Arthur paced outside on the pavement. The glass and cement building of St Thomas' Hospital loomed behind him. Once they'd arrived, Merlin had been whisked off by the medics and they'd told Arthur he couldn't follow. After shouting and some unwarranted threats they'd warned him to calm down or he wouldn't be allowed to visit. He stopped his complaints after that.
Wandering around the hospital's corridors had made him feel queasy with nerves and the various illnesses which pooled and drifted in patient rooms and wards. It had been overwhelming, especially knowing Merlin lay in a bed of his own. That his DC, his friend, rested amongst the diseased.
The beginnings of thunder crackled and rumbled in the sky above though and unless he wanted to catch pneumonia he'd need to enter the building that housed those heavy thoughts. Standing still he closed his eyes and listened to the traffic of the road next to him, the wind rustling the leaves, the sirens, the people walking by. Felt it cut through his coat, lift the collar flaps and threw his hair into disarray. With a clap of thunder Mordred's wry smile and Merlin's dead eyes flashed in his mind.
'Arthur, here you are,' Gaius remarked and Arthur turned face him, stuffing his now frozen hands into his coat's pockets. The scientist seemed tired, stern and soft. Watery grey eyes were still sharp with intellect and, bundled up in a tweed coat with a matching scarf, he seemed especially defiant of the cold weather.
'Why are you here?' Arthur inquired, voice roughened by the stranglehold his stress held around his throat.
'Merlin's situation has the entire scientific community buzzing, DS Pendragon. Even though you didn't have the sense to alert me yourself,' Gaius said with a touch of accusation.
'I'm sorry. I - I just,' he bumbled, brows pinching and eyes losing focus.
'It doesn't matter. Why don't you come inside? Merlin's awake,' Gaius suggested, quirking an eyebrow.
Relief flickered in his heart and he regained clarity. 'So quickly?'
'It's been hours, Arthur,' he said.
'Hours?'
Gaius regarded Arthur with a furrowed brow. 'Did anyone check to see if you were in shock?'
'I'm not in shock,' he defended.
'Come with me, Arthur,' Gaius said and started back to the hospital's entrance.
'You're no doctor.'
'Not of the medical type, no. That doesn't mean I'm void of common sense, however. Now come along,' Gaius said with authority and waited until Arthur joined him.
Gaius led him to Merlin's room then left, talking with a doctor. Arthur looked through the door's small window and inside he could see the light blue walls, dark linoleum floor, and the single hospital bed with the white sheets resting over thin legs. The agitation he'd been feeling reached its precipice and before he got lost in the fear he'd felt in Merlin's flat, Arthur entered the room, shutting the door behind him. The window stretched across the whole width of the opposite wall, and through it was a perfect view of Parliament, Big Ben, the Thames. Although dull with the poor weather, it was still remarkable. Somewhat eerie with the lack of hustle and bustle it was accustomed to. Christmas day and most people would be at home.
Breathing in the sterile air, Arthur looked to the bed. Looked at the legs under the too thin sheets and, taking another steady breath, he glanced up to Merlin's face.
The DC didn't say anything. He just watched Arthur stand awkwardly by the door. Monitors hooked up to Merlin beeped away rhythmically. Slowly stepping closer to the bed until he was next to it, Arthur rested his fingertips on Merlin's pale hand. Tentatively, he sat down on the edge of the mattress.
'I'm so sorry,' he said. Merlin turned his hand over and laced his fingers with Arthur's. He wanted to know the touch of Merlin's dark hair, the taste of salt on his skin, and in a confused moment, how it would feel for his lips to touch Merlin's. He looked to fragile, so contrasting with his dark hair, light skin. All the lean muscle seemed to have been drained from him, leaving him hollow. Arthur's eyes darted to where the spiral had begun and a small weight lifted when he saw it was gone. He wanted to wrap Merlin up in a blanket and hide him away from everything cruel. Another part of him tore that concept into shreds, yearning to run through the brutal world hand in hand with the man instead.
He could feel Merlin watching him. Disregarding the tubes constraining him the DC moved forward and wrapped his arms around Arthur, burying his face in Arthur's neck. It took a second for the confusion to clear and Arthur slid his arms around Merlin in return. He didn't feel anywhere warm enough but no one had given him more blankets.
'I know you didn't . . .' Arthur trailed off, words catching in his throat. Merlin hadn't murdered Uther and he'd let himself believe he had. Let himself feel the anger and betrayal. It had never been Merlin and a part of him knew it from when he saw the scared look in the man's eyes when the officers had taken him away. Disgust at himself for letting his directionless anger point at someone so innocent beat away at his mind. 'The funeral's next week, can you believe it? Everything's gone kind of downhill since the Old Religion case reopened.'
'Coincidentally when I arrived,' Merlin murmured his first words. They sent a shiver down Arthur's spine. Hollow and colourless, panic rose at the tone his voice had adopted.
'Merlin,' Arthur began, pulling out of the hug but keeping his hands on his cold shoulders, thumbs gently stroking back and forth. 'In all this hell, you're the one thing . . . If it weren't . . . Even though it's been hell, I'd experience all of it if that meant getting to experience . . . Well, if it meant getting to experience you.'
'No, you wouldn't.'
'You'd be surprised,' Arthur said with a smile, lifting his hand and brushing it against Merlin's cheek. It was icy against his own warmth, but there was life in Merlin's rich eyes that remained fixed with his own. He stayed there, hearing the muffled noise of London roll into the room. Hearing their breaths and the machinery. It was like an unfamiliar town, where he knew nothing and no one but Merlin. Eventually he realised what he was doing and let his hand drop. 'How long do you have to rest?'
'They're discharging me in a few minutes,' Merlin informed him, still disconcertingly unemotional.
'Wait. They can't,' he said, scoffing with disbelief.
Merlin frowned. 'Why not?'
'You look like you could fall apart any second. That and you're freezing,' Arthur admitted, giving him a neutral brush on the shoulder.
'I am?'
'You haven't noticed?'
'No,' Merlin murmured and folded his legs under himself, now a few inches higher than Arthur. 'I'm sorry about your father.'
'Thanks. I should probably be more upset about it,' he said, pressing his lips together into a thin, sombre smile.
'You don't have to be.'
'Everyone expects me to be the doting son, to break down crying or whatever, but . . .' he trailed off, caught in his memories. 'Uther was never really there for me. Financially, sure, but apart from that he wasn't a big part of my life. I've made my own way without his support but I could never really shake the name.'
'Do you want me to go with you? To the funeral?'
'God, Merlin. How can you be so,' Arthur paused and gestured to him vaguely. 'After what just happened?'
'You're distracting me,' Merlin commented and then looked down, thinking to himself. When he looked back up a gentle smile cracked open his lips. 'That and I generally feel safer next to the infamous Arthur Pendragon.'
'Infamous?' Arthur teased, watching the Merlin he knew and loved unravel once more.
'Arrogant, pompous, self-centred, dollop headed Arthur,' Merlin listed mockingly. 'Better?'
'Thanks for that,' he said and ruffled the DC's hair until he was batted away.
'I do try,' Merlin said but fell silent with contemplation, looking into his lap again. 'I just don't understand.'
'Understand?'
'Mordred,' he said softly, still staring at his hands. He moved one to rest on Arthur's. 'It couldn't have been him. With Old Religion. Trying to do . . .'
'Hey,' Arthur said quickly, clutching Merlin's hand reassuringly. 'Don't relive it.'
'I'm not. It's just, it genuinely wasn't him,' he insisted.
'Merlin, I saw him. It was Mordred,' Arthur murmured, keeping a hold of his hand with new found concern.
'No, you don't,' Merlin stopped, and Arthur could see the concentration on his face as he tried to work it out. 'You don't understand. The way he was acting, the things he was saying, none of it was right. Mordred was never that cruel.'
'You haven't known him for very long,' Arthur said and instantly he could see the hurt flash in Merlin's eyes. It was a stupid thing to say. Hadn't the two of them spoken of how they felt after only a few days?
'You're one to talk,' Merlin retorted, looking off to the side and out to the Thames. Seeing its murky waters shift lazily with the winter wind and roll to the sides of passing boats.
'Fair enough,' Arthur huffed. 'I just think you should stay and rest for a while longer.'
'No,' Merlin said, facing him again with a hardened expression. 'I need to stop them.'
Arthur could hear the determination, but he knew that wasn't enough. 'You won't single-handedly.'
'I won't. I've got you, haven't I? We've also got a new lead,' Merlin said and he felt his heart beat pick up. Did Merlin have him?
'We do?'
Arthur waited for the response but Merlin bit the inside of his cheek, oddly resistant. He squeezed his hand and Merlin returned it with an intense stare. 'Morgana.'
'Morgana? Because she was there when Uther was . . . you know?'
'No,' Merlin said, holding back the full explanation, but he'd already made a crack in the dam and the pressure built up steadily.
'I don't-'
'I didn't shoot her because I thought she was the killer,' Merlin divulged, piquing Arthur's interest, as the reservoir started to pour out. 'Not exactly.'
'Merlin, I don't understand what you're saying.'
'Has Gwen spoken to you?'
'No, she hasn't,' Arthur said and the thought plucked up a new stress in his mind. He removed his hand from Merlin's and dug out his phone, checking the messages. 'Actually I texted her earlier and she still hasn't replied.'
The ring tone started up and Arthur looked at the screen impressed. Gwen. He didn't believe in coincidence, but it did settle his nerves.
'Wait, Arthur, listen to me. Please. Morgana, and I know you won't want to hear it, but-'
Arthur knew that Gwen had been looking into Cenred for him. She had the day free, only in the evening having a family dinner. He was too occupied with curiosity to listen to him. 'Hold on a second, Merlin, I've got to take this.'
He got up, heading to the door and pressing the answer button.
'I'll be back in a minute,' Arthur told him at the look of distress on Merlin's worn face. Even in such a bad state Arthur couldn't help but notice every fine detail and how it made Merlin that much more fascinating, wonderful. Shutting the door he shut out Merlin and put the phone to his ear, 'What did you find, Gwen?'
Merlin waited for him. Waited with anxiety tearing into his stomach and chest. If only he'd spoken faster, but he didn't want to freak Arthur out. Didn't want to lose his friendship, whatever their bond was, because he'd accused his sister of being a killer. Sitting in the hospital bed with the rainfall getting heavier and heavier, droplets hammering against the window pane, Merlin waited.
The quiet left him no escape and the coldness still residing in his blood lashed out. He ran his hands through his hair, bowing his head down with eyes squeezed shut. Everything ached and he could still feel the ghost of Mordred's fingers touching him. They'd disappeared when Arthur came. When Arthur held his hand. Arthur had been so warm.
The minutes passed and Arthur still hadn't come back when the doctor came in, handing him some forms to fill out.
'I'd really prefer it if I could keep an eye on you,' she said firmly, checking the tubing and monitors.
'I've got something to do,' Merlin muttered, scribbling down the information the forms asked for as fast as he could.
'It's miraculous,' she remarked while taking them back from him.
He looked up at her, her dark brown eyes studying him with intrigue. 'What is?'
'Whatever it was that happened to you in the first place is inexplicable. The way you recovered? Astonishing,' she said. 'I'll get these off then. A nurse is bringing you some pills.'
'Pills for what?'
'Pain killers mostly.'
'I don't feel any pain,' Merlin said.
'Yes, well you've had morphine pumping through you for the past five hours,' she said with a brilliant white smile.
'Ah.'
'Ah, indeed. Thankfully, DC Emrys, you're a fit individual and should be fine. Given I've never come across anything like this, that's just my best guess you understand. If anything does feel strange don't hesitate to come back and either myself or another doctor can check you out, okay?'
'Mhm,' he hummed and then the nurse arrived, the paper bag of various tablets in hand.
'Thank you,' the doctor said to the nurse who promptly left. Passing the bag to Merlin she pointed to the bathroom and told him, 'Your clothes are in there. They've been washed.'
Merlin scooted until his legs fell over the edge of the bed. 'Thanks.'
'Take it easy, okay? Nothing too strenuous.'
'Of course, thank you doctor,' Merlin said and once she was satisfied he'd be alright she left too. When the door opened he couldn't see Arthur. Biting his bottom lips he got up and tested his strength by taking a few steps. It felt secure. When he was confident in his movements he changed and caught his reflection in the mirror. He looked ghastly. All the life drained out of him. The heat was slowly returning in his chest and in his veins, but he wished it would come back sooner. It was burning up the cold reminder of what had happened.
Merlin was close enough to his flat that, at a brisk pace, he made it there in several minutes. He'd been expecting police tape and officers, but it was quiet. Normal. As if nothing had happened. He couldn't stop his heart from beating too heavily and too frequently as he approached his door. Steeling his resolve he opened the door and grabbed his oyster card from the side table, taking a hooded jumper on his way out. Getting out as fast as possible was his priority. The homely smell now mingled with unpleasant associations and touches and Merlin wouldn't be able to stand in there for more than a few minutes.
He pulled on the jumper, flicked up the hood, and tugged on his jacket over the top, heading to Scotland Yard. He was already relatively soaked through but at that point he didn't care. The only thing that stopped him from shaking was the thought of finding Morgana.
After talking his way past a few officers he got to where they were holding Cenred. Since he'd himself been locked up they'd arrested him with drug dealing charges. Merlin didn't go to see the team. They didn't need to be put at risk. So, he waited in one of the interrogation rooms and waited for a guard to fetch Cenred. No one watched behind the one-way glass, and all recording devices were off. Merlin had double checked.
'Merlin,' Cenred purred, being pushed into the room roughly.
'Just put him down there,' Merlin told the guard who did as instructed and shoved him down into a seat. 'Lock the door on your way out. I'll knock when I want it opened.'
The guard nodded and when the lock clicked Merlin stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked down at Cenred.
'Where's Morgana?'
'If you've failed to notice, I've been detained,' he spat with vehemence. 'Although I must say it's a delight to be graced by your gorgeous presence.'
Merlin's skin crawled. 'Old Religion has a base of operations. I'm guessing she's there. Where is it?'
'My lips are sealed.'
Something raw and stinging scraped through his nerves. 'Tell me, or I'll make you.'
'Make me?' Cenred let out a hearty laugh. 'Is that a threat? I thought that guy you're shagging was the macho brute of the couple.'
The ice still stung in his body. 'Last chance. Where is she?'
'Sorry, was that a sore spot? Having issues? Does he top or do you?'
The ice surged into his chest at the exact moment the heat flared with agitation. Merlin rammed his knee up while forcing Cenred's head down. The wet crack of breaking bone was followed by Cenred's gasping breaths.
'Well haven't you changed?' he said, lifting his head up to the ceiling in an attempt to slow down the bleeding.
'Where is she?' Merlin asked again, feeling the ice pick away his insides.
'You think I'll tell you?'
'You don't have a choice,' he warned calmly. Staring into those black eyes Merlin couldn't stop seeing the monster he'd seen in Mordred. The jeering smile, the malice, the loathing. Somewhere the warmth tried its best to calm him, to clear his thoughts, but the wintry blasts circulating inside won the battles each time and he felt the freezing ocean fill him to the brim.
'Don't I?'
Cenred's smirk broke the dam and Merlin let the viscous warmth leak into the dark waters. He felt the storm brewing and aimed it towards Cenred. He let it go. The gales ripped out into the room and an ungodly scream erupted, swallowed by the howling winds and thrashing waves.
'Where is she!?' Merlin demanded, eyes alight with the storm's heart and its pulsing power.