A/N: I'm going to try and finish this shit before the New Years even if it kills me. I literally do not want to have to look at this fic and see that the last time I updated it was Christmas two years ago ever again. Let's do this, lads.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Four calling birds...
Missed Call from Erza Scarlet (cell), 4:47 AM
Missed Call from Erza Scarlet (cell), 4:50 AM
Message from Erza Scarlet (cell), 4:51 AM: Lucy, I have called…
Message from Erza Scarlet (cell), 4:53 AM: It is an emerge...
Missed call from Erza Scarlet (cell), 4:55 AM
Missed call from Erza Scarlet (cell), 5:00 AM
Two hours.
It had been two hours since Erza's missed calls. In those precious hours that drew the hazy line between the unholiest hours of the morning and the hours at which most self-respecting adults woke up to go be contributing members of society, Lucy's fate had been drawn over her sleeping body like a blanket.
Erza was doing to draw and quarter her with a blunt Swiss Army Knife, beat her itty bitty pieces with a meat tenderizer, marinate her in vodka and pork marinade, slow cook her over a flaming pit of coals, and then feed her to the vultures in Desierto's famous Wayback Sahara.
As Lucy hastily grabbed her keys and wallet and jogged down the stairs to the parking garage, she searched up the fines for breaking the speed limit. 20 kilometers per hour over was about a $100, give or take a kilometer. If she hit 120 KPH on the highway she could probably get away with it by reason of going with the flow of traffic. She glanced down at her pink flip-flops; now those she couldn't explain away. The legal ramifications were likely equivalent to the original speeding ticket, so she filed away that thought and headed for her Camry. Besides, she shuddered, jail time and massive fines were preferable to Erza's wrath.
Lucy slid into the driver's seat and stuck the key in the ignition, twisting it.
Nothing happened.
A chill that rivaled that of the stone parking garage settled just below her ribs, curling like smoke and filling the crevices between them and her lungs. She twisted the key desperately, nearly bending the metal in her desperation to start the fucking stupid ass car, holy shit this could not be happening right now. Her hand dropped to the seat just as her head hit the steering wheel.
This was it. This was how she died. Her coffin was her car and she would rest forever as a reminder to visit the auto shop for check-ups before stupid shit like this happened.
Lucy screamed when something started rapping against her window. It was just like those stupid urban legends Natsu would tell them when they were having sleepovers in the fifth grade, about that hook-handed man and the stalled car. She had already prepared herself for her guts being spilled, but the hook-man was not the way she had intended to go.
"Shut up! Fucks sake, you'll end up breaking the sound barrier if you get any louder!"
Erik lowered his hands from where they were pressed up against his ears once she calmed down and lowered the window. Ignoring the goosebumps that burst across her unprotected flesh (why was it that they always met when she was in pyjamas and he was bundled to the nines?), Lucy offered a weak smile and waved.
"You'd think you'd learn from last time." His eye roved over her attire - or lack thereof - and offered her his thermos of coffee. Lucy moaned as the wonderful, glorious heat of the drink spread through her body, chasing the heat away for the time being. This was better than a hot shower. Better than a deep tissue massage. Both of which she could really go for right now.
"I'm fucked," she said bluntly. "My friend called from a city over saying it was an emergency. My car is broken. She's gonna kill me. I thought you were the hook man. I have an assignment due. I have an exam in a few days. I think my toes are frostbitten. I was gonna break the speed limit. I-"
"Have had a shit day," Erik interrupted. "Can't help you with the exam or your poor dress sense, but the car and the toes are up my alley."
Lucy nearly broke her door down in her rush to exit the vehicle, and immediately regretted leaving the marginally warmer cloth seat of her car. How was it possible that it was colder? How was it possible she was even feeling the change in temperature? There had to be a cut off point at which her nerves decided to pack up and go on vacation to Prague because it was just impossible to feel any colder. Judging by her tooth-shattering, shiver induced chattering, that point would be reached soon. Very soon. What was it Robert Frost had said? I think I know of hate to say that for destruction ice is also great and would suffice? Freezing to death had to be a mercy compared to Erza. At least she would be in one piece.
"You're so impossibly stupid I'm losing brain cells," Erik said, shrugging off his thick coat. "Don't you dare say no. If you freeze to death in my car, I'm either gonna ship you off to a cryogenics lab or to the cadaver lab at Crocus U."
"I could kiss you right now," Lucy sighed, shoving her frozen hands into the deep pockets. There were an assortment of goodies within: the right pocket contained a multitude of scrap paper, a stubby pencil, what felt like three small pieces of unchewed gum, and a small calculator, and the left pocket had his cell phone in it. She wondered if he had changed his password yet, or if he had left it the same so she could sneak in and play Candy Crush in the car.
"Thanks, but I'd rather my lips not be bitten off." Erik grabbed her elbow and steered her towards an ancient looking Honda Ridgeline. Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Wait, you have one eye. How do you have a license?"
The answering smile was positively vicious. "I'm just that good of a driver."
"You're a horrible liar," Lucy said calmly. "And once I can see the world in one shape again, I'll kill you."
"Gee, you're welcome, Lucy," he snarked, opening her door for her and helping her out. She almost tripped trying to shuffle to the side, but his tight grip kept her steady.
"Okay, so we need to go...uh…" Her brown eyes surveyed the four identical apartment complexes before her. Whose brilliant architectural skills had figured this was a good idea? Lucy scrolled through her texts with Erza, trying to find her address. When that pulled out nothing, she hit up her notes and groaned when that, too, provided jack-squat.
"You don't even know her address?" Erik's disbelief was palpable. "Holy shit you are ten kinds of stupid today. Did you at least plan a little before leaving?"
"When Erza calls, you drop everything and run lest you face her wrath," Lucy said grimly, sending a text to the red-head. Life, she decided, officially sucked ass. At least she had a nice jacket on. And her toes weren't frozen thanks to Erik's spare lab shoes ("I don't have any foot diseases, if you're wondering.").
"You need better friends."
A ping startled them both, and Lucy immediately brightened at the message. "Alright, got the address! It's 4 Ashwood Square!"
"Which would be? There are no signs."
"...um…"
"I'm gonna murder this Erza girl, yeah?"
Lucy almost put a hole through the wall via her head smashing into it when Erza answered the door and immediately held out a penknife at Erik, who, for all intents and purposes, looked as if a four-year-old had just offered him a mud pie for dinner.
"Who are you?" Erza demanded. "Why are you with Lucy?"
"I'm Dr Erik Vivas-" Lucy snorted at the title drop. Erik stepped on her foot. "Lucy's neighbour. Her car broke down and I drove her here. You wanna put that knife down now, you fucking psycho ginger?"
Erza immediately dropped into a low bow, and Erik clamped his hand over Lucy's forehead before she could give herself a concussion banging on the wall.
"Please accept my sincerest apologies! There are many miscreants in the neighbourhood-"
"Who would walk up and knock on your door to deliver your friend?" he muttered.
"Let me die," Lucy moaned.
"And I was afraid you were one of them! Lucy is my friend and I do not wish any harm to befall her. I see now that you are one of the people who I can entrust her safety to. Thank you for seeing her here."
"Lucy can handle herself." Erik's eyes shone with mirth. "She's not a chicken, after all. She just likes to scream at them."
The corner of her eye spasmed. "You're not any better you...you...donkey."
If Erza was confused, she hid it well, instead waving them in. They removed their shoes and headed over to the sparsely decorated living room, settling around a messy coffee table. Lucy peered at the documents strewn about. They looked like legal forms, which made sense since Erza was heading into the law stream, but there was something about them that -
"Somebody got arrested," Erik declared. "Two somebodies."
Dread filled every cell in her body. "Don't tell me Natsu and Gray…"
"Public intoxication," Erza said, folding her hands in her lap. "No bail. I've been working on trying to get them out, however I need all the help I can get. I was hoping you could help."
"Can't you just get one of those law students to do it?" Lucy asked. "I'm pretty sure that's a thing. You get a law student to represent you for free if you get them through law school."
"I will look into it." Erza nodded. "But I meant in a more...you manner. I need to know if Natsu and Gray are telling the truth about them being mostly sober before I pursue legal help for them. They are both either acting very well or telling the truth."
"All that shit is monitored. If they admit they did it, that can be used against them," Erik said.
"I know. Lucy." Erza leaned over and placed her hands over the blonde's, gripping them tightly. "You have always been exceptional at reading people. I was simply hoping you could...try to figure out if they're lying or not."
Lucy sighed and nodded. "Fine. Erik, thanks for the ride, I'll find a way back myself-"
"Oh, no." His eye twinkled with mirth. "I think I'm gonna stick around for a bit. Meet the family and all, you know?"
"Oh!" Erza said, surprised. "Lucy, I did not know you two were dating."
The noise that escaped Lucy's voice-box sounded a lot like a dying crow had nose-dived into a rusty old truck engine as it was being forced to go a kilometer over a million. For a second, she couldn't hear anything, and then her ears burning and she could feel her heartbeat pounding over every inch of her body.
"No! No, we're just neighbours. Holy God, Erza, why would you even think that?"
"He said he wanted to meet the family?"
"Yeah, but...not meet the family meet the family, you know?"
"...I see."
"Lucy Heartfilia." Lahar Nayar raised a prim eyebrow. "Let me guess. Natsu Dragneel and Gray Fullbuster."
She channeled every memory she had of useless elementary school drama classes and put on the most shocked look she could muster. "How on Earth did you know?"
"Intuition," he deadpanned, "And years of dealing with your friends. They get arrested, you post bail, the cycle continues."
"No wonder you're on an all-ramen diet," Erik mused at her side. "Bail ain't cheap."
Lucy shot him a scowl. She was totally healthy. She never used those little flavour packets that came with the noodles, used chicken stock for extra flavour, and would occasionally even throw in a vegetable or two. Cheap, easy to make, filling, and a good access to carbs, which, according to Juvia, were gifts to the body if done properly. As she turned back to Lahar, Lucy vowed to go check the contents of Erik's fridge when they got back home. Probably full of poison and other nasty chemicals. All he ever seemed to consume was coffee, anyway. Did he even know what a vegetable was? Probably not. Victory one for her.
"Brought your boyfriend over?" Lahar asked. Lucy threw her arms up and groaned. "Why does everyone ask if we're dating? Can two people not exist in the same vicinity without people thinking they're gonna fuck?"
"Nope. Rule 34 and all, you know."
"You are so not helping."
"Oh, I know."
Lahar cleared his throat loudly. "Lovers spat elsewhere, hm? Come on, they've been waiting."
Lucy stepped into the back and was met almost immediately by Natsu and Gray's latest shouting match. She winced as the echos resounded in the back of her ears. At her side, Erik dug his pinkies as deeply into his ears as possible, disgust painted over his sharp features.
"It was your idea to go get Red Bull!"
"And it was yours to stop by the beer store after! This is all your fault!"
"My fault? If your droopy-eyed ass didn't look so much like a fucking crack-head then we wouldn't be in this mess!"
"You know damn well this is your fault for looking like such a fucking shady sociopath!"
Lucy sighed. It was almost like they were back in high-school. All the situation needed was her posting bail before coming to the back and chewing them out. Plus Erza waiting in the car with her infamous Look on. Despite the situation, she couldn't help but laugh. After a never-ending cycle of useless group members, haunted houses, frostbite, and her favourite sweater getting absolutely shredded in the laundry, this was a welcome break.
"Lucy!" Natsu yelled, waving his arms out from between the bars excitedly. "Lucy's here! Hey! Lucy!"
"Save me," Gray moaned, planting his forehead squarely between a set of bars. "I'll end up like Gormogon's Apprentice if you don't bounce me, Luce."
"Which one?" Lucy quipped, marching over to hug Natsu. She winced as the metal dug into her flesh, but that feeling was quickly overridden by a flush of content as her best friend's unnaturally warm arms breathed life back into her still-chilled limbs. It was one of the things she really did love about him - he was the best furnace to have in winter. Not as comfortable as Erik, though.
Not as comfortable as Erik? She quickly shook her head, blanching. All these dating jibes were starting to get to her. Erik? Comfortable? It was such an awkward contradiction that Lucy had a hard time not snorting. Sure, he was snarky and his clothes were a whole shit tonne warmer than her own, and sure, he drove halfway across the city in the middle of a snowstorm to fight a flock of chickens on her behalf, but the sentiment remained. Erik was no cuddly teddy-bear.
"You both look like shit," Erik said bluntly.
"Who's he?" Gray asked, suspicion colouring both his face and tone. Lucy rolled her eyes. Ah, Protector Gray. How she had missed this side of him. Not.
"Dr Erik Vivas," the aforementioned introduced. "Lucy's friend. And neighbour."
"Do you have to keep throwing your title around?" Lucy snapped. "They're gonna get confused and think you work with body parts and wonder why I'm friends with a forty-year-old."
"Because I earned the title. I do work with body parts, but ethically not while they're living. I'm twenty-seven." Erik's scowl grew more pronounced. "You're off by about thirteen years there. No wonder you're a psych student, humanities kids can't do math for shit."
"Hey!" Natsu's affront was palpable. Lucy pulled back as his hands went back to squeezing the bars. "Humanities kids so can do math. Ask me anything!"
"How do you calculate log?"
"You hit the button on the calculator and it does it for you."
"Manually."
"Google, probably."
Lucy rolled her eyes again. They were going to get stuck that way by the time the day was over. She had had a feeling, earlier on, that Erik and Natsu meeting would be a lot like setting a balloon full of hydrogen on fire. Very, very explosive. Natsu was all people-smart and subtle nuances, while Erik was an empiricist at heart. The only way she could feasibly see them getting along would be for getting together to watch the World Cup, and even then there ran the risk of them being die-hard supporters of opposing teams. Introducing Erik to her little rag-tag group of friends was starting to look like the aftermath of throwing more volatile chemicals in a batch of radioactive bullshit.
"So," Lucy began conversationally, leaning against the jail door to watch Erik demonstrate log calculations by hand on one of the million spare pieces of paper in his pocket. "How drunk were you two?"
"Well below the legal limit," Gray replied. "We would never go into public while hammered."
"I know," Lucy said. "But you got caught and you both failed your field sobriety tests."
Gray scoffed. "Please. Natsu can barely walk in a straight line while as sober as the Pope himself, and neither of us can recite the alphabet backwards on a good day. These tests are outdated and subjective. There's no standard to test to. Come on, Luce, you know us better than that."
"So does my bank account," she replied. "It's seen you both through fist fights, a whole tonne of driving charges, destruction of property, trespassing, disturbing the peace...you get the picture, no?"
"We pay you back," Gray argued. "Late, but we do. And that's not the point. The point is this time we're telling the truth."
"And this time you need to convince me better," she said simply. "Tick tock."
"Your friends are morons," Erik said. Lucy looked over his shoulder to find Natsu poring over the paper, his nose scrunched up in abject confusion.
"They're just cranky. Ready to go?"
"I thought you'd never ask, to be honest."
"Wait, you're not posting bail?" Gray's panicked voice had her craning her head back to meet his dark blue eyes. She had to resist the urge to walk over, break open the lock, and drag them out back home to eat shitty Chinese food and watch reruns of Bones on their bootleg projector, just like they had back in high-school. Erza had specifically said to go and judge them, not bail them. Besides, she reasoned, this would be a lesson in not doing dumb things that cost friends money. It was for their own good.
"Your psycho ginger friend said no under threat of dismemberment," Erik said. "Hey, dipshits, how much do you two weigh?"
"170, why?" Natsu asked.
"How much did you guys drink and of what?"
"We had, like, two beers each."
"Yeah, max."
"Alcohol percentage?"
"Four-ish?" Gray guessed. "Maybe five. We cleaned it off in three hours."
"Great, thanks. I'd say it was nice meeting you, but it really wasn't. You're tolerable." Erik nodded at Gray. "You're the reason I need to take Tylenol before bed tonight." He waved at Natsu. "See you later." And with that, he steered Lucy out of the room back towards their car.
His car. Not theirs. His. Lucy made a mental note to go home and read up on intrusive thoughts and how to deal with them. It was always better to nip issues like this in the bud before they became huge problems.
"What do you think?" Erik asked her as he started the car. Lucy fiddled with the A/C vent, keeping her eyes focused on the minute adjustments she was making to the angle of the slats.
"I think they're telling the truth."
"Do you?"
She sighed and turned back to him. He wasn't staring at her unkindly, but there was no soft compassion on his face like Gray's. There was no earnest affection like Natsu. There was just a carefully blank face and an expressive eye that pierced through her, digging into every cell, probing for the truth.
God, why was he like this. They'd known each other for less than a month but she was already opening up to him as if they'd known each other a lifetime.
"I don't know," she said honestly. "I do believe them, but at the same time, I have a feeling they were lying about how much they were drinking."
"I'll find out." He leaned over to poke her cheek lightly. "It's been a while since I did a BAC analysis on somebody other than myself."
"You can do that?"
"I can do a lot of things." The flash in his eye as he looked her way was nothing short of illegal. Heat flooded her cheeks so quickly she was sure that her nervous system would go into shock. He didn't mean…
Oh.
"Well?" Erza asked anxiously, pulling them into her apartment. The scent of coffee hung thick in the air, mixed in with the undeniable scent of a Febreeze cover-up. The place was a little cleaner than before, papers stacked tidily, furniture arranged a less haphazardly, and empty mugs marched back to the dishwasher. Lucy took off her boots and stuck them on the drying mat before exhaling sharply and facing Erza.
"They aren't guilty." She said firmly. "I have a gut feeling that they weren't publicly intoxicated."
The tension that escaped Erza's shoulders could have been used to hold down a house during a hurricane. Lucy squeaked as she was pulled into a tight hug, reciprocating after she caught her breath. This was also something she missed. Tight hugs.
"I'll be back in a few minutes," Erik said as he sidestepped them for the living room. The two of them followed his retreat until he was seated and scribbling away furiously on a fresh sheet of printer paper.
"He's a good man," Erza said suddenly.
"I know." Lucy smiled. "One of the best."
"No, Lucy, I mean it. This one is different." Her friend's normally sharp eyes were melancholic as they met her own. "You've known each other a brief amount of time, but the attachment is...profound."
"Well, he is a good friend," Lucy mumbled, picking at her sleeves. Erza's words had sparked a twinge of something within her. Something that she was too afraid to put a name to, because that would make it real. Hell, even his comment in the car was making this stupid fluttery feeling inside her more real. Had it just been her, then Lucy might've thought she was reading too much into it. A fleeting crush on a new friend, who happened to be attractive, intelligent, snarky, batshit insane, kind, rough around the edges, and even a little selfless. One that would go away after a while and everything would settle down and be normal again. But if Erza was seeing things, then...then was it real? Did he also have a moment of free-falling whenever their eyes met? Did her off-handed comments also have him smiling hours after the fact? Or was he just this way with all his friends?
Friends, Lucy realized, that she had only heard of in passing. Suddenly, Erik's desire to meet her own made more sense. Knowing each other was one thing, but meeting the people who had been lucky enough to share years of study sessions, movie nights, 3 am discussions, detentions, sleepovers, and a million firsts...it would be a glimpse into a world you hadn't been privy to, one that would make the world you shared with that special person a little more whole.
"That's what I used to say about Jellal," Erza ribbed her lightly.
"And now the only thing stopping you from getting married is that Jellal hasn't found a ruby red enough to beat out your hair." Lucy laughed as Erza's face flushed brilliantly. For all her bravado, the woman was as prudish as they came.
"If he winds up finding a ruby red enough to beat out your hair, call me so I can get naming rights because that would damn near be a scientific breakthrough," Erik said. Lucy jumped out of her skin, clutching her chest tightly. What the hell was he, The Flash?
How much had he heard?
"It is not that red." And there was Erza the Serious again. Back to her duty as Mayor of Seriousville.
"Uh-huh. In other news, I can bust your friends out." He threw his hands out to stop them from interrupting. "But this is entirely off the record, so your police officer friend is gonna have to do this on the low."
"Can you convince him?" Lucy asked. Again, his eye went dark with...something as he swept his gaze over her and smirked. "I can convince anyone of anything, given the right tools of persuasion."
Ah, fuck.
"They were at 0.05," Erik announced as he slapped his papers on Lahar's desk. To his credit, the man barely looked ruffled.
"Field test said 0.1," Lahar said.
"If I sat down and started listing off how many sources of error exist with the breathalyzers you issue for the field, I would be here until the second coming of Christ. I looked at their files and did the math by hand, it's 0.05," Erik said coolly. Lucy tilted her head, drinking in this new version of him. She could see Dr Vivas in the way he straightened his back and narrowed his eyes; in the impassive planes of his face and the almost bored tone of voice. His confidence was tangible, and it sent an electric thrill down her spine.
This has got to stop.
Lahar picked up the papers and spent several minutes flipping through them. Erza's grip on Lucy's arm tightened as she leaned in and hissed, "Stop fidgeting, he'll think something's wrong."
"I'm sorry," Lucy hissed back, "But this is really fucking stressful."
"If it's stressful for you, imagine how stressful it is for Erik. His reputation lies in your faith in him. So stay calm."
Right. She had to stay calm for this to be believable. She trusted Erik and she trusted his math and if that meant she had turn into a statue then so be it.
"How do I know this isn't bullshit?" Lahar asked.
"Because I have a fucking doctorate in toxicology and I work for the CDC. I can do this in my sleep," Erik retorted. "Now, will ya bust 'em? I have shit to do and it involves me and a bunch of benzene rings."
Lahar flipped over to the last page and raised his eyebrows. "Oh."
"You'll find that your incentive to bust them on those conditions is...exceptional."
"That it is," Lahar muttered, rising to walk to the holding area. He folded the papers and tucked them into an inner pocket, retrieving a set of skeleton keys as he did so. At Lucy's surprised expression, he smiled thinly. "Don't get much funding for lock upgrades here."
"I was more shocked by how you managed to hide those monsters in your pocket without anyone seeing, but okay."
"Dependent variable," Erik said as he dropped down beside Lucy on Erza's loveseat. He held out a Smirnoff Ice for her and took a swing of his own. "The dipshits wind up with concussions before the end of the night."
"Independent variable?" Lucy inquired, bringing the bottle to her lips. She watched as Natsu tackled Gray onto the floor and smeared cold pizza over his white shirt, cackling as the brunet below him snarled.
"Either they give it to each other, or the psych sword lady does," Erik said, draping his arm over the back of her seat. "My money is on them giving it to each other."
"Ten bucks says it's before midnight, and that it's Erza," Lucy said, hoping her voice wasn't as shrill as she thought it was. It was getting hard to ignore their proximity and the bubbles it was igniting within her that were definitely not due to the alcohol.
"It's on."
It was silent for a few seconds before she spoke again. "Thank you. For what you did, I mean. I swear, you're starting to make our save score uneven."
"Just means you'll have to stick around longer to pay me back," Erik said, a teasing lilt to his tone. "And what a horror that will be."
Lucy smacked him lightly. "Just for that, I'm sticking around forever."
"Damn, here I was hoping I would be able to keep all my sweaters to myself."
Silence fell between them, the only sounds being her friends shouting at one another and the TV playing some jaunty infomercials.
"Their BAC wasn't 0.05," Erik said suddenly.
Lucy's jaw dropped. "You lied? Oh my God, you could get into so much trouble!"
"Didn't technically lie. I used the numbers they gave me and got 0.06. A little over legal, but I could embellish it a little. Call it...science privilege." He grinned to himself. "You humanities kids wouldn't understand."
"I do," Lucy said softly. "I'm understanding slowly, but...I'm understanding everything a little better now."
In a split second, he pulled her flush to his chest and tucked her head beneath his chin. Lucy dropped her bottle, her shaking hands finding purchase in gripping his shirt. She could feel his heartbeat thudding steadily in contrast to her racing one, and she fought to keep her breaths level. What the hell was he doing? There was no way he could have detected her stupid crush in that one sentence, right? Because if so, psychology departments worldwide would be racing to get him to come in and show them his ways. Lucy would have first pickings obviously, but the sentiment remained - what the fuck?
And then Natsu crashed into the spot her head had been a second ago and everything clicked into place.
Goddammit, Natsu.
"I win," Erik said, balancing his bottle on her shoulder.
Lucy groaned and flopped over his lap, resting her head on his thigh.
She was gonna die before New Years. She just knew it.
A/N: quality? whomst is she?
-Eien