Chapter 24

"Let me ask you… how am I supposed to be so dedicated to one person? How do I do that, and still do my job, and keep friends, and be true to myself?"

Dr. Tenorio sat quietly, giving him time to think about what he had just said.

"I know what you're going to say. That I'm selfish. That I can't do it because I'm so… focused on my own needs, my own… wants." Bobby paced the floor twice and folded his arms. "I have to take care of myself! I'm the only one who ever has!"

"How's that working for you?" she said quietly.

His face blistered with anger. He raised one hand to his whiskers, and then he smiled. "I'm still here. I didn't go crazy and end up in Carmel Ridge like my mother or go through job after job like my father. I didn't end up on drugs or homeless like my brother. With every… lousy… thing that's ever happened to me… I didn't take the easy way out." He folded his arms again, as if he was hugging himself. Bobby's feet were planted and he spoke like a surly child. "I'm. Still. Here."

She gave the words a moment to fill the room before she spoke. "You're proud of what you've overcome," she said.

"Damn right I'm proud!" He shouted, jabbing his finger in the air to accent what he said. He paced furiously again. "God knows nobody else was."

Alex rang the doorbell and held her coat close to her body. Within seconds, the door swung open, and her brother's easy smile was there to greet her. "Hey, sis."

Alex came inside and gave him a hug, and to be honest, it was a little harder and a little longer than usual. He helped her remove her coat and hung it on a peg by the door. "Mel's picking up the kids from all the extracurriculars. They'll be home in a while. I'm fixing dinner. You want to help?"

"That depends. Will I be blamed when nobody likes it?" she joked.

He gave her a poke in the ribs. "I'll buffer you." They walked together to the kitchen, and he asked her to chop the vegetables while he worked on the meatloaf.

"I'm sorry about Bobby, Alex."

"Thanks."

"And I know you're not okay, so I'm not going to ask that. But I really want to know how you're doing. I mean you can talk to me, that's all."

"Thanks, Johnny."

"You're starting to show a little bit," he commented.

Alex smiled. "Yeah."

"How's the baby coming along?"

"Good. Last visit was good. The Doctor's not worried."

"All that dizziness stopped?"

"Yeah, I just have to eat more often."

"If you need any help around your place, you know…"

"I know, Johnny." They were quiet while he checked the measurements on the ingredients he needed and dug into the bowl with both hands to mix it all together.

"How big do you want this onion?" she asked.

"Just dice it. We can put some in the meatloaf and use the rest for salad or whatever."

As she cut into the onion, she teared up. Alex sniffled and wiped her eyes on her shoulders as best she could, and never stopped.

He looked over at her, the question on his face.

"It's okay. It's just, you know, the onion." She kept working, and soon she was ready to talk. "He got mad at me… for doing my job," she said.

"How's that?" Johnny asked.

She wiped her eyes again. "He was off doing research, and I needed to interview some people near the crime scene. So I grabbed Logan and went out."

"And Bobby got upset?"

"He doesn't like Logan much."

"Oh."

"And it didn't help that we got shot at while we were out."

"Jesus, Alex! That's kind of an important detail, don't you think?"

She finished with the onion and washed her hands in the sink. Then she grabbed a tea towel and dried her eyes, clearing her throat. "Then he got mad about it and stayed out all night without even a call or anything." She shook her head. "Johnny, I was just doing my job!"

"Maybe it scared him. He's worried, you know? About you and the baby. I know I'm worried, now."

"Don't be. I can do my job, Johnny. Besides, I had Logan with me. It wasn't like I ran off half-cocked!"

"Still, you got shot at. Logan couldn't keep that from happening."

"Bobby couldn't have, either. If he'd been there, nothing would have been any different."

"But he would have been there."

"Are you taking his side?!" She demanded, the anger rising in her voice.

"No, but… I like Bobby, Alex. And I guess I can kind of see his side of things."

"Because you're a guy."

"Because I'm a guy and I love you, sis."

"Then he disappeared and I didn't see him until work the next day!"

Johnny shrugged. "You know him better than I do. I guess you know what that was all about." Johnny molded the meatloaf into the pan and stuck it in the oven, setting the timer. Then he washed his hands. "So that was it, then? You broke up with him?"

"Johnny, I can't raise a baby wondering if he's going to disappear every time he's upset."

"I thought he was in counseling or something."

"It's not working."

He nodded, put his arm around her shoulders, and dropped a kiss on her cheek. "Well, we're here for you, sis. Anything you need."

Bobby stood on Lewis' balcony, a fresh smoke in between his fingers. He looked over the lights of the City as a light snow started to fall and thought about the meaning of self-sabotage.

Again, it all boiled down to change. To get the life he wanted, with Alex or anyone else, he had to change. After a whole lifetime of surviving, Bobby wasn't sure he could change.

A/N I know you all are having problems with this story's Bobby, but I have to admit I'm having fun writing it. I hope it's as entertaining for you to read it! Reviews are appreciated!