Dearest Delilah,

New rule: No more tricking Harry! And yes, I am talking in third person. You scared me! I thought that you seriously didn't want to talk to me ever again and I was a bit hurt to be honest.

Now I must apologize for how long it took me to respond back. I've been awfully busy being lazy. No, I'm just kidding. I actually have been busy practicing my song non-stop all week for X-Factor. I have just two more weeks to go!

So how was that date of yours, eh? I knew my advice was right. I am a boy after all and all of us boys work the same way. How'd it go though? Where'd he take you?

I assume that your American Idol is similar to our X-Factor by the sounds of it. For X-Factor, you audition in front of an audience and a set of judges. The judges vote and decide if you get sent to boot camp. Boot camp is just showing some more of your singing and dancing talents, you know? And then from there they vote again and narrow down the contestants. Then you go to the Judges' houses and they eliminate some more people. If you get through all of that, then you perform live on television every week and the audience and viewers call in and vote.

I'm pretty excited. I've been watching it ever since it started. I'm nervous though because one of the judges, Simon Cowell, can be rather mean. Some might even say scary. And yes, I am one of that some. Look up videos of him on Google. You'll see what I mean. I'm just a bit frightened that I'll go on and sing just to have him rip me apart.

Will you send me a picture sometime? I don't care what it is. It can be animals or trees or oceans or skies or animals in trees or trees in animal. I just want to see one. You don't have to though.

Have you ever been to the U.K before? I've never been to America. What's it like there? It seems so foreign. In my mind, it's like a fairytale place, you know? I feel like anything could be there because I've never been there to know for a fact that it isn't there. Does that make sense?

My sister, Gemma, just got here. She's older than me and she's off at Uni, but she's here to visit for the weekend. She keeps on teasing me, asking me who I'm messaging. I said "Your mum." But we have the same mum so the joke doesn't work quite as well.

And I do not say 'Mum' funny. You say it funny. It's 'Mum' with a "U", not "Mom". How do you even say it with the "O"? It feels so unnatural on my tongue when I say it.

Alright, I best be off now. Gemma keeps on saying "Wittle Hawwy's got a giwfwiend!" like the immature toddler she is deep down inside. So I'm off to go attack her with a pillow. It seems like the only mature thing to do in this type of scenario.

Your favorite old man,

Harry

Dearest of dears, Harry,

I'm glad to see that you have embraced the 'old man' role. You were fooling no one with your lying and pretending.

Thanks for mentioning your song and your X-Factor audition numerous times without telling me what song you'd actually be singing. Nice way to leave out the details, Harry! Two more weeks, you say? I'll have to search for your audition tape afterwards. Or have your mom (take notice of the 'o') record it and send it to me.

American Idol works more or less the same way as you described. The contestants audition and if they make it through they go to Hollywood week and if they make it through that then they go live. There are a few more components, but I don't feel like getting all precise over it. It's too much typing.

I love Simon Cowell! He's the best. He's hilarious, too. I get why it's nerve racking though. He can be rather harsh. At least you'll know that he's giving you his honest opinion and not sugar coating it though.

You said your band won that competition, right? You must have some talent if you won then. I've never heard you sing (obviously), but I figure if you sucked then you wouldn't have won that competition, right? Besides, if your friends and family have heard you sing and think you should try out then you must have some talent. If you stunk, they wouldn't let you go out and embarrass your self.

In the end though, the way I figure it is that you said you loved singing. If you really love it, then it's worth the risk.

I've got a picture as an attachment to this email. I drew it and then scanned it with my scanner (duh).

No, I've never been to the U.K., but I get what you mean. I feel like the U.K. is so… different. What's America like? Well, we're the home of fast food restaurants. Everyone disagrees on politics, religion and any other belief you can think of. And as soon as girls hit middle school, their skirts get higher and their shirts go lower, if you know what I mean.

Us Americans have a few things going for us though. You know… like freedom. I'm just messing with you (but not really because we do have freedom). I've kind of never liked it here. I just never felt at home here. I wonder if moving to another state would help or if I just don't blend well with all of America.

My feet are freezing! The rest of me feels hot, but its like someone's rubbing ice on my toes. I need my slippers. I can see them. They're sitting across the room. They're in the shape of bunnies with the floppy ears and everything. I'm trying to use the force to get them, but they just won't budge. Oh, screw it. I'll freeze. I'm too lazy to get up.

The date was alright, I guess. It was nothing to write home (or to my overseas pen pal) about. But since you asked, I'll give you a nice briefing of the evening:

7:00 pm- Foot-kicker (more commonly know as Bryan) picked me up from my house.

7:10 pm- We went to a pizzeria and had (you guessed it) pizza. The conversation was a bit dull, but he was really nice.

7:45 pm- We left the pizzeria.

8:00 pm- We arrived at the movie theater and got tickets (he paid for mine).

8:10 pm- We sat down in the theater with a thing of overpriced popcorn (I didn't have the heart to tell him that I hate popcorn) and a huge soda to share. Bryan made funny commentary trough the previews. The movie (Stolen) was good. Bryan made a few sly moves (such as the 'yawn move where he puts his arm over your shoulders' and then the 'oops my hand accidently fell right on top of yours I guess I'll just casually leave it there) but he kept it gentleman-y so I didn't complain.

10:00 ish- Bryan brought me home. He was very sweet. That was a week or so ago though since someone (you) took forever to e-mail me back. We double dated a few days ago with his friends. And he asked me to go to one of his young cousin's birthday party because he didn't want to be alone with all of his kid cousins.

I recently rewatched Pretty in Pink. And if you haven't seen it then stop reading this e-mail right now and go watch it. I'll give you a second.

Are you done yet? No? Oh, sorry.

How about now? Yeah? How'd you like it? Yeah, it's a pretty good movie. And my favorite part is obviously the lovely Duckie. But the whole movie bothers me because Andie chooses Blane (who is super annoying and dull and a douche who bailed on being her prom date because of his asshole friends' opinions) over Duckie (who is eccentric and unique and funny and was there for her even when she treats him like shit which is like 93% of the movie).

Alright my rant is over. I'm going to go get food.

Your Duckie loving pal,

Delilah