A/N: Alright, firstly I'll apologize for the extremely late chapter update… Life has been hectic, as always. I've been thinking a lot about this story though and I'll be honest, I'm starting to find it seriously difficult to write anything because of my 'no plot line' style of writing chapters. I'm afraid I'm going to have to bring this story to an end soon. It isn't fair to you readers to put up with my much delayed chapter updates.
I decided to approach this chapter a little differently than the others. It's written from Natasha's point of view. I thought it would be interesting to explore her view of things when she speaks to Jared.
Love is for children, or so that's what she thought all those years ago when she stood before the god of mischief weighing the odds between saving the world and saving the only man that had ever managed to break down those walls around her. She always thought that love was for the weak because only the powerful, the cold and strong conquered. She had been wrong of course because really when she thinks about it now, love was what cleared that red in her ledger. It was the only thing that gave her existence a purpose and now, it had become the thing she lived for. She has only ever admitted it publically four times in her life.
The first was when she had accidentally fallen pregnant. She never expected to be able to conceive especially after everything she was put through in the Red Room. It happened after that one particular mission in Budapest of which to this day Clint still suggests that they both remember it differently. She remembers it mostly because of the ambush they somehow managed to make it out of. He remembers it only because of the first time they actually slept together. She had told Phil about it first and he had told her simply that the decision to keep or terminate it was entirely hers. He told her that whilst SHEILD had that policy of no relations between agents, they didn't have a policy about agents with children.
The second was when she had stood before Loki or rather stood with her back facing him when he mouthed those foul words to her that she still struggles to shake from nightmares. It's a lot better now than it was all those years ago but sometimes there are days and there are those missions that thread a little bit closer when she's reminded of what she actually has to lose now. Clint never says anything and he doesn't need too because in all honesty they speak in a language of only looks, gestures and touch.
The third was when he went down on his knee and asked her, genuinely in the most honest way a man like him could ever be, if she would marry him. He didn't have a proper speech prepared even though he admitted later on that Tony had actually made him put together one. He simply took an opportunity when they were alone on a mission in an abandoned warehouse with nothing but dust surrounding him to ask her the question that he already knew the answer too. She didn't cry and she didn't jump around joyfully either. She only smiled in the most genuine way that she knew how and she took his hand, pulled him up and told him yes.
The fourth is now, sitting across from a seven year old boy looking more miserable than Tony did after that third mission with the Avenger's when she and Clint refused to have dinner with them. He had said that missing out on their after-mission dinners was like breaking the most sacred rule of their super heroes club. Tony didn't take to it kindly afterwards when he returned to the tower with Thor, Bruce and Steve in tow to a two year old toddler sitting on one of their common kitchen's islands hugging her bear close to her chest looking very much like a miniature her. It wasn't long afterwards when they explained that the others understood and welcomed Ella with almost as much enthusiasm as they did Clint even though Clint had almost killed them when under Loki's control.
Ella's identity was mostly hidden from Jared the first few times he visited the tower. But after a while in time when countless of Tony's scientists frequented the tower it became easier to let Ella venture the tower, occasionally running into Jared. They brought Ella up well, telling her how important it was for Jared to always believe that she was Natalie Rushman and in no way shape or form married or mother of Jeremy. They played occasionally when Jared visited and sometimes it was difficult when she caught the two climbing into the vents. But Ella always could hide it better and the fact that she played it so well only made her, as her mother play it better. She once told Clint that Ella must really take after them if she could lie so well. Clint's only response had been how he hoped she wouldn't ever try to use it against them when she reached the age when boys became interesting.
She looked to Jared as he sat there before her with eyes downcast and hands on his lap looking as if he had done something wrong. Her heart broke a little because she knew how much Jared had looked up to her for practically all his life. She knew how much he admitted Clint and how much he trusted her too and for them to harbour such a lie would only seriously furrow his thoughts. Jared was a thinker and an observer, which surprizes her that he didn't see through her sooner. Surely he would have caught her and Clint's gazes. She used to be better at hiding it but after being married for almost a decade, habits that had formed are hard to break.
"Ella's your daughter, isn't she?" Jared asked calmly after several moments of still silence.
Clint shifted uncomfortably on the other end of the lounge and she glanced momentarily at him.
"She is," Clint replied when she caught his gaze.
"She told me," Jared murmured softly and turned briefly to look at Clint, "About you being her daddy, but she said I wasn't allowed to tell no one."
"What about Natasha, her mummy?" Clint asked.
"She never told me who her mummy was," Jared said softly and looked back at Natasha. "But I sort of guessed that you were."
"Sort of?" she questioned calmly.
"Ella doesn't apologize to anyone," Jared started and looked down nervously, "But she does every time you catch us climbing in the vents."
She smirked briefly at the thought of her daughter.
"I know this is all hard to accept and I'm really sorry bud, really… if your aunty Natasha and I could do it any differently, we would," Clint sighed as he ruffled Jared's hair.
"I understand," Jared nodded, "At least not everything was a lie."
"I'd say things should be a lot easier in the tower now that the lies no longer hang over all our heads," she said softly.
The silence hung over them again. She caught Clint's eye for a moment and then it all dawned on her that she didn't have to leave, that she was actually able to stay. It's been so long since she's actually had the chance to be home and she admitted quietly that she really was getting old if being home felt better than being in the field.
"I think, I'll go find my daddy now," Jared said politely.
She didn't expect him to hug her but as she held his little body in his she admitted quietly that maybe love was for children after all. In the literal sort of way rather than the way she had thought when she said it to Loki.