Tokyo Ghoul and all its affiliated characters are property of Sui Ishida.

A very long time since I haven't update- really sorry but i'll explain afterwards! (trying to see if I can do this weekly ^)

Chapter 23
The Moon of My Life

When I woke up I could hear the silence in the apartment. Sadly Itori was gone but I never expected her to leave today; it was a stay home all day Saturday. I never had much to do and I barely had laundry plus with all my

stress from yesterday I didn't even have the urge to move out the bed and begin my day.

I groaned loudly turning in the bed looking into the ceiling questions resurfacing in my mind about what happened last night. Was this more chaotic than I believed? I knew the situation was that someone might be hunting me, but with the dead ghoul dropped right in front my apartment building, I now knew I am definitely being targeted and whoever is doing it is very keen on driving me up into the wall. The CCG protection has nearly tripled and I'm beyond restricted from going anywhere unauthorized. As a matter of fact I'm not sure I can leave my apartment.

As a matter of fact, I'm not sure I even want to stay here today.

I rose up going to the bathroom and giving my body a nice warm shower. What was I supposed to do today? I could daringly leave my apartment and wander to somewhere that could rob away all this solitude, but where was that?

Renji?

Renji was a perfect escape and I had the comfort of my three adorable kittens to woo and wax me with their soft fuzzy bodies to their hearts content in making me all happy again. But, that would be so awkward with what happened last night….and if I went I would flood him with questions and I knew that he wouldn't give me answers.

I sighed thinking even more.

His name was like a soft whisper coming from the back of my head and my heart bellowed in my chest. He could answer all my questions and he was my best escape. I've been so scared of seeing him, going to him, scared of getting him in trouble and of being in trouble by getting caught. He never called, he never visited, he never even sent messages so I wasn't even sure what to think of him, or how to feel about him. Were we even still in a relationship? What if it was over between us and he's moving on. What if he already moved on and probably, probably he's seeing someone else?

Get it together kaisa!

I buried my face in the towel as I dried my body as I looked in the mirror and slapped my cheeks. This wasn't the time for 'what if's'. I was strictly determined to see him today and when I do I plan to face him with all these questions. He's not that type of person to move on like that. He stayed with me through everything before he wouldn't just walk away like that.

I sighed going to my closet searching for something to put on. I could feel the guilt as I felt ashamed of myself for doubting the man I was more than positive would put his life on the line for me. I didn't want to be weak; I can't be in the middle of all of this and afford to be weak. Whether someone was targeting me, whether I was having a life crisis and even if I might be in this condition for months and years before I'm safe, I'm not going to be weak!

Uta isn't weak, Itori isn't weak, Renji isn't weak, Amon isn't weak and I'm…..I'm not going to be weak. I have strong people around me and I have people who care and love me so I won't let fear get the best of me. I won't.

By the time I'm dressed I pack my little knapsack and slip on my ankle boots locking my room door as I went to the entrance. I opened it seeing that wow- no one was on guard!

I moved quick going down through the hall and almost as if I've counted my blessings too early there was a large group of nearly ten police officers at the entrance of the elevator just watching and talking amongst themselves. I gulped as I wondered how the hell would I get to pass, there was another three at the staircase so I couldn't go that way either. How else would I get to leave?!

I looked around going back down the hall, it seemed like I would have to stay in. I looked at the window at the end, if only I was a ghoul and could fly. I walked to it looking out as it was the back of the apartment building facing the other next to us with the somewhat clean alley and the garbage for the entire complex. Below me was some connecting pipes and believe me the floor was quite the way down as I was on the top floor. An idea crossed my head as I looked around. I feel the crazy thoughts pulling on my logics and to make it worse I could hear the officers deciding to go to their post. So wait, the reason they were all piled there was because they had a meeting?! So there is one that's supposed to be at my door. Judging by the footsteps it sounded like three if not two of them. I could faintly hear their convo.

"I mean, what's the point, she's probably under the sheets crying in fear she won't be coming out till the next 10 days!"

"You're probably right, who hears that someone was killed in front their apartment and runs out into the dark, she must either have a death wish or be extremely scared of ghouls to want to get away."

"Listen, 32 and I two point guard at the door, you two go to the window. We switch every 30 got it?"

My heart started racing I'm gonna get caught I can't rush to my room or I'll buck into them and I can't jump from here or I will definitely die!

Shinohara told me about going against the system. If I was suspected of trying to escape secure barriers this was going to be beyond my control. The luxurious opportunity of staying in my apartment and having the comfort of my own element would be taken away- I could be moved from my apartment, from the ward- heck, as big as it was getting I could be moved out the country!

I had to take this risk- I had to, if I was immigrated I'm sure he would visit me, I'm sure Itori and Renji would as well, I believe they would make that sacrifice, even if a part of me is being greedy by just wanting him to come with me….completely.

I stuck one leg out and then the other as I looked before me into the hall and caught a glimpse of their shadows approaching. I would be mad to let go now just to avoid this risk. But with the little courage I had I took a three seconds or four telling myself this was a bad idea as I looked at the rusty drainage pipe feeling like it would crumble to ashes in my hand if I jumped for it. I scooted one of my hands to my waist taking off my belt as I inhaled reaching for it and moving my entire body completely. I gripped tightly on the belt holding on for dear life as I slipped it between the huge pipe and the wall and began going down as skillfully as I can. By the time I reach the floor I took the belt running through the ally and escaping to the other side of the building. From here on out. I was safe.

I slipped in and out of the crowd getting my way out the perimeter as it was thickly fogged with policemen and CCGs who I'm sure were in disguise as I could spot a few faces I knew I had seen before at training.

As soon as I was in good distance I started walking slowly. It was best I moved to a normal pace since moving swift and agile would draw attention to myself. I entered maybe two stores fooling around and interacting which kind of made my stomach turn since I knew I was wasting time if someone was chasing me and I couldn't shake off the anxiety of the thought of using regular people pretending to care and fake smiling just to ditch whoever was, might or is following me.

I blushed lightly the minute I turned into the walkway that led to his store, it was just there…his building. It was just a pile of space, material, steel and concrete but it meant so much to see it after nearly three months knowing it was his residence.

I walked up to the entrance reaching for his door as I turned the knob only to realized its locked.

"….."

I looked up spotting the big closed sign as I blinked.

How the hell can I even miss the sign?

I sighed looking at the door as I reached for the glass placing my fingers on the mirror looking into the darkness as I couldn't see inside but if he was there he could see me.

Uta….open the door. I know your inside!

My eyes watered, what was this feeling….I didn't like it. I could feel it, almost as if he was close. Was he going to avoid me- no- I would break down this fucking door if I have to.

I went through a lot just to get this far, I sacrificed too much just to make it to his door. I reached for the knob twisting it as it was seriously locked.

Uta you asshole. I risked everything to come this far. I looked at the door as my eyes got blurry and I could barely see as they were clouded with tears.

I never stopped thinking of you not a single day. I always believed that when this was over we could go back to the way it was. Showing you my sketches, critiquing each other's work, talking to each other and reminiscing over now which would be way behind us. When I trained I imagined being stronger to be by your side so I wouldn't be weak and fall so easily. Nights I muttered all the loneliness and needing into the darkest part of my heart so I could sleep knowing that tomorrow would be a better day. I wanted to give up and give in, to bend to the hardships of not having you, to survive your selfish act of disappearing like you were never even here. Yet, I kept going because I felt like a day like this would come, where I could be at your door, only that it would open….and not be closed on me.

A hand slipped right under mine inserting the key as my heart stooped. I looked at it. Those familiar tattoos, that strong firm muscle lined under such pale delicate skin. My stomach sank and my heartbeat felt faint almost as if it had returned to its general pace after so many days….after so many weeks, after so many months.

He stepped close behind me pushing the door in as I didn't even want to move. My legs were rooted in the ground, my mind was blank, my heart was suddenly jumping more heartbeats that it should per minute and my eyes…..I could barely see through then as they got so blurry with water. He was really here….he was really really here.

The scent of inside his shop hit me and it was the scent of him. The smell I was so insanely in love with that it would drive me mad if I had to go another month without smelling it at all.

I felt his hand rest on my sides as I inhaled sharply. His touch, this feeling- his hands. I couldn't possible calm myself as the tears streaked down my face.

He gently moved me as I stepped in wiping the tears away as more replaced them. I stepping in turning around as I looked at the tall figure closing the door behind him. I felt like he had grown more from the last time I saw him. His back looked firmer….his shoulders were stronger….everything seemed different in small ways but he looked the very same. He turned around looking at me as he slid the keys into his pockets.

"Is the sun that hot that it makes you cry?" he asked removing his glasses putting it in his other pocket his eyes still on me.

I smiled a little as I managed to nod. The sun was actually hot. But even so the tears still came and I was sure he knew it was more than the sun.

He walked to me putting his thumb on my face wiping away the tears as I looked up into his eyes staring into them.

He gazed at me as I felt his finger caressing my cheek our eye contact lasting long as I could feel so many feelings rushing through me.

He looked at me as I felt his finger caressing my cheek. Our eye contact lasted long as I could feel so many feelings rushing through me.

He leaned close his hand sliding behind my neck pulling me close to him as my body felt like the weight of a feather for his strength while it melted quickly to his touch and warmth. Holy fuck I couldn't stop the tears as I felt my inner ego telling myself this was going to be probably a sloppy kiss if I don't stop crying.

"W-W-Wait." I said placing my hand on his chest as I looking unto him.

"Kaisa, it can wait." He murmured leaning closer as his lips brushed over mine and I pulled back looking into his eyes as I witnessed his confusion.

"I love you." I whispered looking into his eyes.

I felt his fingers lingered between my locks as he looked at me staring into my eyes and something was different.

"Say it again."

I blushed. No way in hell I could say that again, fuck I'll march straight to the apartment and let them see and deport me instead!

He smiled and I blushed. Damn him and his attractive unique beauty.

"Again or I won't kiss you." He threatened kindly. And yes- kindly. He was the only man who could pull off modern-day respect and rudeness in the same breath without sounding sarcastic.

"U-Unfair," I replied far too quickly for me to realize how easily I caved in. I wanted my kiss…but this was blackmail. Serious blackmail. "Fine….I-I…..I love….lo-love-"

His lips suddenly met mine as I felt his hand gently grip my hair pulling my head back as he kissed me so passionately causing a soft pleased groan to escape as my hands reached up to his shoulder gripping his shirt as his actions pleased my body completely.

He pulled away slowly. His eyes were the first thing I saw when I opened mine as I breathed unevenly.

"I-I didn't get to finish." I said blushing indefinitely as my hands moved to his chest balling the fabric in my fist as I looked into his mesmerizing eyes feeling lust and pleasure tug on all sides of my body like an impatient child begging its mother for more as I knew deep inside I wanted him to kiss me like that again.

"You were taking too long." He said as he leaned to me kissing me again.

I pressed my body against his teasingly showing I was enjoying myself. We both wanted more as I kissed him back just as passionately as him as I successful gained a few groans from him when I scored my points of being playful in our lustful kiss. Both desire and anxiety released into each other while my tongue flicked against his and entangled back again as my hand wandered over his chest.

Eventually it came to a slow stop as we caught our breath. My hands slid down his torso as they went under his shirt going up as I felt his muscles. My stomach became fluttery with butterflies as my eye candy has gotten more muscular indeed.

He placed his hand on mine as he gave me a playful smile.

Wait. A playful smile? This can't be good….at all.

He pulled me behind him as he led me to the back of the store. I blushed remembering the most profound memory from one of my visits, it seemed like every time I visited something sexual takes place or more appropriate, every time I visited we made a sexual advance in our relationship.

He went through the doorway as he led me up a staircase and I blushed when I realized- he was taking me into his apartment! I was falling into him. If I went through his apartment door it was settled, I was officially his woman.

He opened the door and slowly I entered. It was an open concept of kitchen and living room on the left as there was a wall on the right creating an hallway that carried you straight pass both rooms and into the living room space with a sharp right to a hallway to two enclosed rooms that ended at what I believe was the bathroom. He reached for my strap bag placing it on the coat hanger as I followed suit behind him looking around. This was not the apartment I expected. The living room had a room on the far right with Japanese styled wall doors- his office maybe? It was modern and western-looking with a touch of Japanese.

Uta wasn't particularly goth or emo. He just had a strong sense of art and favored piercings and tattoos. His choice of music was extremely diverse similarly was his design on masks. I was taken to econd hallway behind the main I first saw as we walked through the open door and into his bedroom. His bed was huge. The bedroom was very big and I wasn't surprised as downstairs was a lot of space. But upstairs was spacious and his room was very…big…but the bed ate almost 5/8 of it. He walked to the bed as I sat down and looked around seeing his room had a built in bathroom. I blushed looking around as the room smelt of him. Did he always smell this strong? For a tattoo artist everything was so clean and the walls were white and plain but the décor was normal and stylish to his liking as some things I could easily pick up was chosen by his special taste.

"Kaisa-"

I jumped turning to him.

"-eyes on me"

I got red. Was I staring and gawking that much?

"Y-yes!" I replied almost like a student and teacher as I realized I came off way too formal. He smirked.

Great. Now I felt absolutely embarrassed.

He came close as he tilted my chin with his finger leaning over to lightly peck my lips. "You're being cute."

I blushed. I maybe 'might be' enjoying this new style of pampering.

He stepped back as he reached the hem of his shirt as he pulled it slowly over his head and I gawked like a teenage at every ab in his abdomen, the firm hard-muscled yet soft-looking luscious pecs, his tight serratus, his firm…rock hard oblique as his biceps wasted no time in taking some of the glory as he stretched the shirt over his head.

I swallowed. Holy fuck, I swallowed, gulped and choked in one. Who the hell was he fucking-what the hell was he doing-he literally prospered in my absence. I left him like a well-developed muscled man I return and he is looking like flipping Apollo- like a Greek God or something.

I am utterly victorious and shamelessly wet and drooling. I have no shame in this confession.

"Your turn."

Yuuuup! And like that I returned to the nerd zone from horny teenager. "S-Say what?"

"Take your clothes off."

"W-What- but all your clothes isn't off."

He pulled down his draggers as he wasn't even wearing anything underneath as he turned around and threw his clothes over the chair returning to me naked as hell.

At this point. I have switched back to horny teenager, I am sure I have soaked his bed, I am sure I am bipolar by switching into two personalities and back in 5 minutes, I am sure he is okay and if not…proud of what he has between his legs. I am also sure I won't survive sex and I won't last long in this life of consciousness. I am sure this level of blushing has not only caused blood to rush to my face but allow it to search for the pores to escape. I am fucking sure.

I swallowed. Could I mutter another word? He stood before me naked as I stood to my feet slipping my anklets off as I unzipped them. He walked to me having a seat signaling for me to go before him. I blushed standing before this man reaching for my pants as I slid it off looking at him. This was somewhat arousing having him watch me undress.

Kyaaaa I feel perverted for enjoying this just a little!

I took off my blouse blushing as I reached behind and unhooked my bra looking at him as I dropped it on the floor.

"Ca-can I keep my underwear on…"

"Come here." He ordered as I blushed walking to him as he pulled me onto him making me blush since I could feel my bare chest completely exposed. He slid his hand down my back. "Talk."

I blushed and nodded.

More than an hour has passed and I'm under the sheets curled up talking to him as I looked into his eyes. He was so warm and I felt so relieved telling him all of my experience since he left…all that happened.

"Then Shinohara said I was getting really good so I requested being trained with a weapon. I chose a sword."

"He seems like a good Trainor."

"Seems? He is really strong."

He pouted, "Am I not strong?"

I blinked as I felt his hand that had been drawing circles in my back stop. I sat up sitting on my legs as I looked at him. "Of course you're…strong?"

"You don't sound positive."

"Maybe cause I've never witnessed." I teased as I smiled watching. "I've gotten stronger"

"I know…" He said as he leaned up but not to my lips but to my chest as he kissed my cleavage. He looked up at me as he pulled me down with him pulling the sheets back over us as he entangled me in a hug taking my hand as he slipped on of my fingers in his mouth.

I blushed looking away. I felt like I was somewhat putting my hand in the mouth of a lion as he was a ghoul. He sucked on it like it was a treat as he pulled it out and licked. I pulled my hand away as that was maybe without him knowing, a little intense. Ghouls tongue are a little longer than the usual not to mention of much more flexibity, it amazes me how normal our kissing is compared to what he just did with his tongue when my finger was inside his mouth.

"N-no more teasing." I mumbled blushing a lot as I looked away.

"Do you have any other way to entertain me?" He asked as he flipped me looking down at me as he sat up completely pulling the sheet down leaving me completely naked.

"Let me inspect you." He said as he began looking at my body looking intensly as my face got hot- he was seeing everyyything!

"W-Why?!"

"I need to know if anyone has been here." he mumbled as his hands groped my chest and I reflexively gasped.

"S-Stop!" I blurted as I didn't expect my body to be this bent into his touch. We were cuddling naked earlier and now I was suddenly nervous?

Almost like my words fell on deaf ears his hand slid over other sections going down my torso as my breathing got uneven.

He slid his hands to my underwear as he undid both the strings on the side making me blush.

"D-Do you have to check there too?"

"Yes." He said as he looked at me and leaned over as I felt everything against me. "But I trust you. So it was fun teasing." he said as I blushed madly.

"No more teasingggg." I complained softly as I blushed even more. "You always tease."

He didn't respond but I could tell he was satisfied. "Relax." He said as he leaned over looking at me as I was boxed in underneath him. He got comfortable and gently caressed my head petting me.

I am not a kitten. But- I dooo enjoy the petting.

"I want to close my eyes and sleep….and know I'll wake up and see you here." I said softly as I rubbed my eyes as they were a little swollen from crying earlier. I wrapped my arms around him snuggling into him as I yawned.

Wow writers block is so hard to manage. When I started writing this story I did it with a friend and honestly I was devoted into writing this for her. Along the line about chap 20 she opened up about her disinterest to the anime/manga and how long-winded, confusing and off-track it has gotten that she had absolutely become turned off completely. Broken-hearted as I was, my motivation hard work and pretty much the entire drive just died in me for this fic. I really started out doing this for her- it broke my little heart that it was unrequited. My writers block began and I really never felt interested. One day I sat down went through all the reviews and I realized. If i gave up on this I would be no different, i would be doing the same to you. I know my story has died down and that many have lost interest, but I'm not doing this to reach out or to build back reviews (well a little .) but I wanted to finish what I started. I want to write this fic to the end, the way I wanted it to be. Hopefully someone will love it the way I wanted it to be loved.

Thank you for reading.