Chapter Forty Five

Jasper

Something changed in her face and she backed away from me,

"Bella. I wont hurt you, you know that. I was just getting up to feed. Emmett brought a bear back, he's just dropped it off. Do you want to go out while I feed?"

She looked at me warily with puzzlement in her eyes and bit her lip before shaking her head.

"You sure?"

She nodded still chewing her lip and watched as I bent over the bear carcass and started to drink. I felt her move closer but I couldn't stop, I was so thirsty. As the blood quenched the burning in my throat I felt my strength start to come back a little at a time and knew I was going to be fine. A hand touched my shoulder and I pulled back with difficulty to look up at Bella.

Her face was white with stress as she knelt beside me, her eyes burning. She put her hands either side of my face and brought her own down to kiss me, flicking her tongue around my lips as if seeking entry. They were bloody and I expected her to pull back in disgust but she didn't. When I didn't open them she pulled back and her eyes were now flashing red. I'd never seen that in a human before but before I had time to think she pushed me away and fixed her mouth over the opening I had made in the bears neck, sucking greedily. I was so shocked I just watched her, my own thirst temporarily forgotten.

Bella

Suddenly I realised what I was doing and jumped away in horror, wiping my lips with the back of my hand. The metallic taste of the blood not making me feel sick which astonished me. I looked at Jasper as he sat back on his heels watching me. Seeing my horror he stood and came over to me opening his arms and I rushed into them for comfort.

"I don't know what happened to me Jasper" I gasped.

"Shh Bella, its OK. It doesn't matter"

He stroked my hair to calm me and held me close as I sobbed in confusion.

"Do you want me to call Carlisle?" he asked me.

I was horrified at the idea and shook my head, how would I explain the feelings that had taken control of me to him?

"No. I don't know what happened. My throat was burning and all I could think of was drinking the blood."

"Bella, you must remember you are part vampire and I think the vampire part took over there for a while. Maybe my own thirst affected you. If it did I'm sorry. I should have been more careful around you."

I pulled his face close to mine once more,

"No more sorry between us. You and I both know we're meant to be together, two parts of a whole so no more sorry, or secrets, or absences for us. OK?"

He pulled me close, nuzzling my neck,

"We should talk to Carlisle about this though, your vampire half starting to assert itself. What it means and if he thinks its anything to do with our relationship."

"If it was related would that make a difference to the way you feel about me?"

He looked at me confused,

"No why should it? It's more likely to affect the way you feel about me. Am I turning you into a blood drinking fiend? If I am perhaps you might want to rethink our relationship."

I pulled him even closer and breathed in his scent.

"I've seen that you can't live without me, do you think I could live without you now, after I finally figured out what was going on. If being with you means becoming more like you them its small price to pay."

He ran his hands down my back to my waist and back up,

"You shouldn't be paying a price to be with me Bella. Not that kind of price anyway. It's not right but then I think as part vampire maybe it was always there just being held down by your human half."

"I'll settle for the Vampire half for now if it means being with you."

"Anything you say, which reminds me, what did you mean by that cryptic comment in front of Emmett?"

I was puzzled,

"I don't know. What did I say?"

"About being dessert but only in a room with a bed"

I blushed,

"I am not spelling it out for you Mister."

He laughed and kissed me again,

"I love you Bella Swan."

Jasper

We had never ever thought about what being part vampire meant for these children of Aro. Now I was seeing first hand some of the differences between a normal human and Bella.

"Have you ever felt this way before?"

"No. The thought of blood always made me feel sick so I stayed away from it."

"I wonder if that was your human half trying to assert some authority over your body. You know Bella, in all the years we've been involved in protecting Aro's children we never really gave a thought to them, the kids themselves and what it meant for them as people. How it affected their lives. We were only interested in keeping them from him. Keeping ourselves safe and Aro from getting too powerful, no thought for what it meant to them as individuals. Only now, spending time with you have I realized how little we helped any of them. People like Shaun who drank himself to death. I have no idea what he was going through in his head. What vampire feelings were screwing him up. Maybe that's why some of the kids killed themselves, maybe they had some of a vampires desires and had no one to talk to about those desires. A craving for blood and who do you talk to? You can't talk to your human friends and the Guardians aren't interested in discussing your problems just keeping you out of the clutches of the evil vampire father. It sounds like a really bad horror film when you put it into words. We thought we'd done such a good job, patted each other on the back when in reality we failed miserably all down the line. I'm not going to fail you though Bella. If I can make things right for you I guess I'm hoping it will pay in part for the others I didn't help."

"Jasper it was a situation no one could have understood. You did the best you could with the information you had and the best of intentions. Lets try to help each other."