If you have an existential crisis on a daily basis and you know it clap your hands! *clap, clap*

Ellie May's P.O.V.

I watched from the window as a handful of shinigami chased after us. The fact that we were even still alive proved that my idea had worked. Now all we needed to do was to lose these flying nightmares.

"They're following us," I said, watching intently. "they're in the air."

Watari was a skilled driver. I was scared we'd crash a few times, but he just kept going as if it was nothing. At some point the police started chasing us, but we lost them quickly. The shinigami was the real problem.

I'd had everyone touch the notebook the moment I got into the car, but Light wasn't following us. L says that tells us he has a limit. Most of his power was coming from the shinigami. I guess he's not above having them do his dirty work for him.

"Where are they?" L's voice came from the old lady sitting next to me.

"They're in a V formation. 4 o'clock."

"Watari, we need to get underground."

He did as L said, driving like a madman into an underground parking lot. An idea came to me, "Hey, does anyone here know how to hotwire a car? If we park this one among all these other cars, then steal a different one, we can get away unnoticed." I can't believe I just said that. Oh sweet fudge, I was becoming a criminal… These people may be a bad influence on me.

"Do as she says," Grandma-L ordered. I felt a sense of pride; L liked my plan. Maybe I was smarter than I thought.

Watari slowed down and parked in one of the more cramped areas. I kept my eyes out for any shinigami as we all piled into a different car. This one was a 2002 Honda Accord in need of a good wash. Nice and ambiguous. Yagami grumbled disapprovingly as Watari hotwired the car, starting the engine like a professional car thief.

From that point on, we drove as casually as possible. L and I kept ourselves mostly out of sight, although I still needed to keep a lookout. After a while of nothing we determined that we were not being followed, and therefore could head home.

I stared at the notebook in my hands. It was black leather with simple lined paper. Light had kept it neat and tidy. The names written in it were lined up perfectly. Light had nice handwriting. A tinge of sadness gripped my heart when I saw how many names had been written down. Sure, they were all criminals, but did they honestly deserve to die?

"You know, I think I figured out what Light's fatal flaw is," I said, "He thinks of everything in black and white. He doesn't understand that nothing is as simple as being only either good or evil. This world is full of contradictions, imperfections, and paradoxes. Kira's great irony is that he's become the very thing he's trying to eradicate."

"Light died long before Near defeated him," Mr. Yagami said, "my son was gone the moment he wrote the first name in the death note. Now he's nothing more than a vessel possessed by Kira."

Poor chief Yagami. I couldn't imagine what this whole ordeal has been like for him. He did everything he could to clear his son's name, and now he's been brought here to live again with the knowledge of what really happened. That'd be hard on anyone.

I stared out the window for a while, wondering about life. If these people who'd come straight out of a story actually existed, then there was possibly a place somewhere where I too was fictional… For all I knew I was just a character in a fanfiction somewhere.

But if that were true, how could I be making my own decisions? Maybe I wasn't. Maybe everything I say and do is all because of some college kid writing all their sorrows and desires into a book. If I am, how did they come up with me? Am I a version of themselves? Am I merely a shadow of some higher being?

Maybe there are so many layers that I'm in a story, and my author is in their own story, and their author is in another story, and so on. There's no way of knowing. Is anything real?

Holy halibut, I think I'm having an existential crisis…

No. I can't allow existential dread to set in. I have a mission. Defeat Kira, save the world, live happily ever after. You hear me, mysterious omnipotent author? I'm talking to you. Yes, you. If you're out there you better not screw this up or so help me, I'll find a way to come to your world and make your life a living hell.

Suddenly my hand reached up on its own and slapped me in the face. "Ouch!" Okay, maybe I spoke too soon, I apologize o-great author of the universe.

Grandma-L looked over to me, "What is it?"

"I just… My arm had a spasm or something." I looked up to the sky, wondering.

I figured I should stop thinking about omnipotent beings for a while. In order to get my mind off things, I started singing. Whenever I sing my mind goes blank and I just let myself get lost in the music. I let my soul choose the song and just have my voice follow it. The whole world disappears and all that's left is me and my heart.

I was the car's personal radio for the rest of the ride. No one said anything the remainder of the trip, so I'll take that as a sign that they didn't hate it. My last song was over right as we passed the iron gates.

"You have quite a voice," Yagami commented.

"Thanks, I've spent years practicing. It took a lot of work to get where I am."

My makeup was starting to bug me, so I took it off right when we got back. Apparently, L had the same thought, because he was already back to normal by the time I got to the control room. However, he did have a smudge of foundation still on his cheek. I suppressed a laugh. He probably hated makeup even more than I did.

He stared at the surveillance cameras from before, biting his thumbnail. He was probably getting a lot more out of it now that he could actually see Light Yagami.

"You should go to sleep," he said without turning around, "it's nearly 2am."

"You should too," I countered.

He merely continued staring at the screens. I turned his chair around and looked him in the eye, "You're not immortal. I'll go to sleep when you do."

He looked at me blankly, "If you wish to stay up, that's your choice."

"I don't, actually. I'm beat. But you need sleep too. Don't be so stubborn, for heaven's sake." I stared at his cheek then sighed, "Okay, I can't take you seriously with that smudge." I grabbed a napkin from the pile next to his tray of sweets and wiped the makeup off. "That's better. There's my Lawliet."

He turned the chair back around to look at the screens again placing his hands on his knees. "Kira is going to try and seek you out. Now that he knows there is someone who can oppose him he'll stop at nothing. This means he won't go far from Las Vegas for now. We need to find a way to get to him while we still know where he is."

"Okay, well, there's not much else we can do for tonight. Let's worry about it in the morning."

"If you're tired, go to bed."

"Alright fine, I didn't want to say this out loud, but I'm scared. I couldn't sleep on my own if I could," I lied, "Please?" I summoned the actress within me, making myself sound weak, tired, and frightened. If it got this stubborn insomniac to rest, then it'd be worth it.

"I can have Watari stand guard outside your door if you wish."

For goodness sake, he's so rigid. "No, that'd be weird, that'll just make things worse." I leaned down so my face was level with his, cradling his chin gently in my hand, "Please, come with me? Just for tonight." I rested my forehead against his, "it'd make me feel a lot better."

He hesitated for a moment, then gave in and leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on my lips. My knees nearly gave out. He had quite an effect on me. He stood up from his chair to hold me closer. I had to work extra hard to stay the good girl I'd always been when I was around him.

Eventually he released me, letting me breathe. He didn't say anything else as I finally convinced him to go to sleep. I tried to stay awake until he drifted off to keep him from going back down the control room, but I was a lot more exhausted than I thought. I fell asleep cradled in Lawliet's arms. It was warm and comfy and perfect.

I could get used to this.

To my surprise, L was still there when I woke up. He was sleeping soundly, intertwined with me. My body had had its fill of sleep, but that didn't mean I couldn't sit there for a while.

I sat, happily listening to L's heartbeat for the longest time. It made me smile thinking about how this heartbeat belonged to me, especially when all his life he had done nothing but push people away to the point where he wouldn't even show up in public if he could avoid it. For whatever reason, he had let me in, and that felt amazing.

After a while I could feel him waking up. His eyes opened slowly, taking in his surroundings. He sat up, scratching at his wild bed head. "Hmmm… Morning."

"Good morning," I gave him a kiss on his cheek, "did you sleep well?"

"No worse than usual," he responded. With that he stood up and left the room.

"Alright then," I said to the empty room. I decided to change out of my pajamas and get ready for the day. I should have been going to class, but with everything that's happened lately it just feels silly; why spend time doing equations when they do nothing to affect the world? I can do a lot more here. Besides, I'm the only one who can see the shinigami, L might need me.

I briefly wondered if I would even want to finish school. Even if I got my musical theatre degree, it wouldn't do much to help catch Kira. And if he wins, having a degree won't be much use, since the world as we know it will likely be over. Not to mention I'll probably be dead. I've royally pissed off the most dangerous serial killer that's ever existed.

I pushed that thought to the back of my mind as I walked down to the control room. He didn't know who I was. He thought I was a man anyway, and he has no clue that L is here.

L. He'll catch Kira; I have no doubt about it. If anyone can take Light Yagami down it's L Lawliet. He wouldn't lose this time.

For the next several months we were in monitor mode, watching Light search for me. He got a new death note somewhere. L almost wrote Light Yagami's name in the notebook, but I stopped him. "It won't do anything," I said, "He's dead already. Don't risk your soul for an experiment."

I was given the daunting task of watching the monitors whenever Light showed up. I counted a total of 23 different shinigami, including Ryuk and the big scary one that I think is the king. I sketched them out as best I could so everyone else could have a reference.

Light had set up shop in an abandoned hotel. Every day he set out a team of 13 shinigami to look for the man who stole his notebook. Luckily, he's had no success so far.

After a while, people finally started to suspect that these were murders. Since they were so similar to the ones from the anime, they named him Kira as well. They had no idea how right they were. Investigators all over the world were looking for him with no success.

It didn't take long for my grades to start suffering. Eventually I dropped out altogether so that I could focus on defeating Kira. It took a lot of excuses to explain it to my parents, who were livid at my decision.

"Ellie Isbell May, you explain yourself right now," my mother's voice was dangerous. She was on the border of exploding.

"Mom, I told you, my job is getting in the way. I don't have time for school right now." I couldn't give in. As angry as my parents get, I couldn't tell them the truth for their own sake. They'd never believe me anyway.

"What kind of job could you possibly have that takes all your time? College is far more important than whatever you're doing." Oh, mom, if you only knew…

"I'm sorry, I know you're angry, but-"

"Angry? I'm way past angry. I'm damn pissed. I don't understand what you're doing and I don't think you do either."

"Mom, please-"

"I want you either explain to your boss that you can't work so often or quit, because you are not dropping out of school. That's final."

"Mother, listen to me!" I snapped. "I know you love me, and I get that you're just trying to look out for me, but I am an adult. I trust your judgement, but I trust my own too. I'm not some child who is incapable of understanding that decisions come with consequences, I know exactly what I'm doing. You don't have all the details, so please, just trust me for once!"

"I don't think you know what you're doing. Don't throw away your future for a single job."

I growled, frustrated, "Mom, I won't say it again. I'm not changing my mind. Besides, I can always go back to school. You yourself are applying for grad school after how many years? I'm doing what's best for myself, try and trust that." I hung up before she could respond and sat back in my chair, running my hands over my face. "Ugh… I wish I could just tell her the truth."

"Even if they believed you, your parents would only worry about you. You can't tell them for their sanity's sake," Mr. Yagami spoke up. I suppose he ought to know, he wasn't too keen to let his son work on the Kira case when L suggested it. With all the people dying my parents might have heart attacks of their own if they knew, and not because they were written into the death note. My poor mother would go mad with worry, especially since I'm the one Kira is specifically trying to hunt down.

"It just hurts that they don't think I can handle myself. I've never given them a reason not to. They know I'm honest and responsible, and yet they treat me like some incapable child. Why don't they trust me?"

"It's not that they don't trust you, it's that they're scared. If I were in their shoes, I'd probably react the same way. It's part of being a parent."

"Yeah, I guess so…" The stress was getting to me. "But if I could just give them some reason as to why I dropped out I could give everyone some closure. I don't want to set this kind of example for my little sisters. What if they end up dropping out in the future too because of this? And my brother will probably laugh at me for being too stupid to handle college or something. I don't think I'll be able to face my family for a while."

"You stop that."

I looked up, "What?"

"You're working day and night to protect not only your family, but every man woman and child on this earth. Without you, they would grow up in a world where Kira's word is the only law. Someday, when this is all over, you can tell them everything and they'll be proud of your decision. And when we succeed, there's a good chance you'll go down in this world's history. They have lots to be proud of."

I smiled, "Thanks Mr. Yagami. I guess I need reminding now and again that not everyone thinks I'm a total loser." My face fell, "Still, even one reason other than some vague job position might put my parent's minds at ease."

I could make up some lie like saying I were pregnant, but they know me too well, they'd never believe it. I could say I was having health problems, but they would want to talk to my doctor, so they'd know that was a lie too. I could say I got expelled for cheating, but then I'd be disgraced and never hear the end of it.

"I could fake my own death," I joked, "They'd leave me alone then."

Mr. Yagami did not look amused.

"Kidding, gosh, lighten up once in a while."

L walked in, casing an automatic smile to spread across my face. Recently just seeing him was enough to cheer me up. "That's not a bad idea," he said quietly.

My mouth dropped open, "What? You can't mean that!"

"No need to be so serious," he turned to look at the monitors.

Mr. Yagami glowered, clearly not happy with Lawliet's sense of humor. I let out a sigh of relief. I already know that L wasn't above faking someone's death. After all, he did exactly that for Matsuda.

"We still need someone that's from this world. Faking your death would solve nothing." He took a massive bite of cake, talking with his mouth full, "Om – Besides, I've come up with a way to ease your parent's concerns. I'm afraid them constantly calling to chew you out is beginning to impede the investigation."

I perked up, "Really? How?"

"Tell them you're engaged," he swallowed and took another huge bite.

My mind went completely blank. "Um… what?"

"Tell them you got engaged and are moving to Japan with your fiancé. Kira is about to move on. I sent him a fake trail that leads to Tokyo. He'll follow it out of the country. That means we need to move this operation to Japan as well."

What exactly was he saying?

"Why Tokyo," Mr. Yagami asked, "Why would that be any better than here?"

"Your son grew up in Japan. He'll feel more comfortable there. If he gets comfortable, he's more likely to make a mistake. The high population is also ideal for masking our presence, making Japan the best possible place to defeat him."

"Hold on," I said after I had found my voice again, "but if I say that, they'll want to meet my fiancé, and they'll insist on going to the wedding. They'd come all the way to Japan if they had to in order to attend. They'll see right through the lie."

He kept looking at the monitors while he spoke, "So don't lie." He took another bite of cake.

"What are you talking about? Are you suggesting we get married for the sake of the investigation?"

"It would be the best course of action, yes."

That made me mad. I stood up, my hands clenched into fists, "How dare you?"

He looked at me, "How dare I what?"

"I refuse to marry someone purely for the sake of some investigation. I don't care if my parents calling out of concern for my well-being is annoying for you, I won't get married unless I know the person I'm marrying actually wants to marry me. I won't just be a means to an end." I was fuming. I wouldn't have been surprised if my face was beat red.

He leaned forward in his chair, staring me down, "what makes you think I don't want to?"

My anger was gone in an instant, replaced with cautious confusion. "I… Um… Huh?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. He held it up in the odd way he always held things. My hand reached up automatically to catch it as he tossed it to me. I felt my hands shaking as I opened the box to reveal a diamond ring.

That's when it sunk in that L Lawliet was proposing.