Chapter 11

Chapter 11 (plus brief Author's Note… Again)

A/N: So, question for anyone willing to answer. Does this story make sense so far? Like I've said, I'm a stream of consciousness writer and currently it's taking me in a bit of a different direction than when I originally started (like 3 days ago, hah.) For those of you who write stories of your own, how do you do it? Feel free to respond her or PM me. Eager to here any advice. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Tig POV:

During our ride I hear bits and pieces of Jax and Gemma's conversation. It's hard not to. When Jax starts to press Gemma a little on Clay and what the fuck went down with him and Jesse, I pay attention to how Gemma reacts. Part of me thinks she's hidin' something and part of me thinks she just doesn't know and is too afraid to ask. Clay can be pretty fuckin' manipulative when he wants to be, but, Jess, she's just too smart for him. It all just doesn't add up. I feel it that he's got somethin' to do with all of this. The one thing I can't figure is how much Gemma knows. It's her fuckin' daughter. She wouldn't have lied to Clay and come with us if she knew somethin'… unless it was guilt. I know my thoughts are getting' me into trouble so I just turn to Opie and say the most boring thing ever. "What's up, man?" He's looking out the window and I'm bettin' he's thinking of Donna.

"I just miss her, man." He sighs. I can't imagine. Even though I didn't know what the fuck happened to Jesse, somehow I knew she was still alive. If somethin' like that ever happened to her, I'd never come back.

"It's good you're here, man." I say. I honestly don't know what the fuck to say in this situation. Opie and I have never really been close and when Clay thought he was ratting on us, shit got tense wicked fast, but I know who he is. A good guy. A solid guy. Again, my thoughts turn back to Clay. I sigh and light up a smoke.

"How 'bout you, man? How you holdin' up?" he looks at me.

I chuckle. It's actually pretty fuckin' funny in a demented and tragic sorta way. "Gods honest truth, I got no fuckin' idea. I ain't the kinda person to be able to handle shit like this well. I mean.. Jesus Christ.. I gotta kid! Me. That, like, shouldn't be legal or some shit…"

Opie cuts me off. "Stop doin' that shit, man. When you and Jess were together, it was different. You were like destined or some shit to be a Dad. Not have that whole bullshit white picket fence thing, but you know what I mean…"

I scoff. "Well, either way, it's just wacked. And here we are just droppin' everything and goin' out there not knowin' what the fuck we're walkin' into," I sigh. My girl never liked surprises.

Opie smiled. I swear to fuckin' God he's got weed in his damn veins. He's always so fuckin' chill. "One way or another, brother, it'll work out…"

I notice that we're slowin' down and wonder what's goin' on. When Gemma says she wants to get out and take a break, I wonder what she and Jax had been talking about. Even though she had her sunglasses on, I could tell somethin' was bothering her. But, the thought of being able to walk around for a few minutes appealed to me too.

Gemma parks not far from the service station and we all get out. My joints crack and I feel a little better. I'm a biker. I'm meant to be on a bike on the road not stuck in some car. But, I know why we're doing what we're doing. It feels weird without my cut, but, I'm slowly getting used to it. After Jax says somethin' to Gemma, she walks towards the ladies room. The three of us are just standin' around, shootin' the shit, when my phone rings. I groan thinkin' it's Clay, Happy or Bobby. None of whom I want to talk to. I look at the Caller ID and it says "RESTRICTED". My puzzled face draws Jax and Opie to say "What?" I show them and Jax says "Just answer it…"

I press talk and just say "Tig."

"Hiya Tigger." I hear on the other end. Fuck. Me. I literally can't breathe. I have to stumble to hold onto the side of the car so I don't fall the fuck over. Jax ad Opie look at me wonderin' what the fuck is goin' on and I can't even think straight but I finally manage to say…

"Jesse." Tig and Opie immediately look at me in alarm, confusion and what looks like happiness. I'm in the same state brothers. "How… How… uh… shit… uh… it's really you, Kitty Kat?" I say. I feel like a dumbass that I can't even get a sentence out but fuck, man, didn't see this one comin'.

Her next words nearly send me to my knees. "Yeah, baby, it's me."

I know I got tears runnin' down my face and I see Jax and Opie just starin' at me wondering what the fuck is goin' on and what she's sayin'. I give them as much as a sign as I can that I'm alright, even though we all know I'm not.

"How did you get my number?" I have no idea why the fuck that's what I choose to say but the state of shock clearly is in full effect.

She chuckles. "You know me Tigger. I can find anything." I can feel her smirking and part of me chuckles, while part of me wants to go off on her. 8 fuckin' years and she thinks she can just chit chat like we used to? I know I can't get into it with her right now. Fuck. I dunno even why the fuck she's callin' but in the pit of my stomach I have a suspicion of what she's gonna say.

After a minute she says "So, you saw the video?"

I didn't even take a beat "Saw and heard."

She sighs. She knows what I meant. That's the only way I can think to tell her I know we've gotta kid together. Talkin' at some fuckin' rest stop in the middle of the god damn country ain't no way to deal with this shit.

"I can't go there right now, baby." I wince when she calls me that. Tigger. Baby. Too many fuckin' emotions are flyin' in my face. "All I need to say is that you shouldn't come out here. I'm not saying that because I don't want to see you, because for 8 years, Tigger it's just been you and all I want is us to be a family, I'm just saying that I need you to listen to me and trust me when I say you can't."

Of course she says that I knew she'd fuckin' say that. But, it's different. There's fear in her voice. Concern. For me. For her. I wanna fuckin' know why.

"Tell me why and I won't." No more of this b.s. with her. She's a master at bein' cagey and I can't deal with that shit right now.

"Tig. I'm callin' you from a blocked phone. You and your friends can't trace it. My job bio says I live in New Jersey but who's to say that's true? I'm not trying to hide from you. BELIEVE ME." When she says that, I hear it. The desperation. "I'm just asking that you take a pause and we talk over the phone,, okay?"

No. I already know that no matter what I'm goin' out there and I know that even though I'm about to lie to her, she's still gonna know I'm comin out there, but I do it anyways, "fine" I huffed. "You gonna talk to me now or we gonna talk sometime else?" I say, impatiently. I fuckin' want answers and I want them now. I wanna know what the fuck is goin' on and who the fuck is threatening her and our kid, cuz I know that's what this is.

"I can't get into it now. I have shit all day. How about I call you after Ian goes to sleep? Around 10, my time. Promise me you'll be heading west by then, Tig."

Ain't the first promise I broke to her, and won't be the last. Never cheated and never would but when it comes to her safety and what she wants, I don't give a damn. But, because we're us I say "Alright, baby." I quickly add on "But, if you don't call tonight, I'm turning around. Deal?"

I hear her huff and can picture her face. I smirk because of how cute she is when she's annoyed.

"Fine. I gotta go. Bye, Tigger." She says

Before she hangs up the phone I say "Bye Kitty Kat."

I hang up the phone and do the last thing I expected. I fuckin' start laughin' my ass off. Like uncontrollably just laughin' hysterically. Jax and Opie just look at me havin' no idea what to say and I see Gemma walkin' back over. I'm still laughing and honestly wondering if I'm able to stop.

"What the fuck happened to you? I thought Opie was the stoner…" she says, chuckling.

Jax piped up right away and sucked the humor outta Gemma. "Jesse just called him… I think…"

She looks at me waiting for an answer. "Oh yeah, that was my girl." I'm still chuckling. "She doesn't want me comin' out there. She wishes we could be a family… WHAT THE FUCK IS FUCKIN' HAPPENIN'?" I scream at the top of my lungs. I wanna punch somethin' bad. Yep. I'm gone. I can feel myself gettin' more worked up by the second and I know what I need to do. I walk over to Jax and grab his shoulders. He looks at me freaked out and Opie and Gemma just don't know what to do.

"Knock me out, man. Just knock me out. Seriously. You gotta do it." Yeah, I know. Odd request. We're brothers, that's what we do. Plus, I know it's what I need.

This isn't the first time I asked Jax this so he shakes his head and says "You sure?"

"Yeah, man. Knock me out and when I come to, I'll be alright."

He smirks. "You really are a twisted mother fucker, Tig." And then proceeds to punch me in the temple. I don't even feel myself goin' down before I black out.