Reflection.

He stood outside the waiting room. As he donned the suit and usual precautionary covers to avoid evidence contamination a Uniform updated him. Forensics had swept most of the room but with the public location any evidence of worth was minimal to impossible to isolate. The background buzz of the station was distracting, the eyes pressing in against them, and Merlin asked the remaining forensics team members to give him some time in the room alone. They were reluctant but he had a reputation. Over eighty solid arrests in the last eight months, wounded to protect a fellow officer, and recently returned to duty. It worked in his favour to say the least. He entered and closed the door behind him.

Once the lock clicked he closed his eyes and tried to feel the webs, see the colours. Eyes open and nothing. No colour, no strings of history and personality filling the room. He walked in further.

Breath ghosted along his cheek, earlobe, and then heat blew through his lips. Merlin gasped and stepped back. Pressure pillowed itself across his chest, hips, thighs and he fell back, head making an ugly smack noise on the ground. Pain branched up around his skull. He was pinned, head swimming, and hands forced his legs apart. When he tried to call out a warm hand clamped down over her lips. She tried to tell him to stop, but Richard's free hand had pushed his dress up past her hips. The air was cold and invasive, his fingers digging into her thigh.

'Shhh,' he puffed against her ear and then her hands were tugged behind her. Her back arched painfully up into him and he bound them together with something soft and thin. Her movements were sluggish and when his fingers hooked into her underwear her stomach wrenched, body filled with sharp sick energy. They were pulled down. He tugged them off her ankles. The cold air swam up against her and her eyes burned when he stuffed the pink cotton into her mouth and she screamed. The fabric caught the sound, twisted into into something strangled in her own head and she screamed again.

Her vision snapped out of focus and Richard whipped back into the air, mouth agape like a fish, arms striking out, slowed by some kind of resistance in the air. His eyes glazed over, lips turned blue, and his hair floated. The sharp energy spiked and spilled. She cried, scrambled back to her feet and tried to grab his kicking legs, pull him down, but her hands passed through him. He stared down at her with fear in his eyes, gaping, and she tried to grab for him, tried to stop it, but his movements slowed down and his stare locked in place. Brown eyes turned watery, pink, and then they stopped. His body slopped to the ground with a wet slap, soaked and still.

Merlin jerked back and the cry cut through his chest, stomach, like a fox's scream in the quiet night. Ice cracked through his body and his legs gave way.

Someone grabbed his arm and swung it up over solid heat. 'Woah! Hey, Merlin?'

The muffled voice half carried and half led him out of the room, blocked questions from Uniforms, and let him sit down on the ground against the stone wall. Arthur tugged back the white hood, pulled off his mask and lightly slapped his cheeks until he swatted him away.

'Merlin, what's going on?'

'I didn't mean to,' he said as things came back into focus. 'She didn't mean to. She had to.'

'You saw who the killer—'

'Arthur,' he breathed as awareness hit him again. St Pancras, crime scene, Arthur crouched down next to him, sensation returning. The white suit crinkled strangely over his clothes as he sat up straighter. 'It was self defence, an accident. Instinct.'

'We still need to find her. Merlin, are you alright?'

He flinched away from the gloved hand that reached out to him. 'Don't touch me. Give me a minute.'

Arthur pulled back instantly, his own mask and hood pulled off to reveal concerned blue eyes. The conversation in the car left his world dull, distant and darker. Like when the voices called out to him. Merlin got up, back resting heavily against the wall. Arthur followed his movements and kept two feet between them.

'You saw it happen?' he asked quietly.

'No. I experienced it,' Merlin said, slowly stripping the gloves, shoe covers, everything. That terror pulsed through his body and made his movements shake. He'd never experienced a murder like that before, not so viscerally. So raw. 'I was her.'

'Who?'

'Phoebe,' he snapped. 'Richard, I have no idea what he was doing. In such a public space, the location doesn't make sense unless— It didn't actually happen here and she moved them both here. Maybe she felt safer in a public place. I don't know.'

'Richard's the name of the victim?'

'Yeah, he was her boyfriend. He tried to force her, Arthur. Force her to,' he stopped, stomach twisting again. He looked down as he pulled the suit down over his trousers, could feel the way Richard tugged the pink cloth down over his bare legs, and threw the white ball at the black box next to the scene's entrance. 'I know where she is. I can feel her. We need to help her.'

'Okay,' Arthur said as he tugged off his own suit. 'We just need to get a warrant for her arres-'

Merlin glared at him. 'Aren't you listening? She didn't mean to hurt him and given what he tried there's no way this can be her fault.'

Arthur balled up his own covers and dropped them into the box. 'Merlin, she killed him. We need to isolate her. She's dangerous.'

'Like me? You want to isolate me?'

'Merlin,' he said with a frown, a heavy pause. 'It's not the same.'

'Isn't it? The only difference is that you were there to stop it when I couldn't. My magic couldn't help me but it saved her,' he said, voice breaking. Almost a year ago but he'd never forgot. Mordred's weight, the pain, the numbing fear. How Arthur burst through the door, hit Mordred, taken him to the hospital. Merlin ran a shaking hand through his hair. 'We're going to help her. Promise me that.'

Arthur's eyes bored into him for a long second. 'I promise.'

Merlin didn't know if he was lying, but her fear still cracked through him and he grabbed Arthur's arm and Vanished.

They both sucked in cold night air.

'What?' Arthur said, wide eyes taking in the sudden change. It had been morning when they'd left. Merlin's heart raced and he looked around. 'Hanworth House' was carved into the large stone threshold of the entrance to an apartment block seven storeys high. Traffic blared from a main road behind them.

'Camberwell New Road,' Arthur read out from a street sign across the road just before a bus rushed passed. He looked up at the street lights and the dark night sky. The ground was wet and shone from earlier rain. 'We're still in London. Why is it already dark? It was ten in the blood morning.'

His blood pounded in his ears. 'That's never happened before.'

Arthur looked down at his watch. 'Merlin, it's ten to eight. That's almost ten hours missing.'

He glanced up at him with shock. Merlin knew he shared the expression. 'I don't know. That's not—'

'Bloody hell, check your phone,' he said when his mobile pinged again and again and he pulled it out to check. 'Eighteen missed calls. Five missed calls from Leon, texts asking where we are. Two from Kilgharrah. Bloody Agravaine called me, and Mordred. Gwen's asking what's going on. Shit, there was your party—'

Merlin had zoned out and checked his own phone. A similar onslaught of calls and messages, most of them from Gwaine and Gwen. Most started coming through after 1pm. Their phones and watches read the right time, so they'd experienced it, they just hadn't been aware. He tried to wrap his mind around what could have happened, but magic wasn't science and the interaction of time with magic was beyond him. Reincarnation for one still had him reeling with numb defeat when he gave it too much thought.

When Merlin looked up the cold cut deeper. 'Phoebe?'

There was a woman walking away from them and turned left onto another street, but he knew it was her. Arthur followed his gaze.

'Merlin, what's your plan?'

'No idea,' he said and started running after her. 'Phoebe!'

'What— Merlin,' Arthur hissed and followed. The girl ahead stopped long enough for Merlin to catch up and then he saw her eyes glowing that familiar gold. No flash, just a constant and low burn.

'I'm here to help you. My name's Merlin. I'm like you, see?' he put away the phone and gestured to his hand down at his side where heat whipped up and concentrated itself into physical flames that danced along his palm and fingers in strings and twists of orange light.

When Arthur reached him he clamped a hand over the flames. 'What are you doing!? What if someone saw you?'

'I know what happened, what Richard tried to do to you. Let me help you. Please.'

'I don't know who you are,' she said and stepped away, a gust of wind bringing one of her long blonde hairs across her face, some strands sticking to her lips.

'Phoebe, is it? We're detectives with the Metropolitan Police. We'd like to ask you a few questions-'

Her frown melted into fear. She whipped around and ran.

'No, no, no,' Merlin rushed and chased after her, fuelling his legs with the anger at Arthur's way too blunt approach. She headed into a park, covered in shadow with the green grass muted into something closer to brown and barren trees shaking in the wind. Warmth coiled down around his thighs, calves, and he sped up to close the distance in three seconds.

'Merlin! Merlin, slow down!' Arthur called to him. Phoebe darted behind one of the trees and when he dashed around it she was gone. His eyes scanned everything, saw through the darkness, zoomed in on distant figures, but none were her. Arthur was still calling after him. Another second of searching the open park space with no success and he'd caught up.

'Where is she? Can she do the thing you do?'

'Vanish?'

'Yeah.'

Merlin groaned. 'I don't know, okay? Why did you— How could you think doing that was a good idea?'

'Doing what? Our jobs? We're detectives before anything else, Merlin.'

'I know that,' he huffed and spun around to search the far side of the little park where it met another road, a concrete wall, more buildings. 'She was terrified and that didn't help.'

He turned back to face Arthur. He was gone.

'Arthur?'

A heavy thud and groan sounded to his left and Merlin snapped around to see Arthur on the ground, clutching his stomach. Phoebe was next to him, then she brought her arm down with a rush of wind which Arthur rolled away from as earth blew up. She struck out the same arm where he'd gotten to his feet and he was blown backwards twenty feet in the air. Heat rolled out through Merlin's veins. He slowed Arthur's fall and ran after him when Phoebe charged at him with impossible speed.

Merlin matched it, feet digging into the grass and bringing up mud. He stepped over Arthur just as she slammed her hands together. The air quaked around Merlin and turned wet and heavy. Then it clicked into place: Richard had drowned. His own body now felt weightless, lifted up, Arthur's floating up a little under his legs. Panic kicked in. Magic burned under his skin, pricked up his hairs, and he let out a roar.

Muffled by the water-air for a second it broke through, shattered the spell, and thundered through the quiet. His throat ached, turned raw, but his yell deepened, shook his body. Phoebe's body shot backwards, rolled violently with a hard landing as his roar tapered out into a growl and the swollen heat cooled. Merlin's feet stood on solid ground and he gasped in his next breath, body drained of warmth. Phoebe laid motionless ahead in the shadow of one of the park trees and his next breath came out in a grey fog against the closest streetlight.

Emrys.

Merlin's lids grew heavy.

Emrysss.

In the shadows he saw light, formless shapes swarm and fall down over Phoebe. He stepped back away from Arthur who stared at him with momentary shock, temple covered in blood. Merlin helped him to his feet, barely feeling his arms in the sudden cold, and needles spread up the back of his head as another voice coasted past his ear.

Thank you.

Arthur grabbed him and pulled him back. Merlin tried to shake him off but then he saw the figure. It was translucent with hollow eyes, vaguely human shaped as it coalesced like mist in the air.

'You're fucking kidding me,' Arthur breathed. 'Is that—'

Merlin watched it bow down to him ceremoniously. The motion made his stomach turn, heart beat drum deeper in his chest, and then it disappeared.

Arthur let him go, looked to where Phoebe had landed and ran to her. Merlin gave the empty air another look before he followed. She was lying on the grass, head lolled to the side, eyes open. His breath escaped him and he stopped. Merlin's heart slowed its race and beat harder instead.

Arthur knelt down next to her and pressed two fingers against her neck. The wind picked up, cold and moist from the beginnings of rain. He watched Arthur start CPR, tilting her head back, mouth over hers, hands laced and pumping hard onto her chest.

'Don't touch her,' Merlin whispered, the instinct cold and queasy in his head and chest.

He stopped his teeth from chattering as Arthur looked back up at him, terrified. 'She's dead. Merlin, she's dead. Merlin?'

Phoebe's form broke and cracked like dry earth.

Merlin's vision blurred. 'Don't—'

'She's dead!'

A shiver ran through him and her body was gone, another chorus of voices called out Emrys, and then the world came back into sharp detail. Arthur was shaking him and for a second Merlin could have sworn he saw the labyrinth walls in the corner of his eye, cracked and vine covered, but then it was all gone. He pushed Arthur away and stared at the grass where her body had been dragged under. It was growing darker and wet with rain with no signs of what had happened. It looked like the rest of the park.

Arthur's wild eyes followed his gaze. 'Where is she?'

'Gone,' Merlin murmured, the cold seeping out at last.

'Gone where?'

The panic had set in properly now. 'I don't know.'

'She was dead,' Arthur reiterated, the shock having turned his face a deathly pale and made every feature starker. 'Did you kill her?'

'I— It just happened,' Merlin stumbled through the words. She'd attacked Arthur, he'd protected Arthur, then she'd tried to drown them both, and he'd acted. 'She was going to kill you, like she did Richard. I had to, I—'

'Merlin, this isn't Camelot,' Arthur said, glancing around the empty park for a paranoid moment before he focused back on him. 'You can't just kill people.'

Merlin saw the accusation in his eyes and it hurt. 'I didn't know that it'd—'

'You always have a choice! Knock her out, a sleeping spell anything—'

'Not always!' he yelled, cheeks hot and the anger back. 'Not when someone's trying to— When you can't think clearly.'

'Can you handle this, Merlin? First you lose control with Cenred, then you kill Aredian, now this girl. She's barely eighteen for god's sake! You keep hurting or killing them. That's—'

'You think hurting people is what I want?' Merlin cut in with disbelief. Arthur was getting his breath back but the air was sticky and cold with their panic, with whatever just happened. 'I became a detective to help, to save lives. I use magic to protect.'

'Merlin, this,' he said and waved at nothing then gestured to him. Merlin's heart hit harder when he did. 'This isn't helping. There are consequences. We're the police.'

'Fuck you.'

'Merlin, don't react like—'

'You're right. When you died in Avalon I didn't die. I waited for you, Arthur. For centuries. I grew old without you, without any of you,' he breathed in to release the pressure in his chest and throat, the heat behind his eyes. 'I couldn't take it anymore and I— I mean I actually killed myself. I did that. I— Maybe I can't handle this.'

Arthur's anger grew distant for a moment when he realised, 'That's what you remembered in February? That's why you disappeared.'

'And then we were all brought back. We find each other again, we get this chance, but it means nothing,' Merlin continued, close to yelling. He had to get it all out. No more lies Arthur had said. No more secrets is what he'd meant. 'It means nothing because, in spite of everything, you don't want to even try to know me, not really. I've always been there for you, Arthur. Always. But when I need you? When I almost lose everything to protect you and the others from Morgause, Aredian, Nimueh— You can only judge me. You act like this heroic, stoic upholder of justice, but only if it follows your rules, your idea of how things should be.'

'That's what I had to do, what I had to be like to rule in Camelot and it's what I need as a detective. I thought you understood that and I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings, Merlin, but you've changed. You just murdered a bloody murder suspect,' he said. Merlin frowned at the comments. Changed. They'd all changed, a little and a lot. Arthur had changed too, or maybe he hadn't and that was the problem. 'You used me. You lied to me. You made me a bloody one night stand in your twisted narrative.'

Merlin wanted to scream at him. 'That's what you think?'

'Yeah. That's what I think.'

He shook his head and turned around. Arthur tried to grab his arm but he wrenched away and controlled the flash of heat in his chest.

'Stay the fuck away from me.'

Arthur's eyes widened, he pulled back, and Merlin Vanished before he could say anything else.

Gwaine's flat. He was in the bathroom already and turned on the light, locked the door, and stripped. His skin was dewy with the wet air of the park, the moment of being submerged in Phoebe's water, and was turning a little pink with the sudden heat of the warm flat. Merlin started the shower and stared at his naked reflection as the water warmed up. He was thinner, hips sharper, collar bone and rib cage more prominent, and paler too. He'd built up his workout regime again but getting back to where he had been would take months.

His lack of appetite made things worse. His eyes glazed over and he pressed his fingers against his skin, felt the muscle, the bones, the warmth. He hadn't been like this since he was seventeen and that had spiralled quickly enough without the stress of magic, reincarnation, of accidentally, maybe even purposefully, killing a girl to save Arthur's life. To save his own. The thought sent a cold wave of sickness through him and he swallowed. He was a killer. Back then it had just been school, his future, his social awkwardness, his aunt no longer being able to take care of him properly with the financial pressure.

He climbed into the tub. The water was too hot and when he moved to twist the tap his stab wound twinged. Merlin looked down at the scar above his abdomen and ran his fingers along the skin. When he felt the change in skin he could feel that knife wedged inside him again and the memory of the pain his magic had suppressed bloomed back into life. He let himself cry.

Steam rose and he sank down to the floor of the bathtub. The shower sent water over his head, face, and back. He pulled his knees up against his chest. Hot water ran into his eyes and he squeezed them shut as his chest heaved and throat ached and the rushing sound washed away his sobs. He hated how pathetic it was but he'd held it in for so long, pressed it all down. Something had broken. Merlin sat there, crying, hot water pouring down, until he couldn't cry anymore and he washed it all off, washed his hair and scrubbed every inch of his body. When he turned the taps off and climbed out he felt warm, clean, and exhausted. Wrapping a towel around his waist he left and headed to his room, ignored Gwaine's surprise and questions, locked the bedroom door and collapsed on the bed.

(Playlist for Reflection:

-Undone, Undress by Marika Hackman

-Homeostasis by Nostalghia

-Small Things by James Howard

-Love by Lana Del Rey

-Kettering by The Antlers

-Talk Show Host by Radiohead)