I definitely don't own the Mentalist or make any money from fanfiction.

A/N I realised after posting that I'd gone from a 3rd person perspective when writing about Jane to a first person one for Lisbon. I hope that this doesn't break up the story too much as it's not the smoothest transition. However, I'll keep to this for the remainder of the story so as to be consistent.

Jane's POV

Lisbon looks all in. No wonder Cho's concerned. The slight drag to every other footstep. The tension in her shoulders, locked to take the weight of the world. Dear Saint Teresa. She'd never even wonder if it was all hers to bear.

There's nothing more that we can do here. We can await the coroner's report tomorrow, and fingerprinting on the seats and the plastic bag, but that's about it. And all the evidence will suggest suicide. I'm convinced of it. The way that she locked down when she saw the DVD. Like it was a trigger. I knew then that we wouldn't learn anything else, irrespective of whether Red John had her killed or brainwashed her into the act. At least I don't suspect the driver. He's genuinely shocked and horrified.

I can't help wondering about the loyalty that Red John inspires, particularly in the vulnerable. The likes of Miriam and Rebecca. Jason Lennon gave me some idea as to how he stalks his prey – some to kill, others to control – and yet those he chooses to keep hold him in the deepest respect and regard.

Another tranche of his disciples appear to be drawn in by the promise of power – the O'Laughlin's and Gupta's, and likely Sean Barlow - how apt those weasel words are now about Red John playing me - whilst the remainder share the psychopathic persuasion – like Hardy and the Carters.

And then there's Lorelei. Partly turned through the brainwashed victim route, partly independent and feisty. I was almost glad to see the calm fatalism on her face when I first saw the video. Just like in Vegas. I hoped it could sustain her through her final hour. But by the end of that letter, I knew it couldn't. She was brave and stubborn and desperately scared. And not just concerning her own fate, I think. Still, I did all I could to get her to accept my help back at Lennon's and she reneged on our deal. I did warn her.

I wonder how many others, if any, are in his inner circle and whether they have – to quote Brett Stiles - a similar "vim". He did plan to make me one of them. Does it reflect the hierarchy at Visualise?

I do know one thing for sure. Red John is mad as all hell that I got so much from the woman he sent to tempt me. That I took his queen. In more than just the obvious sense. And, whilst the whole Lorelei thing may have stress tested the relationship between Lisbon and I – and to my shame, caused Teresa a great deal of hurt and worry – we've snapped back together just as strongly as before and maybe more so.

So, on the score card between him and me, Lorelei wasn't his win. If anything, she was mine. It's making him reckless and even more dangerous. Whilst I was sure he was one of the seven names before, I'm convinced of it now.

Going over Lorelei's video, she didn't leave any real clues. Just a long pause before Raymond Haffner and a short pause before Bob Kirkland. I wonder if that has any relevance.

It's gone midnight and the night's chill is creeping through. I lean on the concrete wall – a warehouse most likely – and watch as the team combs the scene. Checking and double checking and then, would you guess, checking again. Come on please. It's long gone time for a good cup of tea and a date with the couch. Maybe I'll sleep in the bullpen tonight. Keep an eye on Lisbon and her office. I bet she carries on working till she flakes out on her keyboard.

Silly woman!

And she's not going home alone. Not if I can help it.

Underneath it all, the fully grown panic monster is tossing off its chains - biofeedback or no biofeedback - and I can't let it win. It will destroy me before he does. And if I'm a wreck, who'll look out for her. Stay when she threatens Cho, Rigsby and van Pelt to the point that they give her space.

The natural revenge for Lorelei is for Red John to kill Lisbon. I know it. She knows it.

And she's never going to be alone again.

I can't lose her. I just can't.