myself when I was taken in by you."

"You said you loved me," Merope told me.

"But I didn't' mean it!" Tom shouted, throwing his clothes into a suitcase. "It was like I wasn't in control. I got to get home. My parents wrote me every month telling me to come home. At least they didn't disown me."

"You're leaving? But you can't!"

"The hell I can't!" Tom growled.

"What about the baby?" Merope asked him. "It'll be here soon."

"I don't care!" Tom shouted, trying not to look at her stomach. "That thing…it's not normal!"

"Tom, please," she begged, she grabbed his arm. "I need you!"

"Get your vile hands off me!" he shook her off and she fell to the floor.

"You're going back to her aren't you?" she asked bitterly. Asking him to stay didn't help. Reminding him of his fatherly duties didn't' work. He decided to make him feel guilty. "That woman? Why her? She doesn't love you."

"How would you know that?" Tom demanded. "Hmm?"

"She's not right for you," she said. "She can't take care of you like I can."

Tom laughed. "Cecelia is everything I've ever wanted in a woman! Now I probably lost the chance to be with her."

"So stay!" Merope insisted. "If she won't forgive you, stay with me!"

"I've got to ask for her forgiveness," said Tom. "Now out of my way!"

With his suitcase full, he walked out of the room. Merope pushed herself up and stumbled after him.

"No Tom, you can't go!" she shouted. "I—I won't let you go!"

She reached in her pocket for her wand. She pointed it at his retreating back, preparing ot fire the imperious curse. He didn't even look back. Her hand shook and he shut the door. She dropped her wand and fell to her knees. She should have known she couldn't do it. She had already damaged Tom Riddle enough. Now she knew that magic could not mimic true love, whether it be a potion or spell. Even if she had imperioused him, sooner or later, she would have let him go.

The next day, Merope wrote a letter to Tom:

Dearest Tom,

I am sorry for misleading you. You must understand that I was not happy with my brother and father. They were always cruel to me and I thought I could escape with you. I have always loved you, Tom.

I understand you need to apologize to Cecelia. If she forgives you and takes you back, you can send divorce papers and I'll sign them. Don't worry about the child. It will have a fresh start with another family.

If Cecelia doesn't forgive you and doesn't take you back, please remember that you can always return to me. I will be here. We can start over. I will remain your faithful wife, no matter what. I won't forget you.

Waiting for you,

Merope

Merope woke up shaking. She had dreamed of Tom leaving her. It was just how Trelawney had predicted. It had felt so real. It was vivid. She actually felt Tom push her. Why was she dreaming about this? What about the happy dreams she had of Tom before? How could she dream about her marriage with him so quickly? Why did it have to end in two nights? Would the dreams continue?

"Why? Why?" Merope said. She looked outside. The sun wasn't out yet but she couldn't go back to sleep now. She was too anxious and what if the dram would continue where she left off? She didn't want to dream of her life without Tom.

She was glad Emily was coming today. It was another thing she could ask the seer to explain. What did these dreams mean?