Chapter 6:

Jax POV

After Mom told us the plan, I hopped in her truck to go to the hospital with her to see Abel. I gotta say, I'm really surprised at how together she seems. It's quiet for a minute while we both light up smokes. I take a drag, ash it out the window and say "How ya doin' with all this, Mom?"

She scoffs. "Lyin' to Clay ain't nothin' new, baby."

"Yeah.. that's not what I meant."

She side eyes me and says "No shit. I don't know how I'm doin. Just like you. Tig. None of us know. My daughter's alive and she's got a baby. I don't know what to think." She shrugs her shoulders.

It's quiet again for a while and I finally say what I've been thinkin' since I came up with this whole plan. "We doin' the right thing, here? Goin' to see her?"

Just like Gemma, she turns it around. "You think we aren't?"

I sigh. "You didn't see that video, Mom. She's fuckin' happy. Whatever life she's got now is a good one. Us just showin' up right in the middle of it could make that all go to hell for her. I know she's family and I'm pretty sure that there's no way I can get Tig to stay, but, I feel like she's better off without us showin' up…." I shrug my shoulders. I hate saying it out loud, but it's true. "Karen" seems like a real solid person and I love my sister too much to risk her happiness.

I wonder what Mom's thinking when I say all this. She's got her sun glasses on, masking her face.

"So… if you feel this way, then why we doin' all this? Why not just turn around, go back to the club and just go on with your day?" Now she's being smart but I get her point.

"Because she's family. Obviously. She's my fuckin' twin, my other half or whatever the fuck you used to call us when we were kids. 5 seconds on a stupid video isn't enough…" I huff out.

"Not to mention, nothin' and I mean nothin' is keeping Tig from goin' and I know he'd get himself in some fucked up shit without us…."

She chuckled and said "Yeah, this is really messin' with his psycho mind… Lord… I don't think I've seen him so weak since she was still around. My, times don't really change, do they?" She hummed.

We pulled into the hospital parking lot, parked and made our way in. "Now, baby" she said suddenly "If Tara's here, let's not start the dick dippin' today, okay? We gotta schedule to keep." She didn't even let me respond, just turned and walked in. I chuckled. Yeah, as cool as it's been to get to know Tara, right now, I wanna hang with Abel, then focus on my sister.

We check-in at security and make our way up to the NICU. I get those feelings man. Seein' the kid. My kid. Still hasn't sunk in that I'm actually a Dad. Even though the little guy is still a premie, he's a strong mother fucker and I know he's in good shape. When I found out I was gonna be a Dad, I fucked it all up. Now that Abel's here, though, he's what matters most. I think about that and I get why Tig's been doin' everything he can to just get the fuck to Jersey no matter what. The Lifetime Movie side of me, yeah, I've watched them, wants to call him and tell him to come down here so he can see me with Abel, but, I really only think he's gonna get that feeling once he sees his own kid. Still doesn't stop me from sayin' "I shoulda told Tig to come…"

My mom, who also seems to be lost in her own thoughts, looks at me like I have three heads. Yeah, that came out kinda weird.

"Why?" She looks baffled.

I pause trying to figure out what the fuck I'm trying to say. "He just found out he's a Dad. Figured him seein' me with Abel could help." I shrugged. What do I know? Calling Dr. Phil.

She laughed. Hard. Like outright laughed with her shoulders shaking. Yeah, next time, hah.. next time, just keep your mouth shut, Teller.

She tries to control herself and says "So…. You think you can offer Tig parental advice? Baby… while I know you're gonna be a great Dad… you've been a Dad from day 1. Tig? His kid has 8 years already. Tig seein' you and Abel ain't gonna make anythin' better when that all happens…" she trails off, sighing.

I can't help but ask "How do you think it's gonna go?"

I know my Mom is someone who sees shit as it is. She's real. She doesn't sugarcoat. She doesn't get her hopes up, so I know as I see she's thinking that she's gonna give me an honest answer.

"Painfully". She says after a few minutes. "I don't think any of us, including her, saw this comin'… She did what she had to do and we're doin' what we gotta do… and it ain't gonna be pretty. For any of us."

I go back to my main point and say straight up "You think it's worth it?"

She looks me dead in the eye and says "Yes. Now, lemme go say bye to my grandson… No idea if I'll get a chance to see the other one.." And walks into the room.

I chuckle and follow her.

Tig POV:

After Gemma and I had our little "truth moment", I had to get outta there. She wanted Opie to come with me to the club so I knew I had to wait for him but luckily he came right out.

"You ready, man?" He said

Ha. Am I ready? Part of me wants to punch him in the fuckin' face, part me of me wants to run around the nice quiet neighborhood screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" at the top of my fuckin' lungs and part of me wants to curl up in and cry like a 10 year old girl.

I try to clear my head and say "Let's go." He nods, we get on our bikes and set off to the Club.

The memories are just hitting me all over the place. The Good…. Mmmmm… The Bad…. Just all of them. I know I still gotta few days before I even see her and I'm just tryin' to remember those last few months before she left. The big question (well, ONE of the big questions) I have is if she knew she was knocked up before she left? It doesn't matter really but I just gotta know.

I also wonder how this trip is gonna go. Looks like Happy was able to come through and if we gotta stop places, we got places where we can go without causin' any hell. I chuckle to myself because I don't know how to do anything without causin' hell but I also wonder what I'll do if we're in a club where other CrowEaters are comin' at me. Happens every fuckin' time we're on a ride. I never hesitated. Hot chick wants me.. fuck, even if she's not that hot, hell yeah, I'm in…. Jessie was always the one I pictured whoever I fucked, yep I'm pathetic. Can't say the number of times I've cum with some girl and yelled "Jesse" instead of whoever the fuck was in the bed. Sad part is that I didn't feel bad about it, and still don't. These Crow Eaters don't want me for anything more than sayin' they banged me, so why the fuck should they care or not who I'm thinkin' about when we're fuckin'?

I feel dirty. I'm a Dad. Man. I've gotta kid. Dad's don't do this shit. They don't fuck random ass chicks. Shit. Can I make it the next few days with possible pussy in my face and turn it away? End goal: Jess. Ian. I don't know shit about either of them. She might be fuckin' married and tell me to leave.

No. No Croweaters on this trip. With Jax, Gemma and Opie I actually feel better about my chances then if I was with Clay.

I don't like that we gotta leave our Cuts and, worse, rides' behind but I get it. I walk up to my room and start throwin' shit into my bad. Luckily, all my shit looks the same so it's just a bunch of jeans and shirts. As I'm digging through one of my drawers, I come across a photo album. Fuck. Fuck. Perfect timing. Just don't think I can open it right now. It's my life with Jess before she left. I toss it in the bag, zip it up and leave the room.

I see Opie (still can't believe he's coming!) and he says "Gemma and Jax'll just left the hospital.. You ready…?"

Not being able to hold onto it anymore I say (rather rudely) "Why you comin' man.. really?"

Opie smirks and I wanna punch him.

"I need this, man. I gotta get the fuck away from this place. Plus, Jess? You know her man, no matter who she is now. She knows how to fix shit. There's a lot of fuckin' shit that needs fixing." His face is set and I can see what he's trying to say. He's got hope that Jess can fix all of us. He's not the only one…

The jealous fuck in me says "anything more than that?"

Opie shakes his head like he would to one of his kids. "Man, she and Jax were my best friends when we were kids. When you and she got together, she was still my best friend. Let me tell you this straight the fuck up "THINKIN' OF HER ANY OTHER WAY BESIDES A FRIEND IS LIKE FUCKIN' INCEST." 8 years don't change that. You got it?"

I laughed my ass off. Literally. Just keeled over laughing. I deserved it. Still feel the way I feel but I'm now really glad Opie's comin' on this ride.

Suddenly, and out of nowhere, I say to him "I gotta favor I gotta ask…."

He looks at me and says "What….?"

I sigh, look him in the eye, hope to fuck he knows what I means when I say "Help keep me out of trouble on this ride."

He looks at me, chuckles and in all the sarcasm he can muster, says "An easy request. I love those!"

I smirk, and we get our shit together to meet up with Gemma and Jax.

This shit is getting' real…