Chapter 10
"What's all this?" Alex asked him, gesturing to the mess of books surrounding him on the table.
"Oh? Uh, books on Down Syndrome. I thought I should, you know... Research..."
Alex's hand went to her abdomen, and her brow furrowed. "I don't think..."
She began, but she couldn't seem to manage to finish. He became very still, waiting to hear what she had to say.
She swallowed hard. "Bobby, we don't know that the baby will have Downs. Can't you just...?"
"You don't want me to read about it?"
Alex set her jaw. "No. I don't. I don't want to constantly be surrounded by...this." She waved her hands at the scattered books. "I want to be happy about our baby, not constantly think about what might be wrong."
"But Alex, if-"
"If we find out for sure, that's different," she announced.
Bobby closed the book he'd been reading and stacked the others. Then he picked up his old backpack off the floor and put them all inside. "Okay," he said. He fastened the pack shut and smiled at her. "Whatever you say, Alex."
She smiled in relief, and whispered, "Thanks."
"I'm sorry." Liz sat across from her sister, two water glasses the only thing between them. "Terry says I'm overly protective of you, and I'm not giving Bobby a chance. He says if Dad had been that way, he wouldn't have passed muster either."
Alex chuckled, remembering how awkward Liz's husband had been around the family when they'd first met him.
"Anyways, I'm sorry. It's true, Alex. I just don't want to see you get hurt."
"I'm a big girl, Liz. I can handle whatever gets thrown my way."
She didn't get to respond to that, because the waitress came and took their order. "Where were we?" Liz asked. "Oh, yeah. I'm worried about you. Speaking of, you look a little thin. Are you okay?"
Alex nodded. "I've had some morning sickness. I'm okay."
"You're seeing an OB?"
"Same one as when I was pregnant with Nate."
"Good. I like her."
"Yeah, she's great."
"And things with Bobby?"
Alex stiffened. She wasn't sure, given Liz's general attitude about Bobby, if she wanted to talk about him. "Better. We're both... Working on it."
"He's really… there for you?"
Alex almost let her temper flare, but the earnest look of concern in her sister's face cooled her back down. It was still very uncomfortable to try and share anything about her and Bobby, but Liz wasn't playing any games. She was only showing that she cared. "It's not perfect, but he's really trying, Liz. You know, I don't think either one of us knows how to be in a relationship. It's been a long time for both of us."
The waitress brought the food, and Liz looked down and smiled. "I don't think I would know how to be alone if I had to. You, Alex, you've done it all, and all on your own. I've always admired you for that. You make it seem so easy."
"Nothing about my life is easy, Liz."
"That's why I… you deserve to be happy, Alex. You deserve to be with a man who loves you and supports you and really is there for you."
"But you don't think Bobby is that man."
Alex was shooting from the hip, and her sister felt the sting of it. Liz sighed. "I don't know, Alex. I hope he is. I hope he… can be. I don't want you… or Bobby… to hate me. I just want my little sister to be happy and loved."
Alex wrinkled her forehead, and held back the first comments that came to mind. "Look, Liz. I appreciate that you're concerned. I know you're my big sister and you always will be… but you have to remember that there's a lot more that goes on between Bobby and me than you know about. A lot. A lot of love, a lot of conversation… and frankly, when you talk to me about him sometimes, I feel like you think I'm a 12 year old kid again. I'm not that naïve. If I thought this was a bad thing, I'd end it."
"Even with a baby on the way?"
"You don't think I could be a single parent?"
"Alex, I know you could. You've proven a thousand times how tough you are. I just don't think that's what, deep down, you really want. And sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking- " She scraped at her food with the tines of her fork. "If I've learned one thing in all these years of marriage, it's that you can't change people."
"People change all the time. You and Terry have both changed over the years."
"Yeah, but people change because they want to, not because someone else wants them to."
"Well, Bobby wants to be with me, and with the baby. And I want to be with him."
"Okay, okay… I guess you know how I feel. Alex, whatever happens, I don't want anything to come between us."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that… I should have called you." Alex swallowed a bite of her lunch. "I think this pregnancy has my emotions in high gear. In my head, I blew the whole thing out of proportion."
"I was out of line, too," Liz said. "And I'm sorry." She reached out her hand, and Alex gave it a squeeze before returning her attention to her lunch.
Bobby spent most of the morning emptying out the guest room. Alex told him to leave the full bed there. She thought a crib would fit beside it and they could sleep beside the baby if need be. He'd emptied the closet, shoved the bed against the wall, moved the dresser and nightstand, and still didn't think a crib would fit in the room. The items from the closet were scattered across the living room. He'd opened the boxes thinking he could purge them for her, but he came across too many items from Alex's past. There were keepsakes from her wedding to Joe, letters and mementos from former loves. Schoolwork, most likely from college. He had no idea what to do with any of it.
Now, as she was wrapping up lunch with her sister, he was feeling completely overwhelmed. He checked the time, and realized the apartment was a mess. He started replacing the items into the boxes from the closet, but before long the immensity of it all got to him. Bobby made sure there was a place for her to sit and a clear path through the apartment. He tried one more time to organize Alex's keepsakes, but upon seeing a picture of her with Joe, he dropped the items onto the couch again.
Bobby paced the length of the apartment three times before he put on his coat and hat and left.