Here is Chapter 9! I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in months. I've beenreading a lot more and outlining my original book that I haven't had time for Fanfic. I hope some of you are still reading on and are not too upset with the long delay. Hope you enjoy!
I DO NOT OWN FALLEN!
Nine: Unrequited
I grasp the sight of the clear water fall-like robe that drags behind Daniel's feet leaving a damp trail in its passing for a few mere seconds, and then my sight is gone. The grey light from the rain clouds barely pierces through the spaces between the fingers of the warm hands that cover my face. The rain still falls in its downpour as I stumble backwards in shock and feel my back rests on a broad chest flourishing with body heat.
"Guess who?" he says in the husky like voice.
"Jesus John, you scared me!" I exclaimed turning around to face him. He's still wearing the same shirt from this morning that has small blotches of white powder that I assumed was flour from working in his mother's bakery and his thin black shorts have been replaced with charcoal denim jeans.
"Aw sorry bout that cutie, your reaction to being scared is just too much for me to handle," he ruffles the top of my head in an older sibling manner while giving me one of his bright smiles that lit up almost any rainy day.
"Ha ha ha you're hilarious," I pout at him.
"You were practically hanging from the railing, ya see Jack jogging in the rain without a shirt on," he joke while sticking his tongue out at me. I couldn't help but blush as heat flared up in my cheeks. "Aw, there's that cute little blush I missed so much."
"Shut up," I muttered as I looked away from him back towards the Forsyth park where I had seen Daniel a minute ago, but he was already gone from sight. "I just thought I saw something weird."
"Oooh," inquired John, "So Jack jogging in the rain naked?" That did it. I could feel my face was almost entirely red as I turned and punched John in the chest. Since he had a slight muscular build it was probably no more than a swat to him.
John turned away and started laughing like an idiot while holding his stomach. "Common cutie you know I was just messin with ya," he assured while pretending to wipe away a tear.
"Maybe I should call off our little date and leave you home sulking for being such a big bully," I said to him with smirk.
He looked back at me a hurt expression and gave me his most sad puppy face. "You wouldn't do that to me would you? Even though I told you how much I missed you while on the road?"
I couldn't resist the pull of sympathy his puppy face always had on me, even if it were ridiculous things like asking me for potato chip that was only inches from my mouth. "You know I can't say no to that face," I said as I walked into his outstretched arms and buried myself in his warmth. Even though he wasn't as towering as Jack was my forehead barely reached over his shoulder and he could easily rest his on my own. With John being booked for so many shows while he was on tour with the band he hardly ever had time to call and keep in touch because he once told me that during most of their free time they would sleep up and rest for the next show.
He made a purring sound as he held me more closely to him and gently rubbed his head against mine. "Finally, I can have you all to myself for today."
"When did you get here?" I asked after a brief laugh.
"Just right now and I bumped into Jack in the hall when he was leaving," he said pulling away slightly, "Gave him a quick hug hello and goodbye, and of course he told me to keep my hands off of you or he'd have my balls." he said winking at me.
Another laugh escapes my lips at his comment. "So what did you want to do today? Go see a movie? Stop at your place and hang out? Go for a drive by the beach?"
"Hmm... Well I guess we could go to the movies, have you seen the Half Blood Prince yet?"
"Nope, haven't really had the chance to. Want to see that?"
"Yeah!" he cheered. "Well the next one starts in half an hour and the weather said it'll be raining again by the time the movie's over, so I figured we could stop by at my place after that and just hang there for the rest of the day. How's that sound?"
I offer him back a smile. I never knew how much I missed having his cheerful and positive presence around me, and of course the humorous jokes he would make and how he would always tease and bully me that still to this day would made my face bright and red with embarrassment. "Sounds good to me," I answered back to him.
While in the large theater that was surprisingly clustered with people in cosplay and wearing Harry Potter merchandise I remember a couple years back when I tried to convince John to actually read the books before the movies would come out.
He would keep passing it off saying hat it would take up too much time. Then I had asked him what he would do in the year that he would wait for the next one to come out. With many more attempts later I had lent him my own copy and was shocked to get it back two days later and him desperately asking for the next one. Within the next two weeks he had read all seven of them and had his very first 'book hangover'.
He said that he couldn't take his mind off of the books so I had given him more books to read and within the next few months had made quite the book worm out of him. Now he's read a handful more of books and since then have been really happy for him because of the entirely new world I had shown him that lied within books.
About halfway through the movie John had slowly placed his large warm hand over mine that was on the armrest of the seat. I was a little spooked at the action and looked up towards him and saw that his attention was still fully focused on the movie. John would never really do things this intimate with me and I still really didn't know what to think about this.
As the movie started to become more emotionally in depth, he shifted his hand underneath mine and interlocked our fingers. It was still unusual to me that John would do this with me but I didn't know how I should respond to it so I gripped his hand and placed my fingers between the spaces of his knuckles and held on for the rest of the movie.
Once the ending credits had began to roll on screen he gently released my hand that was now warm from his touch and beckoned me to follow him down the steps of the seat. Exiting the theater he kept a close distance between us as we exited the building that was still fresh with the smell of butter, salt and popcorn and headed towards the parking lot. The rain still has not ended and continues to patter against the pavement as we rush to John's car to avoid the cold drops.
"So uh, what'd you think of it?" I asked trying to break the oncoming awkward silence.
We entered his car and he closed his door behind as I was fully fasten and ready for the drive. "I think I'm starting to understand when you say it's never as good as the books," he replied.
"Glad we're finally on the same page, literally," we both start cracking up at my joke as he turns the ignition on and starts down the driveway.
His house is only a few minutes away from the theater and I couldn't remember the last time I had ever been driven in the rain. The lost rain drops blown against the window and trickling away like clear shooting stars were a sight I always thought I would never see again as the seasons had changed year round.
I turned to look back at John and saw the lights from the passing lampposts making his face more visual in the dimness of the night. He still seemed to have that casual grin on his face and took his eyes off the road for a second to look and wink back at me. I returned his smile and reached to place my hand over his where he rested it by the seat.
We entered the farther downtown area of Savannah and pulled up to the parking lot that housed the large single building. It held the bakery and his complex the next story up which you could see the small railing of his room out a window and above the sign that said 'Susan's bakery'.
We left his car and stepped around the corner to enter through the front door where there was still light within the large front window. I was immediately welcomed by the sweet aromas of apple, cinnamon and chocolate. I could see in the clear glass cases that housed the delicious and luxurious works of art that only John' mom could bake were all empty. Everyday she would make a fair amount of each bread, cake and desert that by closing time everyone in town had nearly robbed the place of every crumb.
Sue was behind the counter putting away the last bit of stock they had left into plastic covered dishes. She wore a red tinted dress printed with yellow flowers with small white smudges on the shoulder sleeves and her thick dark silky hair was taken out of its usual bun and fell down her back in long thick wisps.
"Oh, hello Luke," she chimed looking up from over the counter, "I haven't seen you in so long." She step through space between the glass and gave me a warm welcoming embrace. The sweet smells of the ingredients in the breads and cakes became her own personal fragrance that I always thought of whenever I came by here with John
"Yeah, I've really missed this place. And you of course."
"Oh," she groaned gently hitting me with the apron in her hands sending a small cloud of flour in the air, "you men are all the same. Only care about the pastries and food I make for you and your lazy couch potato bums." Her eyes lit up as she smiled to her sarcasm. "So what brings you here? Other than the fact to chow on the small rations of stock I saved for you," she asked softly.
"Well John and I wanted to hang out today but since it wont stop raining anytime soon he thought we should just stay here for the rest of the night."
"Aw, well that's nice. John's been a little anti-social since he got back from tour so it's good to see him with someone now."
"What do you mean?" I asked turning to John with a worried look," I thought you were always with the band, especially now with getting ready for your next album."
John looked at his mother a bit more serious, revealing that she said more than she should have. "Not so much really," he sounded taken aback, " just had a lot of things on my mind lately." There was a bit of an awkward silence between the three of us and then John quickly took my hand in his and we began to the back of the bakery past the kitchen to the stairway that led up to the house on the next story. "We'll be in my room if you need anything mom," he shouted down as we made our way up.
John lay sprawled on the right side of the bed with an arm supporting his head on the pillow. I was sitting right beside him eating the slice of apple spice cake Mary saved me while we both watched Lord of the Rings on Scifi. His room was surprisingly roomy for how small the living quarters of the building was. Right in front of us was the medium sized cube television and to the far right of his bed was the small railing the stood above the bakery sign.
I stole a quick glance at him and saw that his expression was very blank but keenly focused on Arwen and Aragon being reunited again and embracing each other's love. Looking more at him now he did seem a bit more distant as Mary said before. I noticed that most of the band posters he had hung up on his walls were all gone and left light imprints of where they once were.
Once I finished the last bit of crumbs of the cake I set the plate on the bookshelf he used as a nightstand and scooted closer to him resting my head on his chest. He warmly accepted my gesture and tucked his free arm underneath me and pulled me closer to him. He smelled of sweat, deodorant and cinnamon which you would expect to make someone cringe at the strange smell, but being used to it for two years now it came as a memento of an old friend.
"Hey John?" I asked when the next few scenes of the movie went on.
"Yeah?"
"What was your mom talking about earlier, about you being 'distant'?"
"Well," he began, "I kind of quit the band."
"What! I thought that things were going good especially with the tour and all the good sales you had."
"Well yeah, but, the music right now isn't really what if feel like playing," he said shifting his eyes away from the TV screen, "I just signed on to do a solo album and I have plenty of songs already written to start recording now if I wanted."
Wow. I thought. John quitting the band was the last thing I'd ever expect him to do. But what would drive him into wanting to be solo and not with Charlotte and the others?
"Well, that's really amazing but, why the sudden change of heart?" I asked.
"Don't worry about it cutie, it's not that big a deal."
"If it's making you quit the band and not really talking to any of the others then I'm sure it is. You can talk to me about it if you need to John, I'm here for you."
His eyes had finally met mine with a small grin that seemed forced on his face. "Thanks Luke, you're a really good friend," he said and ruffled my hair with his free hand. He leaned his head closer to mine and forcing in a long breath. "Well, to tell you the truth," he began, "I kind of, fell for someone while on tour."
What? John actually falling for someone? Not to put it bluntly but John honestly seemed more like a tease to girls than an actual romantic person. "Huh, one of your crazy fans actually get to you this time?" I asked.
"No its, it wasn't a fan."
"Oh, well, is it someone we know?"
His eyes shifted back to the TV. "Kind of." he said hoarsely.
I still couldn't quite get over the though of John being in love. He always seemed to have his cool despite however he would be feeling, but now he was clearly lost in thought proving that this was real. But I began wondering more who it could possibly be. It couldn't be Em or Lucie, he was far too casual and brotherly with them. However, he hardly ever looked at Charlotte when we were at our usual spot in the courtyard at Sword & Cross. "What's she like then?" I asked not wanting to be too persistent.
He grunted at my question almost in anger, but still answered in a kind and honest tone. "Kind. Loving. Selfless. Always willing to help someone need. Not really realizing how good and beautiful of a person they are."
I rested my head back on his chest falling silent after his response. Those words he had spoken could only be described as real and unconditional love. I was beginning to feel guilty about intruding on such strong and personal feelings.
"You must... really lover her."
"Yeah," he whispered softly, "I do."
The only sound in the room came from the vibrating speakers in the old TV. I spoke up not wanting the silence between us to continue. "John I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"No, don't Luke," he reassured, "I really needed to get that off my chest."
"Oh, okay." I said. As hard as I tried before the silence had come back. I stayed close to John's warm chest and still desperately wanted to change the subject while I still could. "Hey," I suggested while looking up to him,"why don't you show me some of the new songs you wrote on tour."
He looked back at me with a more positive look in his eye that brought relief to me. "Yeah, been meaning to actually play something new since I got back." He rose from the bed turning off the TV with the remote and went for his black acoustic guitar that rested on its stand by the door. He sat on the bed across from me with the guitar propped on his knee while plucking the strings creating simple notes to ensure they were tuned. The warmth from him was already leaving me to the cold so I shifted over to the side of the bed he lied on where it was warmer.
Once he found the proper tune of the last string he slid his finger over the frets to play the first chord.
At first it was only two notes on the higher string that were played repeatedly, then more strings were plucked creating a sweet euphoric lullaby.
The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you.
His voice was high and treble apart from how deep it was when he would speak. The lyrics in the beginning spoke of hurting someone important, someone loved. As John's song continued I was immersed into a story deep within the lyrics.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
Now they spoke of not being in control of hurting that person's pain. It was because of that person that they were the reason for hurting them.
A phrasing that's a single tear,
Is harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me.
It seems that they had to go away from that person and they felt guilty for leaving them alone.
I should have known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.
Now they realized it was a mistake leaving them behind and they wanted to come back to them because they were so important to that person.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
His clear dark eyes had met mine for a brief moment as he was nearing the end of his story that was so beautifully constructed.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me.
He strummed the last chord in a satisfying closure but the saddened look on his face showed there was more to be said.
"John..."
"I know. I'm really screwed up about this." he said setting the guitar against the bed.
"Have you at east tried talking to them?" I asked.
"Yeah, I have actually." he hesitated.
"Would it be too much to ask who it is?" I really didn't want to be so invasive.
"I just. I really don't want to mess up what we already have." his hand clenched the navy comforter.
"John, if they're as good of a person as you say they are then it won't ruin anything. If anything they'll respect you if they don't feel the same way because you're being honest with them." his grip on the sheets tighten to the point where his knuckles were as white as bone.
"You don't understand Luke!" I staggered back with my heart skipping a beat at his aggressive tone.
"W-What do you mean, John?" I attempted to say but worried he would yell again.
"Oh god. Luke I'm so sorry I-, could we just drop it for now?" he said more softly.
"Uh, yeah." He turned away and starred down at the plain faded carpet. John was so perplexed with his feelings that maybe it was best to leave him be for a while. I grabbed my phone from the bookshelf and looked at the time. "Uh, it's almost eleven. I should be getting home."
"No," John quickly objected, "I mean, why don't you stay the night?" He suggested with a warm smile.
"Are you sure? It's just I thought you wanted to be alone and-"
"No Luke, I really just want to be with you now." The look in his eyes had changed from distant to the familiar light they always carried.
"Okay," I said, "but will your mom be okay with it?"
"Are you kidding?" he laughed, "she'll be grateful for me having someone here who can tolerate me."
"Hey," I said, "you're not that bad. Well when you're not being such a big bully." I joked.
"Oh really," he pouted. And then without warning he pounced on top of me and began poking and grabbing my sides.
"John, Joh- J-," I couldn't breath with all the air being forced out from laughing so hard.
"What?" he said as he continued with his assault, "I can't hear you."
"PLEASE... STOP... CAN'T... BREATHE."
"Ooh, okay." and with that I was finally able to regain my breath as he rested right next to me.
"You're so mean." I said with a small pout.
"But you still love me right?" He said shifting closer to me on the bed.
I wrapped my arm over his broad chest and placed my head right where I could hear the steady beat of his heart. "Don't really think I have a choice."
"Hey." He whined.
"Just kidding." I said to him as I leaned in more towards his warmth.
"Why don't you have any sweats?" I asked while curling under the comforter of his bed, preserving what little body heat I had left. Even in doors the cold Georgia autumn still found its way in with the heater on. I was in an old T-shirt and shorts both a size too big for me that belonged to John, which proved vey little of keeping me warm at all.
"I get too hot at night and start sweating and then I smell really bad when I get out of bed in the morning."
"Jeez, well could you spare another blanket or three or four?" I asked through chattering teeth.
"Well," he said, "I could spare some body heat if you scoot closer." I turned around facing him and saw that he had his arm raised over an empty space in between us. Without hesitation I filled it completely with John wrapping a large warm arm over my body. He was in a pair of shorts like mine and a muscle shirt that I still couldn't believe he was comfortable in, but the warmth of his bare arm against mine informed me he was. "God Luke," he said in shock, "you're like ice."
"And you're like fire," I said, soothing myself in the flame of his body heat.
"Hmm," he murmured pulling me closer, "this is nice."
"Yeah," I said, "that you put on more deodorant at least," I laughed.
"Well hey, either that or you'd be sleeping on the couch."
"Yup, I'd rather freeze to death than cuddle with a guy smelling like a zombie."
"Well in that case, the next time you spend the night here I'll make sure to have a heavy work out with no shower. So that way you'll have no choice."
"Ew, you wouldn't," I cringed at the thought.
"Nah," he said, "I'd give anything to get you in bed with me," he said furrowing his eyebrows.
"Shut up." I said but the effects of sleep were already falling upon my eyes.
"Goodnight cutie," John said kissing my forehead with the slight tickle of his stubble.
"Night John," I grunted only really hearing the steady beat of his heart against his chest.
"I love you," he said. I was just about to respond, but his warmth had already taken me in.
The cold had crept further under the covers as I slowly awoke, extending my limbs to seek out John's warmth only feeling barren sheets in his place. My weary eyes had seen the alarm clock on his night stand that it was two in the morning. Groaning from my abrupt sleep I rose from the bed and saw the curtains over the large glass doors to the railing swaying in the cold invading breeze.
A shadow that was cast outside from the moonlight on the carpet had shown me where my missing source of heat had gone. Clutching my arms closer to my body to conserve warmth I abandoned the bed sheets and stepped closer to the open sliding door and saw John slightly slouched over the railing, with small vapors escaping each of his slow breaths.
"John? What are you doing out here, it's so cold," I had already began to shiver.
"I couldn't sleep," he murmured, his voice sounding more tiresome that he revealed. I could see his hands tightly gripped on the metal railing, his knuckles as wan as the cold itself.
"John... is there something wrong?" He was beginning to scare at the way he was isolating himself. Going out into the cold just to touch him seemed too much of a danger.
"Damn it Luke!" His hand collided with the metal in a bone chattering bang that made me flinch back. "You just don't understand do you!"
"John..." I was surprised at taking a few steps closer right onto the ice cold platform just feet away from him. "I can't understand if you don't tell me what's wrong." My voice shaking more at his harsh tone than the cold.
He released the railing and turned to face me, looking more taller and broad up close now than he ever did before. His hands shifted slowly to tightly clenched fists with his eyes fixed away from mine. I wanted to say something to break the dead silence between us but looked down to his white knuckled fists. Instantly they were released. I looked up towards him only to be met with the outline of his chest inches from me. He placed his warm hands on my face with the most gently touch as I looked up to meet his dark onyx eyes and compressed his warm lips against mine.
Surely this must be a dream. The gentle movement of his lips can't quite possibly be real. I can see that his eyes are closed and then feel him enfold me with his arms holding me close towards him. His hand reaches up to gently run through my hair and all of my conscious senses return to me instantly knowing this is no dream at all. I raise my arms between us and press my hands firmly against his chest.
"John!" He looks back at me with wide and alert eyes filled with egret at what he had just done.
"Oh god Luke," he gasps running a hand roughly through his hair, "I didn't- I just, ugh, damn it!"
"John... why did you..."
A long silence had broken through between us before he spoke again, "It's you Luke," he muttered.
"Me?"
"You're the one that I love," he said softly his words like a blade to my heart.
"John I," I stepped closer to him but he shifted and turned back to the riling.
"Now you understand Luke. Why it's hard to feel the way I do about you."
"How long have you..." I couldn't make myself speak further.
"I'd be lying to you and myself if I said it wasn't the year I first met you." He looked up towards the infinite sea of stars above, almost looking as distant as they were.
"But I thought you liked, girls," I said hesitantly.
"Well yeah, of course I do," he said, his familiar warm voice coming to, but then he turned back around his eyes finding me again, "but you're the one I'm in love with." He stepped forward and gently took my hand in his warm one, "So much about me changed when we first became friends. I felt things about you that I've never really felt about anyone else before. I tried denying what I thought I felt about you because you were a guy, but in the end it still didn't change. No matter what you are I'll still feel about you the way I do now." His grip on my hand tightened a bit.
"Why didn't you ever say anything to me about it, I mean-"
"Because, before I could even think about it, Jack had told me how he felt about you." He slowly let my hand slip from his and put more distance between us.
"Wait. You knew?"
He laughed at my astonishment, "Honestly cutie, you two were practically conjoined at the hip. It'd be dumb of me not to expect you guys to be where you are now. Though I'd hate to admit it I'd been jealous of him at many times, but I couldn't hate the fact that two of my best friends were happy with each other. Besides, Jack had two years on me when you and I met Freshman year. Of course you'd be more closer to him."
I looked at him more sternly, "No John. Just because I've known Jack longer doesn't mean I love you any less than him."
He smiled sadly at me, "But you're in love with him."
I looked away from him and gazed at the top part of the unlit sign above the bakery, "I'm sorry John," I said nearly close to tears.
"No, don't Luke," he said raising my face to his with the edge of his index finger, "don't be sorry for not feeling something back. I just really needed to tell you, and I know that it won't change the fact that you're with Jack, and... I hope it doesn't change how you feel about me now."
There was a deep sorrow in his eyes as he held my gaze for a short time before looking away. But without a thought I rushed out in the cold night to him and tightly secured my arms around his warm body. "No John, never. I still love you the same as I did yesterday and I'll still love you the same forever. You could be an axe murderer and I wouldn't not love you at all."
A long breath left his body before he wrapped his own large arms around me, "Thank you Luke," he said nearly in a sob, "thank you."
We stayed embracing one another for a long while before breaking apart, "Common," he whispered, "we should get back to bed." He closed the sliding glass door behind us drawing the curtains to block out most of the moonlight from his room. He climbed into bed and moved to the other side lifting the covers with his arm leaving just enough space for me right next to him. I followed in suit and lay against his chest with my arm slung over his abdomen as he settled the thick comforter over the both of us. "Goodnight Luke," he said within the dark silence.
"Goodnight John," I said back to him, the effects of sleep already once again falling upon my eye lids.
"I love you," he whispered softly.
I held him more closer to me completely engulfed in his warmth and breathing him in not wanting to think what morning would bring, "I love you too John."
Oh my god I'm so sorry for the long delay again, things have just been piling up none stop. It's going to be a while before I can update this story again until I can clear things up in my boring life -.-
Song used: Why by Secondhand Serenade
Until then! :D