3. What you see is what you get

Disclaimer: Lyrics and title are from "Everywhere I Go" by Pony Pony Run Run.

Everytime you see me

You curse yourself – it's much too late of course, but damn, you should have known.

Should have never let it come to this.

This – gun fire almost making even your enhanced hearing useless, dust and pain in your lungs, blood and sand grating on your skin. Trapped between two rival gangs having a stand-off (neither of whom Vash'd allow you to kill, the idiot), the two of you trying to get the civilians out.

The odds were against you from the start.

You're used to that, but fighting with Vash around is dangerous. Don't kill, don't get killed. Protect the stupid bastard.

And you can't use your vials here, which means –

yeah. Pain.

(You've been hit several times already. Your heart beats like a war machine, your body fighting to heal itself, breath like a razor, but the dark knowledge is there, that you won't get to die)

(You're with your back against a crumbling wall, sitting on the ground with legs outstretched, gravel scrunching against the Punisher – no roof above, no way to escape except that one passage Vash is escorting the trapped people through, that one passage the both of you have to defend. If it weren't for who you are, your arm would already be past numb from all the cover fire you have to lay down. Despite all this, it's far from sure that all of them will make it – but you trust Vash to stay with them, get them out and keep them safe)

You brace yourself, gritting your blood-stained teeth for the next round, the next bullets that'll burn icy holes in your flesh – you'll look like the devil himself, but that's all right, that's what you want them to see, because that is exactly what they'll get, the bastards –

you smile, bloody, shaking –

come, get me –

and it's then that it happens, and you're so dumbstruck, you can only stare in shock as Vash throws himself in front of you.

It makes no sense and you never, never would have expected this.

Panic grips you even as Vash shields you with his body and then turns, laying down cover fire, so close to you still that his back almost touches your chest. He's dirty, sweaty, out of breath, with fear in his eyes.

Icy dread surges through you at that; why is he here, why isn't he with them – this shouldn't have happened. You have to stop this.

And you should have known this might happen. Because –

Everywhere I go, you'll be near

One day – you'd been walking down that road in another dusty, rotten town, when you'd seen that asshole beat his kid up in a dark alley.

Your gun had been out before you could even fully process what you were seeing. But it had flashed through your mind then – not the kid, not in front of the kids, they can't know, you will never be with them again.

You'd been standing there, frozen, adrenaline and panic pumping poison through your veins.

And then he'd been there. Beside you. Just like that.

As if he'd materialized from thin air.

Vash had laid a hand on your shoulder and –

"I'll handle this, don't worry."

(Then, he'd full-body slammed the bastard and sent them both flying to the ground. The sight of Vash digging himself out of the trash – extremely clumsily – had almost made the kid laugh. He'd taken the Humanoid Typhoon's hand without any fear)

Vash didn't say anything about it, but he'd smiled at you. Softly, knowingly.

You felt sick for days.

He might have looked at you with concern, but you didn't care; hiding your eyes behind your shades and not taking them off again for weeks.

Several nights

Before

I was deeply lost

Perfect time

To meet you

I will never (will) never forget

"Hey, Wolfwood?"

"Hm."

"You know, I was wondering – "

"Great."

"Why do you always wear black?"

"You always wear red."

"That's beside the point. Dark colors heat up the fastest, didn't you know?"

"Yeah, thank you Vash."

"So why – "

"'s the only color that ain't get any darker. Bottom of the abyss, Tongari. No illusions. What you see's what you get. Satisfied?"

"Uh..."

"Great. Now shut up."

Hear me

What you see is what you get

("If you could see yourself through my eyes now... you'd see a man forcing himself to play the devil while his own heart cries out")

But at this time I (can) only expect

The both of you argue all the time and it makes you wonder why Vash sticks with you, lets you follow him around when the ways the both of you live differ so much, when it angers Vash so much what you're doing – smoking yourself "to death," sleeping too little, killing too much.

"Well, that's not all you are," Vash says, flippantly, and you cover up your shock and confusion by ignoring him for hours.

This is not what you expected.

It's too close to something you might be yearning for.

Maybe tomorrow, you'll still be there

Now –

You almost let yourself feel safe behind Vash's back.

Almost let yourself feel protected.

Feel wanted, because Vash came back for you.

But on my way

I went too far

You have to stop this. There is too much at stake.

You have to stop Vash from ever doing this again, now.

This game we play

Is what we are

You raise the Punisher until it's on level with Vash's head, pointing towards where he's looking, where the bastards are hiding.

And you start to shoot.

Hear me

What you see is what you get

You come to your senses much later – the crumbling wall behind you is drenched in blood; you must have blacked out while your body pushed its way back to the land of the living.

You're alone.

You grin in satisfaction – doing that hurts, but whatever. That was the point, after all.

This game we play

Is what we are

Vash will come looking for you soon – however furious he is with you, he won't abandon you without knowing whether you're alive. He'll yell and maybe he'll hit you again, and you'll yell back and maybe let him go brood for a few days alone, but then you'll have to catch up with him again. Guiding him, protecting him.

(You stare upwards at the darkening sky, light a cigarette, push the smoke out through the blood in your mouth)

You're alone now, so that means Vash has learned his lesson – you have pushed him back and he won't do something like this again.

When the time comes, he'll go and do what he's supposed to and not come back for you.

(I know) you understood what I said