"WHAT KIND OF MONSTROSITY IS THAT?!"
I woke up to Tim screaming his head off. I made my way downstairs, expecting to see Tim gawking at Steph's decaf (Tim believes in dark coffee with no sugar or cream). But instead, I find myself face to face with a… Cow.
I rubbed my eyes, I think I'm hallucinating. Nope! A cow is standing in the kitchen.
"Hey Alfie, I think the steak is a little TOO under-cooked." Dick had walked in with Alfred on his heels.
Alfred goggled at the cow and then to the…manure… behind the cow. If looks could kill, the cow would be our dinner.
All of a sudden, Damian appeared out of nowhere.
"People, meet my newest pet. Batcow." Okay, SERIOUSLY? It's enough that Damian has a pet cow, but the name is BATcow? What's next? Bat-spoons? Bat-couches? BAT-FERRARIS?!
"He looks ugly." Jason waltzed in and the moment he saw Batcow, he insulted it. Not surprised, honestly.
"FIRST OF ALL, IT'S A SHE. AND SECOND OF ALL, AT LEAST HER HAIR IS BETTER MAINTAINED THAN YOURS, TODD."
"OKAY THAT'S IT. WANNA GO BABY B?!"
Before Jason and Damian teared each other's throats out, Dad calmly stepped between them.
"Damian, what is the meaning of this?"
"Father, you have to understand, I was saving her life! I saw some farmers try to slaughter her and so I brought her here! SHE COULD'VE DIED! Isn't that what Robins are supposed to do? Animals deserve more rights! EQUALITY FOR ALL-"
"Damian, you already have 3 cats, 15 fish, 2 dogs, and a giant gargoyle. You don't need a cow."
"But Fathe-"
"NO."
"I'll feed it and walk it and let it live in our yard! I promise I'll take care of her!"
"I'm not worried about you taking care of her, I don't WANT a cow."
Oh no, Damian's going to use his secret weapon. Dad doesn't stand a chance!
Damian climbed on to Dad's lap and widened his already-big-eyes. His lip started quivering for bonus effects.
"Pleaseeee Daddy?" Damian threw his arms around Dad's neck.
"UGH FINE. BUT I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE COW ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE OR THE CAVE."
"Yes Father I understand." Back to his cold, mature personality after getting what he wants, Damian slid off of Dad and lead the cow outside. Dad sighed and massaged his temples.
"Okay, why doesn't that work when I do it?!" Jason fumed.