Chapter 17: The Breaking Point

The rhythmic creaking of the porch swing was oddly soothing to Lillian as she rocked back and forth, staring absently at the ground. She had come outside looking for a quiet place to think and be alone after learning that she would soon be separated from her brother and sister for who knows how long. She was devastated but the repetitive motion and sound of the old swing had numbed the pain and allowed her mind to drift blissfully off into space.

The adults were gathered around the dining room table strategizing about everything from how Emma could stall Mr. Gold to how and where the group could try to reunite. Snow was trying to construct a map to help Regina navigate through the drastically different Enchanted Forest that now existed. Emma didn't feel like she was much help. During the short amount of time she had spent in the other realm she had learned that her methods for getting things done were ineffective and sometimes downright dangerous there; like when she almost got them killed by an ogre. She couldn't help much with the map either, since she had never seen the place before the dark curse had been cast. Deciding she wouldn't be missed, Emma left the room to look for Lillian. She knew the girl was upset and she wanted to make amends before she had to leave town, especially since there was no telling when they would see each other again.

The french door to the dining room opened with a creak and Emma stepped out onto the patio. Lillian saw who had come outside out of the corner of her eye but didn't look up. Emma had never been comfortable talking about emotions or feelings but she knew that Lillian was hurting and that she was at least partially responsible, so she decided to suck it up and smooth things over.

"Hey Lil," she began awkwardly. When Lillian didn't respond she tentatively made her way over to the swing and sat down, causing the swing to stop. Lillian felt annoyed at the interruption to the rythmn. She pushed off the concrete with her toes, resuming the soothing motion. Emma tried to make eye contact with the girl, but she refused. The blonde cleared her throat nervously and got straight to the point. "I'm sorry. Sorry we can't come."

Lillian shrugged her shoulders and replied flatly without looking at Emma, "It's ok."

Of course Emma knew it wasn't ok, but she figured Lillian would open up when she was ready. She tried again, "I feel bad; this really messed things up."

Still no response. Emma fiddled with a loose thread on her sweater and tried to think of something else to say. "Your mom's pretty mad," she began. "She hasn't talked to me, or really even looked at me since I told everyone."

Lillian tucked one of her legs underneath her. She wished the woman would just go back inside and leave her alone. But Emma went on, "I guess I should be used to her being mad at me by now. She usually just yells at me or tries to have me arrested."

Emma laughed at her own joke, but Lillian was not amused. She scowled at the ground irritated that the blonde was talking about Regina.

Emma continued, oblivious to the effect her words were having. "It's the freezing me out that is making me uncomfortable. Maybe I should talk to her, try to help her see things from my side-"

That was it. "Just leave her alone! " Lillian snapped and Emma was visibly taken back by her outburst. "She's upset, ok. You're not coming and so neither is Henry now. How would you feel if you had no idea when you'd see your son again? "

Emma didn't know what to say, she didn't expect Lillian to yell at her. "Lillian, I didn't mean anything-"

Lillian shook her head in disgust and cut her off, "Do what you've got to do Emma. But leave my mother alone!" She stood up quickly and stomped toward the door.

Emma's mouth hung open in shock. "Lillian," she called after the girl and then got up to follow her. "Lillian, wait!"

Lillian threw open the door and rushed inside past the startled group gathered around the table. Regina, Snow and Charming looked up to see her run by and up the stairs as Emma came in and called after her once more.

"Lillian!"

Emma's parents were looking at her with concern and confusion. Regina turned to watch Lillian go all the way upstairs and then turned back to face Emma, the same mixture of emotions on her face.

"What was that about? " Snow asked.

Regina's eyes narrowed and her jaw tightened. What mess has she made now, she thought while resiting the urge to send the blonde flying backward again.

Emma looked at Regina wearily and then up at her mother, "Nothing." She glanced at the Queen once more before turning and heading into the kitchen.

Regina watched her walk out of the room and caught Snow's eye before turning sharply to go upstairs to talk to Lillian. Whatever had happened between them had both of their mothers worried. As Regina climbed the stairs she took several deep breaths to calm herself and control the anger that had risen inside her when she saw that Emma had upset her daughter. She reminded herself that she was one of the good guys now and that she couldn't fly off the handle at every little thing.

Feeling like she had regained her composure, she approached Lillian's closed bedroom door and knocked softly.

"Go away." Lillian was laying on her bed with her face buried in her pillow.

"Lillian, it's me," Regina replied gently.

There was a pause as Lillian sat up and wiped tears from her eyes. "Come in."

Regina turned the nob and stepped into her daughter's room. Lillian was sitting cross-legged on her bed clutching her pillow.

"Are you alright?"

Lillian nodded but didn't look up. "I'm fine. "

Not convinced, Regina sat down on the bed next to her. "What happened?"

It was quiet for several seconds before Lillian answered. "I yelled at Emma." She lowered her head so that the pillow partially covered her face.

Regina raised her eyebrows, that wasn't what she had expected her to say. "About what?"

The girl looked up at her mother tentatively. "You."

"Me? Why?" She hadn't expected that either.

Lillian sighed and the story came spilling out. "She came out to apologize because they can't come with us. But then she started going on and on about how you were mad at her and freezing her out, like she couldn't understand why you'd be upset. And, I don't know, I just got so mad. I mean this isn't just about HER, it's about ALL of us. And it probably affects you and me more than anyone."

Regina listened. "And what did you say?"

"I told her to leave you alone. That you were upset and that you had every right to be. We can be mad at her if we want and she'll just have to deal with it. "

Regina had to suppress a smile. So, this is what it was like to have a teenager. So far in their relationship Lillian had always acted with a maturity beyond her years; this was the first time Regina had seen her act like the 16 year old girl she was. It was obvious that this was all about the fact that Snow and Henry would not be accompanying them to the Enchanted Forest.

Truthfully, Regina's initial reaction to Emma's news had been anger too, but she knew that this really wasn't her fault. And so instead of spending the little time she had being angry at Miss Swan she had decided to ignore her, and focus on getting Lillian as far away from Rumplestiltskin as possible. She could see now that her actions had been misinterpreted, and now she had to clean up the mess the Sheriff had made. Again.

"I'm not mad at Emma," she said calmly.

"You're not?" Lillian was surprised.

"No. I'm sad, but I'm not mad at her." Regina put her arm around Lillian's shoulders. "And I don't think you are either. Not really. I think you're disappointed and that you're just taking it out on her." Regina understood this reaction very well. It had been the way she had dealt with all of the disappointing things that had happened in her life. It was only recently, with Dr. Hopper's help, that she had been able to recognize that she had been assigning blame instead of actually dealing with her problems.

Lillian thought about her mother's words. She was incredibly disappointed. It had seemed like things were going to work out just as they had hoped... until Emma dropped that bomb. She shook her head, unwilling to let Miss Swan off the hook just yet. "Everything's ruined." Her lingering resentment was evident in her tone.

Regina responded gently. "But it's not Emma's fault. "

It was quiet for a moment until Lillian spoke again. "We had a plan." This time her voice sounded more sad than angry. She leaned into her mother's shoulder.

"I know."

Regina's voice sounded sad too. Lillian suddenly felt worried that she had offended her mother, that maybe she thought Lillian didn't want to go without Snow. "IAM happy that YOU'RE coming with me," she added, looking up at her.

Regina understood what Lillian was thinking and was quick to quiet her fears. "It's alright, you don't have to explain anything to me. I know how much it meant to you to have Snow come along. I feel the same way about Henry. It doesn't mean that we're not happy to be together, it just means that there are people we will miss." She gave Lillian's shoulder a squeeze and added, "Including Emma."

Lillian knew her mother was right; it really wasn't Emma's fault that Henry and Snow couldn't come with them right now. And she had faith that her sister would find her, just like she said she would, so they would be together eventually. Lillian also knew that Emma truly felt bad about everything. She would miss her and she felt badly about the childish way she had acted. "I'll apologize to her."

Regina smiled. "And I'll try to make it clear that I'm not angry."

Lillian shook her head, feeling ashamed of the way she had acted. "I don't know why I got so defensive about you. "

Regina looked her daughter in the eyes, "Because you have a good heart. And you were trying to protect me, just like you've been doing all morning. "

Lillian felt a little embarrassed. Regina knew exactly what she had been trying to do. She hoped her mother wouldn't mind. "I just don't want anyone to hurt you. "

This honest admission touched Regina deeply. The only other person who had cared this much about her happiness had been her father. Lillian reminded her of him so much. They had both loved her with a devotion she didn't feel she deserved, but would spend the rest of her life striving to be worthy of.

She pulled her daughter into a hug and fought back tears as she whispered into her ear, "Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me." After a moment she pulled back and brushed a stray hair away from Lillian's face, tucking it behind her ear. "But," she said with a smile, "I think I can handle Miss Swan."