This is a giftfic for Woodencat, as thanks for translating some of the This Alien Shore oneshots into Chinese. Unfortunately, just after we discussed the request, I found myself unable to write for a month.

Warning: manga ending spoilers!

I still owe Petrichorre a graduation giftfic that'll be an immediate sequel for the birthday giftfic I did for them recently (in this same collection), so hopefully I'll have that for you within the next week or so. I thought this collection was done, but apparently babyworu refuses to stop being adorable and neglected at people just because the manga finally finished.

Especially since the one thing he wished for that we thought he could have in the end was that Shinji would remember him: people who remember the ending movies knew that he wouldn't even have freedom in death thanks to SEELE's dummy system for the MP Evas... and the manga's reboot ending means that Shinji doesn't remember him.

Originally I thought this fic would just be them meeting again, but I wanted Shinji to remember him on some level, and so... This is one of those fics that got away from me. It ended up three times as long as I was expecting, but also nothing like what I was expecting.

"So he was right," the commander of their escort said, finally breaking the silence. "There was something down here." Kaji, the press liason, started taking photographs before Misato Katsuragi even finished speaking.

The UN officer was the daughter of Dr. Katsuragi, the 'crackpot' who was driven into retirement and obscurity before Shinji was even born for theorizing a method of energy generation that was considered ridiculous by most people but, some whispered, the truth was that it was too dangerous. To the established order, if you talked to the kind of conspiracy theorists who leaped on all of Dr. Ikari's articles about the mysterious statues near Tokyo and other relics.

Was it the effects unlimited energy would have on the economy that had really frightened the world's governments, or was it the energy signal detected in Antarctica?

A few years ago, Katsuragi would be telling Kaji to knock it off, because her superiors were going to want to cover this up. Again?

Except that wouldn't do them any good. Not after what Dr. Ikari found underneath Tokyo.

That one hadn't given off as impressive an energy signature. That would have alerted the government that there was something else that could cause a panic down there. A huge bubble under the surface? What would happen if it collappsed in an earthquake?. With so much local and public alarm, it was impossible to cover up the discovery of the white giantess hidden in the depths.

Now they'd found a second, tracing a far stronger signal of the type given off by the Tokyo entity.

What was the difference between the two? That one was asleep: was this one already awake?

They'd had to bore through ice to reach the sphere, but down here, closer to the earth's heart, it was warm enough Dr. Ikari found himself shrugging his shoulders out of his labcoat as he stared up at his discovery. He still needed to determine the connection between these two and the statues… No, the question that had started him on this journey didn't matter, did it? Not next to the other questions posed by two things that could only be spacecraft. Whose sleeping inhabitants were probably both genetically identical to humans. What this meant for Earth's true history, for humanity's place in the universe? And the power source they'd detected, if it really was Dr. Katsuragi's theorized S2 engine, what that could mean? Unlimited free energy, the power to reach out to the stars. To reach back out to the stars?

To return home?

To return… to find… their true past, their destiny.

A sharp crack startled him awake: he blinked and found someone had grabbed his arm, Dr. Sohryu's hand in front of his face. She'd snapped her fingers to wake him up. Inwardly he groaned: that was the first time on this expedition that he'd zoned out like that. He'd started to hope that he was growing out of it or something.

"You almost walked out into the blood! Again," she added, familiar annoyance instantly replaced by curiosity, the drive to discovery. "So?" Had anything mysteriously appeared in his head this time?

"What about you?" he asked, trying to think.

"You're the one who was so insistent we name her Lilith, even though both of us knew that place," she reminded him. "This one's connected to her and the statues, but that doesn't take me to figure out." This installation was similar enough to the one in Japan that they must... might have been created by the same ancient civilization. The blueprints were nearly identical, and that was after millions of years of ice and tectonic forces acting on them differently.

"I… don't know. If we picked up something about Lilith and the statues from growing up there somehow…" then they wouldn't have any connection to one in Antarctica… right? "I'm getting déjà vu."

"But that might just be because we've all been in a place like this before," Katsuragi (Misato, why did he keep slipping and almost calling her Misato) said, frowning. "They're almost identical, except this one seems much more damaged."

The roof separating the room where this white giant slept from the main sphere had holes in it. There was rubble all over the bottom of Lilith's chamber, but here it was piled up higher: they'd needed to climb over a lot more obstacles before someone finally caught sight of Lilith's counterpart.

"We're just lucky the wall of the main sphere didn't burst," Asuka said. "Imagine if the entire thing had filled up with ice. We'd still be boring this time next year."

Shinji and Misato made a noncommittal noise at the same time, while Kaji outright snorted. Not after Lilith had been found. Not when there was so much at stake in this project.

"The lance sticking out of her chest isn't as long," Shinji realized. "It looks like half of it snapped off." Damaged in the landing? Had one of the chunks of the roof fallen on it? He started forward again, this time picking his way across the drier rubble.

Warm, just like Lilith's chamber, he thought, checking that his coat was settled on his shoulders again. He needed the sample kit in his pockets. He wanted to get closer to the head before he took the samples. Maybe the face would jog those strange not-memories, he wondered, and then realized that was really an excuse. Did he want to see this one's face? Would it be just like Lilith's? Would it stir the same sense of familiarity, of almost-grief?

He touched its neck, feeling the warmth of that alabaster skin through the glove. It didn't take him long to detect a heartbeat, great and slow, and he had to restrain a sigh of relief.

Asuka had to snap again. "Just like with Lilith, then," she said crossly.

"His neck," Shinji said, with no idea why. "My hands on his neck."

"His?" Kaji asked skeptically. "Looks the same as Lilith to me."

"He." Shinji said, even though he'd seen the white giant from the top of one of the fallen pieces too. "Kaoru. Adam? Kaworu," he said, and scrambled back as he realized that his hand had tightened without him willing it, digging into that flesh like a claw, although it had to be more like a pinch to something this huge.

That… would explain why it was waking up.

"So I was right that the lance through her heart was a control mechanism," Asuka said, folding her arms. Her head tilted back as she watched the giant rise up, but she didn't take a step back. For Asuka, running was something that happened to other people. Shinji had always envied her certainty.

"Get back!" Katsuragi was ordering them, as well as her men, but something told Shinji that he must not run. That it was too late anyway.

Yet somehow he wasn't afraid, as the white giant pushed itself up off the spear, the hole closing as soon as the last of it came out its back. To be loomed over by some great humanoid was almost nostalgia: Shinji had returned every summer to those statues, struck by the mystery. By the familiarity. This, this Kaworu? Was like the statues. Not just a relic of ancient times, but something from his childhood.

A wave swamped his boots as the giant's hands came down on either side of the platform where he and Asuka stood. He wondered if she was any more afraid than he was. Probably less. Where Lilith gave him uncertainty, she gave Asuka annoyance. Yet they both shared that same sense of familiarity.

Just like Asuka herself was familiar to Shinji, and Misato, and Kaji…

Was all of this fate, he wondered again, as white eyelids lifted to reveal near-human irises, the same red as that water?

He could see puzzlement in the tilt of that great head, but more than that. The same feeling of I know you reflected in both their eyes, brown meeting red.

One of those hands rose, and Shinji expected to be poked in the chest. He'd braced himself a little to avoid being knocked on his ass: it was a surprise when he wasn't, that this being knew to be careful with something relatively so small and fragile.

That mouth opened. Does he know my name? Shinji wondered. He's going to say my name.

And perhaps that was what the white giant was trying to say, but how long had it lain there? Millions of years? As long as Lilith or even longer? It shouldn't have been a surprise that he needed to clear his throat. It wasn't a surprise that it didn't cover its mouth when it coughed.

"Ew," Asuka said, annoyed, but she wasn't going to complain when this was interesting. She was the one to propose that they remove the spear from Lilith to see what happened, the one who cursed the government's cowardice while Shinji wondered why he was so sad and disappointed.

Well, this one was already awake, so if he didn't hurt anyone, then Lilith… but Shinji knew he shouldn't be too open about how he wanted Lilith to be freed, how he found himself wanting to protect her, not when he was an idiot and it was his fault people like Katsuragi and Kaji and now the government had found out that he and Asuka had this connection to the alien being. The two alien beings.

At least this one turned away before it coughed a second time. The sound of annoyance it made in its throat was so human. So immature, Shinji thought. That was the word for it, and yet that itself was familiar.

That hand touched him again, and then was spread out in front of him, palm up.

A white figure appeared in that palm. Grew out of that palm. The main body vanished into that slight figure (whatever happened to conservation of mass?) and it dropped gracefully onto what passed for solid ground.

Me, Shinji knew without anyone needing to say it. He looks like me.

Except for that pale skin, white hair: the eyes that opened to meet his (just to meet his) were red instead of brown.

Shinji's eyes unfocused, and for a moment white turned to blue: chest and hips grew curved like ReiLilith but the face was still Shinji's and when Shinji blinked he knew that was another vision, like the dreams of the statues moving, the statues fighting, of Asuka and a girl with his face and his face was just like hers, they were the same.

The young man in front of him (somehow he seemed younger, infinitely younger, even though the being was ancient and the body was Shinji's age) licked his lips. Checking there wasn't anything wrong with the throat it had made? "Ikari," he said, experimentally. "Ikari." This time he sounded more pleased with himself as he looked across at the doctor.

Shinji hit him in the chest with the labcoat. "Put some clothes on?" What began as an order almost added in a squeak: it had seemed so natural to order this person around, try to get them to cover up, dammit, but before he'd finished his mind had come back to reality, had realized that he was ordering around an alien entity with a perpetual motion machine built into it. What were they capable of?

"Why?" Asuka wondered. "He doesn't have anything I haven't seen before." So she'd noticed that he was identical to Shinji… there too?

Shinji blushed. "We're not the only ones here!" Did his ex-girlfriend really have to let everyone know that was what his...

The feelings Asuka triggered in him now. Annoyance. Frustration. Those were the feelings associated with the being that just stood there like a spectator, watching him with a smile that might have been gloating if there wasn't that feeling of innocence. Just like Lilith made him feel worry. Like he needed to protect her.

No.

He needed to protect both of them.

His doppelganger put on his labcoat the wrong way around, sticking his arms through the sleeves the wrong way with the back hanging in front of him.

Why was he looking at Shinji like that, so pleased when he dressed himself (totally wrong)? Did he expect Shinji to give him a cookie? "Ikari."

"Shinji Ikari." Being called Dr. Ikari made him look around for his asshole dad… Why had he thought his father was an asshole? He and Shinji's mother had both died under mysterious circumstances. Except he could see them both smiling at him now, his father finally returned to her side, but it wasn't as though he'd had to wait to rejoin her, they'd both vanished at the same time and he hadn't seen them since then. "Dr. Shinji Ikari. Professor," he corrected himself, because he'd been made a tenured professor in among all the other things that happened because of Lilith's discovery. It hadn't quite sunk in yet, after all those years of being the crackpot, the one who was wasting his potential. "You're Kaworu, aren't you?"

"Adam. Kaworu Nagisa. Kaworu." The smile was just happy, but some part of Shinji labeled it brainless, annoying and he suddenly felt a lot like Asuka. Generally he was the one who played good cop to Asuka's Why Are You Idiots Not Listening To And Funding Us. She was the one who got irritated with people not understanding. Shinji could understand most people not understanding just fine. He really didn't understand himself.

Why was it his doppelganger, not the giant, that was making him go yes, he knew this person? "Lilith, Rei?" he asked, in case it made any sense to the other person.

"Rei?" Asuka echoed him, and that wasn't what startled him, it was that Katsuragi (Misato) did the same.

"She's like me," Kaworu said. "The woman – your mother – said you'd find us."

"My mother?"

Kaworu nodded. "She said that you'd forget me," pain squeezing tight and Shinji had to lift a hand to his own chest, "but that she'd make it so the old men never existed. So this time I could live, with you. Otherwise I wouldn't have just let her use my soul, even though it was better than what the old men wanted to do."

It shouldn't have seemed so natural for his doppelganger, the form the giant was wearing to talk to them, to make a face. Such a childlike 'I've tasted something icky' face. "But she made sure I'd stay me until you came, and I think that's what Rei wanted too since you said you wanted to hold her hand. I wasn't awake, so I wasn't there, so… I didn't think you'd want to hold my hand, even though you granted my wish, but she said that… That I was one of the people her son cared about. That we could be together forever in a world without the old men trying to kill everybody. She said she and Lilith could make me a Lilim like you, but I wanted to stay me. Even if it meant I'd have to wait to see you."

He reached up in Shinji's direction and then hesitated, happy obliviousness to the strangeness of what he said and all the people that surrounded them suddenly transformed to skittishness. Was it the wideness of his eyes that made him seem younger than Shinji, or the hint of fear? Vulnerability? "Do you… want me to stay?"

"Of course," Shinji said, because if Kaworu could tell them what he knew? Even if he hadn't sensed this connection, that would be more than enough. He just hoped that it was enough for the world, that Asuka could make them see reason.

"You haven't lost anyone, have you?"

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked carefully, wincing because he knew Katsuragi was going to take that as some kind of threat. Somehow.

"She's here," Kaworu said, nodding at the officer who had just shifted her footing on the rubble, probably going for a more solid stance as she went for her holster, "and so's the Second Child, and the First Child should still be there, so… Is it okay, to want to be your friend?"

"Yes," Shinji knew. "Yes, it's okay. Kaworu." He wasn't quite conscious of taking a step forward.

The happiness on that face, the nervousness and pain melting away, overcome by a smile like the sun, such innocent joy as the hand Shinji reached out to him was grabbed by both of Kaworu's.

Weird. It was definitely weird that Kaworu raised that hand to his face, rubbed his cheek against it so happily, closing his eyes to appreciate the touch of Shinji's hand, the warmth of (another) human. But in a way, it wasn't weird at all? The part of him that knew Kaworu knew that of course, Kaworu was weird, so for him to be weird felt normal.

After all, wouldn't it be even weirder for something-someone like Kaworu to act perfectly normal, like he'd grown up in Japan or something when he'd been asleep at the South Pole the entire time? What clues could his behavior give them about the society of the ancient culture that created him and Lilith? For all Shinji knew this happy nuzzling was how they greeted people. Old friends.

So he put aside embarrassment and took one of Kaworu's hands to return the gesture.

Well, alright, maybe it wasn't just a friendly thing. Not when Kaworu was staring at him in surprise and adoration, looking like he was about to swoon.

Shinji wondered if he he'd just accepted Kaworu's proposal or something.

That… should have been a more worrying thought than it was. He didn't want to break Kaworu's heart, not when he seemed so earnest. So innocent. He couldn't just push him away. So instead of trying to backpedal, downplay what he'd just done, he kept hold of Kaworu's hand and ended up with his arms full of angel.

Angel. That was what Kaworu and Lilith were, he knew as the hand that wasn't still grasping Kaworu's reached up to touch that white hair, sliding down through rough silk to touch that thin neck. Kaworu pressed it up in his hands, and he knew there was something about that, something about that gesture (Kaworu's wish, to be held and touched and freed). Shinji kept his hand there, resting lightly, gently, and it must have been the right thing to do because the angel relaxed in his arms, against his body and hummed softly, happily.

He looked at Asuka over Kaworu's head in case she had any idea of what to do now, but from the glare he got in response that was certainly the wrong answer. What, did he expect her to know what to do with a baby like this just because she was a woman? Shinji was the one who wore the apron in their apartment.

Katsuragi cleared her throat. "Should we escort… Kaworu to the base camp while you get whatever samples and readings you need?"

Shinji turned to look at her. "I think Asuka can take over here, but taking Kaworu back to the camp is a good idea." And getting him some clothes. More clothes was a very good idea, since when Shinji looked down Kaworu's back he'd seen that since Kaworu was wearing it more like a hospital gown, the front of the lab coat was hanging open.

He was glad that Kaworu's giant form was gone, even though he'd insisted on bringing tarps with them. At least Lilith was covered decently now, but there was nothing that could be done about all the naked photos circulating online. He winced at the thought, wishing he could have stopped that, for Rei's sake. Making sure that word got out as soon as possible was the best protection against the government just having Lilith destroyed except for chopped-up samples in some lab and hiding that she'd ever existed, so he had to thank Mr. Kaji for helping him and Asuka, but still, had it really been necessary to give those photos to the press? It had been months and nothing bad had happened because of Lilith, so Kaworu should have a chance because of that? Even if Katsuragi was giving him the evil eye. Why would she… Oh, right, even if Lilith and thus Kaworu as well were genetically human, they weren't exactly normal and they definitely were from outer space. Why had he thought that Katsuragi suspecting Kaworu might be because of something else, or might be important? She was here to protect Shinji and Asuka, so shapeshifting aliens that attached themselves to one of the lead scientists and said cryptic things, well, he'd read those books too.

Why was he so certain that Kaworu wasn't going to hurt him? What was this about his mother? Why did he and Asuka know these things?

And why was Kaworu snuggling closer against his chest and saying, in a warm, breathy, quiet little voice of absolute contentment, "You're bringing me home with you?"

"Just back to the base camp for now, but eventually," they'd probably want Kaworu brought to the research facility in Shinji's hometown, built inside Lilith's geofront, so "Yes. Are you okay with that? We're going to need to run tests, and you might be in containment for awhile. There will be more restrictions, since there are more people there. I think you'd have more freedom if you stayed here over the short term, but if you're willing to cooperate-"

"I'll do whatever you want," Kaworu told him. "I want you to be happy with me."

Shinji wanted to ask why? Why was there this connection between the three, the four of them? Katsuragi and Kaji as well? But for now, there were tests to be done, and some of Shinji's spare clothes should fit Kaworu. Shinji really hated the idea of people looking at Kaworu's body like he was a freak and a thing. The way Katsuragi was right now.

Shinji was growing more and more suspicious that Katsuragi was one of them, that she had some sort of knowledge about Kaworu, Lilith and the statues, but if she could dislike Kaworu, hopefully that would be viewed at a sign that it wasn't some sort of broadcast brainwashing to make them willing to help the human non-invaders? Not that Shinji understood the military mind, or wanted to. He hated the entire concept of fighting, of hurting people. If someone ordered Katsuragi to shoot Kaworu she'd do it, and even though he liked Katsuragi the thought of someone being willing to kill like that, of someone suggesting that they burn Lilith's body just to be safe, was just disgusting. The thought of Kaworu tied down in some lab somewhere, treated like a thing, begging Shinji to put him out of his misery…

…where had that come from?

He hoped it wasn't an omen.

But the thought it might be a memory, that the joy in Kaworu's eyes had once burned out, nothing left but jaded hopelessness, longing for death and even the smallest scrap of mercy, was even worse.

When they got back to the base camp and sat down with a bunch of cameras present to interview Kaworu, it was Kaji more than Shinji who managed to get him talking. Almost chattering. He was so happy to be addressed with Kaji's (overly) affectionate manner that it almost worried Shinji. It would be easy for someone to take advantage of Kaworu. All they'd have to do was pretend to care.

Was it hypocritical of Shinji to think that, even as he held Kaworu's hand? He'd taken it to try to comfort him, or anchor him, but Kaworu seemed so happy now, animated and lively just because someone wanted to know about him. Cared about his thoughts and feelings and what was this about Kaworu dying?

And why did it make him cling tight enough to that hand that even Kaworu winced? "You," he said, and didn't know what part of him had spoken, what it wanted to say next.

"You killed me," Kaworu said, far too happily, blushing a little with it. "You said you'd probably remember me, too."

'Yeah, probably,' echoed in his head, a rueful smile on his lips, because this was all he could do but at least it was something. At least he could make one person happy, even if he couldn't protect anyone.

Kaworu was such a child, he couldn't imagine anyone wanting to hurt him, even if he was what he was. Shinji had just met him, and yet before I knew it, I had fallen in love with him. Even though I didn't want to. Even though I thought I couldn't bear to care for anyone else, let anyone else in.

But Kaworu was already in his heart, just like Asuka, and Kaji, and even the cold military officer Katsuragi.

'I want to hold your hand again,' he remembered saying to, to someone, and then lips were on his, his body was pressed against someone else's, someone was holding him tight with their lips over Shinji's, and maybe he should have pushed them away, tried to say that he was okay now, tried to hide that he was reacting to Kaworu's presence (memories returning?), acting oddly because of the life form they'd found, but instead his arm wrapped around Kaworu's back, a hand gripping his shirt tightly.

"It worked again," Kaworu said with evident relief once Shinji's breathing slowed.

"You... Did that before," Shinji knew. "I was..." his voice trailed off, eyes closing as he tried to capture the memory, the impression. Something about Kaworu's shirt clenched in his fist, just like now, and...

And Kaworu was sniffling.

Shinji opened his eyes again to see Kaworu's throat moving as he gulped, breath hitching and now, now there were tears in those eyes. "She said that you wouldn't remember, that it would hurt too much, but, you, you remembered my wish!"

Now Kaworu was the one gripping Shinji's coat tightly, his face bured against where it met the side of Shinji's neck as those shoulders (leaner than Shinji's) heaved. As he cried. So very human.

"You'll kill me, won't you? If I can't live in this world?" Kaworu forced out past the tears, pleading, and the part of Shinji that worried about people wondered what Kaji and Katsuragi were thinking of this, but that was only because of Kaworu. "Like the cat. Like last time."

"I'll take care of you, Kaworu," Shinji promised, knowing that Kaworu wouldn't understand that Shinji was promising not to kill him.

"I want you to be the one to kill me," Kaworu said, so very piteously. "You held me in both your hands, and it almost like what being loved must feel like."

Shinji choked back a flippant, borderline-furious reply of 'that's because I did love you, you suicidal idiot,' instead just stroking that pure white hair. He didn't know how to deal with this, but the only person he would trust Kaworu and his feelings to was Asuka, and she was even worse at being comforting than he was. Long-faded memories of his mother rose to the surface of his mind (Rei, Rei was like a mother) and said to keep doing what he was doing. Kaworu liked being held.

Arms around his body. Even hands on his throat.

I envisioned this fic as crack with Kaworu getting all the old Green Space Babe that falls for the main character tropes. Like accidental marriage is fun. "Who told him that marriage meant being together forever?!" I have a bunny where Gendo and Shinji get generation-swapped and Shinji marries the alien they find at the South Pole, but that's definitely an anime!Kaworu fic.

But in any case, teaching Kaworu about the modern world ensues, with Kaworu being scarily intelligent and picking up all the things that make sense to him really fast, but people are harder and also he sneaks into Shinji's bed whenever he can, and at first Shinji thinks it's because he was just lonely sealed away down there at the South Pole, so he doesn't like sleeping alone. Kaworu remembers that Shinji was bothered by Kaworu loving him, so Shinji would really have to coax it out of him, sadly, since he doesn't want to be rejected by Shinji. A second chance with Shinji is the reason he was willing to come back to life in the new world at all.

Interviews with Kaworu about how he likes music and playing with Shinji and aww. The relationship developing really deserves a full-length fic, but I have too many projects.

Shinji and Rei were meant to have identical face shapes etc. to hint that they were related, and in the manga Kaworu's resemblance to Rei was heightened since in the black and white format, there wasn't odd hair and eye colors to hint at the connection between the two of them (or so I'm told: I'm pretty blind to face shape and such). Kaworu's physical form is basically his manga form, just older, but in here it does work as a tweaked doppelganger (eg. thinner, sharper-featured because of that) of Shinji, which works with how Armisael took Rei's form to talk to her. It's an interesting concept, so I wanted to toss it out there.

Kaworu's experience of Third Impact was different from Shinji's. Asuka and Shinji ended up breaking up because without the adrenaline present in both series, the chemistry wasn't the same/there. They're very close, and can often finish each other's sentences with it comes to their research, but they're more like brother and sister (obviously Asuka's the one who has to look after Shinji~). With Kaworu, and soon Rei, looking like more fragile, nervous Shinjis… Especially Rei. Rei will still rub Asuka the wrong way a little, but I'm reminded of that line about Jade 'he wouldn't scold you unless he cared about you.'

Asuka basically only met Kaworu once, so she doesn't feel as connected to him and he'll be left to Shinji more than Rei. Rei and Kaworu both remember everything, so Rei remembers that she and Asuka were not friends, but she's not going to tell Asuka that when she appreciates Asuka's kindness, and how Asuka sticks up for her when people want to run tests or be weird about how Rei is the mother of humanity. Asuka would want to try to make them treat Rei like a normal person partially because of old feelings of not wanting Rei to be honored more than she is, in addition to being more mature and saner as a combination of her age and her mother never being involved in a contact experiment.

Well, the fic also turned out a lot longer than expected, even if not quite as planned, so I hope Woodencat likes it!