For the past weeks I've been under what you might call "mental training" in order to find ways to control, as well as explore, what I can do. With the guidance of Lauren, and the off-side support from Adam, I can conclude that the fire is managed through my emotions. Basically, I cope quite well when I'm calm and then I can form flames into beautiful creations… Shapes of birds, running water and hearts, if you can imagine it. Oppositely, if I'm angry enough, the flames multiply and I turn into a ball of eccentric light. Crazy, I know. It's taking a lot of my time and patience to handle and not every moment passes by as smoothly as I would like. A few days ago I got really upset about something in a bad place... And the consequences could have been severe.

On Central City's Musical Academy (CCMA) we have been working ourselves halfway in the production of Grease. (Not my favorite musical, though it has some good songs.) I've grown to like my fellow students, who are all very ambitious and gifted: Lily the red-headed girl from Starling City who loves Gene Kelly, Pedro the Spanish gentleman who does the BEST Elvis imitation in the world and the always smiling Eric Winslow - to name a few! My studies here contain singing, dancing, acting and reading lots of different literature. Most of the teachers are really nice, for example choir master Olaf who's got the tiniest body but the voice range of Pavarotti. There is only one teacher I have little tolerance for and that's Gloria Laughland. (Urgh! The mere thought!) She's an unyielding soprano that smells of too much hairspray. Last week she tutored one of our dance classes and she wouldn't stop discouraging us for the most petty things! "More energy"-this and "wipe of that wide smile because you make the others look like funeral guests"-that. If she thinks that I'm clueless I simply ignore her, but when she went after Eric... Well, let's just say she messed with my temper. A lot.

"Stop, stop, stop!" Gloria shouted after she had made the male dance crew repeat one combination for the 20th time. "Eric." She sighed deeply while looking at the dark young man with brown eyes. "Do you like dry spagetti? You're arms are as straight as toothpicks and, frankly, it's ruining the whole number."

Frankly, I know from being in the audience during the rehearsal that he was doing fine for a guy who's just recently returned from sick leave. Eric never lets anything shadow his breezy attitude and that's one of the things I like most about him. Apart from that he is very tall...

"I beg your pardon, Mrs. Laughland." he excused himself. "But my left arm's been broken and it was only a few weeks ago I removed the bandage..."

Gloria put her hands on her carbs-free-no-sugar-non-stop-workout waist and looked frustratedly at him.

"Then, frankly, I suggest you come back when you're fully recovered." she said and turned to the technician in the back of the theatre. "Music, please!"

"But the doctor's said it's fine for me to continue on the production. They even say dancing can be good for..."

Gloria interrupted him.

"Fine isn't enough! We can't afford to be ignorant about details at this stage."

I stood up from my red seat and dared intervene by calmly reminding her of what an asset Eric is to the team. She clocked me a look that said she wanted to kill me and claimed that the decision was final. Eric will be welcome to join us again on the next production.

"I'm sorry." I said to him as he was leaving.

He surprised me by taking my hand in his. I had a funny feeling in my stomach.

"Thanks, Olivia. I'll still come and cheer you on at the premiere! Don't worry 'bout me. "

He gave away a warm smile and I returned it while shaking my head slowly.

"Oh, I'm not sorry for you!" I whispered. "I'm sorry because Mrs. Petty over there has to live with herself."

Not to mention me feeling sorry for her offspring. The unfairness regarding Eric wasn't what made me lose it again, not really, even though it had some impact. It was caused by the inexplicable anger I felt when Mrs. Pett… Gloria was standing in the school corridor and totally ignored her 5 year old daughter! The girl was upset, that was obvious, but the person on the other end of Gloria's phone had her completely occupied. The girl held up her fluffy Rabbit and said:

"Tony likes singing very much, mommy… But he's too sad to sing. Everyone laughed at him today and... tried to flush him down the potty..! So mean they were to you, Tony!"

I remember the tears that started pouring down her chubby cheeks like they were my own. The girl cried and sobbed freely and longed for comfort but when Gloria (finally!) lifted her up, she told her off for causing to much noise! My tolerance snapped! I hurried inside the women's dressing room as the heat inside my chest pressed further up towards my head. My feet had started to burn through my shoes as I closed the door with a loud bang. The locker room was empty, I'm relieved to say. My thoughts were a muddle... There is nothing worse than selfish people! You truly know that someone is egoistic if they set aside children - especially their own! So small and innocent beings always deserve to be treasured with unconditional love and playfulness and should never be taken for granted! But I keep seeing the latter. And it makes me so very angry.

Out of impulse, the very second after I'd entered the locker room, I walked into the showers and turned the tap. My body was burning like never before and the water didn't even reach my head before turning into steam. As the aching empathy for that girl was rooting inside my chest I watched myself in the shower mirror. I could barely see. My eyes were wide open, shining, and I was surrounded by a constant yellow light! I remember that it filled up the entire space around me and I had no idea where I was, which way was up or if time was passing. By then I was really scared. I tried to relax by breathing slowly, like Lauren taught me, but the heartbreaking lump (of anger, frustration, sorrow and anxiety) inside me didn't go away. Then, when I least expected it, a soft melody started playing from a distance… It was one of my favorite songs ("Gypsy Heart" by Colbie Caillat) and it made my temper change. I let go. Of everything and nothing. Suddenly, I started to feel at ease and almost happy. Some songs remind me of all the magic the world has to offer and by the refrain I could see clearly again. The water jets kept hitting me from above, I was soaked, and my clothes were torn.

I changed outfit, went to buy a new pair of leggings and stopped by at Lauren's house at the outskirts of town. She was in and I crashed on her moss green bean bag and looked at the living room wall, which was decorated with a Native American painting. I told her what had happened, that a song saved me, and that I truly believe that she is right about one thing. If I get more aware of my thoughts and feelings, and how they react to my surroundings, I should be able to control these… talents.

"Inner peace!" I exclaimed in Lauren's face as she served me a cup of tea. "Like in that Kung Fu Panda-movie! That's it!" I said. "I am Po."

Lauren giggled and sat down on the fluffy blanket that was covering the white couch.

"I disagree. You're more like the tiger on the inside, steady and knows exactly when she should use her strength, and the monkey on the outside..."

I wondered about how I should take that.

"..Playful and full of energy! Knows the importance of living in the moment."

Right, it was a compliment! We started laughing as I pointed out that her mentoring skill makes her Master Shifu. She said that she was flattered to be seen as a wise turtle and I corrected her that Master Shifu is, in fact, a red panda. She got stubborn and the only way for us to settle the discussion was to watch the movie together. It turned out I was right, of course.

Olivia Zoe

15th of April 2015