CHAPTER 5
I let out another scream of pain as I try to push the child out again. I've heard some women talk about the 'joys of childbirth', but so far I've experienced no joy whatsoever.
Connor waits outside the room, in the hallway of Dr White's house. We managed to get me back from Boston before the child began to emerge, and now Dr White urges me onwards.
"Push again!" He urges.
"I am pushing!" I shout back, frustrated and tired. I push again, with all my strength.
"Once more!" Dr White exclaims.
"You said that last time!" I exclaim, pushing again.
"I see the head!" Dr White says.
This inspires me to push even harder, just wanting the child out of me at this point. I let out a yell as I push for the last time, and then the pain begins to fade. Dr White holds up the child.
"You have a daughter!" He exclaims joyously. He looks down at the child, my baby girl, and his happy expression falters.
"Connor." He calls.
Connor bursts into the room, looking worried and confused and every other emotion he could possibly feel. He almost sprints over to me, then looks at Dr White.
"Stay here. Your baby... She isn't breathing." Dr White says gravely.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
Just like my child. My lungs refuse to work. Connor looks at me, and his eyes look dead. Tears overflow my cheeks, silent pearls that slide down my face. Connor grabs my hand and holds it in his. He has tears in his eyes too. He seems to have stopped feeling. I wish I could stop feeling. Stop the pain that my heart feels. A pain thousands of time worse than giving birth. Millions of times worse than being shot in the chest. Much worse than being stabbed, hit, burned. This is the most pain a human being can experience.
If my baby is dead, I want to die, too. I carried her for nine months. Loved her more than I thought was possible. And all that, gone. In one instant, gone. Gone.
Gone.
I let out a sob. Loud and clear. A sob filled with pain, grief.
And then I hear another cry.
High pitched and wailing. Loud enough to make my ears burst.
And yet, the happiest sound I could ever hear.
Dr White walks through the door, gently cradling a tiny human being in his arms. My baby girl, wailing and screaming,
He walks slowly over to my bed, and places my baby in my arms. She ceases her crying, or at least softens it, and my tears fall even more. This time, they are tears of joy. Pure elation, relief, and every other happy emotion I could ever feel. I stare into her large, beautiful brown eyes, just like her father's. I look up at Connor, whose smile seems to almost split his face in half. He stares at our daughter with shining eyes, and then looks to me. He leans down and places a passionate kiss on my lips, all his love transferred into that one touch.
"I love you." I say to Connor, and to our daughter.
"Konnorónhkwa." He replies softly.
I look back down at our daughter, my tears dripping onto my nightgown. I could not be any happier.
~!~
"What should we call her?" I ask Connor as our baby sleeps against my chest.
"I do not know." Connor replies. I look up at him, and I immediately know what he's thinking.
"Connor, look at me." I say gently. He looks. "You are a good, kind man. You will be a good father to our child. I know it."
He gives me a small smile, and we exchange a kiss.
"What was your mother's name?" I ask Connor.
"Kaniehtí:io." Connor replies.
"Teach me how to say it." I say.
Connor smiles and takes me through his mother's name. When my pronunciation is tolerable, I say it over and over until it's rooted in my mind.
"We could call her Kaniehtí:io." I say.
Connor looks at me, his eyes shining. He nods, and holds his arms out for our child. I place her, Kaniehtí:io, in her father's arms. He cradles her gently, planting an exceedingly gentle kiss on her forehead. It's an odd image, a tall, strong man like Connor holding a newborn child. She gurgles in her sleep.
Connor begins to talk, very quietly, to his daughter in his native language. I close my eyes and lean my head back against my pillow, suddenly extremely tired. The terrible few minutes of thinking my child was dead, then the joy as I learned she was alive, it distracted me. But now I realize I just had a child. And I have every right to be tired.
And I fall asleep, happier than I have ever been in my entire life.
Hello lovely popsicles!
Thank you all for your support over Rain and the One-Shots. If you guys want me to write more of these, let me know, but I don't have any more ideas. If you want, please leave more suggestions for One-Shots. Thank you so, so much for your support and I love you all! It's hard to express what you readers mean to me in an author's note, so I'll just settle for capital letters.
I LOVE YOU!