Chapter Six
Sunday came and went in a blur of exhaustion and Harry had to fight to stay awake during his fifth detention with Snape. He arrived back at the tower minutes before curfew, sweaty and covered in a number of things he didn't want to think about. Snape'd had him pickling ingredients and storing them in jars the entire detention.
He murmured a greeting to those of his friends still sitting in the common room and headed directly upstairs for a shower. Blaise was sitting on his bed, legs stretched out in front of him, with a book in one hand and a sugar quill in the other.
"Hey," he greeted as Harry strode over to his trunk and began pulling out his toiletries and pyjamas. Harry paused in his rifling and looked up to give Blaise a wan smile.
"Hey," he echoed.
"How was detention?" Blaise asked, putting his book down next to him, but continuing to suck on the sugar quill.
"Don't ask," Harry grimaced and Blaise laughed.
"That bad, huh?" He smiled and Harry nodded his head.
"I need a shower," he whined, causing Blaise to laugh again. Harry smiled a bigger smile and grabbing his things, headed for the bathroom.
He washed quickly, then stood under the warm spray, letting it run down his back and enjoying the fact it no longer stung to do so. The welts back there were finally healing, and Harry enjoyed the improvement that had on his ability to move. No more muscle twinges or painful grimaces whenever anyone slapped him on the back.
He closed his eyes and breathed deeply for a while, but when he fell asleep for a few seconds, he quickly turned off the water and stepped out. He dried, re-cast the glamour on his arms, like he'd begun to do every morning and night, and pulled his pyjamas on before leaving the bathroom.
Blaise's curtains were closed now and it was quiet behind them so Harry made sure to walk softly and put away his things with as little noise as he could so he wouldn't wake him. He climbed onto his bed and pulled the curtains around, making sure to cast the silencing spell before he placed his wand under his pillow.
He grabbed his potions text that sat nearby and settled down to read. It wasn't long before his eyes began to droop, and the words started to blur on the page. Minutes later, the text fell from his fingers and he'd fallen asleep for the first time in days.
Harry woke with a scream and a gasp of breath and tore the curtains aside to blindly stumble to the bathroom. He collapsed to his knees and violently vomited into the closest toilet before falling onto his backside and dragging his knees to his chest to hide his head and sob.
When he felt a hand on his shoulder, he flinched and scuttled backwards to squeeze himself between the toilet and the cubicle wall and he hear someone swear. He tried his hardest to draw air into his lungs but was forced to lean over and vomit into the toilet once more.
It was long minutes later that he finally calmed down enough to close the toilet lid and flush, before he sat back in his corner and hid his head in his knees again.
"Harry?" He heard someone call his name and he bit back a sob, then forced himself to look up. Blaise was crouched by the stall door, holding out Harry's glasses. Harry took them gratefully and swiped at the tears still flowing from his eyes before he put them on.
He watched Blaise watching him, but there was nothing he could really say at that moment and he was pretty sure if he opened his mouth he'd vomit again. Blaise eyed him a few moments longer then stood and disappeared. He returned with a glass of water and handed it over to Harry, then sat cross legged in the doorway of the stall.
Harry's hands shook so much that almost half the glass ended up on the front of his pyjamas and the floor, but he eventually placed it to his mouth and sipped on it slowly until it was all gone. Blaise continued to sit quietly, just watching Harry with a worried expression on his face and eventually Harry felt like he should say something.
"Sometimes my nightmares feel so real, you know?" Blaise nodded but stayed quiet to see if Harry would continue.
"I'm sorry for waking you," he finally said, and Blaise nodded but offered no platitudes, for which Harry was very grateful. He grimaced when he realised where he had squished himself, then used the top of the toilet to help him stand. Blaise stood also and moved out of the way so that Harry could walk to the sinks and wash his hands and face.
"I'll get you a dry shirt," he spoke quietly and Harry looked down and finally noticed that his shirt was wet and had several specks of vomit on the front. He grimaced again and nodded, then started to undo the buttons down the front as Blaise used his wand to unlock the bathroom door and step out into the dorm. The fact that Harry couldn't hear him moving around out there let him know Blaise had also cast a silencing charm and he found himself thankful once again for the Slytherins thoughtfulness.
"Here," he walked back into the bathroom and handed Harry a shirt before turning to close and lock the door again.
"Thanks," Harry told him and swallowed past the sore throat he had developed. He was probably screaming before he woke, then being so violently ill meant that unless he got something for it, his throat would hurt for a few days.
He had just pulled his wet shirt off and thrown it in the direction of the laundry hamper when he heard Blaise inhale deeply. Worried he looked down at his arms to see if the glamour on them had faded, but they looked exactly like they should have, so he raised his head again and looked at Blaise questioningly.
Blaise wasn't looking directly at Harry, but in the mirror behind him, and Harry's heart leapt into his mouth when he realised what he was looking at. His back was reflecting back out into the room and Blaise was getting a full view of years of lashings from his uncle.
Tempted to just throw his shirt on and not say anything, Harry instead looked at his new friend and implored, "You can't tell anyone."
Blaise looked at him in shock and shook his head. "I don't understand. Who did this to you?
Hoping that if he answered some questions Blaise would promise to drop the whole subject Harry answered.
"My uncle, he doesn't like me very much," he forced a smile and Blaise frowned at him.
"Don't trivialise this, Harry. This is abuse!"
"Look, I'm sorry you saw this," Harry gestured to his back in the mirror, "but it's fine. I'm fine. You can't tell anyone!" He was angry with himself when he felt a tear roll down his cheek, but refused to look away from Blaise.
"But it's not just the welts, Harry, you're skin and bones!" Blaise protested and Harry shrugged his shoulders.
"They forget to feed me sometimes too," he explained casually and Blaise threw his hands in the air and started pacing around the bathroom. Harry took the opportunity to pull his dry shirt on over his head and cover up the evidence of years of abuse from his 'family.'
"You can't tell anyone," he implored again and Blaise stopped in his pacing to stand and stare at Harry again.
"Why the hell not?" he asked, voice almost too low and Harry fought not to pull back from the tone.
"Because," he answered. "There's blood wards around my aunts home." Blaise looked shocked but didn't interrupt. "I need to go for a few weeks every summer at least, to keep them working. If they take me from there, then I could put whoever takes me in, in huge danger and I can't," Harry's voice broke on a sob and he took a minute to calm down before he continued. "I can't lose anyone else to that madman's minions."
"But Harry, the dark lord is gone. Surely you could be safe somewhere else?" Blaise looked confused.
"Smith got to me here, in Hogwarts, which is supposedly the safest place you can be. I won't risk it."
Blaise could see Harry was getting worked up again.
"Okay, I'll leave it. For now," he finished and Harry seemed to deflate in relief.
"I'll take it," he accepted and move away from the sinks.
"Look, it's the middle of the night, we're both tired and you just had one hell of a nightmare. I have another vial of dreamless sleep. If we share it, we'll get some sleep, but still wake up in time for class tomorrow."
Harry nodded and the boys left the bathroom. Harry followed Blaise over to his bed and waited while the boy opened his trunk and pulled out a familiar purple potion. He took a mouthful and then handed the vial to Harry so he could drink the rest of it.
Without another word, Harry walked back to his bed and fell through the half-torn curtains to land on the mattress. He was asleep moments later.
"What the hell happened to your curtains, Harry?!" Harry woke to Ron's exclamations and reluctantly opened his eyes to look at whatever his friend was yelling about. His curtains had been mostly torn from their rod and hung limply in a bunch.
"Um..." He started, then shrugged his shoulders, "Guess I had a nightmare?" It came out more like a question and Ron scoffed.
"Some nightmare mate, you've completely ruined them!" Harry smiled sheepishly and climbed out of bed to grab his school uniform. Ron had given up getting a better answer from his and moved back over to pull his own uniform on.
"Whatever, just hurry up, I'm hungry and we've slept in." Surprised Harry looked around the dowm and noticed that Seamus, Dean and Blaise's beds were all empty and there was no sign of any of them
Harry picked up his wand and cast a tempus, then swore, they had half an hour to get ready, eat and get to class. He was a little upset that Blaise hadn't woken him, but realised pretty quickly that after last night, the boy probably wanted some time alone.
Fifteen minutes later, he and Ron were at their table in the great hall and Ron was shovelling bacon and egss into his mouth as fast as he could while Harry buttered and ate half a slice of toast before he gave up on eating. He might have gotten some good sleep last night, but the nightmare was still pretty fresh and pushing down on his arms and thighs wasn;t really working that well to ground him.
He wanted so bad to excuse himself to a bathroom somewhere, pull his blade out his pocket and release some of these feelings, but knew he didn't have time if he didn't want to be late to class. Potions class to be exact, so that wasn't going to happen. He would just have to muddle through the best he could and hope no one could tell he was a moment away from losing it publicly again.
They made it to the potions room with seconds to spare and not for the first time Harry cursed Dumbledore and Snape for always scheduling Potions first thing monday mornings.
Hermione frowned at them both as they entered the class and Ron smiled at her, chagrined. Harry was about to move over to his own bnch when he heard Blaise call out to him.
"Come work with me, Harry." Harry hesitated for a second, then moved through the class to stand next to Blaise at his bench at the front of the room.
"You sure? 'Cause I'm not the best at potions, and I really don't want to affect your grade."
"It'll be fine," Blaise assured him, "your last two potions were okay and you haven't blown anything up for years." Harry scowled at the teasing, but was grateful that Blaise didn't seem to be treatinng him any differently after last night, so he let it go.
Professor Snape entered the room from his office and upon seeing Blaise and Harry sharing a bench, raised one eyebrow but didn't say anything.
Class was much easier with two of them working together and both boys were kicking themselves for having not done so earlier. By the end of the lesson, in which Snape had pretty much ignored their bench, they were each able to hand in a vial of potion that seemed to be perfect. Harry's mood had raised as class progressed and Blaise bantered with him, so by the time he was headed to his next class he was smiling.
Blaise would be following the gryffindor fifth years to all their classes, but he had Runes with Hermione now, while Harry and Ron had divination. Despite professor Trelawneys attempts at warning Harry of his imminent death, and a developing headache from the incence, Harry's smile remained.
The rest of the day passed in much the same manner, and after dinner with his friends, Harry made his way to his sixth night of detention.
"I see you and Blaise are getting on well," Professor Snape commented as soon as Harry entered the classroom and he nodded.
"Yes, Professor."
"Well, we can only hope he teaches you some manner whilst he's with you, Potter. Merlin knows those delinquent friends of yours have been unable to."
Harry bit his tongue until it bled trying not to comment on Snape's snide remark, and when Snape realised he wasn't going to get a response he grinned.
"It would seem there is already some improvement."
"Fuck you," Harry mumbled to himself.
"What was that Potter?" Harry ignored the question and looked around the class for a clue on what he'd be doing this detention. He assumed the large stack of cauldrons piled by the sinks in the back of the room were for him to do, but as he moved to head over there Snapes' hand shot out and caught him by the arm.
"I asked you a question, Potter!" He snarled at Harry, and Harry saw red at the hand pulling on him.
"I said, 'Fuck you,'" he responded, voice low and shaking. "Now get your fucking hands off me," He shoved his arm up roughly, successfully knocking Snape off. Snape took a step back and stared in shock.
"Who do you think you are, Potter, that you think you can get away with talking to me like that?" Snape's lip was curled and he crossed his arms across his chest.
"You might have killed the dark lord through luck, and no small skill of the adults around you who were stupid enough to involve themselves, but that gives you no right to think yourself above everyone else!" Snape hissed and Harry's shoulders slumped at the sound of derision in Professor Snapes tone.
"You're right," he confessed, "without my friends and the people in the order, I wouldn't have defeated Voldemort. I don't think I'm anyone, I'm no one!" Harry drew in a shuddering breath and spoke over Snape, who had started spluttering at Harry's response.
"I've done my duty, why can't all you people leave me alone. I fought and I fought, more than you could ever know or understand, and I stayed in it until the end. But it's over now, my part is over now."
"Just leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone," he stated at last and tried to discreetly swipe at the tears that tracked down his cheeks.
Professor Snape watched him silently for a few minutes, until Harry started shifting nervously and contemplated just leaving the room, detention be damned.
"Clean the cauldrons," Snape finally spoke and Harry fought the instincts telling him not to turn his back on the man, and walked over to the sinks.
"I will be back shortly, Potter, you had better still be here, scrubbing, when I return." With that, Snape left the classroom, robes snapping then billowing out behind him. Harry started cleaning, fighting the disoccation that darkened his mind, and simply focussing on the action of scrubbing something clean.
When Profesor Snape finally returned he had two cauldrons left and his arms were trembling from the effort he'd used.
"You may go, Potter. I will see you in my study tomorrow night for your last detention with me. Lucky for you, Filch is unable to take students for detention this year, and I do not need you ruining my evenings for another week. You will instead provide me a 25 inch essay on respect, to be handed in a week from now. Do not be fooled, however, if you continue to exhibit any more of this behavior it will result in further punishment."
Harry shrugged his shoulders dismissively and left the classroom without another word.
Half an hour later, he was in the shower watching the blood flow pink around his feet and enjoying the sting in his arms. When he finally stepped from the bathroom, all the other boys were in their beds but for Blaise, who simply sat on the edge of his, twirling his wand around his fingers.
When he saw Harry, he wordlessly offered a vial of dreamless sleep and Harry smiled graciously, taking the offered potion and climbing into his bed before pulling the curtains shut.
He drank it down and settled under the covers, listening to the sounds of the others in the room until he was pulled down into a deep sleep
The first thing he did when he woke was gimace in rememberance of the night before. He'd lost it again and made a fool out of himself in front of Snape, who would surely make this last night of detention unbearable just becase he could.
He told himself to get over it and after rubbing his arm brisk enough to start bleeding again, he got up to thank Blaise for another night of rest.
Blaise was exiting the bathroom in just his school pants and Harry paused and watched through wide eyes while the young man pulled a clean shirt on. It wasn't until he'd put his robes on that Harry realised he had been staring and he blushed a deep red.
Blaise looked up from putting his tie on and grinned widely when he took in Harry's appearance but otherwise ignored it.
"How did you sleep last night?" he asked and Harry shook his head briefly and swallowed to wet his suddenly dry throat before he could answer.
"Fine," he croaked, then swallowed and tried again, "I slept fine. Thanks."
"No problem. I've got a couple more vials left that you can have. My dreams are more settled now, I don't need them so much any more." Blaise opened his trunk and pulled out two vials of potion.
"You need to leave a day or two in between taking it though, otherwise it will stop working and you're dreams will end up worse." Harry nodded in acknowledgment and took the vials to place in the top of his own trunk.
"Come on, lets get some food," Blaise told him and the boys left the dorm room to head to the great hall.
The rest of the day passed pretty quickly, and Harry was actualy able to focus on his classes after a good nights rest and he managed to eat a decent sized portion of food at lunch. By the time dinner came however, he'd lost his appetite and was just picking at what was on his plate. He saw Blaise watching him worriedly, but ignored him until he could excuse himself from the table to head to Snapes office.
He was sittng at his desk when Harry knocked on the frame, as the door was open.
"Enter," he told Harry and Harry moved to stand in front of his desk.
"For your last detention, you will inventory the potions storeroom. I want to know exactly what I have and how much I have of it before you leave tonight. If you break something, or I think something is missing, you will pay to replace it yourself."
Harry moved into the storeroom and quietly got to work. It was well after curfew when he had finished and Professor Snape had stuck his head in several times to tell him to get a move on. He placed the last jar on the shelf, made a last notation on the scrolls left in the room for him and moved back out into the main room.
It looked like Snape had finished his own work, as he sat back in his chair with his feet on the desk. He had a book in one hand and what looked like a glass of red wine in the other. Harry stopped short and his mouth fell open at seeing his stern teacher sitting in such a casual matter.
"You should have been finished an hour ago, Potter," was all snape said as he lowered his legs and put both the book and the wine in front of him. "Now I am obligated to escort you all the way to the tower myself."
"You don't have to," Harry started and Snape snorted derisively.
"An attempt on your life was made not that long ago, was it not?" he asked and Harry frowned but didn't respond.
"Come Potter, it is late and I have neither the patience nor desire to have yet another verbal spar with you. Keep your mouth shut and we will have no issue whilst we walk." With that Snape strode from the room without looking to see if Harry was following, and after rolling his eyes Harry moved quickly to fall in behind him.
Ten excruciatingly awkward minutes later and they were at the entrance to the tower and Snape turned to him.
"I expect that essay on my desk in one weeks time. If you fail in this task I will be forced to assign further detentions and as I will have to oversee them, be assured they will be as unpleasant as I can make them."
"yes, sir," harry finally spoke, then waited until Snape had walked off and around the corner before saying the password and stepping into the common room. It was empty and quiet considering how late the hour was and Harry moved through the room and up the stairs.
When he fell into his bed, he eyed the top of his trunk for a moment and contemplated taking another dreamless sleep but remembered Blaise's warning from that morning. He sighed and picked up a book to read. Guess tonight was another no sleep night.