Chapter 23

"I, uh, guess I'm your new partner," Goren announced.

Logan gaped at him. "You."

"Yeah, Ross just told me. I'll, uh, have to close things out with Eames, and then, uh, we're it."

"Unbelievable."

"Yeah, I'm thrilled about it, too." The sarcasm was obvious.

"How's Alex taking it?" Mike asked.

He prickled, and realized he hadn't even thought of that. Bobby turned slowly in her direction. Alex looked sad, but she seemed all right. She was sifting through paperwork, prioritizing.

"She's okay," Goren said, turning back to his new partner. He kicked himself again for not being as sensitive as Logan.

Mike folded his arms. "Well, uh, I guess I'll see you later, partner." Then he turned to head back to his desk. Bobby clearly heard a swear word as the man walked away.

Bobby headed back to his own desk. He paused before sitting down, really wondering if Alex was okay.

"Thanks for the help in there," she growled.

He was quiet a moment, and then he bobbed his head as he spoke. "You're… you're still mad at me."

"Mad doesn't even begin to describe it."

"Look, I didn't want Ross to know, either, Alex. But it's your body, and it was your call, so I let you make the decision."

"You make it sound like you had nothing to do with it. You made me feel like I'm all alone in this."

"Alex! You're twisting my words."

"Thank God you finally said some."

He was really fighting to keep from raising his voice. "What did you want me to do, bully him into giving us what we want?"

"Bobby, we don't even know what we want."

"I do."

"What?!"

"I know what I want. But no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I just keep fucking it up."

She sighed, shaking her head angrily. "What's done is done. Let's just move on, shall we?"

There was a deep pain in his eyes as he bottled up the rest of his emotions. Bobby got to his feet and hurried down the hall, in the direction of the elevators. He jabbed the button hard and closed his eyes as the anger welled up in him. Bobby rode all the way down to the parking garage. As the doors opened, he saw a group of them, lingering by a support beam. Bobby walked forward, easing his way into the group.

They grunted their greetings, collars turned up against the cold, but willing to brace it for a short escape from the hassles of their jobs.

"Can I… bum one off you?" He asked quietly, and the man shook a cigarette out of the pack. Bobby accepted a light from one of the others and inhaled deeply, relishing the taste and the burn as the smoke filled his lungs.

Bobby hung at the edge of the group, neither in nor out of their conversation. He felt the cold creep through the fabric of his clothes, and still he remained, until the cigarette was down to the butt. He turned and headed back for the elevator, pausing to bury what was left of it in the sand on the top of the trash can.

He reeked of smoke when he came back, and it turned Alex's stomach. He didn't look at her, only sat down and started sorting through his paperwork. She took a walk to the break room. Usually smoke didn't bother her, but her pregnancy was making her sense of smell more prominent. The fact that the smoke was on Bobby gave her a sense of guilt, and the guilt pissed her off. She got herself a bottle of water and gave herself a mental pep-talk.

When she returned, he spoke to her of the cases, and they decided who would take which. They both took a lot of breaks throughout the day, him to smoke, and her to escape it. By lunch Bobby had his own pack, and Alex was angry to her core.

Bobby stood on Lewis' tiny balcony, his hands firmly planted against the short safety wall and a cigarette hanging from his lips. His winter coat was inside. Lewis grabbed it in one hand and carried it out to him.

"Hey," he said, handing over the coat.

Bobby took a draw off his cigarette before taking the coat and slipping it on. "Thanks," he muttered around the foreign object in his mouth.

"Tough day, huh?"

He nodded and looked away, but said nothing.

"Is she talking to you?"

"Sure, yeah, you know… we work together." For now, Bobby thought to himself, and the anger and disappointment swelled up inside him again. He took a long draw, blowing the smoke out over the City.

Lewis zipped his coat up. "It's cold out here."

"Yeah," Bobby agreed. The wind kicked up, blowing his hair flat against the side of his head. He turned his back to the wind and swiped the back of his hand against his nose. "The Captain… split us up," he confessed.

"Split you… you're not partners anymore?"

Bobby shook his head and drew off the cigarette again. "Once the bookkeeping is done, you know… that's it."

"Aw, Geez, Bobby… I'm sorry."

The big man shrugged. "It was bound to happen… you know, the baby."

Lewis made a mental snapshot of his friend: the weariness, the smoking, the shivering. "Are you still seeing that therapist?"

Bobby scoffed. "Why?"

He was quiet a moment. "Look at yourself, Bobby. The drinking, the smoking. It's like you don't care about anything anymore."

Bobby took a deep breath and coughed quietly. "What should I care about, Lewis? Nothing matters, anyway."

"Your baby matters."

Lewis' words hit him hard. He turned away, replacing his hands on the wall.

"That's the thing, isn't it? You can give up on the relationship, the job, the partnership, yourself… but you can't give up on that kid, Bobby. Your kid's got the chance to have the life you never could."

"Alex can give him that."

"She can't give him his father. Who do you want him to know as his father, Bobby? A fucked up mess of a man?"

Bobby's reaction was impossible to gauge. He was very still, and kept his back to Lewis. Finally, after another blast of wind, Lewis shivered. "Come back inside, Bobby. It's fucking cold out here."