A/N Some of you may be disturbed by the discussion of abortion in this story. The subject was addressed in the show, and I am trying to stick with what appeared to be Bobby & Alex's stance on it, but give it my own twist. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Chapter 5

Logan was looking out for her, even more now that he knew her secret. He stopped by her desk a lot, and he took her to lunch. He kept her mind occupied with funny stories and listened to her whine about giving up caffeine.

Tuesday night, Logan took her to the movies again, and then took her home.

Once he was gone, Alex looked around the apartment. She'd managed to straighten up some, but she couldn't go through his things. It seemed like he should be the one to do that.

But she hadn't heard from him again for two days, not since the note. She could call, but she was afraid he wouldn't answer. And if he didn't, she didn't think they had a chance in hell of making anything work. Alex didn't want to test him. She didn't think she could handle it if he failed.

By her reckoning, he should be back at work tomorrow. He'd have to talk to her then. Unless, of course, he got sent away again. A consultation, an undercover assignment. If Bobby wanted to vanish, he would.

Alex tried to imagine her life as a single mother. She'd have to find a nanny. The crazy hours of a detective just couldn't be accommodated by a daycare program. She'd have to get someone close, who could be on-call. Or hire a live-in.

She rubbed her temples. That would be a new layer of stress, inviting a stranger into her home based on letters of recommendation and a good resume.

Other people did it, and it worked out fine.

Her mind was spinning with thoughts, and she finally grabbed a piece of paper and started to write them all down.

Bobby was already at his desk when she came in. She paused at the entrance to the squad room, and took the envelope out of her purse. Alex marched to her desk and tossed the envelope on his.

He looked up, into her fiery eyes.

"No fair having a one-way conversation," she said. She gestured to the note she'd written him. "Read it when you can." Then she settled in for the day.

Bobby turned the envelope over in his hands several times. He leaned toward the front of his desk and asked quietly, "Can't we talk?"

She pointed her pen at the clock on the wall. "Business is business," she announced. "We're on the clock, now."

He raked his fingers through his hair angrily. Bobby picked up the envelope and stuffed it into his pocket. Before he had a chance to say anything more, Logan brought her a cup from the coffee stand. The tag of a tea bag trickled out the side of it.

"Thanks," she said, smiling up at him. Mike smiled back, and then grunted a greeting in Bobby's direction.

Goren wanted to ask her what the drink was, if it was safe for the baby, but he knew this mood she was in. He knew any such comment would open up a firestorm. Instead, he smoothed his hair back into place and twirled his pencil in his fingers. "Okay, so, what are we working on?"

She was hurt that he hadn't even bothered with her letter yet. Alex buried her feelings deep and handed him a stack of files from her desk. All business, she briefed him on each one.

She managed to keep up her tough, professional demeanor until he left for lunch. Then she hurried to the restroom so she could cry in pirvate.

Mike Logan saw her scurry down the hall. He walked down the hall and paced, waiting for her to come out.

Bobby sat in the corner deli, in front of his untouched plate, and turned the letter over in his hand. He knew she was putting on a front today; he knew that wasn't the real Alex. In his hand were the thoughts and feelings of the woman he loved, and he was terrified to read it.

He wondered for a moment if that's how she'd felt when she found his letter to her.

At last, he ripped it open and unfolded it.

Dear Bobby,

You spoke of how you were drawn to me, and yet here I sit, alone again. I don't know what you want, Bobby. One minute you're here, and I think we have a chance, and the next you're gone.

You said you hate to see me suffering, and that you're the cause. You're not the only one, Bobby. I've done my part to drive you away, I know.

The funny thing is, it's not what I want. I want to be with you, to make this work. Only I don't know how. You have your demons, Bobby, but I have mine, too. Sometimes when you get too close, I push you away. And then I blame you for leaving me.

I thought some more about this pregnancy. I know I said I wouldn't abort, but…

Maybe it's not fair to bring a third person, an innocent soul, into our dysfunctional mess.

Bobby stopped reading and clamped his hand over his mouth. After a few deep breaths, he turned his gaze back to the paper.

You said you love me, Bobby, and I believe you. For what it's worth, I love you too. I'm just not sure it's enough. We're both so stubborn, and so… I guess…selfish.

I'm sorry I've hurt you, Bobby. And I'm sorry I got us into this mess.

If you want to leave, I'll let you go.

Love,

Alex

He sat like a statue, a full two minutes. Abruptly, he pulled out his phone and called her. The first time, he got her voice mail and hung up. The second time, she answered.

"Eames."

"Will you talk, now?" He demanded.

Her tone was hard when she replied. "I'm at the squad."

"It's lunch, isn't it? We're off the clock, so to speak."

"Bobby, I—"

"I read your damn letter. We have a lot to talk about, Alex."

Her voice caught midsentence. "I can't do this, Bobby, not at work."

"Then meet me somewhere. The Deli, the Cafeteria, The Coffee Shop, anywhere." She was silent a long time, unable to speak without losing the slim control she had on her tears. "Alex?" There was urgency in his voice, now.

"Where are you?" She managed.

"The Deli on the corner."

"Okay."