Chapter 3

Alex was sick all afternoon. She buried herself in the covers and tried to sleep, but her stomach wouldn't settle down. The dizziness returned, as well. She managed to make it to the kitchen and found something tolerable to eat. Then she sipped a large glass of water until she had her equilibrium back.

It looked like life was going to go on, with or without Bobby. And as always, Alex Eames was going to be strong and take care of herself.

Almost two weeks had passed without a single phone call from the City. He wouldn't have known the first three days anyway: he'd turned off the phone entirely.

As he became accustomed to the idea of being Bobby Goren: Loner, again, he was ready to join the world again. He turned the phone back on, and was greeted with unbearable silence.

By the time she started calling him again, he'd convinced himself she was the devil. She couldn't possibly have ever cared about him, not really, if she was willing to remain silent for so long.

The only reason she'd call now would be to berate him and get the anger out of her system. The only reason now would be to drive him completely out of her life.

He responded with anger, and stubbornly refused to answer her calls.

On the fifteenth day, a new name appeared on his screen: Lewis.

"Yeah," Bobby answered.

"Bobby, what the hell? Did you drop off the face of the Earth or something?!"

"No, just, you know, I needed to clear my head."

"Alex has been trying to call you."

Goren's lips stiffened. She tricked Lewis into calling for her.

"Bobby, she needs to see you. She's been to a doctor, and-"

All of the resolutions of the last day and a half withered to nothing. His heart dropped completely out of his chest. "What's wrong?!" he demanded.

"She just really needs to talk. To you, Bobby."

"I'll call her."

"No. Look, I'm going to be at the shop all night. Go to my place. I'll have her meet you over there. Neutral ground, you know?"

"Lewis," Bobby said, his voice demanding, "Is she all right?"

"I don't know how to answer that, Bobby."

Now he was worried sick. "Tell her I'll be there at 7."

"I'll tell her. Bobby… don't blow this."

As he heard the phone go dead, he thought about what Lewis said. Lewis never got involved in Bobby's relationships, never sided one way or the other. He was Switzerland, and was still friends with several girls from Bobby's past. This was different. Lewis, his steadfast friend, was allied with Alex.

Bobby got into the shower, rethinking everything that had gone wrong with his relationship with Alex.

The Mustang was like an icebox. The heater wasn't working properly, and if he left it on too long, it filled the car with noxious fumes, which then required him to open the window, sucking all the heat out of the car. His teeth were chattering by the time he arrived. He locked up the car and hurried to the door, holding his hands under his arms to keep them warm. He punched in his best friend's code and opened the front door.

Lewis' place was on the messy side, so Bobby busied himself tidying up as he wondered what Alex had seen a doctor for.

He'd come to a decision earlier in the shower. He'd been wrong. He'd been wrong to make himself unavailable to her, and he'd been wrong to think he could be in a relationship without changing.

He'd been wrong to enter into a romantic relationship with her in the first place. From here on out, Bobby Goren would never, ever attempt anything long-term with a woman.

He heard the door click and he knew she had arrived. He stood up straight, took her coat from her as she slipped out of it. "Uhm, hi," he said.

"Hi, Bobby," she breathed.

He thought about offering her his hand, but instead he jammed them into his pockets. He jerked his head in the direction of the living room.

She rubbed her hands on her arms as she walked past him and sat down in the chair. "It's cold out there."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed. He couldn't see anything wrong with her. She didn't seem sick. Bobby sat down on the couch. His knee almost touched hers. "Lewis said… you saw a Doctor?"

Alex nodded. Her face was grim. "Bobby…" Tears welled in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "I'm pregnant."

His expression moved from concern to alarm to fear and finally, to anger. "Are you… are you sure?" he asked.

She just stared at him, an accusation. You really think I would use a line like this just to talk to you?!

Bobby, too, was seething. "How could this happen?! You were on the pill!"

Alex lowered her head, closed her eyes, and sighed. "You remember the Brecchio case?"

His brow furrowed. That case had been three solid weeks of sleepless nights for both of them. They'd had so little leisure time together that nearly every minute of it had been spent making love.

"I was exhausted. I… I forgot a few of them." She jumped when she heard his angry curse. He was on his feet now, pacing away from her. He stopped suddenly, rubbing his eyes hard with his fingertips. Bobby turned back. "So you're… eight weeks?"

"I'm not having an abortion." Alex said it as if she'd already thought it through, but the truth was, she hadn't.

His jaw dropped, but he said nothing. He stared at her until she jumped to her feet and ran to the bathroom. He listened to her heaving and grasped his head between his hands.

This didn't fit in with his plans. He could never be a loner, now. With that one sentence, she'd changed his future. Bobby paced vigorously. He heard her gasp and sputter when she was finally finished. He heard the water running. He was spiraling through his emotions so fast he couldn't begin to know what to do with them all.

He still loved her, but their attempt at romance had ended in disaster. More time together certainly wouldn't fix the fact that he couldn't stick with anyone. He couldn't share himself completely, and he couldn't promise to be there for anyone. They had no chance together. Cohabitating had failed; coparenting was bound to.

"Bobby?" Her voice was weak behind him.

He turned slowly and looked her in the eyes. She stood by the couch, a full six feet away from him, but he felt her presence as if she were inches away.

"Maybe," she began, "Maybe we could be together." He threw her a warning. "Not now," she said quickly. "I know you're angry. I know you still want to be alone. I know you don't want a baby."

"I never said that," he protested.

She frowned at him. "I know you didn't say it," she said, "but you were thinking it."

"I was just considering the options." He stared at her until she nodded, finally.

"Maybe, if we give it some time… give each other some space…"

His anger flared again. "I was giving you space. I was giving both of us space!"

She nodded, uneasy. "I couldn't get hold of you on the phone. I thought… I thought you'd want to know."

Bobby pressed his hands over his face. "Look, I… I have to… to think." His hands dropped to his sides and he stared at his shoes.

Again, she nodded. She'd expected as much. "Just, Bobby?"

He raised his eyes from his shoes and the softness in her expression sent a pang through his heart.

"Answer if I call. Please?"

She needed him. All at once, it struck him. She hadn't tried to tie him down, to control him, like he'd been thinking these last few weeks. She had simply and truly needed him. And now, pregnant, even without the uncertainty of their damaged relationship, she was probably scared. And in the midst of all the turmoil, in spite of it, she needed him.

He nodded, a shaky, convulsive gesture, and he looked away. "I'll get your coat," he said. He retrieved the long wool coat and held it for her while she slipped her arms in. He hadn't been this close to her in weeks. She was carrying his child. Bobby felt himself trembling. "Y-you want… I should walk you out?"

"I'll be okay, Bobby."

He wanted to grab her and hold her, but instead, they managed an awkward kind of sideways hug and he held open the apartment door as she headed for the elevator.