"Absolutely not."
That was his answer to everything that I'd told him. He had the right to be so averse to this. It wasn't me that he had to convince that this would be a futile mission. While I was sure that Joji would give me the information that was needed, the cost might be more than I can afford. Joji never asks for money. He's always felt he owes me for the time we had spent as orphans. The information is free. In recent years, before the incident that is, he would ask for me to do something with him. Dinner. A walk around the town to reminisce about our past. Harmless on the surface, but the underlying notion of his desire for me was ever present.
Ieyasu had hated that part of our deals, but he'd allowed it at my request. Joji would never hold my heart.
Before I had the opportunity to attempt to calm him down, the door slid open. Hideyoshi sighed. "I apologize for overhearing, but I couldn't find a time to interrupt. Ieyasu, we are having a council meeting and all of us are being summoned." He could pick up on the mood in the room. Hideyoshi folded his arms. "You shouldn't question Lord Nobunaga's decisions. Rena will be safe with me."
Ieyasu didn't respond, instead turning to me. He couldn't bring himself to fake any kind of smile. His eyes still held the displeasure of this news and he said, "Go back the mansion, Rena. I won't be long." He'd rose to his feet and disappeared from the room with a purpose. He wanted to change this fate, and I knew he couldn't.
"You shouldn't let this get so out of hand, Rena. He's your informant. You made this a possibility," Hideyoshi said, his eyes still captured by the direction Ieyasu had left in. He doesn't understand.
I really should go home, then. Being here will only cause more problems and I myself am getting irritated by these men who don't know the truth about Joji. "He was my informant. Things have changed," I replied, forcing a small smile to my face. Politics requires tact. Ieyasu could act however he liked because he was a powerful warlord. I'm only his wife, and that makes my actions reflect on him.
"Changed how?"
Biting my tongue, I shook my head. "It isn't important. I'll see you tomorrow," I replied, knowing that this wouldn't change anything. Nobunaga knowing the truth wouldn't change his mind about me going to speak to Joji. He might be a little more sympathetic, but not enough to just throw this lead out.
Hideyoshi's eyes were glued to me until I rounded the corner out of sight. Letting out a deep breath, I closed my eyes. It hasn't been easy since we lost our child. The strain between me and Ieyasu had slowly begun to heal and lessen. I feared that this encounter with Joji might change all the progress that we'd made. The two of us had dealt with the pain in different manners and that alone had been enough to cause strife in our lives. It had finally dissipated completely, and now this?
In the middle of the day like this, the town is at it's liveliest. Merchants were lining the streets, some familiar and others fresh from travel. My eyes scanned the trinkets and lovely items, a small distraction from my current issues. That's when Miki appeared. She had taken a large bite from a sweet bun, humming in approval. This girl was a mystery to me. She was also an informant, loyal to Nobunaga for the time being. Her beautifully colored kimono made her stand out, along with the two swords snuggly hanging from her waist. Her bright whitish-pink hair had been pulled up into a strange style and bangs framed her face. There isn't much that I know about her other than her very loud personality and teasing nature.
Though, as an informant, she might be able to give me some advice.
That's how I ended up bringing her along with me to my temporary home. Prying ears shouldn't overhear what I am about to ask her, and there is nowhere more private that my own home. She made herself right at home in the study. I slid the door shut, giving instructions to the maids to not let anyone disturb us. "There's this mission that Nobunaga is sending me on, to speak to an old friend of mine, Joji," I started, sitting across from her.
"Joji? The crazy squirrel keeper, Joji?" Miki asked, curious as to how the two of us fit together. It was easy to see that she had already begun to analyze what she knew about me and him.
It made sense. She's a high caliber informant. Nobunaga trusts her, which is a feat. Hideyoshi is always wary of her, though. She has her work cut out for her if she wants to win him over. "You…" I paused and laughed. "Of course, you now him. He's an old friend of mine and gives me information for free."
"Ew." Her nose scrunched up disgust. "Anyone who gives out valuable knowledge freely is either stupid or lying." That's a harsh assessment. Having friends in times like this paid off. She wouldn't really understand, because from what I've heard, she doesn't have friends. That's a self-proclaimed statement.
I smiled. "We've got quite the history together. I trust him to tell me the truth." Or at least, I used to. Ieyasu has never like Miki, so I have to watch what I say to her.
"Oh? Do tell. I love a good story," Miki said with a grin.
The door slid open loudly, and Ieyasu's eyes narrowed at her. "Get away from Rena, Miki," Ieyasu said harshly. He'd crossed the room and tried to grab her before I could attempt to stop him. He doesn't know that I invited her.
Miki is light on her feet. She'd escaped his grasp easily. "She invited me here, Ieyasu. You should treat your guests more kindly.". As Ieyasu's hand fell to his sword, Miki held her hands up in surrender. "Alright, no need to threaten me."
Ieyasu frowned. "One day you'll get yourself in more trouble than you can handle," he said, but his hand released his sword. Turning away from her, he sighed.
"Aw, are you worried about me, Ieyasu—"
Miki barely ducked out of the way of his swords path. It sliced through the air. Backing toward the door, she grinned bigger. "You'll have to try harder than that to hurt me. Better luck next time," she sang and spun on her heel to leave. Casting a glance over her shoulder, she looked to me. "I meant what I said. No one in my line of work does anything for free."
For once, she might be right. It only made me more unwilling to go on this mission. Ieyasu's mood told me everything. Nobunaga hadn't changed his mind. His order to make me go visit Joji with Hideyoshi still stood. That meant defeat for me. While I hadn't outright tried to get out of this, having Ieyasu go speak to him had given me a little hope. This situation would only escalate.
Ieyasu is usually generally annoyed with any orders that pertain to me, but this time, he was angry. A side of him he rarely showed to anyone. It was Hideyoshi who could snap into an angry fit over some news of a mission or things he disapproved of. Ieyasu had more control over his emotions. Except, for right now. He'd been pacing around the room, practically fuming about the mission that Nobunaga had given to me. "This is ridiculous. Why would you agree to that?" This could also be from Miki antagonizing him when he was already in a foul mood.
"You know that Nobunaga didn't make it a choice for me to make," I replied, still seated on the floor. It's not easy to calm him down when he gets like this. It's much better to give him his space and allow him to get it out.
He knew that I was right. "Nobunaga doesn't know what he did to us. To you! That informant can't be trusted, especially when I can't go with you." He slid his hands through his tousled hair, pulling at it.
It's probably better that he isn't. Joji dislikes him as much as Ieyasu dislikes him. The first time the two met, they tried to kill each other. Rising to my feet, I had to do something before he jerked all his hair out. "Ieyasu—"
He cut me off. "That bastard should have been killed after he hurt you. I should have killed him," he growled, making me stop before I reached him. It's been a while since he's talked like this. I'd been the one to talk him out of killing Joji, because he was someone I had cared about. I hadn't realized this had been affecting him so much. "I shouldn't have let you talk me out of it."
"Ieyasu, you're scaring me," I said softly. "And I'm already scared enough having to go on this trip." It's been a few years since Joji and I had met in person. He usually sent a messenger with any information, likely because he was afraid that Ieyasu might try to kill him. And from what I'm seeing now, Joji should be afraid.
That calmed him down quickly. Ieyasu finally looked over at me for the first time since he began ranting about Joji. His bright green eyes were wide with concern for what I'd said. "Rena—"
"I don't want to go," I admitted, the dread filling me again. "I try not to even think about him anymore, and the idea of having to go see him makes me sick." The pain of losing our child had taken a toll on me, and it still felt fresh in my mind. Absentmindedly, I rubbed my hand over my stomach. "So, I need you to tell me that it's going to be okay, like you always do." Hot tears pooled in my eyes.
The little distance between us closed and Ieyasu held my face in his hands, wiping the tears off my cheeks with his thumbs. "I won't let anything harm you again, Rena, I promise. You're mine to protect." The waver in his tone made my heart clench. Joji had cost us both something precious, and he had felt so much guilt since then.
Some part of me had always felt like he didn't understand how much a miscarriage hurts, because he hadn't been carrying the child for almost six months. It's untrue, though. Because Ieyasu had felt our baby kick and would speak to the bump about the future. It was our child, and it had been wrong of me to assume that he didn't feel the same pain as I did.
Placing my hand over his, I tried to smile. "You're the only one I'd entrust that to." None of the other warlords at Azuchi know too much about my past, or how Ieyasu and I went from enemies to lovers. By the time Ieyasu had even brought me to Azuchi with him the first time, we were already engaged. But my words held a much deeper meaning. For the longest time, I had been on my own and being able to trust someone else with my safety and wellbeing had been hard for me.
Another thought struck me, and I pulled his hands down, holding them tightly in my own. That's a ridiculous notion. It wouldn't be right for me to even bring it up. Keeping my eyes glued to the floor, I wrestled with the question floating around in my head. It's wrong. I know that. But, I wanted to ask it nonetheless. I chewed on my lip, still unsure.
"You only bite your lip like that when you're thinking too much about something," Ieyasu said.
That brought a smile to my lips. Of course, he would notice a small thing like that. "There's no option where you can come with me?" I asked softly, afraid of anyone else hearing those words. The journey there would make me unbearably nervous, and then having to actually go see him… without Ieyasu… might be impossible. "I realize how selfish that sounds with how much is going on."
Ieyasu grew quiet for longer than I would have liked. When I finally had the courage to raise my head just enough to look up at him, I realized that he had an amused smile tugging at his lips. "You care too much what the others are going to think." He brushed a piece of my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. "There are rumors of an uprising in a small town not far from where you'll be going. I'll do everything I can to end it quickly and join you, okay?"
My whole body relaxed, sighing with relief. "Okay," I replied, smiling brightly.
He leaned down, placing a kiss on my lips. As if drawn in, he did it again. And again. Each time more strongly than the last. Slipping his hand around my waist, he guided me backwards until the wall had stopped us. Before I could move at all, he'd pinned my wrists against the wall. His assault of kisses only stopped long enough for him to say, "Stay still." Then, he'd moved on to trailing kisses down my neck.
This was meant to distract me from the trials of tomorrow. He's done this many times. Drown ourselves in each other until tomorrow seemed so far away that it didn't matter. Ieyasu had a talent for being attentive and thorough in his everyday work and it spilled over into loving me. Even when things were rough with us, he never made it about himself. It was always about the two of us. To me, it meant that no matter what happens, we still love each other so deeply. So, tonight will be something to remember while I'm away with Hideyoshi. It's a promise. One that I cherish more than any other.