Author's Note: I'm not going to lie, writing this final chapter broke my heart. Several times. It's been a rollercoaster of a ride for these trains and the journey is finally coming to an end. But no fear, I have another Starlight 'fic in the works! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has taken the time to read and review this 'fic. A special shoutout goes to Redonkadonk, FantasyNerd306 and Zabbie Q for their continuous support and comments! :)
I hope you enjoy! Until the next 'fic!
For several weeks, all was well at the yard. Everything began to fall back into place and, as time passed, the tension between Electra, Caboose and the other trains seemed to ease. To the coaches' relief, Buffy bounced back in top form. It almost felt like nothing had ever happened.
It was a beautiful spring morning and the sun was streaming into the diner. Dinah loved this time of year; when all the flowers began to bloom and the yard started to become livelier. She was glad to see the back of winter. Spring signaled the start of new beginnings and it was the perfect opportunity for the yard to start afresh. But little did she know it would not be the type of new beginning that she had perhaps bargained for.
The diner was quieter than usual and she only had Luna for company. The girl was sat at one of the booths by the window, tongue stuck out in concentration as she neatly coloured in, only stopping to take an occasional sip of her milkshake. Dinah couldn't help but gaze over. Despite all that she had been through the past few months, Luna had come on leaps and bounds. Yearning to learn, she had recently started some schooling with Belle, learning how to read, write and draw. Once a week, she'd present Dinah with a new drawing to display proudly on the diner fridge. It made Dinah a little sad; Luna was growing up too fast. It just seemed like yesterday she was holding a tiny bundle in her arms…
"Dinah, look!" Luna gasped, leaping up onto her knees to gaze out of the window.
What Dinah saw made her stomach turn. Just yards from the diner stood a small group of young schoolgirls who had clearly strayed too far from their teachers. They couldn't have been much older than Luna – perhaps seven or eight – and all were dressed in matching blue blouses and navy pleated skirts. Luna was fixated, her mouth slightly agape in awe, her eyes wide shining with genuine glee. Her entire face had immediately brightened with excitement. It was like a child being presented with a puppy after years of nagging; pure delight. She watched as one of the girls pulled out a pretty doll from her backpack, showing it off proudly to the rest of the group who responded with gasps and claps on enthusiasm.
"Dinah! She has a doll just like me!" Luna cried, bouncing up and down on her knees.
Dinah bit her lip: this is what she'd kept from Luna. A life surrounded by kids her age. Friends to play and share experiences with. Other girls who would also love to play dress ups with their dolls or pretend their toy horses were really unicorns running in the fields. Kids that would engage her imagination and help her grow.
Luna tore her eyes away from the girls for a second to cast a pleading look at the dining car. "Can I go play?"
The hopefulness in her voice made Dinah's heart sink. She was going to disappoint her and let her down, but there was no way she could let Luna interact with them here at the yard. It would lead to so many questions; it was just too risky. She became flustered then, aware she had been put on the spot and she frantically thought of an excuse. "Um, not just now, Luna. They'll be going back to school anyway."
She brushed a blonde curl from her eyes, hoping Luna wouldn't see the tears she was desperately trying to keep at bay.
"Please?" the girl begged. "Just for five minutes?"
But when Luna glanced back outside, the girls were gone. Dinah watched as her shoulders slumped and she quietly sunk back into her seat, her head bowed. She silently picked up her crayons that were scattered across the table and carefully placed them back into their box one by one. She'd lost all interest in colouring. The dining car sighed as she continued to dry off some mugs, turning her back to the girl. How could she possibly begin to explain? It brought a stab of guilt, alongside the niggling question that she hadn't asked herself since Luna was a baby; maybe she had been wrong to keep Luna? Should she have taken her to the town after all? At least then she would have always been integrated with her own kind.
Just then, Pearl sauntered into the diner with Rusty.
"Hey, sweetpea," the pink coach said brightly, greeting Luna with a smile.
When Luna didn't respond, Pearl raised an eyebrow of concern to Dinah, to which the dining car simply shook her head in response. She couldn't bring herself to talk about the girls in front of Luna. Sensing the situation, Pearl had an idea.
"Oh, Rusty? Why don't you go ahead with Luna and I'll catch up?"
Seeing the subtle tilt on her head towards Dinah, Rusty got the message.
"Hey Luna," he slipped into the seat opposite her, injecting some enthusiasm into his voice. "I know some of the trains are training down at the racecourse. I'm pretty sure Joule and Aunt Ashley and Buffy are there. Shall we go watch?"
The girl lifted her head and seemed to brighten a little, but Dinah noted her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Luna gave a small nod. With that, Rusty hoisted her onto his shoulders and gave the two coaches a small salute as he left.
Pearl turned back to her friend, a look of worry spread over her face. "What's wrong, Dinah? Did you two fall out?"
Dinah told Pearl about the schoolgirls and Luna's reaction, all the while trying not to get upset. Just as she was finishing the story, Caboose waltzed into the diner. He froze, seeing the two coaches leaning intently over the bar.
"Oh, sorry," he said, retreating towards the door with a sheepish grin. "Am I interrupting something?"
Dinah shook her head, forcing a smile as she kicked the coffee machine into life. "No, not at all!" she reassured. "Just the usual?"
Pearl turned and gave a sympathetic glance at her friend. She gently reached out to her hand reassuringly. "I'll let Ash and Buffy know and catch up with you later," she said, before leaving to catch up with Rusty and Luna.
Caboose, feeling awkward, remained standing near the door as he waited for his coffee. As Dinah handed him his cup, however, curiosity got the better of him.
"Everything alright?"
Dinah once again pasted a smile onto her face and brushed down her apron.
"Yeah," she said. "Absolutely fine."
The remainder of the morning past Dinah in a blur. She was tormented by the million thoughts racing through her mind and it was driving her to distraction. This huge decision was consuming her and it was becoming overwhelming. She desperately needed to confide in someone.
When Ashley finally made an appearance, Dinah was relieved and thankful the diner was empty. Slipping into one of the bar stools, Ashley noted the dining car's quietness; this wasn't the bubbly, cheerful Dinah she knew.
"I'm sorry about earlier, hun," she said, taking a puff of her cigarette and she gazed up at her friend sympathetically. "Pearl told me what happened this morning…"
Clearly troubled, Dinah stared blankly down at the counter, her head in her hands.
"Seeing her face light up today…it made me realise I need to let her go." Dinah's voice broke on the last word. When she tried to speak again, her voice trembled, barely a whisper as she tried to fight back the tears that had threatened to engulf her all morning. "It's not fair for me to keep her here."
"Oh, Dinah," Ashley shook her head. "Just because she's finally seen some kids like her it doesn't mean you need to give her up."
"But I'd be selfish if I didn't, Ash," the blue coach looked at her friend despairingly. "I'm keeping her from making friends with kids her own age and she's missing out on so much by being here. I saw it in her face, she was desperate to go and join them." A single tear fell down her cheek as she felt the ache rise in her chest.
Ashley extinguished her cigarette and took the other coach's hands gently in hers, making Dinah look her straight in the eye.
"I remember, five years ago, how scared you were. You were scared because you didn't believe you could raise her. You got hell from Electra for choosing to keep her and didn't get the support you really needed from Greaseball. But despite that fear, you persevered. Look at Luna now! You've given her all the love in the world and the very best start in life. Luna wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You took a leap of faith taking her in and that takes guts," the smoking car gave Dinah's hands a tight squeeze. "I've always admired you for that, Dinah. You always put everyone before yourself. You're the kindest and bravest coach I know."
The words made Dinah smile and she brushed away stray tears as Ashley continued.
"Luna has brought everyone together, even closer than before. Sure, we've had a bumpy ride but we got through it. I believe what everyone has been saying; the Starlight lead you to her for a reason. To teach us a lesson. Maybe, now we've all learnt from her, it's time for her to move on and help someone else. Maybe the Starlight sees that we are now strong enough as a family to be without her now?"
"But why does this have to be so hard?" Dinah buried her head in her hands as she broke down and sobbed. Even Ashley could feel tears pricking at her eyes. She too had grown to adore the little girl, with her precious smile that lit up the whole room and infectious laugh. She had brought so much happiness to the yard that it seemed unfair to give her up. But both she and Dinah knew it was the right thing to do, although it would also undoubtedly be the hardest. Luna couldn't remain in the yard forever.
Ashley rushed around the counter and pulled Dinah into a warm, comforting hug as she continued to sob hard. All she desperately wanted to do was soften the blow. She had known this day would eventually come, just not as quickly as this. But there was no way anyone could have prepared Dinah for the heartbreak that always comes with goodbyes.
After a moment, Dinah regained enough composure to speak.
"I just want her to be happy," she cried, burying her face into the smoking car's shoulder. Finally, Ashley allowed herself to silently cry with her.
The pair remained in a comforting embrace for a long time: two best friends united in grief.
After finishing her shift at the diner, Dinah asked Pearl if she could keep Luna for a little longer. She had to talk with Poppa.
The wise, elder steamer was surprised to see the dining car looking so despondent and desolate on his doorstep.
"Oh, Dinah, whatever's the matter?"
He silently ushered her into his depot without hesitation. Dinah loved his place; she always found it so comforting. It brought back cherished memories of when she was younger and she, Buffy, Ashley and Rusty would drink cocoa by the fire on cold winter months and listen intently to Poppa's stories from long ago. The depot had always been full of cheer and laughter back then.
Poppa gestured for Dinah to take a seat and she obliged, carefully sitting on the old brown sofa, smoothing out her dress, her eyes not lifting from the floor. She took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she was about to say, her hands clasped together to stop them from shaking.
"I need to take Luna to the town."
Poppa blinked, startled by the statement. He shook his head, baffled.
"What's caused all this?"
"Luna saw some schoolgirls outside the diner today. She asked to go out to play…" Dinah paused, forcing herself to take a breath to keep her composure, feeling her voice again start to waiver. "I can't keep her here anymore," she blurted, turning her head away.
"It's a normal reaction for a girl who hasn't been in contact with any humans before, Dinah. She's a naturally inquisitive child; she wants to know about everything. I'd be quite surprised if she'd hadn't asked to join them. But that doesn't mean we need to suddenly take her out of the yard environment,"
Dinah closed her eyes. She appreciated Poppa was only giving advice and trying to see things from all angles, but he didn't understand. There could be no compromises; she'd made up her mind.
"Poppa, I have never seen her so happy. The look she gave me…she wants to be with them."
Poppa tilted his head, leaning towards the dining car. "And is that what you want?"
A single tear trailed down the coach's cheek. "I want what's best for her…it's the right thing to do."
Poppa lifted himself from his armchair and sat next to the dining car, wrapping an arm around her.
"Why don't you see how Luna is over the next few days? There's surely no need to rush into such a big decision. She'll probably forget it ever happened."
Poppa was reluctant to just give in to Dinah's insistence. Dinah, being arguably one of the most selfless at the yard, was always one to put others before herself but this time, he wanted her to put herself first for a change. See how this decision would also affect her. After all, Luna had changed Dinah's life and he could see how happy she made her.
But Dinah shook her head vigorously, a brick wall fast growing higher and higher. Leaving it any longer would simply prolong the agony. There was no reasoning with the coach.
"I know she can't stay here forever so why prolong it? Surely it's better she's introduced into a human family sooner rather than later?"
After a moment of contemplation, Poppa sighed. He realised no matter what he said, there was no reasoning with the dining car. She'd made up her mind.
"Belle is quite familiar with the town. I could send you with her. I'm sure she'll stay and make sure Luna is alright?"
Dinah nodded, biting her lip. She hadn't been able to lift her head and look at him since she'd got here. She was too frightened she would burst into tears again.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do, Dinah?" he lifted her chin up gently with his finger, making her finally look at him. "Once you let her go, there's no going back."
The words made Dinah feel sick to her stomach. It was true: this decision would be final. Once Luna was introduced into the human way of life, there was no turning back. But this was inevitably going to happen, whether it be now or in three years time. Luna was growing up fast; she was ready.
Dinah sighed and looked Poppa straight in the eye.
"Yes, I'm sure."
That night when Luna skipped into the bedroom to bid goodnight, Dinah used the opportunity to bring up the morning's events. She beckoned the girl onto the bed. She gently brushed a tendril of the girl's brown hair behind her ear.
"You know those girls you saw today?" she asked, with a small smile.
"The girls from the school?" Luna became so animated then, her whole face lighting up. It only served to break Dinah's heart further.
Dinah nodded. "How would you like to be able to go and play with them for real?"
The girl's eyes grew big with excitement and a beaming smile stretched across her face. "Really?"
Another nod, this time Dinah cast her eyes down to her hands in her lap. Luna hesitated, tilting her head, realising the dining car wasn't sharing in her enthusiasm. "Dinah?"
The coach shook her head and gave Luna a smile. "Let me tell you a story," she patted beside her to motion the girl to curl up beside her.
The girl snuggled close.
"Once there was a little bird, all warm in a nest. She was happy in her tree because she had her mama and she was safe. Each morning, the little bird would watch as a flock of birds flew high across the sky and she desperately longed to join them. She tried to flap her wings but found she couldn't yet fly. "Don't you worry, little one, your time will come," Mama bird would say. A week later, as the little bird watched as the flock soared, she flapped her wings and found she could lift herself out of the nest, but her wings were still not strong enough to fly high. Then, one day, the little bird leapt into the sky and flew! She was finally ready to leave the nest! Mama bird watched with pride as her little one soared into the sky and joined the other birds. She would miss her baby, but she was happy to see her spread her wings and fly to explore the world."
Dinah stroked the girl's cheek lovingly . "Maybe you're just like the little bird and you're ready to fly too."
Luna frowned, gazing up at Dinah. "But I won't be with you anymore?"
Dinah shook her head. "No, Luna. But you'd have so much fun with those girls. Just think, you can play with your dolls every day and when you go to school you'll learn all kinds of new things."
"That does sound like fun," Luna smiled, giving a yawn. After a moment's silence as she contemplated things, Luna spoke again. "What would it be like?"
"What? Life outside the yard?"
Luna nodded.
"Well, let's see," Dinah took a moment to think carefully. "You'll go to school most days with all the other boys and girls and you'll have teachers who will show you how to do arts and crafts, how to write stories, painting…all kinds of new things. Outside of school, you could go to the park and play on the swings, you could go swimming in the lake and even go to the zoo and see some animals! There's lots to do."
Luna smiled sleepily. "That sounds amazing!"
Dinah let Luna curl up close with her that night in bed. She gently swept away her hair from her eyes and planted a kiss on her forehead as she fell asleep. Long after, Dinah lay awake, agonising over the day ahead tomorrow. All she could think about was Luna not being around and it terrified her. When Greaseball arrived home and quietly slipped into bed beside them, she clamped her eyes shut and pretended to be asleep, only to allow herself to cry quietly once she was certain he had also fallen asleep.
Tomorrow she would say her final goodbye.
Tomorrow she would let her baby fly.
The following morning, all the trains gathered outside the diner to bid farewell to Luna. The air was filled with mixed emotions; pride, excitement, hope….but ultimately sadness. Luna addressed each of them in turn, insisting on giving them all a goodbye hug.
Purse was first and he grinned at the little girl as he bent down, handing her a $20 bill. "Don't spend it all at once now!" he winked.
Wrench and Volta each gave her a hug and wished her luck. Luna raced to Joule and threw her arms around the dynamite truck she had come to idolise. Joule presented her with a pair of roller skates; a gift from her and Volta. "So you can practice being a train!" she gave a grin. Luna laughed. "I'll be the bestest train at school!" As Luna moved on, the youngest component quickly brushed away tears before they could fall onto her cheeks.
Caboose grinned as he gave the girl a fist pump. "Knock 'em dead, kiddo! You're gonna be the smartest kid at that school, I know it!"
Luna hesitated in front of Electra. He knelt down to her level and chuckled. "Don't worry, kid, I ain't gonna jolt you," he assured. Luna bit her lip, hanging back, before she smiled and gave the electric a hug.
Greaseball playfully took Luna into a headlock and tousled her hair before giving her a bear hug. "I'll miss you, Luna. I'll especially miss my wake up calls!" he grinned, trying to conceal the true sadness he felt. Even now, the tough guy image remained.
Next, Rusty lifted the girl high into the air and onto his shoulders, which was received by the usual squeal of delight. "I'm gonna miss our little adventures, Luna. Who's gonna keep me fit for racing session?" He lifted the girl down to give her a hug before she raced into Pearl's arms.
As she buried herself into the coach's pink hair, the girl seemed to waiver then, signs of tears welling in her eyes. "I'm going to miss you," she sniffed. "I'll miss you too, sweetpea," she whispered, holding her close. As she drew back, she revealed what she'd been hiding behind her back. "Saffie!" the girl gasped, hugging the teddy tightly to her chest. "You can't go on an adventure without her!" Pearl smiled. "And when you miss me, just hold Saffie close and I'll be there too."
Luna seemed to take comfort in that, for a bright smile returned to her face then.
Lastly, there was Ashley and Buffy. Luna first turned to Buffy and gave her a big hug before she stepped back and gave a frown. "Who's gonna make me the bestest, yummiest birthday cakes?" Buffy smiled, trying not to cry. "Maybe I can send you some cupcakes sometime?"
Luna then turned to Ashley. "Who's going to tell me that I need to stop smoking?" she grinned, lifting the girl into her arms and tickling her, savouring the girl's bubbly laugh. She gave her a hug as the tears began to fall. "I'll miss you, Luna."
As Luna turned to join Dinah's side, the girl hesitated before spinning around and throwing her arms around both the older coaches. "I'll miss you, Aunt Buffy. I'll miss you, Aunt Ashley."
Finally, the girl took Dinah's hand and cast the group a final glance and a wave. Her lip trembled and two small tears fell down her cheeks then. This had been her family. They had taught her so much in her time at the yard. But now, it was time to start a new, exciting adventure.
Belle, Dinah and Luna travelled into the town in silence. Dinah couldn't make herself think about what she was away to do. Finally, they arrived at the station, just adjacent to the school yard where the children were out playing.
Belle gave a reassuring smile to Dinah. "I'll let you say goodbye. I'll hang around by the school yard for a while and watch her. I'll see that she's taken in and safe, I promise."
Belle knew that Luna would be taken in by social services when it was brought to the teacher's attention that she wasn't a current student at the school. She knew it would be an overall long process to have Luna integrated with a family but at least she'd still have the opportunity to immerse herself in a world full of other kids.
"Thank you, Belle." Dinah smiled.
With that, the sleeping car retreated, allowing Dinah some space and privacy with Luna.
"I'll come and visit you, ok?" Luna grinned.
Dinah found herself laugh. "That would be wonderful."
Dinah felt the lump in her throat return as Luna flung her arms around her. "I love you," the girl said.
Hearing those words both completed her and broke her apart. She desperately wanted time to freeze then. She wanted to be able to hug Luna forever and never let go. As she held the girl close, she desperately tried to commit everything to memory: the softness of her long hair as it brushed against her cheek, the tiny, those bright blue eyes that had taken her breath away when she'd first lain eyes on her. She didn't want to forget.
"I love you too," Dinah whispered, tears once more beginning to fall. "I'm going to miss you so much."
She took a deep breath and let her hand go. Luna raced ahead in glee to join the children in the yard. Dinah stood from a distance and watched as she skipped up to a group of girls, engrossed in a tea party with their dolls, and observed as the girls eagerly accepted her to join. The delight in her face said it all: this was where she belonged. After a few moments, fresh tears falling down her cheeks, Dinah forced herself to walk away and not look back. If she did, she knew she'd only run back and change her mind. This is the right thing to do, she told herself, Luna deserves a better future than what there is at the train yard.
With each step putting distance between them, she could feel her heart shatter, piece by piece.
That night, Dinah and Greaseball lay in silence, backs to one another in bed. Curled up in the duvet, Dinah couldn't help but sob. The depot felt empty and lifeless without Luna; it was too quiet and still. She yearned to hear the girl's bubbly laughter float down the hall and into their bedroom, for that early morning wake up call when the bed was transformed into a trampoline, for the chaos at breakfast when there was spilt milk and cereal. She desperately wanted to hold her close, feel her hair brush her cheeks and smell the sweet strawberry bubble bath scent of her skin. Dinah felt raw, like her heart had been scraped out and all that remained was a hollow hole; a gap where Luna used to be. It also pained Greaseball listening to her crying, knowing she was aching and there was nothing he could do to ease it. He hadn't expected to feel so down once Luna had left. He too found he missed the girl's presence. He rolled over and pulled Dinah close to him, taking her hand in his, saying words even he thought he'd never hear himself say:
"I miss her too."
At that, Dinah buried her head into his chest, tears still falling down her cheeks. Greaseball held her close, willing to take some of her pain away. He planted a kiss on her head.
Later that night, Greaseball stirred and found Dinah had cried herself to sleep, her cheeks still wet from tears. Luna had been both a blessing and a curse; Dinah had unknowingly and unwittingly set herself up for this fall. And, oh, how the world had come crashing down.
Luna had both completed her and tore her apart.
She had taught her how to be brave. How to love unconditionally. Learn from mistakes and forgive others when they make them too.
She had taught her everyone deserves a second chance.
A child, gifted from Starlight.
A month later
It was an unseasonably warm May day, the sunlight shining brightly and illuminating the diner. The perfect day for Dinah's birthday. The trains had each popped into the diner throughout the day to wish her a happy birthday and give her a present. Rusty had just rolled in with a beautiful, fresh bouquet of flowers from Hark Hill.
"Oh, Rusty! They're beautiful!" gasped Dinah, admiring the pretty collection of chrysanthemums, freesias and roses as she filled a vase of water. She gave the steam train a friendly kiss on the cheek. "Thank you!"
Rusty grinned. He'd so desperately wanted to make Dinah smile, especially after having such a rough month. Adjusting to life without Luna had been a huge challenge for everyone at the yard, but for Dinah it had been devastating. He also knew today would be particularly difficult; Luna always loved making a fuss of her on her special day. With the support from Ashley, Buffy and Pearl though, he could see she was finally starting to turn the corner. There was a light at the end of the tunnel and she was starting to see it in the distance.
"No problem," Rusty waved a hand, dismissively.
Ashley, puffing her cigarette lazily at the bar, rolled her eyes. "Such a charmer Rusty. Where's my bouquet?" she playfully nudged him, giving a wink.
"Jealous, Ash?" Rusty, in a single motion, pulled the cigarette from the smoking car's mouth, which got a laugh from Dinah and a horrified gasp from Ashley. The smoking car quickly snatched back her cigarette.
"You got a death wish, Rusty?" Dinah raised her eyebrow, still smiling.
It felt like such a relief; sharing a genuine laugh with her friends. For the first couple of weeks without Luna, she couldn't bring herself to smile or laugh at anything. Life had seemed empty and dull but she was slowly learning to enjoy life without the little girl and move on without her.
Finally, it was Pearl's turn to present Dinah with a gift. She presented the dining car with a small box, prettily tied up with a pink ribbon. When Dinah opened it, it revealed a silver necklace. It brought tears to the dining car's eyes.
"Oh, Dinah! Please don't cry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you!" Pearl leapt up from her seat at the bar.
But the blonde coach shook her head and laughed. "No, it's ok!"
"I found it the night you took Luna home," explained Pearl, smiling as she recalled that fateful night. "It must have fallen out on the pink blanket you'd found her in. I kept it, wanting to give you it when the time was right. I figured you should have something to remember her by."
"It's beautiful, Pearl," Dinah rushed around the counter to give the coach a hug. "Thank you!"
The necklace, a dainty thing, had a small charm of a crescent of the moon. The Luna moon.
As Dinah clipped it around her neck, there was a knock at the diner door. Puzzled, everyone whipped their head around.
"Must be a surprise for you, Dinah," shrugged Rusty.
Dinah blinked before hesitantly approaching. Taking a breath, she opened the door.
it revealed the best birthday present of all.
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