Knight's Lament

calikocat

word Count: 2729

XXX

It took a while for his courage to be up to snuff. He put it off as long as he could, letting Willow call Giles, call Oz, and then...after Botan had come back for her with promises to come back for him and Cordelia he finally called.

He dialed the familiar number; she picked up on the first ring. "Buffy?"

"Sorry Mrs. Summers. It's just me."

"Oh, Xander. I'm sorry; I was just...well you know."

"Yeah, yeah I know. That's actually why I'm calling. About Buffy. She's safe."

Joyce was silent for a moment as his words sank in. "Xander. How do you know that?"

"She's in Japan."

"What? Why?"

"Because a lot of stuff happened and she needed time away to mourn. And she told me that you kicked her out...and at least this way she's safe and not staying in some skeazy apartment in LA which is where I found her."

He heard the receiver creak in her grip as it tightened and her voice was hot with anger. "You had no right-"

"Neither did you!" He growled, and his outburst must have startled her.

"What are you-?"

And then...the damn in him broke a little. "Do you have any idea what we've been through? How many times we've had to patch ourselves up after a battle? How many people we couldn't save, how many we had to bury." His voice broke in a half sob. "Do you realize that your daughter is a hero, that she's saved the world at least three times? All the times she came home with her clothes stained with blood, or weird slime you couldn't identify, didn't you wonder at all what was going on? You adults can be so damn blind!"

"Xander..."

"You, my mom, and Willow's parents...you never see anything! Not like you should! It's like if you don't like it, it doesn't exist, it doesn't happen. That's not the way it works. There are monsters out there and we fight them, because no one else will. And I'm so tired of people dying." The last was said in a whisper, his tantrum had run out of steam, he could feel Cordelia wrapping her arms around him from behind.

Joyce blinked back tears as she pictured what he must look like at that moment. Eyes red from angry tears, his back hunched over like the weight of the world could come crashing down on him at any moment. He sounded so young and she wondered how a bunch of kids went about saving the world without anyone knowing. "Who did you bury Xander?"

"His...his name was Jesse, and he was my best friend. He was the first vampire I ever dusted...and it was an accident."

"I'm so sorry honey."

"Me too."

"Buffy...she's really okay?"

"Yeah Mrs. Summers. She's okay. Not happy with me cause I've been keeping secrets from her."

"What kind of secrets? You two were already in on the monsters are real secret." There was a touch of disbelief and...humor? In her voice.

"Cordy and I sort of fell in love with the enemy...and he played spy for us."

"That Spike fellow...oh sweetie he's too old for the two of you."

"Mrs. Summers, you can't help who you fall in love with."

"Amen to that...will you...tell her I didn't mean it? That she can come home..."

"I'll tell her, or have someone else tell her. And I'll see she gets to a phone to talk to you."

"Thank you Xander."

"But right now she's with Genkai way out in the mountains. Genkai is...a legendary martial artist/psychic and my brother's mentor."

Joyce thought about that for a minute before asking; "Buffy really is a...Vampire Slayer?"

"Yeah."

"Is this Genkai...going to train her?"

"Maybe...Buffy already knows how to slay...but Genkai can make her stronger, and that certainly won't hurt. The most important part about slaying is to stay alive, cause there's always gonna be someone out there who's stronger."

Joyce sniffled a bit. "It never ends does it?" She whispered as the truth washed over her. "My baby will never really be safe."

"No it doesn't end. But by the time summer is over she'll be stronger than she is now. And Mrs. Summers, she's not alone. According to Giles, no other Slayer has ever had the support of her family, or friends. We're watching her back, and there's a lot of us, so you don't have to worry so much. She and Willow are the sisters of my heart and I'd do anything for them."

"Thank you Xander."

"Listen, I gotta go before I run up my host's phone bill...I'll see if Buffy feels like talking soon."

She sighed in relief. "I'd appreciate it."

"Yeah...bye."

"Goodbye Xander...and thank you."

He hung up the phone, and sunk to the floor, Cordelia still wrapped around him. He ignored the men standing around in shock; they weren't important, instead he turned and buried his face in Cordelia's hair and wept silently.

xxx

Giles settled back in his chair, his mind still muddied with thoughts from his two phone calls, first Willow with an update on Buffy, thank God she was okay. And then another from Cordelia...seems Xander had an upsetting conversation with Mrs. Summers and after a bit of a break down Cordelia decided that they were going straight to Japan as well. Perhaps he should have a talk with Buffy's mother as well...after a stiff drink and adorning a suit of armor.

He picked up his book and started to read to Jenny again...he didn't know if his words reached her. But after...his ordeal at Angelus' hands, he needed the calming ritual of reading to her. So he read to her, and let his mind wander.

At one point, he turned a page and looked up at her...to see her looking back at him. He stared, his breath caught in his throat, he could not speak. But she could...though her voice was scratchy and barely more than a whisper.

"Why did you stop?"

Finally he found his voice. "Jenny ... Oh God, Jenny." He tossed the book aside and reached for her hand, kissing the back of it.

Her serene expression changed to a frown. "Do...I?" She cleared her throat and he reached for a glass of water and handed it to her. She took a sip and handed it back, he carefully placed it back on the table and gripped her hand.

"Jenny?"

"Do I know you?"

He froze, his body chilled as if he'd been dunked into icy waters. "I'm Rupert...you...don't remember me?"

She shook her head. And Giles let the tears fall. She shhed him, let him lie his head on her lap, and let him cry as she ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry." He continued to weep. She let a few tears of her own fall. "I'm sorry."

xxx

Xander sat up with a start, heart racing...something was watching them...something was...he looked over at Yusuke. Yusuke was sitting in a desk chair, watching them, he did not look happy. Uh oh.

"When were you going to tell me you were back?"

He shrugged. "After I woke up...I'm back."

"This isn't funny Xander."

"No, no its not, but you don't know what happened."

"The world almost ended."

"Well yeah...there was that, but then more stuff happened."

"Why didn't you tell me? I could have-"

"You're gonna be a dad soon. You don't need the Fates pissed off at you too. Besides, if they kept you from interfering with the Judge, then they would have stopped you this time too."

"That's not the point. You're still keeping your distance."

"I'm sorry. I'm still not used to having an older brother."

"Xander-" A pillow hit Yusuke in the face, and Cordelia glared at him.

"Some of us are trying to sleep. You can have your angst fest later...can I have my pillow back?"

Yusuke snorted and handed over her pillow. "We'll talk later." He stood and left the room, closing the door gently behind him.

"My hero."

"Good." She put the pillow back in place and fluffed it. "Where are we anyway, all I remember is passing out after Botan dropped us off."

"Atsuko's."

"Who?"

"Yusuke's mom. This is her place and this is Yusuke's old room."

"Oh...cool. Now go back to sleep."

"Yes Ma'am."

xxx

A few hours later found them in another district, topping a large set of steps. "Do all shrines have this many steps?"

"No idea, but this is nothin'. Wait till you see the steps at Genkai's place...she lives on a mountain."

Cordelia shuddered, even as she took in the beauty of the Higurashi Shrine. "Where Buffy is?"

"Yeah."

"Xander, why are we here? I thought you were going to have a talk with Yusuke."

"Hush, I'm procrastinating. Besides, I needed a little peace. It's peaceful here."

"Going to confess to your Priestess?" Her smile was impish and teasing.

"Nope. Gonna talk to her about her apprentice. I'm worried about what kind of fall out there will be from that curse."

"Xander!" They looked toward Kagome who was waving at them from the house.

He waved back. "Let Shippo show you around the shrine a bit."

"Sure." Cordelia waved at Kagome and knelt down to Shippo's level to greet him before letting him take her hand and lead her toward the God Tree.

Kagome smiled and watched them as he made his way to her. "Is that the same snobby girl who bossed around Sven-san?"

"Yep."

"And you're dating her?"

"Yep."

Kagome watched Cordelia smile at Shippo as he played tour guide. "She's changed."

He shrugged. "She's Cordy." He smiled. "She's my Cordy."

"I expected you here sooner."

"Yeah...we kind of passed out...it's been a long week, an even longer couple of days. How's Willow?"

"She and Oz-san are sleeping too." Kagome frowned. "What happened to her?"

"She got caught up in a gypsy curse; I don't know how bad the damage to her aura or magic was. Can you check her out? Make sure she's okay?"

Kagome nodded. "It would help if I had a translation of the curse, to help me understand what it might have done to her."

"I'll talk to Giles."

There was a moment of silence between them, then Kagome asked. "What happened?"

Xander chuckled and it was an ugly and harsh sound. "What didn't happen?"

"Xander?"

"I kept secrets from my girls, and things got really, really bad. We lost a slayer...and Buffy had to send Angel to hell." He couldn't meet her eyes.

Kagome lifted his chin and forced his gaze to meet hers, what she saw strengthened her resolve to help this boy, no this man who was like a brother to her. "Start at the beginning Xander, I will not judge you. Come with me." She led him to the God Tree and they sat at its base, leaning again the trunk, soaking up its life and strength. Xander's shoulders slumped as if he were carrying the burden of all three realms.

"Remember Angel, the vampire Buffy was in love with?"

"Yes, I had to change the ward on the library so he would be able to enter."

Xander nodded. "We had a close call with a demon called The Judge on Buffy's birthday. The Judge was a demon who could burn the humanity right out of someone. When they got away Buffy was so scared and Angel...the two of them made love. And everything went to shit from there."

Kagome leaned against him, her head on his shoulder. She knew the bitterness in his voice was not from jealousy, Xander was better than that, and his heart would not linger where it was not wanted. "I heard a little about that...you almost died. What happened?"

"You know Angelus was cursed with his soul by gypsies?" He asked and she nodded. "There was a loophole. If Angel ever experienced a moment of true happiness the soul would leave. His night with Buffy was that moment of happiness. And Angelus came back with a vengeance. That guy does not like being cooped up for almost a century."

"How bad was it?"

"Angelus liked to leave presents. He left drawings of Buffy and Joyce while they were sleeping. He killed all of Willow's fish. He baited Buffy at every turn, nearly killed Ms. Calendar and tortured Giles...Ms. Calendar is still in a coma."

Kagome felt her eyes water, she'd liked Jenny Calendar, she couldn't even begin to imagine what Giles-san was going through, not knowing when his lover, or if she would wake up. "How did Angelus end up in hell?"

Xander shuddered and she grasped his hand to give her friend strength. "He found a demon who'd been turned into a statue hundreds of years ago. This demon was called Acathla, and could suck this world into a hell dimension, and Angelus was just crazy enough to try it. And he did, but when my blood didn't work-"

"Your blood? He tried to sacrifice you?"

"Not one of my fondest memories...it didn't work, so he took Giles. Guy played us, distracted Buffy while Drusilla and some minions attacked us in the library. We had a witch to work the curse, but we had to take the wards down for the magic to work. Drusilla showed up when we were trying to recurse Angelus with his soul, Amy was just starting the curse when they showed up." He took a breath. "It all happened so fast Kags. It was pure chaos. Drusilla killed Kendra, and Tor and Kyle were put out of commission for the night."

"The other Slayer you told me about?"

"Yeah."

"Buffy got accused for Kendra's murder. Stupid Snyder. Threatened to send my brother after him, it was the only threat that worked. It was a good threat. Snyder hasn't come near us since." They looked up as Cordelia and Shippo approached them.

The God Tree pulsed with energy then and the doors of the old well house exploded open, a pink light emitting from within.

Xander sat up. "What the hell?"

Shippo and Cordelia looked toward the well house and Shippo gulped. "What's happening?"

Kagome shook her head. "I don't know. The well stopped working when our mission was complete." They rose and the four of them gathered together, moving toward the well house.

Once closer they peeked inside to see that light was indeed coming from the well. Shippo gulped and clung to Kagome's hand.

"Holy crap." Xander said, stepping forward to get a closer look.

"Wait its not-" Before Kagome could finish her warning the light grew brighter and their world went dark.

xxx

Buffy paced around the room, the letter Xander had given her lay on the bed roll Genkai had lent her.

That letter...was Xander's confession. His tell all...everything that he'd kept from her. Everything. And she was not a happy Buffy.

But...he'd been beating himself up about it for quite some time. And he was right...she needed time, and space. Things he didn't get when he thought she'd killed Spike in the church...when he'd killed Jesse.

So she'd taken some of her frustration out on the demons in the forest...she didn't kill any of them...and now they hid from her. Much to Genkai's amusement.

"If you have time to wear out a path on my floors you can do something more productive."

Buffy winced. "Sorry. I'm just..."

I feel it too. Marshal hopped up on her bed roll. Something's happened.

"Again?" Buffy threw her hands up in exasperation. "When are we going to get a break?"

XXX