Alex's Birthday
Later that week, Alex sat in her apartment, and cracked open her fourth bottle of beer.
She knew J'onn wouldn't approve, and knew that Kara definitely wouldn't approve, but what did she care? Kara was dead for all she knew.
She sighed. Who am I kidding? Of course I care that Kara would disapprove. But it hurts so much. Alcohol is the only thing that can take away the pain.
She looked up towards the ceiling. Please forgive me, Kara. For sitting here uselessly drowning in my sorrow. For not saving you. I have always been a bad sister, and the past few years have been no exception.
Alex shook her head in frustration. You gave yourself up to protect my family. Our family. You gave yourself up to protect me. And I didn't want you to go, but you wouldn't let up. So I promised, that at the very least, I would find you. You were so selfless, and now I can't even save you. You are suffering because of me. You have suffered all this time, because of me.
All these thoughts swirled in her head as she chugged the entirety of the bottle's contents without coming up for air.
Once she finished, she gripped her bottle and threw it ferociously against the opposite wall.
It smashed into pieces.
Just like her heart after watching those videos.
God damn it, Kara. Why did you have to be so damn good? Why couldn't you just let us deal with it? Why did you have to play hero? Why do you always have to play hero?
Alex sat in misery, ready to open up the next bottle. Trying to bottle up or let out all of her pent up anger.
She wasn't sure which she was doing at the moment.
That's when Alex caught a glimpse of the picture and thoughts of Lillian came into mind.
How the hell can she even sleep at night knowing she is ruining lives?! Daily. How could she torture a little girl, who only saw good in the world? And every damn day, for God's sake. Not letting up a single time.
Kara's only seventeen. She doesn't deserve this.
She didn't deserve any of this. She didn't deserve any of the crappy things that have happened to her. She survived the death of everything she used to love, everything she used to know. Finally came here to find refuge, to find love. And Lillian ruined it all.
She remembered what she had said to J'onn earlier in the week. Almost exactly what she had just thought now.
Kara is only seventeen. Nobody should have to go through this, but her whole life has been ruined by this Lillian.
That's when reality smacked Alex right in the face.
Kara's seventeen now. She was twelve when she left.
All that time spent, her teenage years. Wasted. Getting hurt everyday, tortured. For no damn reason.
Alex downed her next bottle, relishing how it numbed her from the pain.
She shouldn't even be drinking. She just turned nineteen today. Not old enough yet. But dear god, it felt good.
It made it worse for Alex, having her birthday come around. Before everything had happened, Kara always treated birthdays like holidays, always insisting on spending the whole day together.
Doing something crazy or fun.
Now, the older sister sat alone in her apartment, drowning in cheap liquor, when just five years before everything was perfect.
There was no one to sit with her today.
It felt like only just yesterday when Kara was getting all excited for Alex's upcoming milestones. Her 16th birthday and soon after, her 18th.
Alex felt herself sinking into that memory, the last she was able to recall with perfect clarity.
A month before the beach trip
Kara and Alex were in bed, having their customary sleepover, when all of a sudden Kara whispered excitedly.
"Oh my Rao, Alex. Next week is your birthday! You're turning fifteen! That's so cool!"
Alex chuckled lightly and responded,"All right there, cowgirl. No need to get all riled up. It's not all that exciting."
"Oh please, Alex. You're gonna be sixteen soon! You can drive your own car, and you can have the biggest and best sweet sixteen ever!"
Alex laughed. "Kara, oh my goodness. Sure, it'll be great, but I don't need a big party to be happy. I just need you."
"Aw, Alex. That's like the nicest thing you've ever said to me... I think." Kara cooed teasingly.
"Wow, okay. Don't get used to it then. If you're just going to tease me, I'll just have to stop caring."
Kara's face fell. "Wait, no. I wasn't being serious... I need you, too. More than you know."
Alex caught on to her sister's alarm, and inwardly cursed herself for making such a stupid mistake.
"Oh, Kar. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I just said it as a joke. I doubt I'd be able to stop caring, even if I wanted to. I love you."
Alex could see Kara beaming, even in the dark.
"Well, I suppose if you don't want to have an awesome sweet sixteen, then I'll just have to have one to make up for it!"
Alex laughed at this. "Sure, whatever you want to do. But you're only twelve now, you still have a lot of time left to plan the best party ever."
Kara sighed. "Does it ever feel like we're growing up too quick? I mean, you're going to be an adult soon. It's hard enough knowing you'll be going to college, but you're turning eighteen in less than five years. Do you ever find it scary?"
Alex looked into her little sister's eyes. "Of course I do. I think we're growing up a little quicker than I'd like, but it's okay. Sure it's a scary thing, but there's one thing I know for sure that helps with the fear."
Kara looked up at her big sister, wanting desperately for her to have all the answers. "Can you tell me what keeps you from getting scared?"
Alex smiled down at her. "Well, it's quite simple actually. It's just the fact that... That we'll always be braving the world together. It'll always just be you and me. So when it's my 16th or your 16th, sure we'll be that much older, but we'll be there for each other. And whenever I'm with you, somehow, all the fear just goes away." Alex paused to make sure Kara was listening.
"When I go off to college, or have my 18th birthday, it'll be sad to know I'm leaving, but it'll be fine. Because we'll always have each other. You could always call me. I could always visit. There's no reason to be scared of the future, of growing up too fast, because we'll do it all together. I can't imagine trying to grow up without you. It'd be a nightmare. But growing up with you? It sounds like everything I've ever wanted. We still have so much to go, so much to do. And when you get scared, I'll be right by your side."
Kara laid there, feeling reassured. "You promise?" Alex nodded and Kara continued. "Then I guess it'll all turn out fine. I mean, as long as we're together, everything will end up alright."
"You got it, Kar. You don't have anything to worry about. We'll spend a lot of time together, and it will all work itself out in the end."
Kara nodded thoughtfully, clinging to the hope her big sister was giving her. "Well, anyways. If we're going to have the best 18th party ever for you, we should probably start planning now."
Alex chuckled, and they talked into the night.
Content in each other's company.
Back in the Apartment
Alex felt tears in her eyes as she remembered that night. How she had promised Kara to spend all their birthdays together, and here she was on her 19th without her. They had also missed last year, the all important 18.
A pang of sadness washed over her as she realized that Kara's 16th birthday was last year.
Her little sister was so damn excited for it and instead, she spent it getting tortured.
Alex hadn't really thought about it that much, busy with trying to find her and training for the DEO.
All Kara wanted was to be with her growing up, and she had failed.
We'll always be braving the world together.
Those words rang in her head as she remembered how calming they had been to her little sister.
Now, they just felt... meaningless.
She cracked open a new bottle and took a large swig.
We'll always have each other.
Another gulp.
I can't imagine trying to grow up without you. It'd be a nightmare.
Half the bottle already gone.
When you get scared, I'll be right by your side.
A big gulp.
You don't have anything to worry about... It will all work itself out in the end.
The whole thing is almost gone.
"You promise?"
The whole bottle was done and smashed into the wall, just like the rest.
She screamed in frustration. "Damn it! I'm such a screw up. I broke all those promises. How could she possibly still believe in me?!"
As she shook her head in disappointment, she caught a glimpse of a box in the corner of her room. It contained everything relating to Kara from the old house in Midvale.
Old pictures. Movie tickets from the ones they watched together. Notes.
In fact, the first thing on top was a note. From school. It was an assignment where the students had to pick their hero, someone they looked up to. And give reasons how that person was a hero and why he/she was admirable.
Alex picked it up and started reading.
Dear Alex,
My hero! You are the best! There are so many reasons why you are my hero, but apparently I have a page limit, which is stupid. But anyways, here's just a few:
You're the best sister ever and you'are also my best friend! You always find a way to cheer me up whenever I feel sad, alone, and unsure. If that's not a superpower, I don't know what is.
You always look out for me. You always protect me, and always do what you think is best for me. You protect me from the bullies and the people who try to put me down, which is a true hero quality.
You are the most persistent person I know. Anything you want, you achieve. Anything you say, it gets done. And if it doesn't, you'll still somehow find a way to make it work.
Alex teared up and smiled as she noticed Kara's handwriting get smaller and skinnier. Knew that she had done it to fit more on her page.
You are the coolest person ever. You kick butt! Anytime anyone tries to hurt me, you put them in their place. My own personal superhero.
Oh no! I'm running out of room. Okay, one more. It's definitely got to be your perseverance. You never give up and anything you set your mind to, you can do. Definitely something I admire about you and want to learn from you. I could never lose faith in you, because I know you would never lose faith in yourself. I will always love you, because you mean so much to me. And most of all, I know if anything ever happens to me, you won't give up on me. Not until we're through to the other side. Because you don't give up. That's not who the strong Alex Danvers is. I'll always have faith in you, and I'll always know you're coming to save me. Because that's what a superhero does.
Thanks for being my hero,
Kara 3
Alex was full blown crying as she put it back into the box.
The note reminded her of everything she had lost. But it also showed her how much Kara was counting on her. How much faith Kara had- has in her.
Alex felt determination worm its way back into her. Felt the fire reignite in her eyes.
"I'm coming for you, Kar. No matter how long it takes. That is one promise I'll never break. I know you're counting on me. I know you need someone now more than ever. So I'm coming Kar.
I'm coming."