Louisa Clark didn't watch her future self. No, she watched Will watch her. Lou watched Will watch Louisa being lifted onto a stretcher. She watched Will when her future self asked if she was paralyzed and saw him take a shaky breath when he saw that she didn't. She watched him watch her recovery and meeting with Patrick and his fiancée. She watched him watch her parents tell her to join a support group as the future Lou protested that she didn't throw herself off the building.
Louisa Clark watched William Traynor the whole time instead of watching her spiral downwards into a pit of loneliness. She wanted to see his emotions cross his face every time future Lou showed her weaknesses. She wanted Will to realize that not everything would be happening as he planned. That she got kicked out of her parents house and was now working at some Irish bar whose owner made her wear itchy wigs and skirts. She wanted him to see the three hundred pound weight on her shoulder that she had only gained when he died.
Will had decided to end his life, and for what? What the heck did it accomplish in Louisa's future life? She always looked sad and tired. Her clothes were dreary. Life without Will seemed pointless and grey. Will refused to look at her the whole time. He just watched the future, not thinking about the past and present.
Will felt . . . guilty. If this is what Lou's future was after only knowing him for six months, then he could only imagine the pain his parents felt after his death. All he wanted was for the girl standing right next to him to go out and not be trapped in her little town. To show her that the world wasn't just all about cafes and sparkly shoes. To tell her that Mauritius wasn't the only exotic vacation spot on earth.
But all he could see now was a broken girl who wasn't his caterpillar eyebrow girl. He hated this future. He wanted out. He wanted to go back to his bed in Switzerland and be alone for a couple of hours. He hated wherever he was. He could feel present Lou's eyes burning into the side of his head but he refused to turn around. Had his death really driven her this far down? Did he really cause that beautiful smile to disappear?
Assisted suicide wouldn't be the actual death of him. Louisa Clark would. Her infectious nature would. Her bright jumpers would. Her wide blue eyes made him want to stay forever, but her boring life made him want to set her free.
How could she be happy if she was living with a depressed, grumpy quadriplegic man who couldn't even feed himself? In the next few months, she would feel the exact same way she did in this future. No one was supposed to feel happy around him. It was if he had already died but the body still remained intact.
But his Clark was the one to resurrect him. How could Clark love a man like him? Maybe because she hasn't seen what an actual good man was. Everyone knew that Patrick was a real bore. He wondered how Lou had so badly picked the two worst men to love. Will couldn't take care of her the way she would want. Maybe she would protest that she didn't need all of the special things but Will knew better than that. Every woman needs that from her loved one. Will wanted to offer that because she deserved it tremendously. He wanted to hold her and feel her skin. He wanted to take her places and take her on a hiking trail that he had once found in his early twenties when still at uni. But how could that happen when he was hospitalized in bed with pneumonia? How could he giver the life that she needed? Deserved?
He couldn't.