A/N: Hey people. Trigger warning for this one: A bit of self harm... Sorry not sorry.

Never said I was nice heh... And angst is my favorite subject.

Once more, please by kind! I know not everyone is okay with things like this but that doesn't mean you have to be cruel about it. I'll put another warning at the actual part so you can skip if you want (don't worry, it won't really take away from the story and it won't even be mentioned again until another chapter).

So yeah. Enjoy! -Sara

Even for someone as emotionally disconnected as Peridot, it was far too easy to see that something was wrong with the violet haired goofball.

Amethyst hadn't spoken since they'd sat down. And where that wasn't necessarily a bad thing (people had a way of complaining whenever Amethyst showed up, normally being louder than the movie ever even hoped at being), it was worrisome. It just wasn't the same, actually being able to hear the dialogue.

And that wasn't even the weird part. She wasn't eating!

Amethyst alone could eat two orders of popcorn and an armful of different candies herself. How was anyone's guess, though it was rumored that she had a black hole for a stomach. So the fact she was just sipping on some watered down, overpriced coke spoke more than words ever could.

Peridot couldn't take it. It was bad enough the rest of her life was crashing and burning. Just hours prior she'd literally been screamed out the house when she broke a lamp by accident. And before that... She shuddered at the memory of facing Lazuli. So this, on top of everything?

She was losing her mind.

They made it half an hour in. Half an hour before the blonde was cursing and throwing down her popcorn, without care that the people in front of her twisted round and looked ready to jump her, and very nearly dragged her friend out the darkened room with the screams onscreen following their retreating forms.

She wasn't gentle. Not because she was angry, though that was part of it, but because she couldn't control the shaking in her hands. Couldn't control the tightening of her jaw or the way her nails dug into unsuspecting skin. Couldn't control the almost growl that slipped through grinding teeth. It was an emotion she couldn't name, couldn't even describe. It was just... overwhelming in the worst of ways.

Amethyst didn't even seem phased by the blonde's sudden tantrum. She rolled her eyes and leaned back against the door once they were safely in the confines of the wash room as Peri stomped over to the sink. She could see the way pale knuckles whitened further as fists gripped porcelain. The way shoulders shook with a laugh that sounded forced but felt genuine.

"You okay, P-dog?"

Peridot snapped.

"Am I okay?" she breathed, shaking her head and unable to look over, to meet the gaze that she could feel piercing her. "Am I okay?" she repeated. "I'm not the one who's acting like some depressed poster child."

Amethyst snorted. Her hands slipped into the front pockets of her jeans. "Nah. But you are ragin' like a loon."

The blonde sagged against the sink, letting her eyes close as she tugged the glasses off and let them gently fall. They made a loud 'tink' as they met the metal drain.

"This isn't about me," she stated slowly, releasing her death grip of the poor, inanimate object to run still shaking fingers through her hair. It felt course, caught in between her fingers when she closed them together. "What's wrong, Ames?"

Her friend huffed, shrugged noncommittally. "Nothin'." Her eyes landed somewhere far off, caught somewhere between the tiled floor and brick wall. Seeing something else, though. Something not there.

Emerald eyes opened, seeing into a mirror that was smudged and untruthful. She couldn't see herself. Just a blurry outline. A hint at someone, something, that wasn't really there. That she couldn't find.

The tension was so thick it was cumbersome. A sheet, draped over them heavily. A fog that clogged airways and stung eyes. A storm that threatened the coming of lightlessness. Of unseeing.

Peridot wasn't an idiot. Maybe she wasn't as smart like Pearl or Sapphire, and maybe she wasn't as connected like Garnet or even Steven. But she knew more than everyone seemed to think. And she wasn't that easily dissuaded.

"Please don't lie to me, Amethyst. Not now."

The violet haired girl scoffed, hands coming up to cross defensively over her stomach. Her head dipped down, bangs sliding easily before her eyes and obstructing any viewing of her facial features. But her body remained tight and rigid and uncertain.

"Like it matters." Her voice was an octave higher than normal, even a detail as small as that not escaping Peridot. "Today was a bust. Imma just go already."

But even as the words hung between them, no one moved. Arms didn't uncross, feet didn't shuffle, shoulders didn't relax. Even blinking seemed slow as the room seemed to shrink a size.

Peridot had to swallow to keep something akin to a whimper at bay. She was already a mess, hadn't let it out earlier. She thought this, time with one of the few people that always seemed cheery and open and fun, would help. She thought she could let it go without letting go.

She thought wrong.

And now she was in some dingy movie theater bathroom, grinding her teeth so hard it hurt, digging clipped nails into undeserving forearms, listening to the slow and unsteady breathing of a friend she didn't know how to help. A friend she knew she should help. But what good was she?

What good had she ever done anyone?

Her mother couldn't look at her without glowering.

Half the people she went to school with still taunted her. Because she was too smart to be popular. Because she wasn't smart enough to be popular. Because she was too weird to be interesting. Because she wasn't weird enough to be interesting.

Lapis-

Lapis had only wanted her to stay. To listen. And she'd turned her back on the girl. She'd walked away without a second glance.

Because she wasn't what anybody needed. What anybody deserved. She was too insignificant. Too wrong.

Any sense of control she had fled her. Her knees became rubber, bending and finally snapping as she went limp. They hit the floor hard, a dull thud that shot pain through her and only strengthened the sudden on slaughter of tear-filled waves of depression.

She was nothing.

She was no one.

And the arms that wrapped round her, that belonged to a person that was also hurting, only cemented that thought.

She should be the one comforting. She should be the one helping. She should be the one.

Not this. Anything but this.

But even with that thought, she couldn't bring herself to pull away. Because she was weak. And she was a coward, afraid to face any of this alone anymore.

Afraid to face herself anymore.

(Warning! Upcoming mentions of Self Harm. If you don't approve, please skip!)

She'd never done this before. Never thought about it. It was just one of those things. One of those things you hear about or read about or see somewhere. One of those things you wince at and move away from. One of those things you mentally tell yourself is terrible and below you.

But a glittering blade held beauty. Artificial light reflected off so breathtakingly. The stinging left an inkling of relief.

And crimson beads so slowly. Purposefully. Encouragingly.

It brought a sense of power. Of control. Knowing she had the choice. To push deeper or stop. To mark once, twice, more. To tap into a reserve only she had access to or leave it be.

To feel. To become numb.

There was only thing that kept her from slicing her skin more than once. That had her throwing the knife into an unknown corner and swearing never again.

The thought that she wasn't even good enough for that. That even this was too good for her.

Tears had never tasted so desperate.

(End of Self Harm!

A/N: And... I'm so sorry this is so short guys heh.

I promise the next update will be soon and it'll actually be a bit longer than normal (Partially as a make-up type thing, partially because I just really got into the next couple of scenes and couldn't help myself!).

I also promise that things lighten up a little after all this (no, no fluffy clouds and unicorns and rainbows unfortunately) with a little more flare for our lovely Lapidot couple. Still kind of heavy, but no one near the angst we could be getting haha.

Thank everyone who's come this far with me on this twisted journey, and I hope you all stick around for a while longer! Still got a ways to go!

Stay awesome! -Sara