Author's Notes…

Many, many, many thanks to rabid behemoth for beta'ing this for me!

Nobody Needs To Know

Chapter Two

Apparently, There's A Lot Out There

February 3, 2017

2016

2015

2014

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…

…

May 3, 2008

"Cloud!"

"Whoa—hey!"

"CloudCloudCloud!"

"All right, all right, simmer down…"

Cloud chuckled quietly under his breath, his arms full of his brother. Sora had his head buried at his chest, so Cloud lifted his hand and tangled it in brunet spikes. Sora was gangly and awkward, and he was so cute, cuter by the day. Every time Cloud came home to see him, it was a pleasant surprise to see how much he'd grown.

His fingers lingered in Sora's hair. He pressed his brother closer and dipped his head down, inhaling softly. He could feel the line of Sora's body against his. It wasn't something he should have noticed—it wasn't something he wanted to notice. Except…

"Did you come home for my birthday?" Sora mumbled against his chest.

Cloud squeezed him closer in answer.

His brother lifted his head to grin at him, the grin that stole the hearts of anyone on the receiving end. Sora was an energetic, super cute teenager, and Cloud hoped he stayed that way forever. The world was cruel and unfair, but Sora would be able to find a place and still maintain his sense of self. Cloud was sure of it.

"I'm fifteen today," Sora announced.

A normal sibling might have ribbed Sora about stating the obvious. Cloud only cupped one of those chubby cheeks and stroked his thumb over it. Sora hummed happily at this and wriggled his way back into Cloud's embrace.

"One more year, and you'll be able to drive," Cloud murmured.

"That's so far away, though," Sora whined.

"It'll pass before you know it, buddy."

"Don't call me 'buddy.'" Sora's features pulled into an adorable glare, and Cloud had to bite back a smile. "I'm fifteen now. You have to start treating me like a man!"

Cloud's breath caught. For the last year, his… feelings toward Sora weren't right… And the idea of seeing Sora grow into a man, losing his baby fat and filling out… or even if he stayed so lean and slender…

It just… wasn't…

"All right," Cloud agreed in his quiet way. Of the two brothers, Sora talked the most, and this was just fine with Cloud. Sora usually filled up the hours with his bubbly disposition, leaving Cloud free to ruminate and only nod when it was needed.

Sora's body was so perfect against his own… as if he'd been made to mold into Cloud's arms…

This isn't right, he thought. He pulled his hips away from Sora's, because he was getting rock hard and it was impending his judgment. And how would he explain to Sora why he was erect right now? No excuse seemed plausible enough.

Sora pouted and insistently snuggled closer.

Cloud squeezed his eyes shut. They were alone in Cloud's room, the room that hadn't changed since he'd left for college. Sora had ambushed him while Cloud was still unpacking for the weekend. Cloud loved his little brother and was determined not to miss anything important, no matter how difficult that would be once medical school ended and his internship began. But that was still a few years away.

We're alone, his brain reminded him unhelpfully. Alone, alone, alone.

Christ, he was in trouble.

He tried to keep his hips away as much as he was able. The temptation of grabbing onto Sora's ass and rocking him up against his cock was almost more than he could bear. He could picture it so easily… the little moan Sora would give; the way his brother's hands would clutch at his shirt for support. He was untouched, and so innocent, and he loved Cloud so much. It wouldn't be too far of a reach to… cultivate… Sora, to let him think it was normal…

His traitorous, trembling hand smoothed down Sora's warm back. All he had to do was tilt Sora's head up, stare into those big blue eyes, and… draw his thumb over that sweet lower lip… Sora would look confused, questioning… Cloud would kiss him, part his lips like he'd been dreaming of for months, tangle their tongues together… slowly guide his brother in the art of kissing…

"Sora! Cloud!" their mother's voice rang out. "The barbeque's ready!"

Cloud jerked away from Sora in a supremely guilty fashion. His brother didn't notice—he was already giving a whoop of hunger and rushing out of the bedroom.

Cloud fell onto his bed, arms spread out, legs dangling over the edge.

He closed his eyes.

I'm sick… so sick…

This was so fucked up.

February 7, 2017

Sora gathered his courage with one long breath and then knocked on his brother's apartment door.

He'd had to harass their mother to get this address. Claudia got distracted easily, and kept failing to reply to Sora's inquisition. He'd finally gotten her on track, and she'd unearthed her address book and texted him the information.

"Are you going to visit your brother, Sora? That's so sweet."

Sweet. Yeah.

Sweet…

Just as he was thinking maybe this was a terrible idea, Cloud yanked the door open. Judging by his expression, he'd looked out the peephole first. That was an incredibly scary, angry face.

"Go away, Sora."

Sora put his foot in the door before it could close and then darted under his brother's arm. Cloud cursed behind him, but he didn't care. His eyes lingered over the furniture. It had a soft touch, and he knew from growing up with Cloud that the man had spartan tastes.

"Do you have a roommate?" Sora asked, clutching onto the strap of his messenger bag. It was the only way to hide how much his fingers were trembling.

Cloud glowered at him from the door. He was shirtless, a pair of blue sleep pants with the emblem of his university on it hanging from his hips. His arms were folded, his bare feet spread apart on the hardwood floor.

When the hell did he get so… muscular…?

Pale pink nipples, sharp, jutting hipbones, a smattering of gold hair that got increasingly darker as it disappeared into the waistband of those pants.

Whoa.

What.

Cheeks as hot as a sauna, Sora turned his face away. What was that about? What was he doing? He had never checked out his brother before. That was wrong. Very, very wrong. It was probably just because he—he knew how Cloud felt now. Sora was trying to understand it from his point of view, to see if he could look at Cloud that way. Yes. That was perfectly plausible.

"Sora, why are you here?" His brother's voice was quiet, almost… deadly.

When they were younger, that often meant that Sora was about to get his ass handed to him. Cloud was four years older than him, and he'd found Sora annoying for a good portion of their childhood. Sora raiding his things and breaking them might have had something to do with that.

"I…" Sora cleared his throat. He pressed his cool fingers to his cheeks to try to disperse the heat. It was uncomfortable. Why was he still blushing? "I don't understand, Cloud… You—you tell me you love me, and then… I mean, it's been a week, and…"

"Why are you here, Sora?" Cloud repeated.

Anger flaring, Sora let his eyes snap up to his brother's. "Because I love you. You're my brother. I just—I want to understand."

"There's nothing to understand." Cloud took a menacing step forward.

"Yes, there is! You—"

All at once, Cloud had closed the distance between them, and he had Sora's bicep in his grip. Sora gasped, unprepared for the assault as Cloud dragged him across the living room. Sora was sure he was going to physically toss him out the door. Only that didn't happen. No, Cloud found the brick wall near the door and shoved Sora into it instead.

Sora reacted instinctively. His arms and legs flew out in a flurry, and he struggled against Cloud's bulk. He couldn't win in a fight against his brother, no, but he could try to escape. Sora had always been like a monkey. He could climb his way over someone's head and run for freedom.

Cloud's hands found his hips. Sora's foot went to collide with Cloud's abdomen and missed as Cloud lifted him into the air, above his head. Embarrassed by how easily Cloud could hold him up—Sora was a grown-ass man!—Sora started fighting with his arms. They stopped just short of doing any real damage to Cloud's head, glancing off it.

His brother slammed him into the wall again. A quick tussle ensued, wherein Cloud managed to hold Sora close enough to the wall that he couldn't try his first escape attempt again. Sora gritted his teeth, doing the best he could to fight against Cloud. He didn't know what Cloud was going to do. Probably murder him, and Sora was scared.

Cloud's fingers encircled Sora's wrists and held them above his head. He ground them into the brick, one knee between Sora's thighs, ensuring that he couldn't budge more than an inch. A weird sensation fluttered in Sora's stomach, and he swallowed as he looked up into his brother's eyes.

"You want to understand?" Cloud was breathless from their wrestling.

Despite himself, Sora nodded. He was transfixed by the expression on that face. There was heat in those blue pools of eyes, and it was—it was… wrong, because Cloud was his brother, and no one was supposed to look at their sibling that way…

How had he never seen this?

How had he missed the signs?

Sora blamed himself. If he had known, he could have done something, surely! And now he wanted to understand Cloud, to help him. There had to be something he could do. Why wouldn't Cloud let him? Why was Cloud pushing him away?

"You want to understand?" Cloud asked again.

"Yes!" Sora cried.

Wasn't that evident? He was here, he hadn't run away, he—

Cloud kissed him.

Sora's eyes grew very wide.

Cloud… his brother… his brother… was kissing him…

This was so wrong.

His lips are warm… soft…

This was very, very wrong.

The tip of Cloud's tongue glided over the seam of his mouth. Sora realized his eyes had closed, and now he couldn't make himself open them. He was numb all over. There was something he was supposed to be doing. Something important.

Cloud's tongue touched against his, flicking once, sending a jolt of electricity through Sora, straight to his…

Teeth sank into Sora's bottom lip. A gentle pressure, increasing by the second.

His lips were being parted again, Cloud's tongue tangling with his this time. He rubbed it against Sora's, retreated, their lips closing—came back, pressing in again, touching his tongue… Sora's mouth was growing softer beneath Cloud's, more pliable… letting his brother do what he wanted…

Touching, retreating, touching, retreating…

Sora's pulse quickened. His lashes slipped open. Cloud gazed into his eyes, watching him as he leaned in and took Sora's lips again. A small noise escaped Sora, and he closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do…

Cloud's knee nudged up higher between his thighs and rocked against Sora's—

No!

Sora exploded into motion, and Cloud fell back, his eyes dark. Sora sputtered for breath, wiping at his mouth and sending panicked glances over his shoulder at Cloud as he vacated the apartment.

He was not erect. He was not erect. He wasn't!

"And stay away," Cloud said coldly.

The door swung shut behind him.

Sora crept over Riku's bed to where he was curled up in the darkness. The wind was howling so hard it was rattling the windows as a blizzard raged on outside. Sora had only just gotten home in time to avoid it.

"Hey…"

Without question, Riku held open his blanket, his eyes closed. Sora crawled under the blanket with him, turning around so that his back was against Riku's chest. His friend dropped the blanket over them both, and his arm curled over Sora's waist in a loose hold.

"What's wrong?" Riku's voice was groggy from sleep.

"Is it okay if I don't talk about it?" Sora whispered.

In answer, Riku buried his face in the back of Sora's neck. A moment later, his breathing deepened.

It was beyond childish, but Sora had been doing this for as long as he could remember, from the time they were small children. When he was eighteen, he… had had sex with Riku. Both had walked away from that experience feeling awkward and out of sorts. They hadn't let it jeopardize their relationship, and they went on, pretending like it had never happened.

If Riku had a girlfriend or boyfriend, Sora didn't do this. But when Riku was single, he was free to spoon with Riku and try to forget about his problems with the world.

There was a question gnawing at him, making him feel vaguely… sick.

He'd kissed Riku all those years ago, and it had been like kissing his brother. The entire affair had just been uncomfortable. So then why… when… Sora's actual brother hadkissed him… why hadn't that felt… just as much of a mistake…?

What the hell was wrong with him?

Had he enjoyed that kiss?

No, he thought. No, he'd just… been taken by surprise, that was all. Who in their right mind would have thought that sort of thing would happen? Sora supposed that even despite Cloud's confession, he'd thought that maybe it was just… covering up something deeper, that he would say whatever it took to get Sora to go away. Well, all those hopes were absolutely squashed.

Not to mention the tiny detail of when Sora had left Cloud's apartment, his brother's pants had been tented with an erection.

This wasn't a joke, this wasn't a coverup, this wasn't something that was going away.

Cloud was in love with him.

Really and truly in love with him.

Heat warmed Sora's lashes, and he sniffled quietly so he wouldn't wake Riku.

Cloud… he must have felt so lonely.

February 14, 2017

Opening the door to his apartment was a fragrance-laden mistake. Cloud stared at the dozens of roses strewn across the living room. They continued into the kitchen, nauseatingly romantic. Well, that was great. Just great.

He fucking hated Valentine's Day.

Cloud kicked the door shut behind him, calling Aerith's name. His roommate didn't answer, so he assumed she was out with Zack Fair somewhere. That was just as well. He loved Aerith to death, but she would be over the moon and cooing about the roses for the rest of the week. He could at least avoid one night of that.

Shaking his head, he tossed his keys, phone, and wallet onto his nightstand and then worked on getting out of his shoes and track clothes. He didn't often wear regular clothes to work, as he didn't see the point. The only places he really went were to the hospital… and to his bed, the one luxury he'd allowed himself: a super soft mattress with memory foam just calling his name.

His phone buzzed. He sighed and thumbed the screen open. He had a message from Squall.

-Want to?-

Cloud thought about this awful day, and how all of his friends were out celebrating or at home fucking.

K, he wrote back.

He went to the shower to get ready for company.

February 18, 2017

Sora bit his lip as he stared at the computer monitor. He was in his bedroom, and he couldn't take it anymore, couldn't act like this situation wasn't messing with his head. He was in some pajama bottoms with stormtrooper heads all over it, and an oversized hoodie that had likely belonged to Riku at some point. In his hands was his third glass of whiskey, nearly empty. It was narsty as all get out, but it was the only alcohol in the house. Sora didn't drink much, and Riku wasn't a fan of beer unless it was fancy and imported.

Knocking back the rest of the whiskey, Sora set the glass on his desk and then pulled up Google.

"How… many… successful… incest… relationships… are… there…" he muttered aloud as he typed.

At first, all he got were articles about famous incestuous couples, which didn't do shit to help him. But eventually he stumbled upon a mention of Reddit, so that was where he went next.

An hour later, Sora leaned back in his seat, his hands over his face as he peered between his fingers at the screen.

Holy fucking shit.

He stood up.

Holy fucking shit!

By the time Sora had walked all over the neighborhood, he was an icicle. He shivered, teeth chattering, and thought that maybe his hair was frozen, too. He didn't want to remove his fists from his pockets to find out. All he wanted to do was trudge on, until he was so stiff from the cold that he couldn't move.

Night had fallen when Sora reached his driveway, and Riku was climbing out of his Mercedes. He let out an exclamation at the sight of Sora and rushed around the car to him.

"Sora, what the hell, you're turning blue!"

Sora would have cried, but his lashes were stuck together from the snow.

"R-Riku… d-d-do y-y-you—"

"Shut up, follow me." Riku put his hand on Sora's shoulder and guided him inside. Sora didn't fight him, not even when Riku yanked off his coat and his hoodie and his pajama bottoms and his snow boots.

Once the bath water was drawn and steaming, he shoved Sora into it. He left the bathroom and came back with a mug of hot chocolate. By then Sora had mostly thawed. He wasn't shaking anymore, though his toes were stinging from the heat of the water.

"What the hell happened?" Riku demanded.

Sora drew a fingertip along the rim of the mug. "Do you know how many people commit incest all the time?"

"Er…" Riku crouched on the ground beside the tub, his arm on its side. He didn't seem to mind the water soaking into his button-down shirt. "No? Sora, what—?"

"Thousands of people," Sora whispered. He tilted his head back against the edge of the tub. Riku had taken him to Riku's bathroom, where the tub was one of those old-fashioned ones that sat well above the ground. He'd paid a pretty penny for it.

"Sora…" Riku placed his palm against Sora's forehead. "God. You're lucky you didn't catch hypothermia. How long were you out there? It's five degrees! The wind chill is in the negatives!"

"I don't know," Sora murmured.

Riku began feeling on Sora's chest, his face pinched with concern. Sora wondered why. His thoughts were slow, sluggish, and nothing really seemed to matter.

Nothing but those couples.

"Are you tired?"

"No," Sora murmured.

"Maybe we should call Cloud. What's his number—?"

Sora's fingers lifted with surprising agility and gripped onto Riku's wrist hard enough to make Riku's words fumble to a halt.

"No," Sora said firmly. "I'm just—I'm out of it. I drank a lot. I'm just… I'm just kind of drunk and cold."

"If you pass out—"

"I'm not going to. I'm fine."

"I don't think—"

"It's fine, Riku!"

Sora's snap echoed off the tiles in the bathroom and made Riku's face grow shadowed. He set his jaw and got to his feet.

Sora was instantly sorry. "Riku, I'm—I'm not myself."

"At least let me get you a hot water bottle," Riku said stiffly.

"Okay," Sora replied a little meekly.

Warmer than was comfortable, Sora sprawled over his bedroom floor, mostly to sap the cold from it. He lived above the garage, so there was very little insulation from whatever the outside temperature was. Right now, it was perfect.

So… incest was definitely a thing, a thing a lot of people were even comfortable with discussing… A great number of the posts had been about how to avoid detection. Countless more people had married their sibling and had children with them.

Sora had thought incest was extremely abnormal, as it was so taboo. And it was, but it wasn't unheard of, and it was more common that one would expect.

Other people felt about their siblings the way Cloud felt about Sora.

He had the feeling Cloud considered himself a monster, but he wasn't. And Sora had thought that even before he'd researched the subject. That was what worried him most. Cloud, shutting himself away, protecting himself, knowing he was an awful person.

Sora bit into his lip, chewing on it some more.

Maybe… maybe he could… talk to Cloud about it that way. He couldn't go in offering a website for some sort of recovery board. He had a feeling Cloud had tried everything. He was a stubborn man, and if Sora presented it that way, Cloud would be furious, like Sora thought he needed fixing or something.

Sora really loved his brother. He didn't want to lose him.

Surely… surely he could make Cloud talk to him… somehow?

He thought of his brother pushing him against that wall, of the kisses that proceeded soon after. All to scare Sora away.

But I don't want to be scared away, Sora thought.

I miss my brother.

He didn't want to be kissed, either, though.

His lips tingled in memory, and Sora closed his eyes in frustration.

I'm so confused.