Tired after the battle, Shinji somehow managed to fall asleep in Kaworu's bed. The other pilot was already asleep: maybe that was part of why he felt safe enough to do it even though Kaworu's so weird Shinji has no idea what he'll do. He didn't turn off the lights, though.

No, the real reason for both things was that he didn't care enough.

Soft touches on his face woke him: by some miracle he was conscious enough of where he was to groan and bat at the air, wishing Kaworu would knock it off. His hand met something that felt like a feather duster, but when he grasped it there was warmth at the core of the feathers, they were arranged like a wing instead of sticking out in all directions and Kaworu made his own noise of complaint at the rough handling as the, the wing twitched in Shinji's hand, not quite wrenching away from him because that would end up with feathers getting torn out, but definitely indicating he wanted Shinji to let go since that hold wasn't comfortable at all.

It was when the, the wing thrashed up into Shinji's hand, buffeting him like a swan would in order to force him to let go that Shinji woke up the rest of the way, enough to open his eyes and see layers of white, not soft down but long pinions adorning huge wings that were, yes, like a swan's. Except swans didn't have three pairs of them, and swan wings weren't attached to human backs. Not without surgery anyway, Shinji thought, grasping at straws, and they certainly hadn't been there when he went to sleep.

The wings, Kaworu's wings, settled over him again while he was staring. They were a warm weight, inescapably real. They made Shinji feel like he was hidden away, like they were arching over him protectively, huge and thick and warm.

They were still an angel's wings, a monster's wings and this explained why Kaworu was so weird, why he didn't understand how humans acted and acted as though Shinji was the weird one.

He could hear Kaworu's quiet breathing and that meant now was his chance to escape, except when he tried to slide off the bed, the wings closed around him and pushed him closer to Kaworu. Strong. Being hit by a swan's wing could break a man's arm.

Like the arms that encircled him now, Kaworu making a questioning noise and waking up, just a little, after Shinji came in contact with him. Shinji ended up with Kaworu's chest lying at an angle on top of his, the other guy's-the angel's arms wrapped around him, his face against Shinji's neck. From the sound he made as he settled, from how he breathed against Shinji's neck, Kaworu found it very comfortable.

It made Shinji's skin crawl. Caught. These were the arms, the hands that snapped a kitten's neck. If he tried to break free, if Kaworu realized Shinji saw the wings and knew he was an angel? He lay there, desperately trying to figure out how to escape until Kaworu pressed his lips to the side of Shinji's neck.

"Get off me!" Shinji almost roared, almost meeped, face red with anger and embarrassment as his hands found the strength to push Kaworu up almost viciously despite the heavy weight of the wings. He ran for it, only to feel long pinion feathers press at the front of his legs, tripping him up a moment before Kaworu tackled him.

Shinji wasn't sure how he'd managed to roll so that he was facing up, looking into red eyes, but both of them were frozen there for a moment, breathing heavily, Kaworu crouched over him.

The angel recovered first.

"Now that you know, the old men would have me kill you," Kaworu said, hands on Shinji's neck, body holding him down. "However, they told me to observe you, so they must have some plans for you. Well, I'm dead soon either way, so what should I choose to do with you?"

"Th-they know I'm here," Shinji told the angel, glaring.

"Do they?" Kaworu wondered. "If something 'happened' to the security camera footage? All I would have to do is say that you left to go back to where you live. The old men wouldn't let them interrogate me too harshly. Especially since I would be the last pilot left." They would need him.

His right hand slid up to gently trace, to caress the other boy's cheek, although his left still grasped Shinji's throat. "I wonder what it would be like to be loved by something like you? You're wrong, though: the difference between us isn't that I'm an angel. We're both angels. You Lilim are just pathetically weak. You have to create and enslave children of Adam to get anything done. Like the Evas. Like me." Resentment glowed, a coal at the heart of red eyes. "The old men are the ones who made me grow these, to show me off. Their tame angel, the one who will die to give them what they want, everything according to those Lilim and their scenario. Like the Evas, bound and tortured into human form and obedience. You Lilim are the real monsters: even the old men admit it. Would you try to bind and control me if you loved me? You are just another Lilim," he seemed pained as he admitted that, because some part of him, some part of Rei that lived in him, still cared for Shinji. "But what if we were the same? I am supposed to be able to purify the Lilim..."

He leaned down and tried to kiss Shinji, who clamped his lips together as hard as he could. Kaworu still caressed his lips wetly with tongue and an open mouth, hunger, desire and a bit of coaxing. "Damn them both for making me want you," he whispered. "But I want you. I've never wanted anything this much, not even to live."

Shinji shuddered, whether it be with fear or in reaction to the longing in the other boy's voice as his mouth lowered to Shinji's neck, mouthing and licking. Tasting Shinji's flesh, and Shinji shivered again when he heard Kaworu moan, felt that other body shudder with desire and heard those feathers rustle as Kaworu pressed his hips against Shinji's.

Then the angel stopped, tilted his head up to speak softly into Shinji's ear. "It hurts that you're rejecting me like this. The pain in my chest, like something's squeezing me to death. I don't hate you, not like the old men who sent me here. I love you. What would it take for you to return these feelings? If I was a girl? If we were the same?"

Was Kaworu begging? "I would become a girl for you. I can, you know, just like I grew these wings. Male or female, it doesn't matter to me. I just want… Someone to ask to hold my hand. Someone to want to stay with me because they like me instead of because they hate me. Someone to remember me when I die."

He pulled back to look into Shinji's eyes in the darkness, the white room tinted vaguely blue by the light from the TV screen, paused on the old romance Shinji had been watching before he fell asleep. "Won't you say anything?"

Shinji just looked away.

"Answer me," Kaworu said, voice harsh. "Answer me!" His fist hit the floor next to Shinji's head, almost close enough to hit strands of brown hair lying on the carpet, and Shinji felt a flash of triumph not at the anger but at the trace of helplessness.

"Why? You're just going to do what you want and exploit me anyway. Everyone always does. You might be an angel, but you're no different."

"Don't you see?" he asked, and he was pleading this time. "We're the same. They've always exploited me too from the moment they forced me to be born. Made me look like this, like a little cherub, kept me in a tube when they didn't have any use for me until they sent me here to die. I… Please, look at me. See me."

"See what? Someone who killed an innocent cat?" See a monster with white hair and white wings the color of death?

"I gave it mercy. Haven't you ever wanted mercy? For someone to make it so that you wouldn't have to suffer anymore, for someone to care about your pain enough to act, to grant you the peace and freedom of death?" Kaworu's voice was still full of longing, longing not just for Shinji or for Shinji to understand, but for the final mercy of which he spoke. "The old men won't let me live, so the manner of my death is the only real choice I have. I've always wished…" Shinji heard Kaworu swallow. "That someone would understand, would grant me mercy for my sake, not murder me for refusing to murder all of you or crush me like an enemy when I don't want to be, I only wanted to come here because I have more freedom here, they can't put me back in a tube when I have to pretend I'm human. So I can pretend I'm a person well enough to fool the ones at NERV who don't already know. Your father and Dr. Akagi already know."

His father… damn him. So Shinji wouldn't get any help if he ran out there to reveal Kaworu, not unless he could find Misato, and he couldn't use the Eva without his father's permission, he'd just say Shinji was dreaming, or not even bother to give an explanation, just give Shinji a look to remind everyone that Shinji and his opinion were less than dirt, so why were they even bothering to listen?

As bitter helplessness engulfed Shinji and Kaworu looked down at him with pleading, desperate eyes slowly yielding to his own despair, Shinji's phone rang.

Shinji was too overjoyed to hear that Rei survived to care that Kaworu had come with him, was shadowing him to make sure Shinji didn't reveal his secret.

Joy that was replaced by shock and heartbreak when she didn't remember him, didn't remember anything.

"I think, perhaps I am the third," was all she said, turning back to the window where Shinji saw her reflection, eyes dark and full of something disturbing. Resentment? Anger?

"The third?" Kaworu finally spoke, startled. "The third vessel?" As Rei turned to face him, looking startled herself, he continued, "I'm the second myself, but how is that possible? You died, and there wasn't…" He seemed to finally remember the audience, not just Shinji but Misato. He frowned at them, but told Rei, "I should be able to return some of what you lost to you."

"Why?" she asked him. Not how, but why would he do that?

"Because we are the same," he told her. "Even if now the reason we aren't the same is reversed… Losing my identity, that would be a worse fate than death. Death is freedom for the soul, but to have it caught and caged like this…" Pity, revulsion and anger, anger for her sake mingled in his red eyes. "In return, I want to know how they did this to you."

"And if it can be done to you," Rei said, finally looking at one of them instead of being lost in her own dark thoughts. "Agreed." Distrust mingled with hope and curiosity, but at least there was hope. She walked towards Kaworu, who offered her his hand.

"Wait," Misato said. "What are you two talking about?"

"You are not cleared for that information," was Rei's calm and more than a little contemptuous response, as though neither Misato nor Shinji were anything but nonentities to her. Not even worthy of a moment's contemplation.

It was a horribly lonely feeling, to see Rei standing with Ka-the angel instead of him. Even holding his hand.

That was when Shinji was struck by the realization that they were alike. That pale skin, red and red-orange eyes, colors of hair that just weren't normal: he'd gotten used to Rei's aberrant appearance, enough Kaworu's more normal one (by comparison) hadn't really registered, but if they weren't freak mutations? What if they were perfectly normal members of some other kind?

What if Rei wasn't human, wasn't like him? What if she and Kaworu…

Standing like that, they matched. With Kaworu looking like he wanted to protect her from their questions, wanted to get her away from them so she could get her memories back, with Rei looking at them as though they were just obstacles to her and Kaworu going away together?

Misato's eyes were also flashing back and forth between them, as though she was making some similar connection and didn't like the implications. What did it mean that Kaworu was like Rei when Kaji had dug up some information on just how strange Rei was? How could Rei have survived that explosion? Or had she? Vessel… was this a new body? How was that possible?

"Please excuse us," Kaworu said, and tugged at Rei's hand.

Seeing the two of them running off together, Shinji had to follow. "Rei, Kaworu, wait!"

"Why is he here with us?" Rei asked after Kaworu waited for Shinji to get inside his room before closing the door.

"Because he was important to you, and you passed those feelings on to me when Armisael connected us," Kaworu told her. "Anyway, I want him to see this."

So Shinji couldn't deny that Rei was an angel? So he had to accept Kaworu if he was going to accept Rei?

Rei seemed willing to accept his presence on Kaworu's word, which still hurt. Even if she didn't remember Shinji, she trusted Kaworu more than him? Because they were of the same kind? Was that really an insurmountable gap?

Shinji ignored the inner voice that said he'd wanted it to be an insurmountable gap when it was Kaworu wanting acceptance instead of Shinji.

Kaworu took Rei's other hand, then remembered that, "Damn, they'll detect the AT field."

Rei looked disappointed, but willing to withdraw her hands from his. Kaworu squeezed them instead. "No. You shouldn't have your identity taken away by the Lilim, and I need to know if they have some way to keep death from granting me my freedom. Even if it hastens my death, I don't mind doing this."

"Thank you," Rei said, nodding her head briefly.

He nodded in answer, closing his eyes and leaning forward. Rei did as well so their foreheads touched as first Kaworu, then Rei began to glow softly with the same color of light, a pale, unearthly blue-grey.

Several long seconds passed without anything happening, until Kaworu's wings sprouted from his back, ruining another shirt – he'd tossed this one on to follow Shinji. From the way they flared and flexed, he seemed alarmed somehow. If angels had emotions like that (Rei did). It was Rei that took a step forward towards him so he could wrap those wings around her protectively (like Shinji?), shuddering. What had he seen in Rei's memories? What happened to Rei?

"I'll destroy those things!" Kaworu said angrily as he opened his eyes, wrapping his arms around her as well. "Those damn Lilim…"

Rei looked up at him blushing softly, looking vulnerable and slowly putting her arms around him as well, because she missed him holding her hands. "I can't survive on my own either. I require those medications, too."

He promised her that "I'll destroy those vessels before I search for mine."

"Let me come with you. I'll destroy the two pieces of my first vessel's body, and the Commander has what's left of Adam's body: if we find where SEELE is making and keeping your clones, we can both be free. It's better than being used to grant their wishes and killing everyone, including Shinji, so he can be with his wife and your old men can live forever," she said, almost pleading.

"They only sensed my AT field. You still have a chance to live," he said, frowning. "Don't you dare throw that away. If you survive as yourself, then you can free me if I fall and they still manage to capture my soul."

That made Rei hesitate, although Shinji could see that she dearly wanted to argue as Kaworu pulled back far enough to shake his head like a dog trying to get itself dry, silver hair in its usual disarray. His wings also moved, feathers ruffling up and then pressing down again in a way that did absolutely nothing to reduce the total amount of disorder. "But if we both die, then…" Kaworu's red eyes focused on Shinji.

And he smirked.

Misato knocked twice, her hand stopping before she rapped on the door a third time. Instead she lowered it to the knob and said "I'm coming in."

Shinji was lying in his bed staring up at the ceiling, listening to his music player: well, that was about what she'd expected. "They finally killed the Twelfth Angel," she told him. "The Committee finished putting the Mass Production series through production already, and they brought him down over Switzerland. They're sending the Evas here next."

"So?" Shinji asked, sounding bored. "They can't want me as a pilot. My Eva's already been destroyed."

"I just thought you would like to know that your father's been avenged?" Misato managed to say, knowing it was pathetic even as she finished saying it.

"He shot himself, after my Eva was destroyed," Shinji reminded her. "I'm glad Kaworu didn't kill him. I'd have to thank him for that."

"Shinji… Don't say that."

"I'm not you, Misato, and he was nothing like your father. He didn't die to save me, he died because it was the only way to be with my mother again. I was never anything but a hated existence to him, since I took her attention away." Shinji laughed, but there wasn't any happiness in it. "You're lucky, Misato. Having someone who cared that much about you… Maybe my mother did. Maybe she just wanted to be a God. Either way, she left me to him." He finally rolled over to look at her. "So who's taking the blame for Kaworu?"

"Officially, the real Kaworu Nagisa never reached us. We should have realized it was suspicious that you just found him wandering around in the ruins." Even though his records had been scrubbed, the Committee had produced footage of a very normal looking boy, with lighter brown hair than Shinji and green eyes. "The Twelfth Angel either possessed the real one after killing his escort or just killed him and took human form. Either way, we're taking the blame for the negligence." It wasn't as though Misato hadn't tried to investigate him. Speaking of which, "Shinji, even if you aren't unhappy about your father, Rei is."

That made him roll back over onto his back: that was almost as stupid a thing to say as praising Shinji in front of Asuka.

"Yes, I know, but she's upset and you're her only friend."

When Shinji finally left Misato sighed, putting down her beer and picking up Pen Pen. Walking out onto the balcony, she looked across the ruined city. Only twelve hours until SEELE's Evas got here, and there were already signs the change in management was going to be thorough. They wanted custody of Rei, and Shinji: was it too dangerous for Misato to stay here, with the army moving around the city's perimeter now that the committee was disregarding international law about the number of Evas per country?

Something was about to happen.

Before, Shinji would have been happy Rei was hugging him. Unfortunately…

Well, fortunately, "He's not dead." Which meant Shinji had a chance to kill Kaworu himself.

"I know," Rei said, or rather sniffled, with tears in her alien eyes. "They must have used a dummy system for those Evas, and five of them survived intact. They're coming here, so I have a chance." To rescue his new vessel in less than half a day. "But he, he didn't want to fall to them." To monstrosities made of his own flesh, with his own face. Puppets, like what they wanted to make of him.

"I know." And Shinji did. He should hate her for letting Kaworu do this to him, but that was hard now. To hate either of them, as wrong as it was for Kaworu to do this to him and he should have known that.

Shinji wasn't surprised at all when Rei attacked the winged white Evas. She didn't scream a battle cry, but even though this wasn't very good picture quality he could almost feel the anger radiating off her in waves, read it in the AT field she called up to smash them as Misato and Fuyutsuki gave more orders around him. He was useless baggage once again: just here for Misato to keep him as safe as she could without his Eva.

That wasn't a surprise either, but it certainly was surprising when one of them swallowed Rei and she didn't burst out. Did it have fangs or some means of capturing Lilith's host?

That was when Asuka woke up, and that fight was painfully short.

The last two MP Evas pulled apart the roof of the command room, and Shinji knew enough to push Misato away when one grabbed at him. He was stuck in its mouth (ew) and if he didn't know they needed him intact for this, since merging with Unit 01 meant his recreated flesh was the only remaining flesh of Lilith?

They also needed his mind, and he screamed as tendrils like Armisael's stabbed into his brain.

?

A kneeling figure appeared before his mind on an infinite white plain: a direct connection was made and Shinji could feel knowledge and memory pour into the faceless being before him until wings sprouted from its, his back.

And that was when it all went to hell, from SEELE's perspective.

From Shinji's, too, since the MP Eva's detonation left him falling surrounded by chunky, moist slimy dead flesh. "Kaworu, I'm going to kill you!" he yelled once he had breath again, eyes clamped shut as he kept trying to push himself out of the Eva's remains so that the wind couldn't tear at his eyes.

"Thank you," he heard from right next to him, a moment before Kaworu managed to match velocities with him well enough to catch Shinji's flailing arm without just ripping it off.

Then Shinji got dropped again an instant later, or rather hurled up into the air so that it would take him longer to fall back down as Kaworu dodged a lance and took off the head of the remaining Eva, hopefully not just guessing that cut wouldn't hit Rei.

"And what are you thanking me for?" Shinji demanded when Kaworu grabbed him again, Rei catching his other arm. "I didn't ask to be used as your stupid recovery drive!" Two sets of angel-human-whatever memories jammed into his head, so that if/when someone used him to trigger instrumentality, the souls of Rei and Kaworu (key ingredients, the souls of Lilith and Adam) could use what was in his brain to remember who they were.

Kaworu hated that Armisael did that to him, put Rei's emotions into him and set him up to have Shinji break his heart when that was the last thing the boy under a death sentence needed, and then he turned right around and did it to Shinji? For Rei's sake, too, because Shinji could restore her memories if Kaworu died and they made another clone of Rei, but…

He was still pissed, because it was not right to mess around with people's identities like that, and it was all three sets of memories in his head that told him that.

And it didn't matter that Kaworu was hugging him and praising his bravery (for running towards the Eva), and that Rei loved him too because of Kaworu's feelings that were hers, it was still… They were both stupid. And weird.

(But they grew up in tanks, he knew now, and knew how starved they were for touch, Rei without knowing it and Kaworu only half-knowing it.

(He remembered Kaworu's wish for someone to understand and love him, and it merged so seamlessly with Shinji's own, with the wish both of them awoke in Rei.

(It didn't help his ability to resist that Rei was already taking off his pants – neither she nor Kaworu were socialized enough to care about human mores - and he knew how they wanted to touch and touch, and kiss, and protect him as well.)

Kaworu and Shinji's memories both contained songs about the power of love, but it was Kaworu who knew that 'virtue' was just a word meaning 'force.' Love was nothing but a very powerful force, so he could blame that pressure for the way his fingernails were digging deep into Kaworu's wings in a way that made the angel cry out first with fright, like a pinned bird, and then because having the knots rubbed out of unnatural muscles so terribly prone to them felt paralyzingly good.

Well, Shinji thought as Rei perched between his legs, wings fanning out hopefully, at least he knew how to make Kaworu instantly stop doing weird things from now on.