Chapter 32

Bobby slammed the door, and then stood on the porch. It was spitting rain, and the clouds were swirling, angry and black overhead. He clenched his fists and held his breath until he turned red. Then he plopped to the porch and sat down.

As the rain picked up, he reached into his pocket and fidgeted with his keys. He looked at the car, and thought about taking shelter there, but the cool rain was helping him calm down.

After an hour, he started to regret ever speaking his mind. Why couldn't he just let things go?

He was surprised by the creak of the door behind him. "Bobby? You're still here?"

He nodded, but didn't move to get up. His clothes were soaked, but he didn't care.

"You'll catch cold."

He shrugged. "Maybe."

She came out and sat down beside him. He took notice of this. "You-you shouldn't… it's too cold."

"If it's good enough for you, it's good enough for me."

Reluctantly, he got to his feet. He offered her a hand, and she stood up, as well. He held the door for her and they went inside.

"I'm sorry," Alex said. "I guess I don't like it when I'm wrong."

He glanced around, and finally settled his gaze on the floor. "It wasn't a big deal, I shouldn't have made it one."

"Nothing is ever a big deal, until all of a sudden it is."

He locked eyes with her. She was right. They could get buried under all the little things.

"I'm glad you said something." She stepped closer and set her hand against his darkening beard. "Now go get out of those wet clothes."

He did, and before he got dry ones on, she started kissing his spine. Bobby arched back, leaning into her soft lips. Her hands slipped around to his chest, and he captured them with his own.

Bobby lowered her hands and then turned around. He locked eyes with hers, and soon they were kissing deeply, turning the anger of the day into an entirely different emotion.

Afterwards, she lay with her head against his shoulder. His fingers slowly circled the perimeter of the bandage on her forearm. "Does it hurt?" he asked.

"It's throbbing a little, but mostly, it's okay."

"And the one on your head?" he asked, kissing her temple.

"I barely know it's there." They enjoyed a comfortable silence, and then she spoke again. "I'm sorry, Bobby."

"Shhhh," he said, and kissed her softly.

"I guess… I always think there are ulterior motives." Bobby stroked his beard as he formulated his words. "My mother… and Frank, too, for that matter… they played me like a fiddle."

"And you think Alex is trying to manipulate you."

He shrugged, turned, and ran his hand along the edge of her bookshelf. "We all do it. Whatever it takes, to have some measure of… control… over our lives."

"Whatever it takes?"

He shrugged again, only this time he thought in silence.

"We all have limits." Dr. Tenorio said. "You may be right, that we all try to exert control, but I disagree with you that we all do whatever it takes. One person may go farther than another; the boundaries are different for each of us."

"You're talking about morality."

"Morality, ethics, values, right and wrong. The question is, how far do you think Alex will go to… how did you say it? Have some measure of control?"

"Alex is a good person."

"And yet you think she would purposely hurt you."

"If I hurt her bad enough. Alex is no… damsel in distress. She can take care of herself."

"And do you think you purposely hurt her?"

"No, of course not… not usually."

Her face was a question mark. It only took thirteen ticks before he tried to explain himself.

"When… when I'm convinced about… when I'm self-sabotaging," he said it so quietly she could barely make out the words, "I think I do… I don't hurt her directly or anything… but I know what I'm doing ultimately will cause her pain."

"And you. Because what you're doing doesn't match your values. You're hurting other people, but ultimately, you're hurting yourself."

Lewis was surprised to see Bobby back at his place. Since Alex's hospital stay, he'd been staying with her.

"Hey, bro." Lewis called, walking into the living area behind him.

Bobby nodded his head at his friend.

"Everything all right?"

"Fine," Bobby said. Before Lewis asked for an explanation, he continued, "I saw Dr. Tenorio today. Alex knows I'm staying here tonight. It's just… it gives me room to think."

"Oh."

"Lewis, my tenants are moving out by next Friday. I can move back into my place. I wanted to thank you, you know… for everything."

"You'd do the same for me," Lewis said, and left Bobby alone in the living room.

"I think I'm going to kill him."

"What?" Bobby laughed. "Why? I thought your sidekick was coming along in his training." He rested the phone on his shoulder long enough to dry his hands and hang the towel on the rack.

"He's smothering me. I don't know if it's because I'm really showing now, or what. It's like he thinks I'm going to break if he's not holding onto my arm or standing within arm's reach of me. I feel like I should tell him off."

"Uh, you might want to hold off on that," Bobby said, guilt reddening his face. He was glad she couldn't see him.

"Why?"

"After… uh… after you were in the hospital… I might have said something…"

"Bobby, what did you do?"

"I was upset. I… I laid a guilt trip on him, I guess."

"Bobby! He doesn't deserve that!"

"I-I know that, now. But things were different then, when it happened."

"Oh, Bobby." She was disappointed.

"Look, I'll… I'll talk to him. I'll fix it."