(Trigger Warning: Self-harm)

This is a reveal I've been building up to for quite some time now. Review and let me know what you think.

Yori Kaneko's P.O.V.

Everyone was eerily still. I hated it. I stood awkwardly in the center of the room, wondering what could be going through L's head. He merely sat there, looking at the screen that had gone blank only moments ago. Ellie had thrown her camera under a truck. There was no way of knowing where she had gone. L stared at the monitor with the same calculating expression he wore every other minute of the day. How could he seem so calm?

I decided to break the silence. "What the hell just happened," I asked to no one in particular. No one responded. They merely remained as still as statues.

Mr. Yagami looked as confused as I did. Weston wasn't here. He didn't think his stomach would be capable of containing his lunch if he saw the 'footprints' that L's psychotic look-alike left behind, and I was inclined to agree with him. He wasn't exactly cut out for this type of work. I don't understand why he's even still here. Maybe with Ellie gone, he'll go home and I won't have to deal with him any longer.

Ellie… Something she had said confused me. In the middle of her chewing out her husband, she told us that L wasn't originally intended to be her spouse. There was someone else, conditioned his whole life to be with her. I wondered if it could be me…

But no, that's not possible. And even if it was it wouldn't matter. She belonged to L.

At least, I thought she did. Her outburst was completely out of the blue. It was something I did not see coming. She had always been so loving to L. Why did Ellie pick now of all times to explode? I was no psychologist, so I could only guess. She seemed so upset. I suppose she'd had a point when she claimed that L only ever talked about Kira. It was kinda true. I've never once had a conversation with him that did not involve Light Yagami, or the shinigami, in some way or another. The only times he spoke of or with his family were always second to the case.

Thinking about it made me sick. How could L treat Ellie that way? She is a literal goddess and should be treated as such. If I had her on my arm she would be my top priority. I'd never consider her as an afterthought. If only she hadn't married L…

No. Stop. I will not allow myself to wish things like that. Those thoughts can only lead to trouble, and my life is complicated enough as it is.

My glasses had slowly moved down my nose. I readjusted them back into their proper place. The more I thought about how L interacted with his wife, the more her outburst made sense. He clearly loved her, but he didn't act like she was particularly important to him. He only ever spoke of how important she was to the Kira case. Kira this, Kira that. Every minute of the day was about Kira. I can imagine how that might get frustrating.

L reached over and grabbed a slice of cake, munching on it calmly as if nothing had happened. It made my blood boil.

"What is wrong with you?" I blurted, causing everyone in the room to give me weird looks. All except for L, who merely ignored me. "Your wife just exploded, then ran away, and you act like you don't even care. Aren't you going to go after her?"

He spoke in his infuriatingly composed monotone, "Just what do you suggest, doctor?"

"Oh, gee, I don't know. Maybe find her and apologize?" I said, letting my sarcasm portray my anger and frustration. "You can't just sit there and let her run off after a serial killer!"

"No need to get upset," he said, taking another mouthful of cake, "Beyond Birthday can do nothing to harm her, even if he tried to."

Beyond Birthday? What the hell kind of a name is that? I decided to dwell on it later. For the moment, I was more concerned with keeping myself from strangling L. "Maybe that creep can't, but you certainly can," I growled.

He turned to me, "She is physically incapable of injury. I could not hurt her either."

"There are other kinds of pain than just physical, you know. Some people actually have emotions, not that I would expect someone like you to understand that. You treat everything as if it's an equation to be solved. It's like you're not even human."

His eyes bore into mine. He stood up from his weird sitting position and walked up to me, getting uncomfortably close, all while keeping that calculating look on his face. L was not well-versed in the concept of personal space. He looked intently at me for a moment, then played with his bottom lip in the same way I noticed that Ellie does sometimes when she's thinking. His lips, however, looked considerably less appealing than hers.

"I wonder," he began coolly, "if you could possibly be thinking that you are the one Ellie spoke of. The one who was apparently supposed to be in my place."

His words took me aback. I felt ashamed, because that's exactly what I had been thinking. I couldn't let it show. "Maybe I am," I said, "and maybe I'm not. It doesn't matter what could've been. Ellie is what's important right now, and you need to fix this." Usually I would add some sarcastic quip, or a teasing insult, but now was not the time. "And if you don't," I continued, steeling myself up, "I will."

I left the room then, hoping that my words would have some sort of impact. I didn't stop walking until I was back in my room. Locking the door behind me I punched the wall with all my anger and frustration. When my hand emerged, I found that it had left a sizable hole in the wall.

An unfamiliar memory flashed through my mind:

"Excellent work. You will be a worthy successor." A man stood over me, watching me with interest. I was so small, and it made the man look massive. He finally allowed me to leave after hours of tests and training. My daily schooling was a daunting task.

I felt a tinge of fear within me. I didn't want to be L's successor. Why couldn't BB do it? Just because I had a slightly higher IQ than him, doesn't mean I'm right for it. I'm only a kid, for Christ's sake!

A wave of loneliness washed over me. Eleven years constantly being told who I was supposed to be. No family. No real friends. All my time was dictated by the orphanage, preparing me to take over as the next L, in case anything should happen to him. I was never allowed to be my own person. I wanted a life that belonged to me; Instead, I belonged to Wammy's.

"A, you've got to try this," I heard BB calling for me down the hall. I followed his voice and saw him sitting at a table in the playroom with some bread and jam.

"Try what?" I asked.

He smiled and dipped his finger directly into the jam jar. I crinkled my nose. That was disgusting. He held his hand out to me. "It's even better without the toast."

I was not about to lick strawberry jam off of BB's hand, so I just looked at him. "Gross," I said, "I think I'll pass." I adjusted my glassed back into their place. They were too big for my face, so they always slid down my nose. "Why do you like that stuff so much anyway? It looks like mashed up brains to me."

BB only laughed and continued eating. It was amazing how much he could get on his face. I turned to leave, but before I could get out the door, BB said something that rattled me, "You'll never live up to L, you know," He spoke casually, as if it were nothing more than a simple fact, "No one is good enough for that. He's too cool to be imitated."

I knew he was right. Every second of every day I was being told that I would become the next L. I didn't want that life, but I had always tried my best nonetheless. It would never be enough. I would constantly need to be smarter. Faster. Better. It'd be an endless cycle for the rest of my life. It weighed on me like a thousand boulders, crushing me under their pressure.

I ran off, shutting out the world. I closed the door to my room and punched a wall. Even with my small hands, I had been trained so well that it left a hole where my fist had been. I looked at my hand and saw blood on my knuckles. The pain felt good.

I punched the wall again, leaving another hole. Then again, and again, and again until everything around me became a blur. At some point the bones in my hand broke, but I kept going, letting all my bottled-up emotions explode in one massive rampage. I was vaguely aware of hearing myself shouting at the top of my lungs, releasing a roar that practically shook the windows.

And then, all at once, I stopped. My hands throbbed, and my throat felt like I'd swallowed a box of needles. The flesh at my knuckles was torn to shreds, leaving only a broken and bleeding mess. It looked like how I felt: battered. I stared at the oozing red and felt a sense of calm. There was one way I could escape my fate, and that was to take it into my own hands, bashed and bruised as they were. It would be so easy. Just a flick of a knife and I wouldn't be told that I would be the next L ever again.

I felt no hesitation. No fear. I was ready for this. Slowly, I opened the drawer that I kept my doctor toys in. I had always secretly dreamed of being a doctor. Now all I wanted was to be free.

I picked up the scalpel. An ordinary child my age may have one made of plastic, but with my intellect being what it was, I was allowed to have actual replicas of the tools. I wouldn't be foolish enough to cut myself on accident, and our caretakers knew it. The scalpel I held in my hand was sharp, and I saw my face reflected in the small surface.

Slowly, I brought the blade to my wrist, making sure to cut upward instead of across so that if I was found before the process was complete, my vein would not be easily stitched back up. If I would do this, I would do it right.

I switched the blade to my other hand and repeated the motion, slicing cleanly through tender flesh. I dropped my glasses to the ground and crushed them beneath my feet as I moved my way to the bed. I laid down, and watched as the world went black.

Soon I stood in a new place. Somewhere with gleaming white sand, and music on the air. A glowing man with a kind face took me in his arms. Beside him stood a beautiful woman with silver eyes. She looked at me sadly, then placed a finger on my forehead. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt peace.

My mind was jolted out of the memory as suddenly as it had come. All the dots were lining up. I was far more than Yori Kaneko.

I was the reincarnation of A.