The first thought she managed as she sucked in a lungful of the, not surprisingly, crisp salty air was, she's wearing the shirt. And she wasn't particularly sure if the pang she felt come to life with that thought was a good or bad one, but she was certain it meant something regardless. It meant she definitely cared what Lapis thought, at least, which should come as no big whoop. But somehow, it still did.

And she realized she cared what Lapis thought of her. A lot.

Peridot managed to crack a smile even though her chest hurt from the long, tedious, upward hike she'd had to endure to get here. But seeing Lapis grin back and motion for her to come over through the now overhanging dark was worth it. Knowing her mother would murder her if she ever found out she was out this late was also worth it, for some reason or another.

She trudged slowly and purposefully closer, eyes lingering over Lapis only a moment before darting out to the lights. A town that never slept. Beautiful from here, and she wondered why, why hadn't she ever been here before? She wondered if it would still hold this type of beauty without Lapis.

And that was the thing.

Since Christmas eve she couldn't stop thinking about the girl. Couldn't close her eyes for a second without remembering, oh, she just happened to have memorized every inch of Lapis' face. And then the thought would smack her that wow, Lapis was so beautiful, but she really shouldn't think like that because damn it, she didn't need this. She didn't need to be more confused than her already overactive mind made her. She shouldn't be more breathless than her, albeit rare, clumsiness caused from time to time.

But then she'd get a text, like the one she'd received late Christmas afternoon. One that really held nothing other than a word or two but felt like everything.

And it scared her. Because where the necklace hung loosely around her throat, out of site beneath her shirt and hoodie, at times it felt as jagged as a vice grip. Burning. Searing. Aching. Because Lapis had touched this and Lapis had given her this and Lapis and-

She sat down. Breathlessly, knees suddenly shaky, and her body became too aware of how close Lapis was. How their knees almost brushed, and their hands fell seemingly accustomed between themselves, fingers slipping against one another effortlessly. How the pit of her stomach was a hollow thing because the nerves had left her unable to eat tonight.

How much longer till midnight? How much longer until the start of the new year?

She couldn't bring herself to check her phone because to do so would limit their time. But at that exact same time she couldn't bring herself to not want to check that stupid thing because, god, how much longer could she hold herself together like this? And couldn't Lapis feel what was going on, couldn't she sense it?

Apparently not, because when Peridot gathered enough courage to look up and over, Lapis was already looking at her. Warmly, affectionately. With something dancing in her eyes even through the dark that looked so much like mirth and rang out so loud in the quiet.

It dawned on Peridot that they hadn't even spoken, yet. Her eyes flickered down and she furrowed her brow because the tee shirt was too loose. Baggy. She hadn't known what size to get so she'd guessed and she found she was mad at herself that she hadn't known. As if she should have.

"What size do you wear?" she blurted before her brain could reign in the thought, and suddenly she was dumbstruck because Christ couldn't she even think before opening her mouth?

Lapis' smile faltered, brows furrowing. The dark covered the way her neck suddenly felt warm. "Uh... what?"

Peridot floundered a second, looking lost and unsure, before her head fell and she coughed awkwardly, rubbing her free hand along the back of her heated neck. "I just... The shirt," she mumbled.

Lapis silently 'oh'ed and chuckled, squeezing the hand in her own gently. As if to say it's okay without the words. "Medium. I can fit into a small but it can be tight depending." She looked down at her own self. "But no worries. Large works, too. More comfy this way anyways."

For some reason, the way she said it didn't bring reassurance, but another wave of self doubt. Peridot was practically drowning in it by now.

And somehow Lapis could sense that. The hand squeezing hers lightened, then tugged away, and Peridot blinked and looked back up, sucking in a shaky bout of air as she felt the taller girl lean against her. Into her. Offering her nothing more than an awkward but assured smile and gentle brush of lips against cheek.

Peridot couldn't move. Couldn't speak. She breathed in and found her head swimming as her senses became hyper aware of the scent of something vanilla and something spicy. A dangerous mixture that threatened all too calmly to bite her.

And then the feeling of warmth against her cheek was gone and with its departure came a neverending chill that replaced everything in her being. She was nothing more than the unsteady intake of night air and searching, soulful eyes that betrayed every single thought flitting through her mind.

And Lapis could see into her. The ghost of a touch slowly followed the arch of her collarbone, pushing away the material of her clothing for all of the night to witness. But it wasn't forceful and it wasn't possessive and Peridot knew she could end that touch at any moment if she wanted.

She didn't want to.

Her breathing quickened and her chest felt weighed down and her tongue darted out to moisten her lips because she was certain. She was certain that this time, Lapis would do it. She was certain and scared but she was ready.

But Lapis didn't kiss her.

Instead, that touch vanished, and Lapis straightened, and Peridot breathed through her nose and found the vanilla fainter. She wanted it back. That thought alone was enough to suddenly not mind the thought that she would surely trip if she bolted back down the hill right now.

They sat in quiet then. Not silence, because Peridot couldn't fully get her breathing under control. And Lapis was shaking. Visibly shaking and running her fingers through the grass to bunch between fists. Peridot watched and surrendered to the thought that she wished Lapis would do that to her shirt, or her hair. Surrendered, because it was a bad thought she couldn't outright reject, knowing if she asked it Lapis would probably do it.

It didn't dawn on her how much time had passed until Lapis finally shook her head, reaching to the side and feeling along the grass. Her hand found something, pulled it into her lap, and the sudden onslaught of light was too much as her phone screen lit up. Peridot winced back and Lapis smirked despite everything.

11:56

They had four minutes until the new year. Peridot clenched her jaw. Reached out, when Lapis dropped the phone, to grab her now free hand gently. Lapis looked up, surprised, but didn't deny her the chance to intertwine their digits again. They sat and looked to one another. Looked until Lapis broke and looked away and returned her eyes to the still burning town below them.

11:57

Peridot could feel her heart, still beating stupidly against the inside of her ribs. She couldn't look away from Lapis. Her eyes had long since grown accustomed to the dark and she could see the way muscles in Lapis' neck moved beneath skin as she swallowed. The way a light, cold breeze swayed her hair and nearly left it over her eyes. The way her lips pursed as she felt emerald eyes trained on her.

11:58

Something inside Peridot was jumping. A lot of somethings were jumping, actually. She wasn't sure what to focus on and she wasn't sure why her palms felt so moist because, really, that rarely happened and when it did it was before a massive test or group project only she had worked on and hoped not to get called out for. She could almost here Amethyst's conniving tone wriggling into her ears.

11:59

She could do this. She knew she could. She wasn't a wimp. She knew what this feeling was. It was what every romance had ever mentioned. What all those romantic comedies and tragedies led up to. It was what she'd wanted since the start of high school. Since all her friends had seemingly breezed through with their new found, love bitten relationships. She'd pictured this moment being with someone else, certainly. But she couldn't deny what it was just because it was Lapis.

Or maybe that's exactly why she wanted it so badly.

The clock struck 12:00. They knew because down below, even from here, you could see how the town glowed with new life. You could almost hear the way people cheered.

And Lapis raised her free hand, smiling despite the chills she was getting when Peridot looked at her like that. She raised her hand and pumped it through the air, letting out a breathy, "woo," quietly.

Before fingertips were dancing along her jaw.

Peridot traced the edge of her jaw. It was strong and real and warm and she almost lost her nerve. But then Lapis' head was turning toward her and she was steeling herself. It never really worked, not when Lapis looked at her with oceanic eyes ironically aflame.

Peridot's breath caught. Her grip waned.

Lapis grabbed her wrist lightly. Her eyes spoke silently. Telling her it was okay. Telling her she didn't need to be afraid. And maybe she didn't need to be. But she knew it was okay to be. And maybe that was enough.

She placed her other hand against Lapis' cheek. Cupped the warmth and the liveliness that dwelled beneath the girl's flesh. Felt, really felt, how soft and how wonderful she was.

Peridot swallowed. She leaned in before she could take it back.

Lapis had imagined this moment countless times. It was nothing and everything like all those times at once.

She smelled like fresh linen. Like cheap cologne and mixed hairspray and a dozen other things Lapis couldn't begin to name. She felt pliant and gentle and fragile. She tasted... God, she tasted like green apple lip balm and something minty that had to be toothpaste.

She expected Peridot to be careful, like she was stepping on glass. She expected the moment to be short and sweet and maybe slightly uncomfortable those first few seconds after. She expected to have to take the lead, maybe lowering a hand to the back of the girl's neck. Move her own mouth to comply with the way Peridot's was bound to be trembling.

She didn't expect the sudden rush. The feeling of need, of Peridot's fingers slipping past her face to her hair. Of the tug and the groan that came from her own throat, that broke through her own defenses. She didn't expect to suddenly feel so vulnerable, unnervingly so, as if it was her being kissed for the first time. As if it were her that was being taught through inexperience.

Lapis went to pull back because the tumble in her stomach was too much and she felt light headed and she needed to breath in something other than the overwhelming scent of Peridot. A scent that had her reeling and drowning.

But Peridot's mouth followed her. Peridot's fingers gripped more surer, firmer, and the thought that Peridot was searching for something hit Lapis. She let her mouth be claimed again even as that realization settled.

She wasn't sure what the blonde could be looking for. Wasn't sure she had whatever it was, or could even offer it if she did have it. But it didn't matter. Because she was basking in that taste again and she couldn't imagine how she'd spent so long without it. Couldn't imagine how this feeling of being bare could be anything but good when Peridot was being so light and so delicate.

The churning in her stomach wasn't something she could overlook, but she didn't let it push away the blossoming of something more in her chest. Her heart felt like it was going to stop from overexertion, it was beating so fast and so hard, but she couldn't find it in her to care.

And then Peridot's mouth was gone, and now it was her that was trying to follow and-

And Lapis realized that there was something new she was tasting. And it wasn't sweet. It was salty and wet and she pulled away because she knew that taste too well and she was gripping Peridot's face wordlessly. Staring into eyes that were so dark and so deep it was unreal.

They stared without sound. Without question, Lapis wiped a thumb across Peridot's cheek. She couldn't see them, but she felt the tears. And she didn't know why they were there or how long they'd been there, but she wanted them gone. She licked her lips subconsciously, still tasting them even over the green apple.

Peridot's fingers slid from her hair. Traced an imaginary line down her jaw, her neck. Down to the hollow where her collarbones met and the shirt dipped low enough to allow access. Her eyes followed the movement. She hesitated there, and her voice was raw and breathless when she spoke.

"I don't know what I'm doing."

It hurt. God, it hurt to hear how broken that sounded and Lapis wasn't sure she'd ever recover. She cupped Peridot's cheeks firmer, trying gently to make her look back up. But Peridot wouldn't, and she let her breath leave her in a sigh.

"Do you wanna go home?"

Dark emerald shot up, wide and... scared. "No," she breathed.

And Lapis gasped lightly as arms wrapped around her neck, pulling her in, a face burying against her shoulder. She stayed still, letting Peridot get as comfortable as she could in this quite awkward, half lean position, before she loosely settled her arms around the girl's waist. Breathing her in for the millionth time. Silently concluding that she'd never tire of it.

Peridot was silent for what seemed like hours, and the breeze kicked up again and Lapis couldn't help but shiver because she didn't have a coat. And the blonde felt it and seemed to press more surer against the taller girl.

Finally, in a quiet voice that sounded more drained than hurt at this point, Peridot whispered, "My mom told me not to see you anymore."

Lapis paused. Moving, breathing. She furrowed her brow. Her tongue felt heavy as she whisper asked, "And are you gonna listen to her?"

The hold around her shoulders Peridot had procured strengthened, Peridot's lips found a home at the base of her neck where throat met shoulder. It made Lapis' breath hitch ever so slightly.

She didn't need an answer after that.