AN: So sorry for this VERY SHORT update! I'm experimenting here, and I want feedback before I really go all out on this train of thought. I was considering trying to touch upon some memories of each Avenger with Toni? If that tickles your fancy let me know, if not I'll lay off it and get back to regularly scheduled angst in Wakanda. Also, I just saw Spider-Man Homecoming (super late to the party, I know), and I'm in love. So expect some Mama Bear Stark at some point. Probably sooner rather than later. (Also, afterthought, how do y'all feel about the Defenders?)

I also wanna say thanks to all those who are reading, and those leaving reviews! I always respond to reviews, so it's the best way to get in contact with me if you ever wanna nerd out over MCU.

Kushio3, I know those feels when you can't remember your login stuff, and it's no problem. I'm glad I could clarify for you last chapter! You are definitely right that Toni doesn't trust anyone right now. T'Challa is just the small exception that she banks on his kingliness to keep him in line.

With a groan she fell onto the plush bed, relishing the feeling of down blankets and pillows. It was nothinglike the silk she had at home in the compound, but it would do. "Hey Fri?" she whispered into the quietness, sliding the tablet she'd hid in her waistband out to lay on the bed beside her.

Friday, having been connected to it since she left the Alps, answered quickly. "Yeah, Boss?"

"What'd your scans show? Anything at all?" Toni murmured, sliding under the blankets and curling onto her side to look at the screen. Sure, she was gonna do more tomorrow and probably better tests, but she was curious now.

"You're sending off some weird signals out of your brain, your bone density has greatly increased now, the nanites in your bloodstream have settled seamlessly with the rest of your body's systems."

"Wha'd'ya mean "weird signals"," she slurred out, a yawn overcoming her. "Is it the stuff from earlier? Am I a giant computer now, Fri? Why else would I have accessed your systems like that?" Her eyes were busily scanning over the reports on screen, seeing the change in coding at the time in which she had her… incident, in the shower. It was too weird, but considering her life? She'd seen gods, an alien army, fought beside a man lost in time and witnessed magic. Why not just accept whatever this was? It certainly didn't seem to be hurting her. Her body was continuously checking in with phenomenal readings. She was almost certain she'd put even Captain America to the test with how great she was doing now.

Well, probably not in a fistfight, but in a fight of peak health? Maybe. Or she was just trying to one-up him again, even though he wasn't around. Old habits are the hardest to break. God, thinking about him just sent her spiraling back to Berlin, back when she was still desperately trying to convince him to see her side of it. To see reason above all else. Sitting across from him with a very old, very expensive set of pens, trying to appeal to him in every way she knew how. He just couldn't do it. He was so blinded by his Bucky that nothing else mattered.

And now, with the clarity only hindsight gives a person, she could understand why. She still hated it. She'll probably hate it until she actually dies.

"... but he's my friend."

"So was I."

"Do you even remember them?"

"I remember all of them."

Those words still haunt her. She'd saved their asses after the fact, cleared their names, given them a roof to live under, money and toys, but it didn't fix much. They'd not really spoken much once they got back. Not for lack of trying on Steve's part. She'd just kept herself so busy he literally couldn't have a chance to talk to her. Maybe it was petty, but it was better than dealing with it all over again. She'd taken knives in the back plenty of times before him, but it just stung so much more when it was Captain America doing it. That meant the others barely got to speak with her too, Rhodey included, but it was a worth it setup. Ironically, the only one she really had regular contact with for a while was Barnes, while she fixed his arm and his brain.

That had been an ordeal in and of itself. It had taken two weeks of just trying to touch the inside of his arm without him going all super soldier on her before she'd slammed her tools down, pushing her chair five feet back from him and leveling him with a glare that could topple buildings. He was pissy she wouldn't let his best butt buddy into the lab to hold his hand and put a bandaid over his boo-boo, but she damn well didn't care. She was trying to do the nice thing.

"Okay. Fuck it. Look, Barnes," she'd began speaking at the time, the bite in her tone seething as she tapped her foot against the ceramic tile. "I get it. I know what it's like to be fucking experimented on with no sedatives. I do." Her chest had tensed at that, and she'd expected it. Her fist balled up and moved to rub idly at the place her reactor used to be, the phantom feeling of it bothering her more than she'd ever admit. She hated thinking about the caves. The open heart surgery with only chloroform to give her any sort of relief (which, spoiler alert: it was not relief at all). Talking about it was gonna fucking suck, but she was a big girl and she could damn well grit her teeth and get through it, especially if it meant this quality time with James Buchanan Barnes could get to an end sooner.

"Open heart surgery in a goddamn cave in Afghanistan, with only chloroform to try to knock me out, and a car battery to keep pieces of shrapnel from shredding my heart. So I get it. I understand your wariness. And I know you and I aren't necessarily friends, or even allies at this point, but I need you to understand I'm not about to do something to hurt you. I'm gonna get in quick and shut off the sensors before I even attach the thing, and once it's on and secure we'll turn it on and that'll be that. We already got through the hard part, fixing up what was left of it after I fucking destroyed the last one."

The air between them seemed to freeze as her words truly sunk in, their eyes locked. They'd studiously avoided the topic of Siberia like the plague since the gang got back together. It was even more taboo than her being within a twenty foot radius of Barton at any given time. But now, staring at him with those thoughts hanging between them, she realized what needed to be said more than anything else. Something she'd realized just a few short weeks after they'd fought.

"I'm sorry. About the uh," she inhaled deeply as she tried to figure out what to say. It had never been easy for her to express her feelings, and all of this was running way too close together. "The arm. The fight? That was my bad. I overreacted. I'm sorry."

And just like that it was like a thread snapped between them. Barnes had nearly leapt out of his seat at her words, crossing the threshold between them to where she'd stood as well. She had one finger pressed against the bracelets that would call her suit to her, but at this range she knew it would be useless. If he wanted her dead she'd die, quick and easy. But instead of killing her, or hitting her, or even reaching out to touch her, he just stood there. He stood and stared at her like a broken man trying to piece together the words to say. Honestly, she'd admitted it plenty of times before, from the very public trials defending the rogue Avengers straight to the neutral meetings with T'Challa and the old team. She fucked up too, and she was willing to admit it.

"I killed your parents," he finally blurted out, after what seemed to be a monumental wrestling match within his own mind. "Stark. I killed your parents. You should not be apologizing to me. I'm a monster."

Her lips formed a silent oh in understanding, finally piecing the bits together. He didn't think he was worth it. Probably blamed himself for all of the people he'd killed over the years, even though Hydra had controlled his brain for it all. What an idiot. Then again, she's all to familiar with that train of thought herself. That's exactly what she's been doing for years because of the weapons she'd built. That single thought brought all the others to their knees, her throat dry and her eyes itchy. She coughed awkwardly, breaking eye contact with him. "I'm suddenly parched," she finally managed to mumble out, making her way over to another counter. She reached under it to pull out a half-empty bottle of whisky, followed shortly by two tumblrs.

She turned around with the procured items with intent of offering one to him only to find him starting to beat a hasty retreat, making her frown in frustration. "Hey. No. Lock it down, Fri. Get back here, Barnes. We are having a drink, goddamnit."

Toni sat the glasses down on the table she'd discarded her tool on before, popping the top off the whisky and pouring it evenly between the two. Her first sip was harsh, but warm and relieving as it made its way through her system. Alcohol was a good release. Sure, she was an alcoholic, but she could still function. "The bottle probably costs more than your entire outfit, Barnes, don't be rude," she chided, sliding his untouched glass closer to him. He seemed… very unsure, though he'd made his way back to her now. She couldn't make him drink it, but it made her feel better when he at least glanced at it. "We're more alike than we realized, y'know?" she finally bit out, staring down into the amber liquid in her cup instead of at him. It would be much harder to admit if she were looking at him. "I blame myself for deaths out of my control too. I made weapons, before all this. I'm sure you know all about that. And-... Ultron. Yeah. So a lot of people have died because of me. So I get that. I'd be a hypocrite if I told you to stop thinking that way, but just… I forgive you. Okay? I know what Hydra did to you. Back in that bunker it wasn't so clear, but hindsight's always 20/20, right?"

A bitter, wry laugh escaped her lips before she quickly chased it away with another drink. God, everything about this was still so fucked up. Her attention shifted as the ignored glass was suddenly touched, scraping off the metal as Barnes lifted it to his lips and took a tentative sip. Their eyes locked as he took a bigger drink, sitting the glass back down once he was done. "It tastes like shit to be so expensive," his words were terse, maybe a little too tight, but it was a rope out of the awkward, heavy mood they'd found themselves in and Toni latched onto it eagerly.

"Go fuck yourself, Barnes," she snorted out, throwing back the rest of her drink and pointing at the chair. "Sit back down. Let's get this over with, okay? And then you can continue to insult my excellent taste in liquors."

He complied easily, and they fell into a companionable silence as his shiny, new StarkTech arm was installed. It was nice. After that very emotionally charged hour Toni was more comfortable around him than she had been, which was nice, but she didn't let it go much further than that. He'd give her a heads up if Clint was around, sometimes she'd find food sitting outside the lab doors, but otherwise they just left their relationship as it was.

Not really a friendship, but definitely not as bitter as the relationships Toni had with pretty much every other member of the new Avengers. She'd enjoyed their truce for as long as it lasted before she started getting sick, locking herself away more and more until she finally took all her projects and moved away from them all. When the food Barnes brought her started tasting like ash more than sandwiches, and her vomit was more blood than bile, she ran. It was what she was good at. It's what she's doing now, in Wakanda. Running. Because that's who Toni Stark is. A coward. A murderer.