The Ambassador Ch 8

"Bambino?" Ben asked, our child in his arms.

I rolled away from him, not having the energy to do much else. He wanted to talk, he wanted to help, but I didn't have the energy to tell him what was wrong.

"Ami…" I felt so guilty for making him take care of the baby and me, "Mio caro, you need to eat something."

I stayed quiet. Ben sighed, putting down the baby on the bed next to me. Although he was a month old, he was still so tiny. It was hard to believe that I had screamed in pain to bring him into the world. He was asleep, a rare moment, and I slowly reached my finger out and rubbed it against his cheek. I didn't have the energy to take care of him like a real mother should. I couldn't get out of bed. Sometimes I was overwhelmed at the thought of what all I had to do, sometimes I was too sad to do anything but cry, but some things always remained the same. Ben was always trying to take care of me and Niccolo, the baby always needed attention, and there was always a visitor in the house.

"Has she eaten any today?" Ben asked someone. Marlee. I think it was Marlee's turn to try to get me out of bed.

"We got her to have some milk. That was it."

I didn't have to move to know that Ben was pushing his hands through his unruly hair.

"Can I talk to you? Outside?" Marlee asked.

They left, the floorboards creaking under their weight.

Niccolo shifted, his blanket falling away from his hands. He reached towards me, his little arm waving in the air. But I couldn't reach him, pick him up, or even move. His face started to turn red and blotchy and I knew he was going to cry.

And I was disgusted.

It was the cry that woke me up in the middle of the night, that made Ben unwrap his arms from around me, and leave. The cry that had left his side of the bed getting cold one too many times.

Suddenly, I did have enough energy, driven by my disgust and…hatred, to wrap my hand around his mouth to keep him from crying aloud then to close my eyes.

"America!" Ben's voice pierced through the haze of sleep around me.

He grabbed something from me. The baby, the baby that had given me so much pride and joy when he was inside me, the baby that now brought disappointment and disgust. Maybe if he was back inside me I wouldn't feel this way.

"What has gotten into you?!" Ben shouted as the baby started to cry.

My hand. My hand had covered the baby's nose as well.

I had almost killed my own child.

Ben stared at me as if he had never seen me before. Behind him, Marlee covered her mouth with her hand.

I started to cry.

Ben gave the baby to Marlee, "I'm calling the doctor. She's going to check you out."

(*&*)?

"It's perfectly normal. Many women develop post-partum depression after the child's birth. The hormones during pregnancy just haven't gone back down and returned to normal levels."

I stared at my feet. Ben had put flats on me before we left the house and I looked at the contrast of the black against the too white floors.

"So, what can we do?"

"The best thing right now is to give her a drug that will start to balance out her hormones for her. There are a couple that we can try to see what works best for her."

"Okay."

"The important thing to remember is that some of the drugs will not work as well as others. We will have to work on the best drug and dosage for her to be on. Until we figure that out, her behavior can be…erratic. Sometimes even unreasonable."

"We'll do it. I know Ami well enough to know that this is her own personal Hell. Whatever we have to do to get her back on her feet, we'll do it."

(*&*)?

"Ami? Are you ready?" Ben asked.

"Yes."

"We need to leave."

"I know."

He appeared in the arch of the door, Niccolo in his arms. Ben had already dressed Niccolo in his best clothes, although we both knew that the clothes wouldn't last very long.

"You look beautiful," Ben said.

I hoped so. It took a lot out of me to get ready.

"You don't have to come. If you don't want to."

"I have to, Ben. We both know it. Kriss and Maxon came to meet him, but they also came to see me. I'll go."

He nodded, "If it gets to be too much let me know."

I nodded and he kissed my cheek.

I got irrationally mad at him for a second before I was able to slam it out of my chest. Sure, he had held me while we slept, but a kiss on the cheek was the closest we had gotten to being intimate. But that didn't have the right to make me mad.

Ben's hand came up to push my hair out of my face, "The new drug seems to be working better. You don't feel like you're going to be sick?"

"No."

He smiled, "It probably was the pill then."

He extended his hand, the other still wrapped around Niccolo, "Let's go."

(*&*)?

"He's beautiful," Kriss said, leaning over to get a better look at Niccolo, "Oh my God, look at those eyes!"

I smiled down at the baby in my hands for the first time in a long time. He had his father's eyes, the dark almost black color of them framed in mischief.

"Thank you. When are you all going to have one of your own?"

Kriss scoffed, "Whenever it happens, but tonight isn't about us, it's about you and your baby. And my God, you did so well, America. Look at him," Kriss gently knocked her husband in the side, "Didn't she do well, Maxon?"

Maxon cleared his throat. I wasn't actually sure he had seen the baby. He was too busy staring at me. "Yeah. Yeah, you sure know how to make a kid, America."

I laughed a little, "Well thank you. Lots of hard work carrying this one around for nine months."

Ben came up behind me, "And now it's my turn to catch up with her. Mio caro?"

I gave the baby to him. He pecked me on the cheek and told me he was going to introduce Nic to someone else. Kriss, in full-blown baby craze, followed him.

It was then that Maxon willingly broke his silence, "Are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"You look tired. And sad. I'm not used to seeing you sad."

I stared at him for a while, wondering how he was still able to read me like that. Wondering how he was able to know, probably better than I did, that I wasn't okay. That I needed help.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

Maxon took a step closer to me, "You know that if there's something wrong, you can always tell me."

And there he was. After years of fighting with him across the negotiation tables, after years of nothing but the shadow of his father, there was the Maxon I knew. The one I fell in love with.

"I still have some important papers in my office. I've been meaning to give them to someone, but never felt it was secure enough to ship them off. Would you mind taking them off my hands?" my hand was on his chest now, although I had no idea how it got there, "It would really help…lighten the load."

He gulped realizing what I was asking, realizing what I was doing. I prayed no one saw us.

"Yeah. Yeah. They would be pretty secure with me."

I had no idea what I was doing. No idea what had gotten into me, but I couldn't stop myself.

A part of me had to know. A part of me had to taste and feel and crave the man I tugged behind me.

The second the door to my office closed, he was on me, his hands already lifting up my dress.

"I could never stay away from you for long," he moaned into my neck, leaving a trail of kisses down it, "I've always wanted to do this. From the moment I laid eyes on you."

But the dirty talk was too much like Ben, too much like the husband parading around the ballroom with our son in his hands and a smile on his face.

I covered Maxon's lips with a finger, "Use these for something else."

He lifted me into his arms only to set me down on the bare desk. He lifted the skirt of my dress and ripped my panties off my body.

The sound set off something I hadn't felt in a long time: energy. Energy I had lost once my son left my body. Energy that woke me up after what seemed like a three-month long nap. Energy that gave me purpose and life.

"Oh, my God."

Maxon knelt in front of me in awe.

The first lick set me on fire. It had been so long, and Maxon's tongue and hands were so different from Ben's. I had thought that my sexual relationship with Ben was pretty adventurous and ever-changing, but feeling Maxon. That was something different. Something different and unexpected.

"Maxon," I gasped.

He entered me with two fingers and I almost came right there. He didn't start off soft and gentle like Ben, but with a full intensity and passion that left me bowing off the desk. His tongue swept hard and rough over my clit, going faster and faster until it felt like I couldn't take much more.

"Right there. Right there. Right there." My voice got progressively higher pitched and I had to hold onto his hand, desperate to keep it inside me as I came. It was probably the fastest I had ever come, yet it left me wholly unsatisfied.

"Pants," I ordered and Maxon's hand immediately went to his belt.

But he seemed to be moving too slow. I had slipped off the desk and onto my knees before I knew what I was doing, utterly ready to figure out if I could have the same power over Maxon that I did over Ben.

"Oh, fuck, America."

My mouth closed around him, my hand already pumping him.

The greedy man almost immediately took control, grabbing my hair and pumping himself into me like he knew for a long time that he wanted to do this.

I moaned around him, excited and filled with energy. He had thought of this. I did have this power over him, and being able to do that after marrying a different man, after having a child, after staying in bed for three months that made me feel alive for the first time in forever.

I knocked his hands out of my hair and lifted up his cock, sucking a nut into my mouth. No one had ever done that before to him. I could tell by the noise he made and how he grabbed me after I was done feasting on both. He shoved me against the door, my front pressed against the hard wood as he entered me from behind.

I gasped at the feeling of him. Even after a baby had ripped through me I could still feel every inch of him. His hands came to sweep my hair to one side before cupping my ass. His lips came to my neck, kissing it softly, a stark contrast between the hard and fast and possessive pace he started.

"Oh, God. Oh, God." My mouth fell open and I had to fight to keep the scream in me.

One hand held the skirt of my dress, while the other reached in front of me to keep me from banging against the door with each powerful thrust.

Maxon finished with one more commanding thrust.

(*&*)?

"We shouldn't have done that," Maxon said, pulling back on his pants.

I reached into my desk and pulled out a napkin to wipe myself. Some of his cum was still leaking out of me and I had to bite my lip as another wave of energy roared within me. I threw away the napkin after, and looked at him for a long second, "No shit, Sherlock."

I replaced my skirt, smoothing out the wrinkles and turning in front of the mirror to make sure there was no more evidence.

"I'm serious, America. That can't happen again."

"Was your first clue my husband or your wife or my kid?"

"All three."

I scoffed at him, too afraid to let myself process what had just happened.

I almost threw a stack of papers at him, "Here."

"What's this?" Maxon asked.

"The 'very important and highly classified papers'."

"This is a schedule for a couple of weeks ago."

"Did you honestly think that I still had papers?"

He looked at me for a second, taking me in, "You look beautiful."

I placed my hand on the door knob, "That's the orgasm talking."

Then, I opened the door and whatever Maxon was going to say couldn't be said anymore.

(*&)?

"Hey, bambino! I lost you!" Ben said, kissing me on the cheek again as I came up to him.

"I had to give Maxon the last of the papers I had. Good news: I'm officially an …unambassador? Ex-ambassador?"

He laughed, again kissing my cheek with so much trust in me. Most men would have been suspicious of me being alone with one of my exes, but Ben had faith that I would stand by him, that I wouldn't betray him. And the reality was sinking in that I had betrayed him. I had put my family in danger.

"I have something to confess to you," Ben smiled and took a sip of his wine, "Marlee totally tricked me into giving Nic up for the night."

I looked at my friend with my baby already tucked up against her chest. She smiled mischeviously at me, "Test run."

I raised my eyebrow at her.

She shrugged, "To see if Carter and I can handle a little one of our own."

I smiled a little at her, "Well. At least you already know his schedule."

Ben's hand smoothed my hair and for a second I tried to remember if I had checked it before I left the office.

"Hey, you okay?" Ben asked and I realized that I must have gotten the far-off look that had been permanently on my face for the last few months.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Can we go? I'm sorry, I'm just feeling a little tired." And a lot guilty.

Ben's face was instantly concerned and he draped his arm around my waist, "Of course, mio caro. Of course."

(*&*)?

"Are you okay?" Ben asked as we climbed into the car, but the instant the car door closed I was putting up the divider and crawling into his lap. I threw my hair over my shoulder, the opposite shoulder Maxon had pushed it to.

"I'm perfectly fine," I said, kissing him for the first time in a long time, "And not the least bit tired."

Ben was instantly turned on, but the concerned look on his face stayed, "Bambino, I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"Why? Because I'm sick or because my body is different now?" I regretted the words as soon as I said them. Regretted letting him know my biggest fear, my biggest question. Even when I was still processing how I had just cheated on him.

Ben was confused, "What?"

I scoffed, crawling away from him, "Look I get it. My boobs are bigger, my stomach is bigger, my ass…God, don't get me started on my ass. And I have all of these stretch marks in places I didn't know I could get stretchmarks in. And I'm not sure what's going on down there, but I do know that it's not the same. And—."

Ben's confused face turned into one of intense passion and, although I could have gone on, his lips pressed against mine.

"You are absolutely brilliant."

I scoffed at him.

His hands came to either side of my face and he kissed whatever space he could, "You look stunning. I almost came in my pants several times tonight because of how exquisite you looked."

"Now I really know you're joking."

He laughed lightly, "Bambino, I love your body, especially with the changes. Even without the fact that you changed because you brought our son in the world, I think you've only grown hotter and hotter."

Now it was my turn to be confused, "Really?"

"Hell, yes." His hands travelled to my breast, "Dio, the other day when I walked in and you were feeding Nic with these…I almost fucked you right there with the baby in your hands. Just looking at them. They're so much bigger and just as lovely and bambino…"

He leaned down to kiss each of them before sliding down to my stomach, "And this. Mio Dio, the curves you have now could send any man into a tizzy."

I laughed at the absurdity, but he wasn't finished.

"You want to know my favorite change of yours though, bambino?" His voice seemed to drop another octave.

My mouth fell open, "What?"

He shifted me until I was again straddling him, kneeling on the seat as his hands came to my ass, "This. This." He groaned, "Your dress tonight frames it so perfectly, and do you know what I thought, Ami?"

I shook my head, entranced by his words.

"I thought about how much I wanted to spank it. And suck on it. And fuck it."

My mouth fell open, "We've never tried that."

"And we won't tonight unless you are absolutely sure, bambino. Are you ready for this?"

I nodded, "Ben. Make me feel alive."